It hurt. It hurt a lot. Sometimes, YoungJae thought it hurt more than he was able to take. Love wasn't supposed to hurt, yet YoungJae couldn't label whatever he felt as something else, what else would make his heart fall out of rhythm and his mind go all crazy for someone other than love? If he could go back, and change a single thing, it'd be the moment when he realized he had different feelings towards YuGyeom. He'd like to blame it on the strange events after JinYoung and BamBam announced they were together-together as in you-better-knock-before-you-enter-the-bedroom-if-we're-sharing-it together. Their dynamics remained the same; however, there were small changes. BamBam, who used to be by YuGyeom's side 25/8, now stuck to JinYoung's side whenever the cameras weren't rolling, leaving the maknae alone behind, so YoungJae thought that he could keep YuGyeom company during those moments (the two of them were close, to be honest, but didn't pay much attention to their relationship inside the group besides their activities as GOT7).  Then, he found himself wanting to spend more and more time around YuGyeom. For some time, YoungJae assumed that YuGyeom felt the same way since he would look for him even when BamBam was around, and he would take the seat next to him when they were filming for their latest variety show.

 

The small moments became bigger, at least for YoungJae, to the point of staying late together, just enjoying each other's silent company in YoungJae's apartment when his brother wasn't around, or BamBam asked YuGyeom to leave for the night so he could have some privacy with his boyfriend. On some nights, they'd go out to eat in a small place downtown, or they'd buy all the useless things YuGyeom asked YoungJae from the nearest convenience store as well as the snacks for their movie marathon (like they did on that trip to Thailand); in the end, YoungJae wouldn't be able to stop laughing at YuGyeom's (mostly bad) jokes until his stomach hurt. It was the good kind of pain. He wanted to go back, to hear those lame wordplays, to those too-hot-to-go-out afternoons, to before he even noticed YuGyeom as more than just a friend.

 

~

 

Maybe it was the kiss they shared on a very drunk night, with everyone in the room, because of a stupid challenge in a spin-the-bottle game. It was BamBam's stupid idea, of course, since he had JinYoung on his lap (too close even for their normal hyung-dongsaeng thing), and making the rest of the people in the room miserable was the most fun he could have. YoungJae refused, his characteristic nervous open-mouthed giggle falling from his lips without his permission and didn't expect YuGyeom to roll his eyes while everyone, except for JaeBum and Mark, pressured them on. Mark leaned into JaeBum's ear; the leader nodded at whatever he heard as he looked at them disapprovingly.

 

"It's just a kiss, hyung, it's better if we get it over with," YuGyeom mumbled once they were face to face in the middle of the circle on the dorm's living room floor, "just close your eyes."

 

That was exactly what bothered YoungJae; he didn't want it to end so fast. He wanted to enjoy it; he wanted to cherish the moment. As soon as YuGyeom placed his hands on YoungJae’s neck and thigh, they didn't let him form a coherent thought. In the blink of an eye, their lips connected, and YoungJae screamed in the back of his mind when he felt YuGyeom's fingers sliding into his hair. That was probably his imagination, because in the next blink, the warm softness of his mouth was gone while a pair of kind eyes smiled at him, "See? Nothing happened," except it did, YoungJae's heart was so loud in his ears, his mind so fuzzy, his eyes suddenly became glassy, and he couldn't recall anything afterwards. JaeBum handed him an aspirin with water the next morning, explaining he passed out a few minutes after from downing two bottles of soju in record time, and something everyone called "the Incident" occurred.

 

"The what?" YoungJae hurt all over, it could be from sleeping on the bathroom floor, or maybe the hangover became worse after you turn 22, "Where's everyone?"

 

"Jackson and Mark went out to buy breakfast, BamBam and JinYoung, well, you know..."

 

"The incident, or whatever, right," YoungJae watched as he picked up the trash from the different surfaces to put them in a large bag, "and YuGyeom?"

 

"I'm not sure, JungKook came to pick him up earlier," JaeBum shrugged, "they probably went bowling or something."

