It was the usual get-together with college friends. Three years had passed since we graduated yet we never get tired of recollecting our shared experiences. We exchanged hi and hello. We joked. We smiled. We savour each other’s presence. And it happens all the time, year after year since we took the last grand moment in our university life, we all agreed to meet up every summer. We see the same faces; nevertheless, we love to see that same faces over and over. Though every year the number of people attending got lesser and lesser, the experience is still something I looked forward to. Aside from making up for the lost times with old friends, there’s one person that brings me to our gathering every year ...

She was sitting there together with the other girls, talking about many things that I couldn’t relate to. Girl talk as they say; crushes, suitors, fiancée, love life in general, but I want to hear those things from her. I want to know how she’s been since we graduated. I want to know what’s new with her - all those things that I longed to ask her since this whole tradition begun. Yet, for some reason, after all these years, I could not find the courage to go to her and ask how she’s been. It has always been like this. I lost myself and all the mustered confidence when I am near her. Pre-thought topics for conversation went out the window the moment I started walking towards her - so unusual for an achiever and a debater like me. All my life, I never lost tongue when it comes to conversation but her, conversations with her. I always think that she is special. And I believe that she is more than that for just her mere presence always drift me into unease. I am not my usual confident self around her. I tried to overcome this feeling with those three years, yet year after year I always find myself at the end of the gathering disappointed for I was not able to have a conversation with her. But this year, I will make a difference. This year I will do it.

When all the girls went to the water to enjoy the summer warmth, leaving her alone sitting on the sand, I gather all my guts to walk into her and sit beside her while fixing my gaze at our friends playing at the water. I saw her looked up to me with a surprise expression on her face before looking back again to the water.

“So, how have you been?” I asked as I tilted my head to look at her. She is still as pretty as the last time that I remember her, prettier now that I am looking from closer point.

She smiled yet her gaze remained at our friends. “I’m good.”

“Is that all you have to say?”

“Why, what else do you want to hear me say?” she asked, now looking at me.

I tried to play safe, “You know things, things that happened, the people you’ve met, all those stuff, blah blah.”

“Huh? There’s really nothing to share that will interest you,” she answered as she tore her gaze from me.

“What made you think that I wouldn’t be interested?”

“Simply because my experiences are not at par with your level.”

“There you go, Dara. Can you tell me what my level is?”

“Oh never mind. Why are you so persistent?” she countered as she looked at me again. Despite her not so gentle way of answering I couldn’t see that she wants to get away from our conversation, in fact she seemed to enjoy it.

“I just want to know what happened to you for the past three years,” I answered as I look back at the waters. “I really haven’t talked to you since we left college.”

“Woah! That’s new. You haven’t asked me those for the last years that we have seen each other. This is what, our third reunion after graduation? What difference does it make if I tell you now? You didn’t bother to ask before.” She answered. But I feel that she is testing on how far I would go with this. I can feel it.

I was trying to devise some good excuse on my mind as I keep on looking at our friends who were making a fool of themselves at the waters. “Well, that’s the difference. I know nothing about you all these years and I don’t want another hour to pass of not knowing how you’ve been. And besides, is it too much to ask?” I answered as I look at her once again.

“Nah. I was just teasing you. It is not too much to answer your queries.” She said as she grinned. God, I missed that. “Everything is fine ...”

“Oh. There goes the safest answer in the world. And to add, the answer that I don’t want to hear when I asked someone.” I interrupted her.

“Okay, okay,” she exclaimed with a chuckle. “If you want a specific answer, then you should ask a more specific question. You asked me how I’ve been, that’s too broad.”

“Fine. How is your work? Is your bosses fine? How about your workmates? Is there someone at your workplace that pisses you off? Are you okay with your job? Or are you planning to transfer? Anything. Just don’t give me ‘fine’ as an answer.”

“Wow! That’s a lot. You must be itching this whole time to ask me that during all those years,” she answered with a chuckle. “Well, so far I am happy with my work. I managed to get into an advertising agency and lucky enough, get to exercise my marketing backgrounds. I am also blessed to have a great people to work with. It was fun job all in all but you know, it’s not always glitz and glamour,” She answered. “How about you? I haven’t heard from you too.”

“Well, I worked in a financial institution. A little bit stressful but you know us guys, we mix work with fun. Workmates are also good.”

“How about love life? What’s the update? I heard that you dated the university’s beauty queen.”

“Who told you that?” I exclaimed, concealing my whisper of thanks. I am so grateful that she opened up the topic.

“Nah. It doesn’t matter. You know our batchmates, rumors and facts run as fast as electricity conductor. News bits come once in awhile.” She answered, rolling her eyes in the process.

