Jaebum sat on the porch of the old mansion, the music coming from the inside making his head pound.

Some random girls he'd never seen before walked past him, smiling and giggling all at once, making him search for the cigarette pack he had in his military jackets front pocket.

He stared at the jacket and snorted, knowing it was gonna be torn and dirty by Monday.

"Can I have one?"

He lit up his smoke when a husky voice interrupted his chain of thought. He didn't want to look up nor even acknowledge the stranger but the way he pronounced his Korean made Jaebum slant his eyes for a second too long.

"You Chinese?"

The guy let out a tired laugh and sat down, Jaebum flinching by the action and by their proximity.

"Yeah. How'd you know?"

Jaebum decided to look up then, the grasshoppers slowly drowning out the slow ballad coming from the inside.

"It's just your.."

The guy didn't look anything like he'd imagined him too. A little shorther than him, with skin that glowed under the flickering light of the porch lamp. His lips were something else though, plump and big and wet.

Jaebum felt a tingling inside his chest and coughed to make it go away. It didn't make him go away though.

"My what?"

The guy blinked and Jaebum felt his breath getting caught in his long lashes.

"Nothing. So.. why are you here?"

The brunette took a drag from his cigarette and coughed a little, making Jaebum smile for the first time that night.

"I'm starting my duty on Monday. I'm guessing they need me here or want to send me out to Vietnam next month."

Jaebum nodded and took a drag, eyes caught on the two lonely cars in the distance. He wondered if he'd ever get to drive one.

"I'm Jackson by the way."

Jackson smelled like orange peels and a spice he always tasted the strongest when his aunt made Chinese on her birthday.

"Im Jaebum. Pleasure to meet you."

He caught the boys hand a bit sooner than the other'd expected and the both of them chuckled quietly. Jackson didn't let go of his hand for a almost a minute and Jaebum felt his cheeks tinge the same tone as the Chinese flag.

"The pleasure is all mine."

Jackson smiled coyly and with that he took another drag of his cigarette, trying to smother the blooming feeling in his chest. It didn't work.

 

*

He finds Jackson on the porch two hours later, playing mindlessly with his military hat as if he had nothing better to do at a party full of girls in their finest form.

"Still here?"

Jackson's smile is visible from a mile away and so are the stars from the Chinese flag that are stuck in his eyes when their gazes meet.

Jaebum coughs but he feels like suffocating anyway.

"Yep. I kinda don't know how to get home from here. Jinyoung, the guy with the car, already left and Yugyeom can't drive his. Just brought it here to impress girls."

Jaebum snorts but stays put in his spot near the door while Jackson sits on the stairs. Jaebum longs to see him up close.

"That's Yugyeom for you."

Jaebum chuckles and Jackson turns around to stare at him accusingly.

"You know him?"

Jaebum's eyebrows knit together and he takes a few tentative steps closer. Jackson squirms in his seat. Jaebum's stomach feels as queasy as when he eats his aunts foreign food. Even queasier, if he thinks about it.

"Yeah, he's from my neighbourhood. We grew up together. Well.. I helped him with his homework and he kinda just never left me alone."

Jackson giggles like the girls he saw earlier yet the sound is endearing and Jaebum doesn't know why.

"I've known him for three months now. He's the one who tought me Korean."

Jaebum takes a few more steps and now he's standing behind him and the smell of cigarettes and alcohol gets overpowered by that orange. He gets a sudden urge to run his fingers through his hair and shakes his head to make it stop. It starts spinning instead.

"You might want to sit down. The soju they had was pretty strong."

Jaebum nods and wavers towards the stairs, almost falling down next to him. Jackson's hand goes around his bicep to keep him steady and stays put for the next ten minutes. Jaebum feels sweat forming on his lower back and blames it on the alcohol.

The next half an hour is spent smoking and talking about the economic situation in Korea and China. Jaebum doesn't know why but watching Jackson speak is mesmerizing. And he doesn't want him to stop.

He does stop however when a lonely yawn escapes his mouth and leaves him embarrassed.

"Sorry. I'm kinda tired. Do you.. maybe.. I mean can you send me home?"

Jaebum feels his stomach do somersaults and wonders why it never did that during his first dance with Ahn Jiyeon. Or during his first kiss with Song Seunghee. Or during his first time with Kwon Seungyeon.

"Yeah.Yes..yeah."

Jackson giggles at his response and Jaebum hides his face in his sleeve, pretending to yawn as well.

"I'm just gonna go tell Youngjae that were heading off."

Jackson nods and Jaebum forces his feet to move.

 

*

 

"Okay so this is me."

Jackson smiles and doesn't look half as exhausted as Jaebum feels. Five miles shouldn't be a lot for a man in his best years but is when the man in question is drunk and more in love than ever.

Jaebum doesn't use that word even in his mind. It doesn't feel right. Shouldn't feel right.

"I hope I didn't bore you."

He smiles a bit more shyly than he intended to, Jackson's grin back at him anything but demeaning. Jaebum lets out a sigh of relief and steps closer.

"No. I'm actually a bit sad you have to go.."

Jaebum feels the blood rushing to his face and to a part in his lower body that he'd really like to ignore.

"I don't! I mean.. I do but I'd like to stay for a little while longer."

Jackson smiles and Jaebum can see the tips of his ears turning bright pink. He grabs Jacksons bicep and they step inside. Jaebum's lungs are about to collapse.

 

*

Jackson makes a point of telling Jaebum about every book in his shelf, stating that he hasn't read half of them but that Jinyoung has to believe he has. Jaebum laughs until his cheeks quiver and until the clock says 5 am.