 

"Agh," the main vocal managed to walk himself to the couch where he slumped on, "I'm never drinking with you guys again, man..."

 

"Is it because of your crush on YuGyeom?" being opposites, YoungJae looked shocked whereas JaeBum was simply disinterested, "Seriously, you should had seen your face when you were challenged by BamBam."

 

"No, what? No. No. No." JaeBum rolled his eyes, "No, man. Of course not!" the number of times YoungJae denied it gave JaeBum enough time to take the trash out, feed Nora, Kunta and Odd, find his phone, and even upload a new Instagram story for his fans.

 

"You done?"

 

"No."

 

"Listen, YoungJae-ah," the younger resembled a sad otter whenever his leader used that tone with him, "I don't mind, almost to an "I don't care", but you should know that YuGyeom is young, he's a baby, and you have different personalities. I'm not saying he doesn't like you, maybe he does, but try to keep it together for the group, okay? Because after what happened with BamBam and JinYoung, I don't think I'm going to have a break for a while so I need you to stay strong. I'm sorry."

 

"I will, thanks, hyung..." he gave his hyung a big smile, one of those that earned him the "Sunshine" nickname, "about that, what exactly happened between those two...?"

                                                                                                                      

"Just don't."

 

Not that YoungJae doubted it, but JaeBum was right. The group, more like JinYoung and BamBam, became so tense that the rest could literally see it, even YuGyeom took a bit of a distance from his best friend because he feared the Thai would snap at him. YuGyeom found comfort in the older, like before, with short hugs and long talks in the middle of the night. YoungJae felt happy, so happy he couldn't hide it, to the point where his brother questioned where all his sudden energy came from (since he used to spend his free afternoons playing games on his laptop). How was he supposed to say that he was going out, not as in dates, with his crush?

 

~

 

"YoungJae!"

 

"Yah, Kim YugGyeom, I'm still your hyung," YoungJae barely looked up from his laptop, "what do you want?" he didn't mean to sound so annoyed, but he was still trying to find inspiration to finish a song for their upcoming album and didn't have time for YuGyeom's antics.

 

"Let's go on a date."

 

Laughing was YoungJae's first reaction, very loud and obnoxious. He didn't know how to stop, either his laugh nor his heart racing in his chest, so he was still smiling when he realized YuGyeom's expression remained impassive. "What?" he swallowed thickly.

 

"It's Valentine's day, hyung," YoungJae's grin fell, "let's go on a date."

 

"Stop it, YuGyeom, I have to work," the maknae closed his laptop, "yah!" and pulled his hyung to his feet without much effort.

 

"We're even going to take a photo and upload it to Instagram!"

 

That's how he ended in a small restaurant with YuGyeom by his side, the table in front of them filled with different dishes, and the waitress kept on giving YuGyeom pretty eyes. She probably knew who they were because she didn't seem to mind how close they were acting, with YuGyeom pressing to his side as they fed each other. YoungJae was sure that if YuGyeom paid attention, he'd be able to hear the main vocal's heart thumping so hard. True to his words, YuGyeom took a picture of them that he posted on his Instagram account; YoungJae couldn't be more thrilled when he saw it once they were back home. They had such a good time that he started wondering if he should confess to YuGyeom, maybe it wouldn't be so bad, could he perhaps feel the same way?

 

But... what if he didn't? What if YoungJae pushed YuGyeom so far from him he'd lose his friend, bandmate, and dongsaeng forever? YoungJae felt the tears pricking the corner of his eyes at the simple idea of YuGyeom avoiding him or looking at him with pity. So, his feelings were pushed to the furthest depths of his mind, and heart, in order to save his friendship.

 

Just with being able to spend time with YuGyeom, YoungJae was more than happy.

