Months passed in the blink of an eye. Autumn turned to winter. Leaves fell down and snow covered everything. Cold...frozen...and...quiet...so quiet. Birds didn’t sing anymore and there weren’t children laughs in the wind. I had always loved winter but now I hate it. After our second fight the silence was deafening between us too. It would have been better if we had fought than that. Although I was never alone, because our stuff members and Hanhae hyung were always around me, I still felt lonely. It wasn’t enough I lost Daehwi and Woojin’s nearness, now Youngmin hyung also left me alone. He really ignored me and he looked right through me as if I was a ghost but that was how I deserved to be treated after I behaved towards him. I hurt him deeply. I didn’t want to cry in front of others so a lot of times I went to the Han River and let go my sad feelings there. As if the icy water washed away my salty tears, I always felt better after that.

                One day I thought of calling Daehwi. Despite he is younger than me, but he still feels like a hyung sometimes because of his wisdom. When I was about to dialed his number, my phone rang. It was him. Maybe there was telepathic connection between us I thought. „What are you doing now hyung?” he asked. His voice sounded worried. „I do nothing, just watching as the grass grows.” I replied. „Is everything okay with you? I had a bad feeling.” „Aha...I’m just tired.” I said yawning. „Please don’t try to fool me, hyung. Tell me the true...don’t pretend you’re fine.” He was firm and cute at the same time. I can’t help smiling. I realized how much I missed my little brother. „It seems you know me too well....I need your advice...” I didn’ t see him but I’m sure he nodded like crazy. „Well there is someone I like and that person also seems to like me but we can’t be together. I don’t know what I should do.” I told him my problem as sincere as possible. „If you really love that special someone, don’t hesitate....You know Woojin hyung told me he had feelings for me, but I was afraid to accept his love and now it’s too late he’s with Jihoon hyung...” he stopped. I felt his sadness through the phone. Guilt fluttered through me. I shouldn’t have brought up the topic. „Sorry....I didn’t mean to hurt you.” I murmured. „It’s okay....now I got over it....Don’t worry, hyung.” I always admired his nerve. If I were him, I wouldn’t be that calm. „Do you know what is your biggest problem?” he asked. „What?” I blinked. „You think too much. Life is too short to worry about everything and waste your precious time. Live each day as if it was your last. Don’t be always a boring Church oppa, do something crazy finally. If you love it, get it.” He said enthusiastically. „But what if it won’t work.” I still had doubts. „What if...what if...who knows. Maybe this person just plays a small role in a chapter...but maybe...maybe that someone will be the main character of your story. You wouldn’t know until you don’t try it. At least taste it, before you let it go.” Bonbons came in to my mind. „Okay...hyung will try it.” I muttered agreement. I know he was right...but telling things is easier then doing them. „Okay. Please take care of Youngmin hyung.....I think....he is....a main character.” he said happily. „What have you just said?!” I couldn’t breathe. „Nothing...nothing...I have to work now, hyung. Bye!” He just hung up the phone suddenly.

                    I thought maybe he knew about us. „But how?....Did Youngmin hyung tell him?!” I whispered putting my hands in front of my mouth. „What did I do?” a husky voice came behind my back. I didn’t notice when and how he got there, but he was already so close to me. „So what did I do again?” he asked softly. „Nothing...” I replied. „Okay. You don’t have to tell me. We’re just workmates after all. I just came to tell you today’s practice was cancelled so you have a free afternoon. ” His voice was like the winter wind that blew from the Han River, cold and unforgiving. When he was about to leave the room, I grabbed his wrist with both of my hands. „Hyung.............I’m sorry............” I murmured. „Please talk with me.............I can’t take this anymore! I hate this silence.........It’s okay if you hit me......just say something!” I begged. „I have already said I would never hurt you and I wasn’t able to be angry at you.....You know it took me a lot of time to accept that we can’t be more than workmates.......But it’s enough for me now. It’s enough that I can be near to you.” His voice was like ice that started to melt under the sun slowly. „You hurt me with your cold behave. I want everything to become like it were in the past........” and the words just came finally. „Hyung....I miss you. I miss your warmth...your look as you listen to my problems.....you smile and laugh as you play with our dancers...your cute expression when you eat something tasty, as you play with your hair when you are tired. I miss every little moment we shared. They weren’t big things, but they were our memories. Did you forget them? I asked. „Please don’t raise false hope. It sounds as if you loved me.” he said and finally looked at me, smiling. I blushed and stared at the floor. Than it came to my mind Daehwi’s words: „Do something crazy...” I pull him closer by his hand that I still held. „Wait...wait...” he said putting his index finger on my lips. I blinked. This was the first time I wanted to do something crazy in my life and he stopped me. „Do you really want to know me?” He asked me suddenly, his voice sounded uncertain. I just nodded. He pulled me to follow him. I didn’t know where we were going, the only important thing was he held my hand so tigh.

