I don’t see color. It’s as simple as that. Well, I do see color, but I know they aren’t the correct ones. For example, to others, they describe red as fiery and the mood of anger—I only see a dull color that does not seem to have any sort of emotion to it. I know that it doesn’t look like that, but it’s not like I know what any color is. However, as I pass through YG Entertainment, I will occasionally see colors much more brighter and more vivid, but for some reason, that only happens to me when a group of people pass by. I do not know who in the group gives me the sudden burst of correct colors, as there are more than ten of them passing at once.

I know what this is. It means I have yet to truly meet my soulmate. I do not quite understand why it works like this, but I do know how it works. If you are near your soulmate, you will briefly be able to see colors (though not to the fullest), that is until you are no longer near one another. If you have met and realized they are you soulmate, you will fully be able to see the “correct” colors at all times. It’s strange how it works, I know. I mean, I suppose I should just be happy I know I have a soulmate. Some people go their whole lives without ever nearing their soulmate.

A layer of perspiration coats my skin, my chest heaving up and down heavily. I’m used to this though; having to wait more than five minutes to calm my breathing, only to push myself even harder afterwards. I work like said because of a reason some would consider selfish: I want attention, but not for the reason some may think. I want to become the dancer that helps others, but I also want to garner my soulmate’s attention. So far, I’ve helped over twenty people. I have yet to meet my one and only.

I suppose I don’t have it terrible though. I personally feel bad for our beloved idols. The stylists (who are allowed to have their job only after meeting their soulmate) pick what colors must be beautiful and vivid. To think that idols will have to go almost their entire career without ever knowing the true color of their hair and clothing. Not to mention the colors of their lightsticks and the stages they perform on.

After two more hours of dancing to the best of my ability, I finally decide to call it a night: backup dancers for Blackpink have to be in the dance studio by 7:30 AM. I walk through the dull hallways and to my car, mind trailing off to the thought of how different YG Entertainment will look after meeting the one. Maybe it’s wrong of me to think that way, but I can’t help it. Who would want to live a life without color? Especially when you near your soulmate everyday?

Before I am able to leave the building, more of the backup dancers preparing for Blackpink’s debut run up to me, breathing heavily while doing so. I look at them with wide eyes, slightly shocked. “What is it?” I question, tilting my head to the side.

“YG-nim called us for a last minute dance practice.”

“Yeah, and it’s probably to see who needs to be replaced,” another dancer adds on, their face filled with worry.

“If you’re worried about that, don’t be. You’re an amazing dancer. Now, enough chit chat, it’s last minute for a reason.” I say, breaking up the conversation and hurrying over to the practice room.

 

Once we reach the practice room, I’m greeted by other dancers who look very confused by the last minute dance practice. I see a group of the dancers gathered around, huddled up with their arms around one another, clearly worried about what this is for. Confused and slightly worried myself, I walk over to the choreography instructor. Clearing my throat, I ask, “What’s going on?”

“To be honest,” they start. “I don’t really know myself. I do know that we’ve been waiting over an hour for YG-nim to get here, but so far we haven’t got much information. He’s never this late, the worst he’s been is five minutes.”

Just as the choreographer finishes saying that, I hear the sound of the door opening and closing, footsteps nearing me and the rest of the dancers. Finally, I think, he’s here.

That, however, was not the case. As the footsteps neared the dancers and I, a flash of color hit me; the room’s walls that used to be a strange purple to me (a close friend who had met her soulmate at a young age described the walls before color as “strange purple,” it later becoming “black”) turned to black. That friend showed me quite a few things and told me the names of the colors after seeing proper colors, so I have fairly decent knowledge already.

Except, just like that, everything disappeared.

I looked up, confusion on my face, my mind chanting leave, find a way to leave and figure out who that is! but I couldn’t. It would be reckless of me to do so. However, without any thought whatsoever, my feet started speeding towards the door. As I looked to the left, my panting self saw nothing. I ran to the right, looking in both directions only to see corridors of nothingness. As fast as they had come, they had gone.

Sliding down to the floor, I release a frustrated, upset sigh. If they were so close to me, why would they run away? Did they like how they saw the world? So dull and never truly knowing what your hair color is? Why would they leave when they were so close to meeting me?