 

That was... until it happened. YoungJae's worst fear (one not even YoungJae was aware he had) came true, right in front of his eyes, one day as they were getting ready to go out and perform for a music show. The leader was trying to get some sleep, JinYoung and BamBam had become a couple recently so they were huddled together on the couch, Jackson and Mark were playing on their phones, and YoungJae was warming his voice when YuGyeom crashed through the door, all attractive smiles and stunning looks. It took YoungJae a minute to notice the maknae's hand was holding someone else's; someone he pulled in as he always towards JaeBum. They knew who the person was, he was YuGyeom's best friend from another group, and they were used to their displays of affection. Although he was half way across the room, YoungJae didn't stop his vocal exercises, but kept an ear on their conversation. 

 

"JaeBum hyung," JaeBum arched an eyebrow at YuGyeom's tone, "I... We have to tell you something."

 

"You sure, Yug? I mean, maybe it's too soon..."

 

"Hush, Kookie," the boy pursed his lips, "I just wanted you to know."

 

"What, YuGyeom?" the older among the three pressed on, arms stretched out, trying to wake his numb limbs.

 

YoungJae's voice, that had been filling the room with a pleasing sound, cracked so badly everyone turned to him just as the words, "We're dating," left YuGyeom's lips. With wide eyes, YoungJae looked at every person that stared at him, before he clapped, laughing as if he was ecstatic for news to the point tears brimmed his eyes.

 

"Congratulations!"

 

After a whole minute of silence, cheers ensued.

 

~

 

"YoungJae hyung," YuGyeom's voice was the one he used when he wanted to get spoiled, "I'm hungry.”

 

"Oh?" he took off his headphones, figuring out what he was told by the movement of YuGyeom's lips, "Oh... sorry, Gyeom, I need to finish this so I can give it to JinYoung-PDnim tomorrow and see if it makes it into the new album."

 

"A new song?" YoungJae nodded, "What's it about? Our Ahgases?" he moved to sit next to YoungJae on the piano bench. They were in YoungJae's small recording room, YuGyeom avoiding JaeBum's after-practice hours in the dance studio; nonetheless, he still needed to wait for the leader to go back home, so he found a safety zone with YoungJae who could leave whenever he wanted.

 

YoungJae's reactions were never the fastest, nor the subtlest, but he managed to rip the pages from YuGyeom's fingers a split second before he could grab a hold of them. Shocked by YoungJae's behavior, YuGyeom tiled his head like a confused puppy, curious eyes fixed on YoungJae's face, "No, I mean, it's different. I wanted to try something new," he turned to stack the papers into his bag before he stood up in a rush, "I... I got to go see my brother, sorry, Gyeom, but you can keep on hiding here. See you tomorrow!"

 

Probably, in another timeline, he was the one YuGyeom fell for. But, in this one, the main reason why YoungJae kept his feelings hidden walked right in front of him as he escaped his company's building. His reflex was to beam at YuGyeom's current boyfriend, a tall, handsome, talented boy, who also happened to be his best friend. The kind of friend YoungJae would never be to him. Nothing more than just a hyung.

 

"YoungJae-sshi, is Yug there?" YoungJae nodded, pointing at the glass door behind him, "Thanks!" they bowed slightly at each other as they passed next to each other. 

 

YoungJae felt stupid, why couldn't his stupid heart understand that YuGyeom would never fall for him? The days they shared together were just good times as a friend, even that kiss, every moment in the concerts, in the recordings, in their everyday life. YoungJae was the one who believed they meant something else, it was all in his head, yet it hurt so much to see YuGyeom being happy with someone else. There was no way he could compete against someone like Jeon JungKook, starting from his height to his ability to ace in every little thing he did. It was useless, so why even try?

 

~

 

"The time of unrequited love is the happiest," reading that on one of his mangas, YoungJae slammed his laptop shut. He was done, done with love, with life, with YuGyeom.

 

"Oh? You're here?" his older brother had Coco in his arms as he walked out of his room, "I thought you'd be out with you boyfriend."

 

"He's not, and has never been, my boyfriend, thank you very much," he snatched his dog once he stood up. "Gimme my dog."

 

"Yah," his hyung rolled his eyes, "with that attitude, I can see why he was never your boyfriend."

 

"Shut up," Pressing his face into Coco's, YoungJae pouted; she only his cheeks, "I love you too, baby."

