It’s amazing how surprising how things turn out. Whether it’s in a bad or good way, there’s always something unexpected in how things turn out.

Like how I decided at fifteen years old, after working online for a company, that I would never make writing as a profession. I realized I was one who could never write spins needed for a marketing company.  I could only write when I literally believe in what I’ve written.

So I took up something related to finance. They said it was a more stable profession.

Yet there I was with my first and long-time job, - hired for my credentials earned in university, until one side-assignment had me able to utilize my passion in some way…

"She can write! Use that skill!  Use her! "                                                         

That was what my first topmost superior said to my managers.

I’ve been writing material for my new “Big Boss” ever since. From internal documents to material for public events.

 

Am I happy? Bewildered, yes. But I still hate being dictated how to write, or writing about stuff I don’t really concur with. But a job, is a job.

 

But most of all….who knew that the timid me, who once said she could never be close to boisterous, chatty, and nearly all-time bubbly people, would actually be under the close care of one.

I also said, I could never stand a chance of being with people who the rest of world could compare to stars in the sky.

But here I am. Pasty face being patted with a cool, wet cloth by this uncharacteristically and awfully silent person. My burning throat is soothed by the water given to me my usually embarrassingly bubbly friend, who now sported the most worried expression I’ve ever seen.

Byun Baekhyun.

Literally¸ the one and only, loud, witty, impulsive, sensitive, walking paradoxical person with the name “Byun Baekhyun”.

 

Well, at least when he was born. I haven’t kept up with statistics. Do people keep track of those anyway? I dunno.

 

I just know I hate that I caused that scowl on his face. I hate doing that to people.

Did I mention he’s an internationally renowned budding performer?

 

Yeah…Singing, dancing, hosting, you name it!  And...we were friends. Close friends.

I totally, never did see this coming. Sometimes I think, through the months I’ve been confined in this hospital, “He’s just my imagination.”

I mean how did I, Kwan Jinae (forever a weird wallflower), end up with him as one of the handful of closest friends that I’ve had over the entire twenty-six years of my existence?

 

 

My heavy head falls back clumsily on the wall behind me with small bump, and I wince. Groaning, I look up and see him still there, examining the food the nurse brought in earlier for dinner.

Okay, maybe I’m really not dreaming.

It’s also amazing how someone, the sharp contrast of Byun Baekhyun, could be so chatty inside her head eh?

But I guess, that’s really how life is supposed to work. Some things may truly be meant to be. It’s just we don’t know what, or how they’re supposed to happen.

I struggle to get a grip of my voice, which comes out less hoarse than I expected. “Baek.”

The said lad looks up with hum and wide eyes, just in the middle of tearing off the plastic wrap that protected my possibly one-hundred-percent bland dinner. Yup definitely out-of-character quiet, I think to myself.

I clear my throat, “Where’s Jongdae? I thought you were supposed to have a schedule today…”

I hopefully don’t sound too prying. Anyway, if you’re wondering, Kim Jongdae’s another well-known singer and songwriter, with a knack of curiosity for just about anything. He was our little circle’s “Curious Cat.” What else? He’s also extremely handsome. Again, I have no idea how I ended up deserving of this guy’s friendship. Frankly, it was all because of my dear sister-from-another-mother \: Joey.

Jongdae could most possibly be the outgoing counterpart of my closest friend Josephine Wu, who I had the miraculous chance of meeting during one of the times I could not hold myself from attending one literary fairs in college. She too wrote songs, but her passion for writing expanded to a few successful novels she published under a pen name I can’t disclose here. Least to say, she’s the most grounded amongst the lot of us. And the sister I never had. A superbly pretty, uber cool sister. I called her “Joey” at first, but now I just fondly call her ‘Big Sis’, ‘cause it’s one of the times I get to indulge myself and feel like a baby.

But these three along with two other blokes, baby me too much these months, I feel like locking up my hospital room if I had the energy. Or if it were legal. Haha.