I only get to stay on the ground for maybe five seconds (or at least that is what it feels like) until a dancer approaches me, saying I needed to get back to practice. Once I enter the room, I look straight to YG and bow apologetically, saying I didn’t know what came over me. So it may have been a lie—I did know what I did and why—but he doesn’t need to know that.

For part of the dance practice, I felt more discouragement than I have ever felt in my entire life. It’s as if they purposely avoided me, but why? What is so great about our world of dullness that they just had to ignore the color they saw? Maybe it is selfish of me to think this way—for all I know, they could have just been in a hurry or late to some sort of meeting—but I cannot help it. I so badly want to meet them, and not just for the color. I want to meet them, to know that I am not alone, and to know that someone is truly there for me. It feels as though they don’t feel the same.

All I can say is that was painful, knowing they purposely ran away. However, I held my head up high and refused to let it get to me, once I realized that it was just dragging down my performance. There is no possible way I could ever make Blackpink’s debut not end up as amazing as it will be. That would just be cruel of me. For the remainder of the dance practice, I dance with more confidence than I have ever danced with before in my life. Maybe them running away was for the best.

 

Once the dance practice is over, YG calls over a few of the dancers, though I wouldn’t think they’d have the be nervous; his face looks brighter than normal, he seems to be happy, so he’s most likely congratulating the top dancers. I’m not surprised by that, those three did absolutely amazing.

As the rest of the dancers and I walk out of the practice room, I’m called over by five other dancers, all of which are sweating and panting heavily, but smiling knowing they did their best. I admire that, the ability to be proud of yourself for just doing your best, except I am all about improving myself. I turn back to face them, head slightly tilting to the side out of curiosity to know what they need. “We’re all gonna go to the convenience store down the street and then head over to Doyeon’s house, wanna come with?”

Thinking about it for less than a moment, I nod my head in agreement. “I don’t see why not.” They all smile before grabbing their items and heading out of the door. I easily walk with them, glad that they are too tired out to be running to the store (they are often times seen running everywhere, so it’s refreshing to be able to relax after pushing ourselves so hard).

As we are finally outside, I give out a small shiver, the slight summer breeze of the night quite unexpected, until my body quickly gets used to the breeze. Looking up at the night sky, my mind is full of questions running through my head. What do the stars look like? Are they really as bright as my friend says, or is she just very sensitive to light? If the night is describe as pitch black, is it truly so dark we cannot see anything if not for the stars?

Because my mind was so full of these thoughts, I do not notice we reach the convenience store until I can no longer feel the breeze of the cool summer night. It’s been awhile since I have been able to question such things like tonight, though I am not sure if that was for the best or worst.

The next thing I notice after noticing that there was no longer a breeze is the vividness my eyes start seeing. It catches me off guard, obviously, as I was not expecting that to happen at all in a convenience shop. My heart rate starts to pick up, and I become worried, the pounding in my chest so loud I feel as though everyone in this store can hear it. As my palms get sweaty, I start to look around, trying to find that one person.

With my luck, I realize they are probably in the restroom, so I release a sigh of frustration yet relief. I am frustrated because, like anyone else, I am so, so close to my soulmate yet so far. The relief probably seems odd, but with how I danced at the practice after realizing that I needed to stop being so down, it starts to make more sense. There is no way I would ever let a soulmate get in the way of four talented girls’ debut, which will be known by millions.

Nervousness fills my system, overfilling it to the point I begin to feel nauseous. The surrounding area seems to close in on me, suffocating me to a point I can no longer handle being in this room. “I-I’m gonna go outside and get some fresh air,” I choke out to the others, quickly throwing a bag of chips and a drink to one of them, before hurrying outside.

Once I’m outside, I take multiple deep breaths, the fresh summer air helping in calming myself down. I open my eyes again and stare up at the twinkling sky, letting my imagination run wild. Though I may not have the best thoughts in my imaginations, whether they are sad, terrifying, joyful, or strange, they always seem to brighten my mood. Imagining all these different scenarios which are so out of this world they’re amazing seems to bring out a side of me nothing else would ever be able to. A side so peaceful and calm, where nothing could ever bring me down.