 

"She's the only one," his brother suddenly remembered something, "oh, wait, isn't this week supposed to be Mark's?"

 

"Oh, !"

 

Coco's shared custody was something Mark and he agreed on, she would spend a week with each, and most weekends with YoungJae since JaeBum's cats could be kind of mean towards his little girl. YoungJae arrived at 's dorm, entered the passcode, and called out for Mark as he took off his shoes. Coco wiggled her way out of his arms, barking loudly as she heard someone's footsteps coming near in the meantime.

 

"She already ate, but she's probably going to want some more in a little while..."

 

"Oh, I'll tell Mark hyung," YuGyeom's voice took him by surprise; he was distracted with his shoes to notice who was the one there earlier, "... You're leaving already?" YoungJae was supposed to take them off but ended up tying them up again.

 

"I just came to drop Coco off for the week," YoungJae explained, gathering the courage to look up at the maknae, "I have to go back to work on my new song."

 

"You're still working on it?"

 

"Yeah, it's lacking a lot," YuGyeom pursed his lips, "sorry, we should hang out soon, Gyeommie."

 

"Hyung..."

 

"Yeah?" YoungJae stopped at the door and turned a bit towards YuGyeom.

 

"I miss you."

 

"You've got JungKook now," the shorter one didn't mean to sound so mean, but his heart betrayed him, "I mean... you've also been busy, so..."

 

"I've been busy? You're the one who's been obsessed with that damn song of yours," YoungJae frowned, "don't blame it on me."

 

Rolling his eyes, YoungJae wanted to avoid a pointless discussion with the maknae, and just turned to the door. Part of him wanted YuGyeom to let him go; despite that, a small voice inside him begged to be stopped. He cursed inwardly; that was selfish of him, YuGyeom had a relationship with JungKook, which YoungJae had to respect. YoungJae should be happy because YuGyeom was happy. Of course, YuGyeom would never try to stop him, why would he? He was just a friend, YoungJae wasn't his stupid boyfriend. With a small farewell, YoungJae; who at sports, ran out. He kept on running, running, running, until his lungs, his feet, and his whole body hurt the same as his heart.

 

As soon as YoungJae put one foot inside his apartment, all the pain inside of him suddenly changed into something almost tangible, his eyes widened, and he ran to his room, straight to his desk where he kept his latop and musical sheets. He searched among the endless papers with scribbles on them until he found the one he was looking for, a crumbled page with the original version of the song he had been stuck on ever since he started spending time with YuGyeom. Finding a pen, he started writing furiously on it, as tears threatened to fall from his eyes the whole time, but he kept himself together. He kept himself together even when he presented it to J.Y.P. after sleepless nights and long days in the studio. YoungJae looked about to pass out once he left his CEO's office with green light to include it in their next album. JaeBum was the one to find him asleep in the corner of their practice room thirty minutes after; the leader barely rolled his eyes before he shook the main vocal awake to get him back to his place.

 

"I'll drive you, c'mon," slowly, YoungJae sat up, "what did he said about the song?"

 

"Do you even have permission to take a car?" his leader raised an eyebrow, clearly not amused by his words, "Ah, yeah. I have to give each of you a part..."

 

The two walked to the building's parking lot, taking the back exit, so the fans wouldn't see them leaving, and got into their manager's car. JaeBum stayed silent the whole ride since YoungJae passed out the minute they were on the way to his apartment. By the time YoungJae woke up, he was already in his bed, the clock showing it was past midnight. He searched for his phone all around him until he found it on next to his pillow, he opened JaeBum's chat, and sent him a "thank you" text. The next morning, they had early practice for their next comeback so he covered himself with his blankets, intending on getting some more needed sleep.

 

~

 

"The days I spend without you, they hurt so much, 

how did you and I end up like this? It hurts so much.

This is what I’m telling you,

I hope that you listen to this song."

