Tell your goodnight to the light and close your eyes
There's a better place for you than to stay awake
You'll get closer to a paradise of dreamers in love
You'll get better like heaven has done something

“You should sleep,” a quiet voice interrupted my thoughts as I stared at the Seoul skyline from the balcony of my unit. It’s been awhile since I basked in the view of the city, having spent a lot of my free time into the opening of my new café and bowling alley at Jeju Shinhwa World.  I wanted to be there for the opening, so we were fixing everything even the night before the opening. It was a good thing I had my friends with me to help with some of the details. It was also the perfect time to say my goodbyes before I left for my enlistment. That night was filled with food, laughter and hugs. I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

I turned my focus back to my phone where the owner of the voice was looking at me, slightly smiling. I smiled back, doing my best memorize the way she looked at the moment, with her hair slightly tousled, her  lips turned upward with a smile, and her eyes looking bright with unshed tears. 

“It’s still early Dee, it’s barely midnight. I’m just halfway through my usual day,” I answered, reminding her that I usually slept in the early hours of the morning and got up after lunch. 

“I know. But your day starts early tomorrow. It’ll be different starting tomorrow. You need to get used to your new schedule, you know, “ she responds, her eyebrows slightly furrowed. What I would give to smoothen that space and erase any worries she has. But alas, she was more than 3,000 miles away at her hotel room in Bangkok, while I was here in Seoul. 

It’s the night before my enlistment, and even though she has been at Bangkok for  seven days now, and even though her work was done and she could have caught a flight back to Seoul tonight, I told her not to. Instead, we’ve been at the phone for hours, laughing, talking. Talking about anything under the sun. 

We started with telling each other about how our past week was like. I told her about the flower chandeliers that seemed to be a big hit at the café. I told her about that Seungri has been calling me every night, asking for advice on his upcoming album. I told her that mom and dad seemed fine, but Dami noona was being emotional the past days. Calling me out of the blue, telling me I needed to eat, to sleep, to take care of myself. 

She told me about the shoot she did with Mario, and that she bought me some elephant pants that I absolutely needed to wear the next time we see each other. She told me about the exotic cuisine - “bug and scorpions Jiyong! On stick! Like our fish cake here! But I didn’t dare eat it”  -  she found along the street while she was strolling with her Thai friends. She told me that there was an offer for her to go to Russia at the end of March for the showing of her movie and I told her she should go. 

We talked about a lot of things. Everything except what will transpire tomorrow. 
And now we were both silent, staring at each other through our screens. But it wasn’t the uncomfortable type of silence. I was completely content just staring at her face, knowing that it would be awhile before I got to see her again.  

“What would it take for you to consider sleeping, hmmm?”  she asked quietly.

“I don’t know. Just keep talking to me. I’ll fall asleep eventually. “

But she didn’t speak. Instead, the tip of her finger touched the screen ever so slightly, moving in a weird pattern all over. What was she doing? I used my own finger to follow the pattern of hers, and she laughed at my antics. 

“What are you doing Ji?”

“I should be asking that question, what are you doing?”

“I was tracing your face, your brows, your eyes, your lips, wishing I was there right now in person, with you,“ a small sob escaping from her.  I knew what was coming. She’s held it in since I called her hours ago, but I think the dam’s about to break. “Why won’t you let me come home Ji? Why can’t I be with you before you left?  I haven’t seen you in seven days.”

I was about to answer that we video-called every night but she cut me off. 

“No, don’t tell me we see each other through Facetime every night because it’s not the same. It’s not the same Ji.” 

And there go the tears. . Maybe it was a mistake making her stay there in Bangkok. 

“It’s not the same because I can’t hold your hand. I can’t randomly hug you from behind. I can’t hear your voice spouting random lyrics and melodies. I miss you so much. And the worst thing is, when I come home tomorrow, you won’t be there.”  

She was really crying now, and there was nothing I could do but wait until she started to calm down. The guilt was eating me up inside, and when her sobs turned to sniffles, I immediately apologized. 

“I’m sorry Dee. It was selfish of me right? I didn’t think about how you would feel tonight, and especially tomorrow when you come home. I’m sorry baby girl.” This time it was my turn tracing the shape of her face, wishing that I was with her to dry her tears and assure her that it would be alright. 

After a few more minutes, she stopped crying. Heaving a big sigh, she smiled sadly at me, her eyes puffy with all the tears she shed, “No, I’m sorry. I’m the selfish one. You’re the one who has to deal with a new environment. You’re the one who will meet new people, and undergo rigorous physical training. I’m sorry Ji. I didn’t mean to make you feel guilty. Don’t think about me okay? Focus on your training.”

“It would be