 

“He’s off getting some more supplies with Joey, and picking the rest of the boys up so that we can all have dinner together,” came Baekhyun’s calm reply.

 

My turn to be surprised.

 

 “You mean you and Joey are going to spend you birthdays in this dreary hospital room??” I ramble. Huh.

 

I’m sick, yet still able to ramble when surprised. Baekhyun seems to notice too, that he let out soft chuckle. I return his chuckle with a frown and a pout. He returns it with a playful pout of his own, knowing it’d annoy me. It’s amazing til this day how he can annoy me without really making me really upset. Just enough that I feel a spark of energy tingle my skin.

When Baekhyun had finishes fixing my food tray, he looks back at me to see still glaring at him with my excuse of a pout. He lets out a laugh at that, rolling the tray closer to me.

 

“Yah,” he chastises while poking the crinkle between by eyebrows, “you’re not going to get well by wearing that frown.”

 

He reaches for what looked like chicken porridge, taking a spoonful. Turning to feed the serving to me, he laughs, seeing my already ugly expression turn into more horrid with my lips sporting a bigger pout.

“What?” He asks chuckling, though that smile told me he already had already read my mind.

 

“I already spent my birthday with fans and mom and dad yesterday. So don’t worry okay?” he said, while placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. I was a bit relieved. Just a bit.

 

“That was yesterday. Your birthday is today. Get ou-“ I was about to nag him to go spend off his night in something actually fun, but he silences me with the spoonful of porridge that had long been waiting. Seeing that I have no choice, and they were really going to push through with this, I wipe the frown off my face. The small jutting of my lower lip doesn’t leave though.  I still feel bad.

 

Grumbling, I take the spoon away from Baekhyun who only seemed to be slightly amused by my behavior. Seriously, I’m normally not this childish. But talking was hard, and so I resorted to making incoherent noises and weird facial expressions. I take comfort that at least, my brattiness is making the birthday boy smile. He still continues to help me by leveling the extendable tray to a comfortable height. I mumble a thank you and he whispers a “no problem” back, sitting at the foot of my bed. I don’t know if it’s become a habit but he pats my foot as he does, and rests his hand just above my ankle as he had for these past months.

 

I am not a touchy person even with my closest friends. I do hug Joey from time to time, but I’ve never initiated a hug even with the gentlest of our circle, Do Kyungsoo. But Baekhyun and Jongdae being the most affectionate boys to respect those boundaries I somehow held, meant a lot. I definitely had to repay all the times they spent here to just care for me. My mom was already of age and had already moved back home. My siblings had their own families back in the province. I didn’t want to bother any one of them with the costs it took to travel and live in Seoul. Having Joey postpone her trip back to China for her annual vacation, has already been bugging me to no end. Aish what am I-

 

“You’re frowning at your food, you worrywart.”

 

I look up to see Baekhyun sending me a playful look. “You know you’re like family already, so let us take care of family okay?”

 

Since when was he able read minds? I don’t have anything to respond to that, so I just huff and push the food away. He grasps my ankle this time, and I could feel a nag coming.

 

“You said we’d eat together!” I whine. “I’m going to eat when Joey and the rest are here.” I cross my arms, suddenly feeling the energy to try to argue with the most impossibly undefeatable friend I’ve ever had.

 

“Kwan. Jinae. You know Joey’s going to kill me if you haven’t eaten properly -“

“I’m not a baby! Besides, am full…”

“You barely ate half-“

 

Just then I hear Joey’s voice ring across the room announcing their arrival. I watch as the room warms with her calming presence and the glow that Jongdae just seems to always carry wherever he is. Chanyeol, the tallest being I have ever seen, come stumbling in with his guitar. Kyungsoo enters calmly, soft smile on his lips as he carries what appears to be bags of take out.

Joey is first to notice the cut-short argument between both of us, looks at us amusedly. Baekhyun lets out a sigh of relief, and breaks his silence first.

 

“Yah. Is she this bratty when you two take care of her?” His tone is exasperated, but in no way angry. Wait is that a pout too?

