a/n: if this doesn’t make sense… it isn’t.

Morning of June 9^th…

Jaejoong woke up very early and got himself up but per usual, while sipping his hot coffee wearing a cream colored bathrobe and sitting down his love seat near his floor-to-ceiling window, he opens his twitter account on his laptop while his Instagram on his phone and waits.

He didn’t wait long enough when his phone began vibrating as both notification tones sets off on both of his devices placed on top of his coffee table.

He sipped to his coffee before opening each and every notification he had received. Crossing his legs, he comfortably views the contents whilst drinking.

It made him very happy but overall, it made him feel so lonely afterward. The aftermath makes him feel helpless. Helpless because all he could do right now is to count onto those who have seen, hear, and even interacted with the one who he has been spying all these lonely years he has to go through alone by himself.

At some point, he felt like he wanted to curse the world. Then there are times, he could only just cry his heart out.

He felt like the world was very unfair to him. The early years felt like a void was eating him up every single day. He almost gave up. God knew that he almost did. But, he tried his best to move forward because that was what he wanted when he made the decision to go. And so, he did. But he barely moved on. It was really hard.

Then, there were times that he just couldn’t contain his emotions that he tried to reach out. He did almost everything, even to a point he had called the person he had been missing so damn much, it truly hurts him when he did not pick up.

 For Jaejoong, he thought that everything was over from that point on.

He went crazy and God knew he almost went as crazy as he supposed to be but in the end, he couldn’t make himself do it. If you ask him why, there was and will always be one reason behind it:

Jaejoong loves too much that it kills him and at the same time gives him life.

Of course, it doesn’t make sense but Jaejoong is the living proof that it makes sense because for him, it does. It makes sense to him.

And every day’s hurts like hell. Like he was being burned alive over and over until he’s burnt out. It was very exhausting but still, he has to continue living day by day.

The years that followed was slowly becoming okay. Like, it didn’t hurt much anymore. It was not as bad as it was before… but still, there were times whenever he remembers the past it starting to hurt again. And it hurts like hell once again.

During those times, Jaejoong tried to occupy himself with other things and eventually conveyed his emotions that he felt during those lonely times through his songs. And he was surprised at how many he had created.

But he wasn’t impressed though. Because every time he listens to his songs, he just couldn’t help but cry as his brain automatically brings him back to the past. And it began to hurt again.

The years that came by, he tried to truly forget. Jaejoong did his very best to venture to almost every single adventure life has to offer for him so just he could forget everything that would bring him back to missing a tall someone with beautiful hands, almond eyes, and a beautiful mole over his upper lip.

Because apparently, Jaejoong doesn’t know how to love someone else. And clearly, he couldn’t forget his very face. He just couldn’t, even though it has been so long since he had seen, touch, and feel that person’s presence near him.

God, it has been so long that even though Jung Yunho is so far away from him, he misses him every damn time he has to a point that it is pointless for him to rest because if he does, his reverie would always go back to picturing TVXQ’s leader inside his head.

And It was torture. And just like Jaejoong said, it kills him yet he continuous moving on because he has to. He needs to. Ask him why and Jaejoong will reply:

He has to be strong for Yunho. He has to. Because seemingly, Yunho told him to be strong. Therefore, he needs to. Though, Jaejoong was so unsure of what to do because Yunho barely kept him alive all these years and right now, it starting to grow on him.

Maybe it’s time to stop. But whenever he thinks of stopping, he began missing Yunho all over again that it kills him.

Jaejoong’s tears began trickling down his face that he got startled when he felt his tears fell over his exposed thigh and it finally bring him back to his reality. He forgot scrolling down to various pictures of Yunho taken in the airport and during their concert.

He wiped his face with the back of his hands and closes his laptop and turned off his cellphone. He stood up on his seat and stormed out, going to the bathroom.

Jaejoong was in a daze the whole ride toward the shooting location of a variety show he was shooting with various artists. He snapped back up when his manager shook him to wake him up.

During the shoot, he tried his best to act as normal as possible. Like he always did before. But it was hard. Really hard.

“Hyung?”

Jaejoong turned over to the person sitting next to him and faintly smiled at Woohyun who looks at him worriedly. They were currently eating lunch.

“Are you okay?”

Jaejoong frowned at the question because he knew he was okay. But was he, really?

“Yes, Woohyun-ah. I’m fine.”

Woohyun then frowned back at him

“Your phone has been ringing nonstop and you’re not answering it.”

Ringing? His phone? Jaejoong was confused. He then looks around for his phone and he is even holding it with his left hand.

He must be numb right now.

Jaejoong sighed.

He thanked Woohyun and stood up and went over to the waiting room. He locks it, drop his phone to the couch and then walks over to the edge, hugged himself while squeezing himself to the corner of the room, closing his eyes.

He had slept just like that.

When he woke up, darkness filled his vision. He closes them back and opens them again only to find out that its already dark because he didn’t open the lights when he entered the room earlier but, there was a little light coming from his side and his head turned up and saw a person sitting on the same couch he’s in, playing with his phone.

Jaejoong’s eyes scan the person’s face through the little light from the phone and surprisingly sat up remembering the name of the owner of that unforgettable face of his and he blurted out his name.

“Y-yunho?!”

Jaejoong’s voice called out in confusion whilst his heart started beating irregularly inside his chest.