 

A deep sigh left his lips as he finished singing the last verse of his song. His eyes shifted from his papers to the door's small window where he found a startled YuGyeom. Both let out a surprised yelp; one for being caught red-handed with his phone in hand, and the other because he was a scaredy cat. He threw the papers on top of the piano before he tossed the door opened in front of the maknae; who suddenly seemed shorter out of embarrassment.

 

"Yah! Kim YuGyeom, what are you doing?!" 

 

"I... JaeBum hyung asked me to come get you for practice!" YuGyeom's face only got a darker shade of red, and YoungJae had to consciously repress the need to touch his cheeks.

 

"Why were you filming me?!" YoungJae was sure his face was as red as YuGyeom's, and the whole situation was basically absurd.

 

"You were distracted and I wanted to post something for the fans!"

 

"It's my new song for the new album, idiot!"

 

"Oh..." YuGyeom took two steps back. "Help me, JinYoungie hyung!"

 

The older ran after the youngest all the way back to the practice room where they barged in; YoungJae literally hanging from YuGyeom's neck as he dug his elbow into the maknae's ribs as punishment. A begging YuGyeom, bit by bit, fell to the floor defeated with a laughing YoungJae on top of him. YoungJae rolled over to YuGyeom's side after he finished shaking the taller even when they were out of air from their giggles. JinYoung looked at BamBam, a small knowing smile on his lips, and his boyfriend only pressed a kiss to his knuckles. JaeBum and Mark shared worried stares, but Jackson only called out the two on the floor.

 

"I wanna play too!"

 

For a split second, YoungJae felt the same bliss he used to whenever he spent time alone with YuGyeom before it all fell apart.

 

~

 

"Yah, JaeBum hyung, YoungJae is asleep again!" YuGyeom complained for the nth time that day as he childishly pointed at YoungJae's sleeping figure on the practice room bench.

 

"Leave him, YuGyeom," JaeBum ordered the maknae; who just rolled his eyes. "Everyone take five!" the other four scrambled out of the room, in a rush to get water and food in their system, or in the case of the group's couple just to enjoy each other's presence as they watched the other two fight in front of the company's vending machine. JaeBum walked to the door once he shook YoungJae awake, giving him one last smile as he followed the rest.

 

"Hyung told me your song is done," YuGyeom took a seat next to the sleep dazed YoungJae after he had managed to sit up, "when will we hear it?"

 

"Soon, I think tomorrow or the day after," YoungJae's mouth opened widely in a long yawn, "why?" he stretched his numb limbs.

 

"It's a ballad, right? So, I... " the main vocal turned a bit towards the youngest because it was unusual of him to think twice before speaking, "I wanted to ask you to help me improve my voice."

 

"Why don't you ask JungKook?" YoungJae's voice wasn't harsh or hurt, like the last time he mentioned YuGyeom's boyfriend, it was a simple question.

 

"I broke up with him, so I'm kind of giving him space," it was a simple answer too. "We work better as friends. Besides, we barely had time to see each other."

 

"Oh."

 

Oh, indeed. YoungJae knew he was ed when his heart did a little backflip Jackson-style over the news that YuGyeom was single again, and that he ed up when he accepted to be YuGyeom's vocal coach until their next comeback.

 

~

 

"YoungJae," YuGyeom called him a few days later, YoungJae gave him a stern look, "hyung..."

 

"Yes, dongsaeng?"

 

The maknae rolled his eyes, "Did you break up with someone too?"

 

"Huh?" his hyung tilted his head to the side, like a lost puppy. "No, why?"

 

"The song, the lyrics..." YoungJae's heart hammered in his chest, he feared the day someone questioned him about the inspiration for his song. It was only worse because the source was sitting next to him in his small music room. "Who were they for?"

 

"It doesn't matter, YuGyeommie. They're just lyrics."

 

"Hyung, I know when you're lying, I promise I won't tell. Trust me."

 

"YuGyeom, really, it's not important. Let's go start again from the top."

 

"YoungJae hyung..."

 

"Seriously, YuGyeom, stop." It was YoungJae's last warning.

 

“it hurts so much,” the maknae quoted, “who hurt you like that, YoungJae?”