 

Of course it is. He wouldn’t be Byun Baekhyun if he didn’t retaliate with an advanced level of brattiness. Jongdae sniggers at our exchange, while Joey laughs softly shaking her head. Mission accomplished. I managed to conjure up a situation with the birthday girl laughing and birthday boy…well. Haha.

I don’t know why but it feels always like an accomplishment if I get to successfully annoy Baekhyun, though not too much of course. Sometimes I feel he hides a lot behind the constant positive energy he gives people. Like a sponge, but without seeing the effect of the elements they take in. Honestly, it’s the common trait the three of them,- Baekhyun, Jongdae and Chanyeol,- share.

 

It’s just that, I feel like Baekhyun had been the expert of shielding his innermost emotion, innermost thoughts. Like how his voice changes when hanging around people he feels most comfortable with and when hanging around people he knows he needs to be stronger for. He has a talent of making people laugh by saying the most absurd things (that would make sense if you took some time). It was what he was best at, after singing.  He was electric, but in a different sense than Jongdae’s energy pulsated. Most people would say he was like an open book, a forever child who just acted on impulse.

 

I’d agree. But only to a point. Because Byun Baekhyun was more than that single image.

He perceived more than he lets on. One could say he had strong empathy, being able to read the energy of almost every situation.

And because of that he had built walls and safety measures, not just for him. But more than anything, for the people around him. It’s like that for him who’s one wish is that everyone would come to know true happiness.

Complex, might be the closest to the best description for this particular friend of mine. Unpredictable, open, yet principled and cautious.

To the world, Baekhyun is a shining star out of reach. Whose stature in life would not afford him anything simple.

But to us and more especially, I know to him, he is just Byun Baekhyun. Simply a boy who has dreams. Who wants a happy story to live for the rest of his days, and to share that happiness with those he loves.

 

It’s funny though. If I think of it, him and Joey had a lot of similar aspects though at the outset, they seem from opposite worlds.

 

While Baekhyun is an expert in spontaneity and performance, one could say Joey would be a master of writing down best the songs, the stories that spoke and soothed your innermost emotions probably better than anyone.  She might not be the type to draw immediate attention at parties, but she paid attention to almost every important detail. You see her smile, and your heart just feels safe. The way she advises you, and listens…the way she is as a friend: that warmth. It’s exactly what you can get just by reading the stories she tells you, whether it be read or sung.

Just like Baekhyun, she was not one to share her burdens as much as she could. Both of them could very well smile so wide to cope with the anxieties they sometimes struggled to defeat.

To me she was like a rock, the calming hand that could temper me when I was like a puppy lost in a storm. I was just a fan of her earlier works, who left my ramblings on the portals she used to share her work freely. And she was, and still is, the author who always tried her best to connect with her readers. She learnt from them, but most of all, they learnt from her as well. At least I know, that I surely did. I still am.

To the outside world, Joey is “just” a simple girl. But for us, she can be our rock to lean on for strength when tired, or she can even be like the Northern Star with her insight that can help us back on the right direction.

 

Little did we know, our professional aspirations would soon bring us fully into each other’s lives.  With an added bonus of four unique human bundles of joy whom we shared worries, laughs, stories and music with.

 

Both of them had their birthdays, today.

 

And I had absolutely nothing they deserve prepared.

 

Good thing, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo had helped me for these past days. At least, I had something.

 

I fumble underneath the blankets for the two small pouches that I had struggled to keep hidden from the two birthday celebrants every time they visited. I relaxed as I felt their fabric underneath my thighs, and smiled. I caught Chanyeol’s eye and he gave me a look that asked if everything was fine. I smiled and nodded slightly, as Joey was then busy with trying to tidy my messy hair up.  I start to feel anxious when I realized I had to give Baekhyun and Joey their gifts with the three of our other friends around. I racked my brain as I silently watched the boys busy with sorting the food and supplies that came. It's Kyungsoo who sees my usual worried expression that they all came to know.