                      Some minutes later we were in his small practicing room. Papers were full written with his rap lines lay everywhere. Finally I could read them. Hyung just stared at me behind my back, smiling. I glanced at him sometimes with a proud expression on my face. I always knew he was talented, but I didn’t realize he was a real genius. His raps were like poems, that I always adored, they weren’t childish love songs only, they had deep contents, like the meaning of life, what makes us human, how to become a better person and some poems were about pain and suffering being different.

                  All of sudden everything became clear and my heart started to ache. I understood those lines, being different, were about him and his suffering. „Did you always know you love....men?” I asked carefully. „Well since I can remember...I never liked girls than other boys.” he said calmly. „Does your family know...?” „Well it’s difficult to tell...I think they know...but we never talk about this topic.....Maybe they just don’t want to face up to it. My parents still hope they will have grandchildren. So how can I say it.....they try to change me, but you know being gay isn’t a decision. I was born like this.” He said and a wry smile twisted his lips. „It must be hard for you....” I couldn’t find the words. „It was.......” his eyes became foggy as if he remembered something sad. I knew exactly how he felt. The last few months were like hell for me too, but he lived like this since his childhood. „But you can’t can't choose who you fall in love with...and I hope they will understand this one day.” his words made me feel better. Yes...it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t choose it, love chose me. „Did you have boyfriends?” I asked without thinking. „I had....” He said glancing at me. „How many...?” Maybe I was too nosy, but I was too curious. „Well I had some.....” he started „....but I had nobody since I met you.” he added when he noticed my jealous face. He came closer to me and held out his hand towards me. „Let’s start at the beginning. I’m Lim Youngmin and I am gay. Nice to meet you!” I took his hand. „I’m Kim Donghyun and I am.....maybe bi. Nice to meet you!” I said and he pulled me into a hug. He never held me that tight. I knew everything without he spoke it out. He must be so lonely keeping his secret just like me in the past months. Finally we could talk about our true selves honestly. The secrets, that were between us and separed us apart for a long time, now bonded us together. From that moment we were there for each other and no matter how far we would rise we would always protect one another like lions. I thought he felt relieved when I hugged him back, because he breathed a sigh of relief. We stood there for a while like this. „I thought you felt disgust toward me and would turn me away if you got to know my true self.” He said smiling. I stared into his eyes deeply: „No....I think you are beautiful as you are” he burst out laughing. „Why are you laughing?!...It’s the truth...” I playfully slapped his arm. „Okayyyyy....thanks......” We gazed at each other for a while, then in a serious tone, he told me: „Now you know everything about me. I can’t say you will never be alone and everything will be perfect, but I promise you will never be lonely. I will show how much I care for you. I won’t let you eat alone at Han River anymore.” I smirked at him. „Were you secretly watching me?” He just looked away cutely. „Hyung....I don’t want to change you...I know you need space. I can understand it. For me it’s enough that you are there when I really need you.” I said sincerely and he seemed touched. „Being with you make me happy and I really want to be together with you.......Now can we tell that we’re more than workmates?” I nodded. He my face gently. „Can I kiss you?” he asked finally. „If you don’t do, I will do it.” I replied and he didn’t hesitate. He cupped my cheeks with his big hands and kissed me softly and just as I expected it was the best high quality dark chocolate that I had ever tasted in my whole life.

                      I like this dark chocolate bonbon so much since then. No matter how many times I taste it, it’s still fantastic and I want more and more from it. I think I’m addicted to it. There’s no exit from it.

Bonus Pics