 

Aware or not of the fact that YuGyeom didn’t mean any harm, his lack of honorific was YoungJae’s perfect excuse to stamp his palm on the piano keys, creating a broken noise, before he stood up, “I might only be one year older than you, Kim YuGyeom, but you should show respect. If I tell you to stop, you just do it. No questions, no buts. We’re done here,” both were equally shocked because YoungJae had never spoken in such manner to YuGyeom. YoungJae’s initial intention was to storm out right as he finished his lecture, but YuGyeom seemed to have other plans. A hand pushed the door closed before YoungJae could even think of opening it, only to end up pressed against it with YuGyeom’s taller figure right behind.

 

“I mean it, hyung,” the maknae’s voice had lowered an octave, or maybe it was just too close to the main vocal’s ear, “who dared to hurt you? I want to know.”

 

“Why?” the question came from his heart, and YoungJae’s lips without his brain’s permission. “Why do you care about me so much out of nowhere?”

 

“What? I’ve always cared about—” when YoungJae turned to face him, the words were cut off by his hands as he pushed the maknae away.

 

“Save it, YuGyeom,” YoungJae bit his bottom lip too hard; he could almost feel blood. “I’m done with these games of yours.”

 

“What are you talking about, hyung?” YuGyeom looked utterly confused, “Seriously, you lost me.”

 

“I never had you, YuGyeom,” a deep frown appeared on the younger’s face, “that’s why it hurts so much,” with that, YoungJae didn’t even have to rush to leave the room since he knew YuGyeom wouldn’t stop him, just like the last time they argued, what was the point of running if he wasn’t pursued?

 

He was reaching the door to their practice room when a voice called him; he turned to find JaeBum walking up to him casually with the cup he usually filled with his mom’s yogurt. JaeBum’s gaze was fixed on his phone as he spoke, standing in front of the younger for a minute until he finished typing whatever, and took a step back when he saw the misty-eyed YoungJae. No matter how many years passed, JaeBum still got a bit awkward whenever he found s crying without knowing the reason for their sadness, making it harder for him to help or advise them since he respected their privacy. In a small panic, JaeBum handed YoungJae the cup with the word, “Whenever I feel sad, I drink it and feel better,” but he had never shared his mom’s yogurt with anyone, so YoungJae ended up shedding just one tear as he let out a little laugh because he felt touched by his leader’s clumsy attempt at comforting him. Out of reflex, YoungJae wrapped his free arm around JaeBum’s torso, leaning a bit into his shoulder, and sighed deeply when he was lightly hugged back.

 

“JaeBum’s a good leader,” JinYoung mumbled to his boyfriend and friends; who only nodded in agreement, “right, YuGyeommie?” the maknae had arrived a few seconds after them, just on time to start practice again.

 

“Mmh.”

 

~

 

Moving out of the dorm had never made YoungJae happier, not only because he was close to his brother, but because he could escape from YuGyeom as soon as their schedules were over. No awkward interactions in the dorm and no depressing efforts at pretending closeness at the company. Being in love , YoungJae would do anything to change his feelings towards YuGyeom, but sometimes when YuGyeom would still take the seat next to him on the plane, when the maknae would buy him something he actually wanted in a gift exchange, or when the others would joke about them being “YY Project” and YuGyeom smiled to himself was when YoungJae didn’t mind the butterflies fluttering in his chest. On a good day, the cute sunshine might even dare to say he liked them. YuGyeom respected his space, which YoungJae appreciated, and that was how life worked for at least two weeks. It happened one boring afternoon, YoungJae was wasting his time with videogames in his laptop, he checked his phone as a notification showed up on the screen from an incoming text; Mark explained that Nora had been in a bad mood the past few days so he was taking Coco back to him earlier than expected. If he were a selfish person, Coco would stay with him all time, but he knew how important she was to Mark too. Fifteen minutes later, a knock on the door reached his ears, so he slowly dragged his feet to open it; he was so tired that he didn’t notice the fact that Mark had his password code in case of a Coco emergency.

