— belonging/bɪˈlɒŋɪŋ/

An affinity for a place or situation.

'we feel a real sense of belonging'

Everyone always linked the word belong with home or the place you were born in simply because you were born there. It was only natural, you're born somewhere and the feelings of belonging are supposed to be there. You don't look for it. Don't think about it and only know that it's in your heart. That you belong here. Right where you are but it was never that way for Jimin. He doesn't know why. Perhaps it was because he was a curious little thing ever since he was five. He asked questions that drove his father crazy. 

"You're annoying" his father would yell at him and Jimin trembled because his father was scary when he's angry. Only when Jimin turned 12 he understood that his father got mad because he never had the knowledge. He never knew how to answer his son's questions. How would he ever know when he himself never continued his education? How would he ever know if his own parents thought it was unnecessary to learn anything outside the field of his work? 

Jimin doesn't blame him because that was the way he was raised, those were the feelings planted deep inside him because his father lost hope too fast and was never taught not to let go. He never hated his father for yelling at him no matter how many nightmares that gave him. But just like his father Jimin also had nothing in this small city. His mother was gone the day he opened his eyes and he was an only child. 

He never found the answer as to why the stars shined so bright in the night sky and why couldn't he shine as bright? He never found the answer as to why he never felt like he belonged to busan? Why his home never felt as warm as everyone said? Why he never saw himself growing old and grey in busan? Why didn't it feel right to be taking care of his father's farm and marrying the girl next door? Why his father never looked happy? The questions were endless. Yet none were answered. 

Jimin was the outcast. He knew he was ever since the people at school started looking at him differently. Ever since he thought pink was pretty and wanted to feel silk and lace on his skin. Ever since a boy kissed him in the empty bathrooms and Jimin didn't feel like fighting it, didn't want to fight it because only then something bloomed in his lonely heart. His soul screamed for freedom and his eyes wanted nothing but to see colors. Anything different than black and white. 

18 years old Jimin fell in love with a boy. Too young and too naive but nothing has ever felt more right than falling in love with him. He was nice, sweet, dreamy and everything that busan wasn't. It felt like he was Jimin's only escape from the loneliness of his heart and the darkness of his home. Nights were spent on the beaches of busan, he could taste the saltiness on his tongue. Feel the stars on his skin as he and his lover spoke. Having dumb plans like running away from busan someday. Or like getting married in The Maldives. They were all unrealistic, foolish and completely pointless but Jimin was young and he was a believer. And on nights where he forgot about his father, all the stares he got all day. With kisses spread ove his face everything felt possible.

But like everything in his life those happy moments only existed to crumble. His heart only beat to be broken. Jimin only got so high to fall down harder. The parents of the boy soon found out about them and they weren't pleased to know that their son was gay. So they never let Jimin see him again and soon enough they moved away where Jimin would never be able to reach him. And of course the word spread about the reason they moved away and everyone and their mother were talking about the boy who had a romantic relationship with a mysterious boy. 

Jimin was too much of a coward to admit that he was the mysterious lover and just like everything that had caused him pain he slept on it and woke up the next day pretending like he wasn't in love just the day before. 

The day Jimin turned 23 he lost his patience. He couldn't tolerate staying in Busan anymore, couldn't stand the faces of people everywhere he went. Couldn't stand the image of his own face looking in the mirror. The loneliness got bigger and his chest felt hollow. He couldn't take the silence in the mornings where he stared at nothing while his father ate his breakfast. He almost snapped when his father glared at him one day because he dyed his hair blonde. 

"You don't look like you belong here" his father spat with a twist of disgust in his voice, Jimin wanted to to voice his agreement. He wanted to yell and scream because it was true. He didn't belong here. He wanted to yell it to  the world. Instead he used the small amount of respect he had for his father and kept silent. 

Jimin felt like he had nothing left in Busan. He didn't want to lie to himself and say that this is all gonna change someday. He was tired of pretending that his father would wake up one day and realize how miserable Jimin was. He didn’t realize he was miserable himself so why would he notice Jimin’s sadness? It was pointless. Busan felt pointless.

so he did what his mind told him and packed his stuff. He took the few jeans and t-shirts he had and put them in the biggest bag he could find. He wrote a simple 'I'm leaving' on a paper and left it in the living room where he knew his father would see it. He threw his phone in the trash because he knew he wanted nothing related to Busan anymore. 

Jimin took the little money he had and bought a ticket and then he was gone. No traces left of him except for the memories. For a second he thought that it was stupid. Running away was what cowrds did. But Jimin wasn’t running away, he was finding himself because he knew anywhere but Busan would feel like home.

The breeze on his skin felt unfamiliar. It brushed through the strands of his hair and left goosebumps on his skin. It tasted like freedom on his tongue and Jimin was an addict that couldn't get enough. He wanted more, he needed more and the moment he stepped a foot in Seoul he never felt stronger. A smile grew on his face that he couldn't stop. The air wasn't any fresher than Busan, it was polluted by cars smoke and big factories. But Seoul was the city of dreams as he read about it everywhere. 

The streets were wide and big and nothing like Jimin imagined. It was crowded, too many people with different styles, different backgrounds and a lot of them weren't from here just like Jimin. He bumped into so many people not only because the streets were full with endless people but because for the first time Jimin found something to be fascinated with besides the stars. He couldn't stop looking at the big buildings, the dazzling clothes. 

It felt like finally flying out of the small cage he was trapped in his whole life.

Finding an apartment and a roommate wasn't as hard as he thought it was. It was a tiny apartment with a really small bathroom with only a toilet and a shower. There was two rooms and his was smaller than his roommate but for 879,988 ₩ it wasn't that bad. Especially since they’re gonna be splitting. The building was old and felt like it would break apart in any moment however it had a nice view of the city, especially from his room he could see the beautiful lights and he had this vision where he would sit by his window in mornings with a cup of coffee and just admire the beauty of Seoul.  

His roommate was a girl. A little too tall and a little thin but Jimin have always been more on the petite side so perhaps that's why he was intimidated or maybe it was the clothes she wore, leather jackets and black skirts and she had this look in her eyes. A look that told Jimin she could step all over him without even batting an eyelash. Her name was Lisa and she had blonde hair that fell over her shoulders in natural waves. She had big eyes and wide shoulders. Nonetheless she was pretty and she was the first person Jimin met here. 

"I sold the bed in your room months ago so you're gonna have to sleep on just a mattress for a while" was the first words she said to him. There wasn't anything special about her voice, her tone was cold as if she said "i don't give a whether you sleep comfortably or not" but Jimin wasn't offended. Didn't find it in him to be offended maybe it was because of her pretty face or the intimidating behavior whatever it is he only nodded as a response. Lisa stared at him for a moment as if she was waiting for him to speak up then when he didn't she looked almost disappointed. 

She turned around. Taking her leather jacket off the couch and was heading towards the door. Jimin kept staring at her back drawn in by her confident strides. Then she stopped and twirled around and Jimin held his breath, feeling the beat of his heart fasten as they locked eyes 

"The beer in the fridge is mine so don't drink it" and with that she was gone. 

Finding a job was Jimin's next plan. All though he would love to sit by his window all day long and stare at the city it was not possible. Because after all he needed money to live and the little money he took from home won't last him forever. He had asked Lisa where to look for work and while sipping on her third beer, air filled with smoke she stared at Jimin with the hint of amusement and humor in her eyes "being a waiter is the easiest isn't it?" She said and if Jimin didn't frown the slightest maybe she would have lau