He knows it.

He knows he have feelings for the youngest on the group. He just knows it from the time he laid eyes on the boy and he smiled at him. Pure, genuine smile that makes his eyes curves like a cresent moon. Cliché.

 

He feels it.

He feels the tension whenever the younger is around. It doesn't made sense that they're actually roommates so he tries hard to either sleep first or sleep later just to make sure he's not going to be face-to-face one-on-one with the maknae.

"What's wrong hyung?" The younger asked as he tried to quickly wrap his whole body with the blanket when the door of their shared bedroom opened.

"Nothing, just need to sleep. We need to be early tomorrow" said the leader.

"Why in a rush? Indeed, a leader." Donghan made a soft chuckle and clears his throat.

"Hyung, I- uh-" Donghan pursed his lips. The other was still under the blanket.

"Taehyun hyung, can I- uh- talk to you?" Said the younger with fidgeting hands, fingers playing with each other.

Taehyun wanting to avoid the situation faked a snore which is a bad thing.

"Hyung, you know you don't snore when you sleep" said Donghan.

Taehyun grunts.

"Come on hyung. You're acting weird lately."

"Must be the tight schedule" Taehyun said flatly.

"Don't give me that. You're only acting different with me"

Taehyun almost choked on his own saliva as he tries to comprehend a best way out for this.

"Are you angry with me hyung? You keep on avoiding m-"

"Cut the crap. I'm not avoiding anybody" Taehyun dismissed Donghan. "Now, please let me sleep"

"Okay. I think, I'll be sleeping in Kenta hyung's room for tonight, since it seems like you don't want me here." Said the tall one.

Taehyun quickly unwrap himself from the blanket and grabs Donghan's hand before he leaves the room. Pushing the latter to his own bed which he was rewarded by a soft laughter.

"Don't bother Kenta, he's already asleep for goodness' sake. Now, lay on your bed. Close your eyes and sleep!" The leader said while pushing the makne on his bed.

"Then sleep with me hyung" the maknae stares directly at Taehyun's eyes which sent cold shivers to the latter.

"Gross. Watch your words kid." As he tries to stand up to go to his own bed and die.

 

He conceals it.

This might be his forte. Concealing what he truly feels. Looking away when Kenta and Donghan vlings to each other. Trying to laugh it away when Donghan is being touchy with other members. Ignoring Donghan when the maknae tries to touch him or hug him. He's good at it. That's one thing. The other thing is that he is hurting.

Sometimes, it's just too hard to bear. The pressure of being the leader of the miracle group. The pressure of being the one who must be experienced as he debuted before. It all combines with the unwanted feelings for the maknae. These are times he will excuse himself to the bathroom and just slaps himself to the reality that it is impossible.

 

He snapped.

One night when he came home drunk. He just needs to unwind and set his spirit free with alcohol drowning on his system.

Nobody is at home and it's perfect.

Kenta is in Japan, Longguo is in Choon entertainment to discuss his future plans with Shihyun or with a group. Hyunbin is at a training for his upcoming runway fashion show. He can't recall where is Sanggyun and his schedule and Donghan's as his head buzzes like he wants to puke.

Tolbi and Rcy meowed at him in confusion.

"Well at least you're here with me" he smiles to the cats.

"Aaahhh long day and now I'm alone and free." He slouched on the couch and slowly drifting off to dreamland when he heard a door open, he snapped awake as he swear he is alone and the sound is inside the house and not the main door.

Carefully standing up, wide eyes, sensitive of any sound, he checks the every corner of the living room and there he see Sanggyun leaving his shared bedroom with Kenta.

"Damn it I almost got a heart attack" Taehyun said while holding his chest, rubbing it.

Sanggyun chuckles "sorry hyung, didn't know you were there. Gotta go, I'll be at the studio for my mixtape" he waved goodbye as he rushes to the door.

Taehyun sighed as he tries to sit down and decided that a cup of water will be the best for now.

Instead, he found himself drinking another can of Hite beer again in the kitchen. Thinking about his life decisions and why it has to be Donghan.

He is on his 2nd can as a hand tried to grab his beer from his hand.

"How dare you?" He said, eyes droopy.

"No. How dare you to drink alone?"

He knows this voice. A familiar voice he hates to hear. He stayed silent.

"Are you angry hyung? Come on I'm just joking, here's  your beer" Donghan made his way to sit on the opposite side of Taehyun, handing him the beer.

"Nah. Take it. I'm not in the mood anymore. I'm going to sleep"

"Don't try to ignore me this time Hyung. Honestly." He said as he put the beer down on the table.

"Nonsense." Taehyun smirked as he stood up, takibg his way to his room.

Maybe he forgot that he shares a room with Donghan. Blame the alcohol.

As he opens the door, he can feel a push on his back and he just realized he is pinned on the door when it was closed.

Eyes widen, he asked "what are you doing now Donghan, let me through"

He puts his hands on Donghans shoulders to push him but as a drunk state, he tries to no avail.

Donghan puts his two hands on either sides of Taehyhun's head and stares at him intently.

"There is something wrong Hyung, I know it. I can feel it. I'm not insensitive. Do you hate me?"

Taehyun feels his choking up. Will he say yes? He hate him for being this kind, good-looking man and he fell for him but it is impossible because he knows he loves Kenta? Or would he say no, but with the same excuse? He's panicking he doesn't know what to say. Eyes looking everywhere but Donghan.

"Amswer me Hyung"

"I- i-" Taehyun looked at Donghan's eyes. which was a mistake "there's nothing wrong Donghan, and I don't hate you" he managed to say it without kissing the kid thank you very much.

"Then why are you avaoiding me?" Donghan sounds hurt.

"No I'm not." The leader look away.

"Yes you are. Look at me."

He didn't.

"Did I do something wrong? Please tell me. I'm close to losing my mind."

Donghan's hands are now on Taehyun's shoulders shaking him a bit that makes him more dizzy and irritated.

"FINE! FINE! YEAH. I HATE YOU. I DON'T KNOW WHY BUT I HATE MYSELF BECAUSE I SHOULD HATE YOU BUT THIS ING MIND OF MINE KEEPS SAYING OTHERWISE AND THIS ING HEART OF MINE ACHES AND BEATS SO DAMN FAST WHEN YOU'RE AROUND AND THAT'S NOT NORMAL JUST PLEASE LET ME LIVE" Taehyun not really shouted but his voice raised a bit and everyone know he could win the annyeong cleopatra game.

Donghan is still looking to Taehyun digesting everyword.

"Does this mean, you- you actually like me?" His lips curved into a smirk.

"Yes. No. Maybe. I don't know. Let me through."

"Oh god Taehyun hyung, you're so cute." Donghan hugged the leader and whispers to his ears "you don't know how you made me happy hyung."

"What? The? ? What?" Taehyun said.

Donghan said nothing as he let go of Taehyun and look at him in the eyes again, smiling.

"I like you too hyung."

"Excuse me? I thought you like Kenta?"

"Kenta is like my bestfriend and it's fun to make fun of him, but that's just that."

"Okay. I think this is just the effect of the alcohol so yeah. Goodnight"

Taehyun tried to push Dongan away but the maknae seems to have other plans for tonight as he catches Taehyun's lips with his and smiles at the kiss.

"I've always wanted to know how does it feels like to kiss you and how you taste." Donghan smirked, and Taehyun is as red as his hair now.

It is going to be a long night and I will leave it to your imaginations what happened next.