As if on cue, the nurse and housekeeper came in, quieting down the commotion. But it was getting too crowded for any proper housekeeping to be done.

 

“Ah, we’ll take a step outside then,” came Kyungsoo’s calm offer. “I did forget a few more things. But Baekhyun can stay. Seems like Jinae could use some alone time with him and Joey.”

 

Without another word, he drags Jongdae who had caught on that I had prepared a little surprise for our two friends. He was beginning to whine, on why it seemed he was the only one who wasn’t celebrating his birthday but knew nothing of a surprise being prepared. Chanyeol, however, wordlessly pushed him along and outside the room.  Why didn’t I tell Jongdae? I guess I’d just have to make it up to him, with is birthday coming up next.

As the door clicked, first after Chanyeol and then after the nurse and housekeeper, I wasted no time.

 

“Surprise!!!” I said raising the two hand-knit pouches (that Kyungsoo made) towards Joey and Baekhyun. A yellow one for Joey. A grey one for Baekhyun.

“Jinae!”

“Waaah! Jinae!”

I was happy to see both of their surprised yet happy smiles as they slowly took the parcels from my hand.

“Happy birthday, you two,” I hurriedly say, covering my face as embarassment filled my every nerve. 

Giggles filled the room as I felt two pairs of arms wrap around me. I could only wish that I could hug them enough to tell them how grateful for them.

“I know I haven’t been the best person to be friends with,” I say while I held them, “But thank you. I was supposed to tell you both how much you mean to me right now, be mushy and alll that but I’m out of words. So…thank you both, for being…for everything. I promise…I promise I’ll get better and stronger…then, I’ll take care of you too.”

 

They didn’t respond but I could feel our shared hug get a bit firmer.

 

 

 

-----

 

I feel my body lull into sleep as our group sang tunes that we enjoyed over the years together, Chanyeol leaning back on the wall more relaxed now. With the last ounces of strength I had before sleep took over, I tug at both the sleeves of the two people who sat beside me. Two people whose lives I felt more blessed now to celebrate with. They both turn simultaneously to look at me, with their soft smiles that I had always cherished, and I let out a grin at them. I lift the back of my palms to rub a little of the sleep a way.

Still wearing the grin that I feel down to my bones I breathe out, “I know I’ve said it already, but thank you.” They only smile wider in return, as my thanks are turned into whispered chants because I couldn’t find any words to express how I felt. With the last bit of my consciousness floating, I feel someone tuck me in. Both held my hands while one my hair. I couldn’t tell anymore who did what or who left a small kiss on my temple. I still manage to smile at the warmth of it all.

 

I could fight another day because of family, because of them.

 

The soft voices of the boys all melted into a wordless melody that was soft and soothing. I recall what those pouches contained: a digital recorder which contained the songs I wanted to dedicate to them. Songs that we loved, songs that helped us remember our shared stories, songs that helped us express our feelings, songs that eased us through difficult times. Both collections had our little group's favorite songs, but also some songs that were for Baekhyun and Joey separately. Chanyeol helped me with a few ones that I dared write for the first time. You can say it’s like the mixtapes of the past…our little, “playlist”. Of course, I left a note inside explaining all that.

 

At that, I remember the last line of the last song I did place in both of the playlists. YUI’s Your Heaven.

 

Thank you for Power of Love. Your Heaven.

To my dear friends,

To my rocks,

To my stars,

To God's answer to my prayers,

To God's little big blessings in my life,

 

 

I will always be grateful for having you in my life.

 

I hope and pray only True Happiness for you, now and until the end of our stories.

I hope this playlist I built would give you strength, remind you of us, and tell you the things I failed to say here.

 

Happy Birthday <3 ^^

Love,

Your clumsy friend"

 

 

 

 

Happy Birthday to EXO's Man of Light: Baekhyun. I wish I could find the right words to say. I wish I could truly be a friend to a person  who gives people so much light.

and to my dearest jie @Black_Keys who has been one of the greatest people I could ever have been blessed to know.

 

Thank you for reading.