The person he called out turned to meet him in the eyes and stretches his lips to smile.

“I thought you’re going to sleep forever, Jae. I almost got tired of waiting.”

Jaejoong’s brows furrowed. He stood up and turn the lights on and stared at Yunho who stayed seated at the couch.

“W-what are you doing here, Yunho?” Jaejoong asks, heart now beating so damn fast. His blood pressure rising up so fast, he might explode any minute now.

“What are you talking about, Jae? Am I not supposed to be here?” Yunho replied, turned off his phone and stood up, eyes and lips smiling.

Jaejoong’s head began pounding very hard.

“No!” his voice escalated, tone higher than it was before. Y-you’re not supposed to be here.”

“Why?” Yunho asks, this time, frowning. “Can you tell me why, Jae?” and started walking towards Jaejoong.

Jaejoong, on the other hand, started hyperventilating.

“Be-because—you… Y-you--!”

“Me what, Jaejoong?” Yunho asks, temper filling up his veins. He crosses his flexed and worked muscles over to his chest, eyes still fixated at Jaejoong’s weary face.

“Y-yunho… you can’t—you just can’t be here! Why are you even here?!”

This time, Jaejoong burst. Tears trickled down his face one by one and it frustrates him that he’s feeling all sorts of things when it comes to Yunho. Like, just seeing him makes him feel all the emotions he has to suppress, hide, and keep all to himself. And now, Yunho made him feel so vulnerable right now, everything of him just keeps on pouring out.

Seeing the tears that of course Yunho has weakness to, his face softens up and he uncrosses his arms and goes straight to Jaejoong, his hands automatically caresses Jaejoong’s shoulders but the latter flinches at the sudden touch.

“Jaejoong…” Yunho called out, voice yearning for the other. Jaejoong, on the other hand, shuts off his eyes.

“Y-yunho… y-you can’t be here… You know you can’t be here.” he sobbed.

Yunho heave a sigh then goes out to pull Jaejoong’s body into his arms and just like that, Jaejoong’s body fit perfectly like a complete puzzle piece. Though cheesy as it may sound, but it’s the truth.

“I am here, Jaejoongie. I am here.” He softly spoke as his hands began its way over to Jaejoong’s back and rubs his back, soothing the latter.

And Jaejoong did. Of course, he did. Not just because what Yunho is doing really is soothing but more than that, it is Yunho who is soothing him. Yunho. His Yunho.

“Why did you come here, Yunnie?” Jaejoong mumbles, talking while he sinks in deeper inside Yunho’s chest.

“Well, for one… Woohyun called.” Yunho paused and chuckles when Jaejoong pinches his sides.

“Liar.” Once again, Jaejoong mumbled. “You wouldn’t even come even if he did. You’re out of the country.”

Yunho chuckled once more and pulls Jaejoong even closer, the latter almost couldn’t breathe if not for Yunho easing out right after squeezing Jaejoong for a second.

“Yes, I was.” Yunho told truthfully but the words he pulled out from his mouth right after is the truest words he has to say.

“But more importantly because, I know I have to be here with you, Jae. Right now.”

With those words, Jaejoong pulled out slightly to look at Yunho’s face and he stares at him fiercely.

“I don’t believe you.” Jaejoong accuses and Yunho pouted.

“I’ve been a lot of things Jae, but we both know I’m not a liar.”

Jaejoong this time, pouted.

“I’m sorry…” Jaejoong sighed. “It’s just that… I can’t believe you’re here, Yunnie. And, I don’t understand why you’re here. I saw your photos in the airport this morning…” he pauses and looks straight at Yunho.

“I saw you going in there—“

“How, Jae? Through pictures?”

Jaejoong nodded and rested his forehead over Yunho’s chest.

“Well, you obviously didn’t saw me going out again.” Yunho told and Jaejoong’s head rose up, clueless.

He shook his head in reply.

Yunho give a small smile. “I went back.”

“Why?” Jaejoong is quick to ask.

“I just told you the reason why, Jae.” Yunho’s lips stretches out in a bigger smile but Jaejoong doesn’t quite get it yet.

“Why, Yunnie? Why are you here?” he asks again.

Yunho heaves another sigh then traps Jaejoong’s face in between his palms and scoots down lower, eyes meeting Jaejoong closer.

“I miss you, Jaejoongie. I terribly miss you.” Yunho said and pinches Jaejoong’s cheeks and it went redder. “That’s why I have to see you before I have to go away again.”

“You missed me?” Jaejoong asks, still unsure but his cheeks are getting redder by the minute. Plus, Yunho pinches him.

“Yes, Jae.”

“When are you going back? What time?”

Yunho then looks over to his watch and back to Jaejoong.

“I’ve got 25 hours and 15 minutes left.” Yunho informed.

“So, how do you want our anniversary to be celebrated, Jae? It’s your call.” Yunho flashes a smile and chaste a sweet kiss on Jaejoong’s lips.

Jaejoong tried… he tried so hard to comprehend what’s truly happening but they all just got 25 hours and about 10 minutes before their anniversary started so… he’ll think about it later and maybe go to a corner once again but right now, all he could think of right now is spending time with Yunho. His Yunho.

And for the time being, that’s all that matters. Not his overemotionally emo heart.

The End.