 

“Hi,” YoungJae let the door slip from his grip; it closed right on the newcomer’s nose. Had it not been because of Coco’s soft barks, he wouldn’t have opened it again. “Hey… Mark hyung asked me come drop Coco off because he’s busy practicing with Jackson hyung.”

 

“Oh… thanks, YuGyeom,” YuGyeom carefully handed Coco to his owner, “I guess you should you’re going back to practice too, right?”

 

“No, I was on my way to see JungKook,” the maknae’s eyes widened when YoungJae turned his head away from him with a nod, “It’s not—”

 

“It’s none of my business, YuGyeom-ah,” Coco’s eyes shifted from his owner to the taller boy in front of them, “you should go then.”

 

“I…” letting go of the door again, YoungJae walked back into the apartment to look for Coco’s leash. “Where are you going?”

 

“I’m taking her out for a walk,” with the plastic bags, keys and his cellphone in hand, YoungJae pushed his way past YuGyeom. Coco whimpered at YuGyeom, who stayed still in the same spot, as she tried to moved out of YoungJae’s arms. “Stop it, baby, he’s just going to stand there and do nothing like always,” YoungJae whispered and Coco blinked up at him after he cradled her instead.

 

YoungJae got away and, once again, YuGyeom let him go. Or so he thought until he was back with Coco around half an hour later and found the maknae asleep sitting down with his back to the wall next to his door. Before YoungJae could stop her, Coco quickly ran towards him, and the puppy woke him up with short to his face. The soft smile given to his baby by the maknae almost made the main vocal drop his phone because of the overwhelming need to just run to him, just like Coco did, that took over him. Slowly, he reached his door, pressing the password and pulling his keys to unlocked it, but this time he left it open. YuGyeom followed him in, without a single word, Coco happily dashed for her small bed in the corner of the living room.

 

“Weren’t you supposed to meet with JungKook?” was the first thing that YoungJae spoke after a minute of silence where he just arranged a few things in the kitchen.

 

“I told him I wouldn’t make it.”

 

“You should’ve gone home then,” YoungJae finally looked at YuGyeom; the younger stood awkwardly in the middle of the hall, “you’re just going to stand there?” an amused smile curved his lips, and YuGyeom stared at him for a while. “What?” he couldn’t help the nervous laugh that escaped him.

 

“I… I just haven’t seen you smile at me lately,” YoungJae’s cheeks flared up, finding it hard to form a coherent answer. “I like it… your smile,” YoungJae felt even more smaller now than he usually did with YuGyeom in the same room.

 

“Why are you still here, YuGyeom?” the situation was becoming too much for the cute sunshine; he just wanted to spend a boring afternoon with his dog, “It’s late.”

 

“I wanted to talk with you, but you kept avoiding me,” YuGyeom took unsure steps towards his hyung until he stopped only two away from him. “You never let me finish what I want to say—”

 

“What could you possible need to tell me now that you could wait at my doorstep instead of going after me?”

 

“Hyung—”

 

“No, no ‘hyung’, YuGyeom. I don’t care whatever it is, it’s okay, you can go already.”

 

“If you just listened—”

 

“No—” YoungJae had raised his hands in front of him to put a barrier between them, but YuGyeom only used him to his advantage when he grabbed his wrists to pull him in. The older’s eyes widened, a bit leaned back as he tried to keep some distance, and when his lips parted to complain, they were covered by the younger’s in a searing kiss. Somehow, YoungJae’s trembling hands managed to push the maknae away, tear-filled eyes looking everywhere but him. “Get out.”

 

“YoungJae hyung…”

 

“Get out. Now,” YuGyeom tried to touch him, yet YoungJae was faster at moving back, away from his hand. “Leave!”