"I wish you didn't have to go."

Jackson's pouting at him as Jaebum puts his jacket back on. He wants to stay but knows that Jacksons roommate, Kunpi..something would look down upon it. Maybe he wouldn't but Jaebum's scared he himself will.

"Maybe if you convince me hard enough, I'll stay?"

Jackson lights up like a christmas tree Jaebum's seen in old Western newspapers and it takes his breath away.

"Alright, If you stay I promise I'll give you the bed and I can sleep on the floor and I'll make you breakfast and--"

Jaebum stops the smile on his face and Jackson's tirade.

"Fine. I'll stay."

Jackson bounces on him, arms dragging around his neck and hugs him tighter than Jaebum ever thought was possible. He takes a swiff and feels the orange flood his brain with images Jaebum is not proud of. Jackson stills in his arms and Jaebum pries himself away to look him in the eye.

His eyes flicker back and forth on Jacksons's face and he bites his lip not to do anything crazy. Like kiss him. Like caress him. Like make him feel like he's the first person he's ever fallen in love with and it's only been hours since he met him.

"I'll only stay if you promise to sleep next to me."

Jackson nods, his brown eyes stuck on Jaebum's lips and Jaebum feels his fingers clutch the others nape on their own accord. Feels himself pull him forward, until their noses brush and their breaths mingle.

It's quiet, save for the beating of their hearts and Jaebum feels the electricity running up and down his spine when Jacksons's thumb finds his bottom lip. When Jacksons whole body presses against his own.

"Can we.. can we wait for a little while longer?"

He wants to grab Jackson and claim him. Wants Jackson to writhe underneath, wants his lips red and his neck purple. Yet his brain wants something other than his heart.

"Yeah. Yeah sure."

Jackson removes himself from him, stuttering and out of breath. Jaebum feels a tinge of guilt in the pit of stomach. Knows it'll grow into a big ball of regret if he doesn't let himself go.

"I'll go get a shower and then, yeah?"

Jackson's fallen smile is back again and Jaebum feels his shirt tighten around his body, feels his skin itch and not by the rough fabric of the button up.

"Yeah."

*

He gets back from the shower to a sleepy Jackson, wearing nothing but his birthday suit.

"I'm glad you waited up."

Jackson wiggles his eyebrows and throws away the covers. Jaebum feels his heart in his throat as he steps closer, legs heavier than led.

He reaches the bed and then Jacksons hand reaches for him, grabbing him forward by the nape, fingers splayed over the line of hair on his navel.

Jaebum feels his muscles quiver as Jackson tastes more like want than orange peels. Tastes like something Jaebum has been missing for an entire eternity.

Their lips crash and Jackson lets out a moan and Jaebum hopes that Kunpi-something is already asleep.

Jackson's hands crawl needily all over his torso and pull him forward by his waist. Jaebum sees the stars on the Chinese flag inside his own closed eyelids.

"Wait, wait.. Go to the kitchen and get me some olive oil. Hurry, please!"

Jaebum doesn't want to stop kissing him. Doesn't want to stop feeling like he should have felt for the longest of time.

He complies.

Rushing to the kitchen takes five minutes, his feet stuck behind his fast paced brain. And when he gets back to the room twenty minutes later, butter in hand, Jackson is already sound asleep. And so is his heart that's sitting sadly in his sleeve.

 

*
"Jae...Jaebum?"

He's sitting on the train playing cards with Youngjae, waiting to arrive to his future, when a voice startles him out of his thoughts. He hopes he's crazy. Hopes that this stupid kid hasn't come back to tug at his heart.

He looks up to see big brown eyes staring at him with relief and Jaebum feels his heart clench. Feels tiny butterflies take flight in his stomach.

"Jackson."

He tries to look stoic. To not give away anything he feels. Jackson can read him better than he can read himself though

"Can we talk?"

He seems anxious. Ready to kiss him breathless. Jaebum isn't ready to get lost in him again.

They reach the back of the train and hover out the door, the air giving him goosebumps. Not Jackson and his scent. Not the way he's looking at him. Definitely not.

"Where did you go? Why didn't you wake me up?"

Jaebum feels himself swallow hard. Feels Jackson's fingers curl around his wrist and his anger crumble.

"I didn't... Jackson I don't need this right now."

The boy looks hurt. Looks nothing like he did that night. Jaebum swallows hard as the fingers leave his wrist.

"If I.. If I let you get close to me you'll hold me back."

Jackson quirks his brow and Jaebum sighs. He feels eyes on them now and lowers his voice.

"Jackson. If we do this I can't go there. I can't risk the thought of losing you."

Jaebum feels his jaw clench as the words leave his mouth. He wants to scoff. It's been five days since he's known him. It feels like a century though. Like a lifetime.

Jackson's breath hitches and he grips his wrist again. Tighter now.

"If we do this I have the whole world holding me back from going there. I don't.. I don't want to think about losing it."

He catches his fingers before they could caress his face.

"Jaebum..."

Jackson doesn't say a word then. Takes him out of the train to stand in the wind and in the danger.

"Let's do this."

Jackson smiles and pulls him forward. Buries his fingers in his hair and his tongue in his mouth. His whole being under his skin as Jaebum feels it tingle all the way to the next stop.

They do it.

They run.

And Jaebum realizes his world isn't falling apart. After all it's right there beside him.

 

 

 

****

the ending is a bit .. meh? but i didnt want a sad ending and i didnt want to write like a full 12k fic (cause i can only write 100k lmao) 
i hope its okay? if theres any historical mistakes then thats on me (sorry)