“Yes. I dated her. But we didn’t last long. You know, poor foundation. Purely physical, just physical attraction. Indeed, she’s really pretty but so minor, I prefer beauty with substance.”

“You’re so cruel. You mean she lacks substance? How could you speak ill to an ex-girlfriend?”

“Because she wasn’t a girlfriend in the true sense of the word. Whatever. Must we talk about her? Let’s change topic please. What about you? If you have keep posted about me, it’s the other way around in your case. I haven’t heard any.” That was a lie. I try to keep updated especially when it comes about her.

She folded her legs and wrapped her arms around it, her chin resting on top of her knee. “There’s nothing to be heard about for there’s nothing to talk about. I am still single, never been in a relationship. And I think it will remain that way until I am over him,” she muttered with a sigh.

I instinctively look at her direction the moment those words passed her lips. “So, you mean there is someone?” I asked, trying to remain my composure.

“Yup,” she answered shortly. I really got curious. I haven’t heard anything about her getting involve into someone since we were college up to those times that we graduated. Sure, there are those guys that are lurking around her, but no one that she really gives a chance, or maybe there is? I wanted her to go on. I want to get as much information as I could about my rival. As what Sun Tzu said, ‘know your enemy and know yourself and you can fight a hundred battles without disaster’.

“So what happened with this someone? How come he is too blind to see such an awesome person like you?”

She faced me, “I can’t believe I’m hearing it from you. Or simply you had your way of easing people’s emotions?” she was astounded as I had been to what I just said. I had not stopped myself from saying what I have inside.

There’s no point retracting those. “Really, you’re an exceptional person but only not all people see you that way.”

“Well thank you. Whether you like it or not, I’m taking it as a compliment from someone as mighty as you.”

It was my turn to be surprised. “Me? Mighty? That’s too much for a description.”

“Yes you are. Mighty Kwon Jiyong.”

I didn’t want to dwell on that. I brought back the topic to her kept someone. “Let’s go back to my original question. You haven’t answered yet.”

“Ah yes, to this someone. Believe it or not, I haven’t elaborately shared about him even with the closest and the closest of my friends. Maybe I wasn’t ready or I was afraid of what they might say. I have kept it for years,” she said while looking at our friends having great time with the blue waves and salty water. The salt-filled air has good effect conversing people. It helps to open up.

“You know, when you like someone and you have no idea how to reach that person, it’s certainly hard. I was dwelling that kind of stuff. The more I force myself to get him out of my system, the more he infects me like bacteria to an open wound.”

I kept listening. I was more probing. I want to know all about this guy and when I get the chance to meet him, I’ll bang his head for being so dumb, for letting her pass so easily.

“Don’t you have any plan of talking to him? I mean, try to ... at least know what he has in mind,” I suggested as I keep my gaze away from her. I don’t want to see the longing that is so evident on her face.

“Are you out of your mind? He’s like, up there! Can’t be reached, too much for someone like me. But still, he surpasses all madness I have for all Hollywood actors you can think of.”

“It’s because he’s more than those actors, more than their face value. Do you want me to help you? Get to know what this person really feels for someone like you?” as if I really wanted. Hell would freeze over. Pfftt...

“Thanks but never mind. It won’t work.”

“Come on. It’s just me playing like a spy. Then we will plan to make work things out.” I was hopeless. I volunteered to be Mr. Hitch. I was trying everything, all possibilities to persuade her so I can do something about this someone.

“No. It won’t do any good. I want to leave it that way.”

“Well, if it will make you feel good, I want to share my own experience with my significant other. I also have tremendous like for someone. I guess as the years passed it’s more than the simple boy-liking-a-girl level. She has affected me in a different way. Ever since, she has this kind of effect on me. Now, tell me that there’s no other way that will make things better but by sheer keeping my silence? Of course, I can’t do that. There’s always a way. Though I’ve kept on asking myself what made me wait this long.”

There, I got her full attention with her eyes intently looking at me.

“I can’t believe it. For someone like you, you’re gifted with speaking skills and yet in your own personal heart affairs you can’t say something or put together at least all the best words that will sweep her off her feet?”

“Yeah, I expected that reaction. You just said, when someone means something, there’s no easy way.”

“Would you mind if I ask what makes her different and what stops you from getting near her? Is she taken?”

“She’s different because she is different from the other girls I’ve known. It’s just that, my heart beats for her. I want to care for her, I want to take part of her pains and troubles, just want to be the other half of all her miseries. She’s inside and out good. I simply ...”

“That must be love,” she said softly, as she stopped me.