 

YoungJae tried to escape, like on all the previous occasions, but that time… YuGyeom actually caught him. The main vocal resisted the embrace, fighting even when he was no match to the maknae for a minute, only to lean his forehead to the younger’s neck defeated. YoungJae didn’t want to cry; he had promised himself he wouldn’t cry over him again. “It hurts,” YuGyeom’s voice reached his ears once he had relaxed a bit, “it hurts that I can’t hold you like this because you keep running from me. It hurts that you won’t listen to me no matter how hard I try to tell you that I love you.I’ve had a crush on you for the longest time, I swear, you can ask BamBam, and for a moment, I felt like, maybe, you liked me back when you put up with my stupid childish behavior… but then JaeBum was all over you, always knowing you better than anyone else, and how could I compete with that?”

 

Furrowing his brows, YoungJae tried to process all the information, “What?” the furthest that he could reach before YuGyeom tighten his hold on him was barely enough to stare up at him, “Then, why did you date JungKook…?”

 

“Because I was sure you had no interest in me whatsoever, what else was I supposed to do? BamBam said it might help me get over you, that maybe it was for the best since you were too busy with your songs and JaeBum,” YuGyeom pressed his forehead to YoungJae’s, “if I had known that it would hurt you even the slightest, I would have never even thought of holding that idiot’s hand.”

 

“Poor JungKook…” YoungJae pondered to himself, feeling a bit guilty that YuGyeom had used his best friend in an attempt to get over him.

 

“Oh, don’t be sorry for him! He didn’t even like me that much; he just wanted to get over YoonGi hyung,” YuGyeom deadpanned with a shrug, “we’re still best friends, and we didn’t even .”

 

“You guys are gross!” YoungJae complained in a high-pinched tone, once again trying to slip from YuGyeom’s arms.

 

“We didn’t do anything, though?!”

 

“Still!” still, when YoungJae noticed the way YuGyeom leaned down towards his face, his mouth was ready to welcome other’s. The kiss was soft, unhurried, their mouths finally getting to know each other, unlike that rushed drunken kiss, their lips were able to enjoy one another in the clumsiest way ever. YuGyeom released his arms, and YoungJae’s hands slowly reached the maknae’s neck, as the younger’s rested on his hips. When the lack of air made their lungs ache a bit, it got them to break apart; however, YuGyeom nuzzled YoungJae’s cheek tenderly. Standing on his tiptoes, YoungJae was about to kiss YuGyeom again right when the front door slammed shut, and both jumped at least two feet from each other. They watched as Coco ran to greet his owner’s brother; YoungJae’s brother frowned at the scene of his younger brother sitting next to YuGyeom.

 

“Hey, guys,” YuGyeom quickly stood up to bow at him, “you’re staying over for dinner, YuGyeom-ah?”

 

“Oh! No, I’m sorry, I have to go back to the dorm because the hyungs are waiting for me,” he bowed again, “thank you anyways.”

 

YoungJae walked him to the door; he fidgeted as they stayed in silence outside his apartment. YuGyeom looked around; then, he wrapped his arms around YoungJae’s waist and left a kiss on his forehead. YoungJae blushed like mad, hiding in YuGyeom’s neck. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” was all they needed to make it through another night.

 

~

 

Sometimes it still hurt, a bit, how much YoungJae loved YuGyeom. It was hard to look away when the maknae looked at him like he put the stars in the sky, it was difficult to pretend that his existence didn’t affect him when the younger behaved like a lovesick puppy, and it was almost impossible not to fall deeper for YuGyeom when he confessed how head over heels in love he was for YoungJae. Every now and then, YoungJae would find their leader smiling at them, almost like a proud father, and Mark would wink playfully at him, while Jackson only advised them to be not become like JinYoung and BamBam. His song made it into their album, YoungJae couldn’t feel prouder of himself, much more when YuGyeom kissed his temple when they finished filming their stage for “Sick.” Love wasn’t supposed to hurt, YoungJae acknowledged that, but it wasn’t a mistake if it did; that only meant it was real. YuGyeom’s fingers slipped between his own on their back to the dorm, holding them in the tightest grip, and even though YoungJae didn’t live there anymore, no one questioned the reason for his renewed attachment to the place. YoungJae decided then that maybe he should start working on a new song about YuGyeom.