It was the usual morning and Younghyun is awoken by his alarm clock. Strangely, he felt the weigh on his arms lighter when it should be heavy with the head of his lover. He opened his eyes lightly, enough to look at his side but he is not there. Did he woke up early? It’s not possible though, he doesn’t usually wake up early, there were even times when he have to drag him to shower, he would sometimes put them into trouble by getting late to their classes, what’s worst is even exams are not an excuse too but today is not the same. Today doesn’t feel the same. He dragged himself outside his room and looked for his lover, maybe in the shower but its quiet, in the living room but there’s no one there or maybe he is in the kitchen. He approached the kitchen and saw types of food cooked for him, he smiled.

He noticed two notes for him, one says, Reheat them first if it’s gone cold. He read the second note then his smile disappeared. I’m sorry but I’m breaking up with you. I’m really sorry. He read the letter over and over and over again until he realized what’s going on. He quickly ran back to his room, checked their closet and his clothes are not there anymore he then grabbed his phone, quickly calling him. Twice, thrice, again and again and again. Maybe more than fifty times but the answer is the same, this number does not exist. How come? They were talking on the phone yesterday so he could fetch him. They were talking happily yesterday. They were still together before they slept so how come? Why did this happen? What did he do? Nothing really happened yesterday. Nothing.

He searched him anywhere. He asked his friends but they also don’t know where he is, his family also said the same thing but he feels like they are lying at him, everyone’s lying at him. A day later he found out that he withdraw from school and now its been a month. There are times he would try to look for him, he would visit the usual places they go, cafe, library and the park but still he is not there and he will never be there. It took him long to accept the truth but one day he decided to never find him again and never go back to those places again. He tried to live a normal life without the person he loved and still the person he loves but there are just strange nights, when he feels like he’s back at those days when they were together. It could be a dream but there are times that it would feel so real because the sensation will always be left in his hands, sometimes on his lips and moreover, deeper in his heart.

[Present]

“I..” Wonpil let out a word. “I missed you too, I missed you so much” He stared deeply on Younghyun’s eyes, so sincere it almost blinded him. He avoided Wonpil’s gaze.

“Don’t say that” rage is suddenly felt deep within his heart. He is so afraid that he might fall all over again, he doesn’t want his heart to break again, it’s enough already, he can’t take it anymore. One more word and he might kiss him, hug him and never let him go. The other realized the weigh of what he just said and take his gaze away. Wonpil is contemplating now if he should say his reason for leaving or not, this is the only chance, since we are already here, since we met unexpectedly like this, I should tell him why I left but please don’t let this be the last time I could see him. Wonpil took a deep breath before starting to say a word.

“I..” He started again but Younghyun interrupted.

“Please, don’t say anything. I beg you” He’s surprised of what he heard, he looked at the pleading eye that’s starting to get teary again. But I have to tell him now, if its not now when will I get a chance?

“Have you ever felt like everything that has happened was a dream? I mean like this is what’s dream and the dream is the real one?” They held each other’s gaze again. “I.. always felt that way, its always like that. Everyday is like a torture, I almost thought I’m going crazy, I’m trying so hard to forget you but everytime it happens I keep remembering how much I loved you, that I still love you so please..” Younghyun choked up on his words, his tears started to fall and it doesn’t stop. He is getting mad to himself, he is hating himself for being an idiot whose easily triggered by his words. He gulp, he tried to control his emotions until he managed to continue “If you don’t want me back, don’t look at me the way you’re looking at me now, don’t cry in front of me ever again and don’t say you miss me like it’s just a meaningless word. I beg you” tears formed on Wonpil’s eyes because it hurts, it hurts him so much but that doesn’t mean Younghyun’s right.

“I don’t, it’s not meaningless. I meant it.” He substantiate. How could he think it’s meaningless? I know I hurt him but I never lied. Actually, if there is something similar to this couple, it would be they are both honest to each other, they can’t keep secrets from one another and they would always say what they feel. This day is just like those days but the only difference is they are not together anymore.

“I’m not asking you to trust me again, I know I don’t have the right to say anything at you but I do too feel the same. It was always the same, a month after I broke up with you, it feels like my reality is dream and my dream is reality. You were always there. There is this sensation when I wake up. It feels like I was really with you so even when I already miss you to death I’m missing you more. I thought it’s my guilt for breaking up with you by not saying my reason so I let the dreams torture me and let me suffer. I tried my best not to come here but in my dream.. hyung, you were there.”