“Maybe. To think that I really kept this all these years, this isn’t an ordinary one. Well, like you, I find my special someone unreachable, also up there. Her simplicity put her that. She’s definitely not taken.” So I just learned. “Every man would think he doesn’t deserve someone like her. It seemed she’s too much for everyone. I feel so small for her. She has all the basics. She’s simply exceptional. One couldn’t ask for more; except for one thing. One must ask for the courage and guts to be near her.”

“What’s your plan for her?”

“I’ll tell her soon.”

“What? Another moment of waiting? For how long?” she eyed me and with exaggerated facial reaction added, “Oh come on. You’re making things hard for you.”

“Why? You too make things harder for you. I tell you, you’ll never get over him soon. You have to face him now.”

“That’s the last part of my ‘moving on’ process. I’m on the stage of getting over him. In fact, I’ll be spending my summer with my parental relatives; a change of environment might help. But I doubt it would help. The environment had already changed when we started working but it didn’t help.”

“Maybe you’re not ready then to let him go,” I consoled.

“Perhaps. When I’m slowly healed, that’s the time I can have the nerve to approach him. Actually, I was already imagining myself talking to him about how I felt for him, naturally as if it happened long ago. I wish I can do it sooner and faster.”

“Do you wish to get back the same emotion from him?”

“No,” she answered as she shook her head. “It’s enough for me that I’ve known a special person like him. I’ll cherish him. No one says that moving on is easy. It needs too much will and determination. But going through will make me a better person and maybe in my next love conquest, I’ll be wiser and smarter enough,” she continued with conviction.

“There’s more to learn. Life is indeed a book that keeps itself updated with the latest lessons. We keep learning but most of the time our heart’s disturb our minds and the things we thought we’ve learned and tried to apply are already clouded and influenced by heart’s judgement. Sometimes our minds must be firm.” I got a nod from her as a response.

Still unsatisfied, I continued. “I’m just curious, if given the chance to have this someone be part of you, will you take him?” I was more afraid of what her answer would be. It would only measure the depth of her feelings for someone. Human, unsurprisingly a masochist, really like to inflict their own pains.

“I don’t know. I’d rather not think of the possibilities.”

“Me, I’m hoping that some good things wait for me and my special someone. I’m optimistic about it.”

“Good for you. That’s one thing I admire about you.”

“We have to hope especially of we draw strength from our inspiration.”

“Even if you think that she’s too much for you?” she asked, wanting more of a confirmation.

“Even if I think that she’s too much for me,” I answered as I looked at her straight to her eyes only to realize that she was looking at me too, studying the intensity of my words. I kept my eyes locked at hers and continued. “You’ve trusted me this far, can you tell me who he is?” I tried my luck; trying to make things easier for my next assignment. I was critically planning of really knowing this ‘someone’.

“You really want to know? So this is it. I also regard myself as so little compared to him. That someone I was referring to ...”

“Hey, you two! What are you doing there? Why don’t you join us? The water is inviting. If you won’t be here in a minute, see what we have for you,” one of our friends interrupted and never stopped bothering us until we joined the rest of the group in the water, playing water games.

Hours passed and we didn’t have the chance to continue our talk. The sun was on its setting mode when we decided to go home. Satisfaction and happiness were written all over our faces. We have added memorable memories in our memories portfolio. I would never forget that day because I have spent generous time with her. Though I missed the chance of knowing her someone, I’ve settled; that’s it for now. I would know in days to come. That night, in bed with my eyes on the ceiling and two arms under my head, smiling while savouring the heavenly experience, I was a picture of a content, happy and a man in love. Then my phone placed under my pillow vibrated. Oh, how I hate forwarded messages disturbing me from my sweet reverie. But like a bolt from the blue, I got up from bed when I sat the name registered on the screen. ‘Sandara Park’, I wouldn’t mind reading endless forwarded messages as long as it was from her. Contrary to my expectation of the message containing a lot of characters, it only contained three words –  'it was you’. I called her number right there and then but out of reach. I’ve learned from an old classmate the next day that she had left that night to spend summer vacation with her father’s relatives at the province.

Once I heard about it, I immediately got into my car and drive to where she is. Her family’s province is two-hour drive from the metro, yet right at that very moment, I seemed not to care. I want to see her and tell her all the things that I’ve kept locked within me.

As I was driving I tried to formulate words and statements to tell her. I imagined what will I do the moment I see her and most importantly, how will she react when she sees me there. Her statement the day before keeps ringing in my head. I could remember her saying that telling the person she likes will be the last part of her moving on process. And she already told me that I am that someone. The thought bothered me. Hell! It terrifies me. But I cannot go back and move on with my life right now, can’t I? I promised myself that I will tell her that I liked her. I’ve wasted too much time already.

As I arrived at her place, I parked at the side of the street and went out of the car, her younger brother was outside of their ancestral house, with his skateboard at his foot.

“Hyung,” Sanghyun said as he saw me. “Looking for noona?” he immediately asked as I stopped right in front of him.

“Yes,” I answered shortly as I looked at their house. “Is she there?”

“Nope. She’s at the lake. You know where it is?”

I shook my head in response. “No. Can you tell me where it is? I need to talk to her.”

“Obviously. You wouldn’t drive way here if you don’t have something to say,” he answered. “Follow me. I’ll bring you there,” he continued.

I followed him silently as Sanghyun rode his skateboard. “It’s not far,” he informed me, breaking the silence. I just nodded in response. My mind is in total chaos right now. I don’t know what to say, I don’t even know what to do. I am still desperately trying to think of something but it seems like my brain just stopped functioning, like how it always does when it comes to telling her.

“Noona’s there,” Sanghyun said, pulling me from my thoughts, while pointing at a certain area. I followed the direction of his index finger and saw Dara, seated at the edge of the docks.

“Thank you Sanghyun,” I muttered as I glance at him for a second before looking back to the woman I was looking for.

“No problem,” he answered before leaving me.

I silently walked my way towards her. I give up trying to formulate something. I’ll just go with the flow let my emotions do the talking. She remained oblivious of my presence as she keeps on gazing at the lake, her legs, dangling at the edge of the docks. Without much thought, I sat beside her, like what I did the day before.

Her gaze immediately snapped from the lake to me, her eyes widening in surprise. “W-what are you ...” She stopped mid-sentence as I turn to look at her. A blush crept up on her cheeks as she bit her lower lip, tearing her gaze away from me and back to the waters.

I remained looking at her for a moment before staring at the beautiful lake. “Remember what -- ”

“Look Ji, if it was about my -- ”

“I love you,” I said with conviction, still looking at the water.

I saw from my peripheral vision Dara immediately looking at me, her eyes once again, turning wide.

“What?!” she exclaimed.

I heaved a deep a sigh as I turn to look at her straight in the eyes. This is it. No backing out now.

“Remember what I said yesterday? That I will tell her soon. Now I am telling her, I am telling YOU. I love you,” I said with certainty, not wavering my gaze from her.

“That’s impossible,” she said softly as she looked away from me.

“Why? Because I am up there? Can’t be reached by you?” I asked, repeating her words the day before.

“Yes. You can’t possibly like me. You’re too much for someone like me,” she answered as she looked at me for a second before looking away once again.

“You’re also unreachable. Yet, you love someone as small as me,” I argued.

“I am not unreachable,” she mumbled.

“So am I.”

She did not answer. She remained quiet as she keeps on staring at the lake. This is not what I had imagined my confession to be. Hell! I even can’t imagine what it would look like for I never thought that this time will come. All those years, I only could dream of talking to her and maybe, eventually, could build up a much tighter friendship that will bring me closer and closer to her and to her heart. Yet, here I am now, just a day after I finally manage to talk to her after three years, confessing to her my feelings after learning that the woman I’ve been silently looking at from afar is also silently looking at me.

We remained quiet; the silence far from comfortable. I was hoping that I could say something right now, just anything that will break this awkward moment, but right at that instant, I decided that perhaps, this silence is what we needed, what she needed. Probably, we need to calm ourselves down from all the emotions this past two days had gotten from us. Maybe, I need this to fix my thoughts.

“This is far from what I had imagined,” Dara said, breaking the silence with a chuckle. I glance at her and saw her smiling softly. “I thought that when the moment that I tell you my feelings it will be something more on a past tense. And that we will both laugh at it, you laughing at me for feeling that way towards you and me, laughing at myself for being silly for feeling that way towards you.”

“And why would I laugh at you?”

She chuckled as she turns her head towards me, finally looking at me. “Because I never thought that you’d feel the same,” she answered with a smile.

At that instant, as I locked my gaze at hers, I let my control snap and let my emotions took over. I grabbed her shoulder and locked my lips unto hers. I don’t know what her reaction is for my eyes were tightly close, only feeling the sensation of her lips at mine. But after few seconds, I knew that she like what I did, for I felt her lips moving with mine and her arms wrapped around me.

After some lip locking and tongue slashing moments, we broke the kiss for the need of air. My forehead resting at hers as we looked into each other’s orbs.

“So, I was right into being optimistic about the whole thing, huh,” I said smugly, smirking in the process.

Dara just rolled her eyes before gripping my collar. “Shut up and kiss me,” she mumbled before locking my lips with hers once again, just where it rightfully belong.

There! Done.

I was planning originally to make it an open-ended story. You know, end it when Jiyong received the text message. But since I know that I owe you something (for not updating! ^.^) I decided to end it properly. 

Comments are highly, appreciated. :)

love, 

yen