My state of peacefulness is soon interrupted by Doyeon and the others as they walk out the door and call my name. “Are you feeling better?” Doyeon asks.

“Yeah, fresh air helped a lot.”

They smile, most likely because I am feeling better, and we start walking away to Doyeon’s home. I wonder if they suspect anything: My sudden panic and walking out of the building must have caught them off guard, and if I were in their position, I would definitely be suspicious of myself.

The walk to her house is comforting, the ever-so-slight breeze cooling my heated flesh down, the stars twinkling every chance they get, and to top it all off, the others are smiling, laughing, and just being themselves, which is something they don’t get to do often. Even a backup dancer struggles to be themselves, especially since they have to look cool, calm, and collected on stage.

 

Reaching Doyeon’s large family home, we enter it while doing our best to be quiet. Behind us all, Doyeon struggles to muffle her laughter, amused by our unnecessary attempt to be quiet. “You do know that Jaewon is out of the house, right? He’s with his grandmother tonight.”

Looking behind us, most of us glare at her while others pout.

“But I wanted to see him and how much he’s grown!” one whines.

“And why didn’t you tell us this earlier? I wouldn’t have made such a fool of myself just now!” another one complains. I laugh at this, finding the situation hilarious.

“Whatever, girls! Let’s have this night to ourselves, dramas, and food,” I interrupt, ready to laze around our second home. Most of the dancers and I are almost always at Doyeon’s house, since it is closest to YG Entertainment, and it’s so large yet comforting, too.

“Before we do any of that,” Doyeon starts sitting down on the sofa beneath her, “we need to talk.” The others and I tilt our heads to the side, clearly confused on what we have to discuss. She gives a smirk before continuing. “Soulmates. Everyone, fess up.”

We all groan; this is often times something that happens when we go to Doyeon’s home, and I highly doubt any of us have found our soulmates (except for Doyeon, since she has a child with her husband, and they want more). “Well,” Yeonha starts, her voice quiet as always. “Earlier, at the store, I think I saw color. One second it was dull and then the next everything came to life, but I didn’t see anyone other than the clerk. I know it isn’t him, though.”

Without thinking, I mumble, “Same here.” The girls snap their heads towards me, knowing I’m going to talk more than Yeonha. I look back at them with wide eyes, mentally cursing at myself for not thinking. The thing is, I could have easily stayed silent and not have to say a thing. “Well, what I mean is- I guess I just- I was probably just imagining what it looks like in my mind, after all, I have a crazy mind, I guess I was just curious and it was the best way to—”

“Y/N, hush unless you’re going to tell the truth, you’re rambling, and you only do that when you’re lying.” Doyeon points out. Of course, she has a keen sense for things like this. “Now, don’t hush because you are going to tell us every little thing.”

“Well, to start off…”
 

Looking at the ceiling of her dorm room, Rose takes a deep breath before sitting back up. “That’s the second time today, Unnie!” she pouts, looking into the bathroom at Jisoo. “That’s the second time today! Not to mention, this has been happening almost every day!”

Jisoo sighs before setting her brush down on the counter and taking a step closer to Rose’s position on her bed. “I know, Rose. You told all of us when we were leaving the store.”

Rose frowns, hopelessness washing over her. Maybe if she had walked into the room, or walked slower, instead of running away after seeing the flash of color, she could have met the one. But she didn’t. She found herself scared and afraid. What if this soulmate of hers didn’t like her for who she was, but for what she was a part of? What if she’d never be good enough? What if they brushed her off like nobody’s business?

Fear is a common thing, she’ll often times say to herself. If it was not, what would the point of courage be? Or the point of exploring in so many different ways? Or the hesitance being heard or felt?

Rose looks over at Jisoo, who is currently sitting next to her, arm around Rose’s shoulders and soothingly running up and down, again. “I guess it’s for the best…” Rose mumbles. “We’re debuting soon, and a silly little soulmate will only make me lose my focus anyway.”

Giving a frown, Jisoo tells her; “Don’t say that! One day you will meet your soulmate - and before you say anything else, they will love you, you’re one of the best girls I know. And when you do meet them, just think of how amazing your world will be. Now, we best hurry up and sleep, we have to be up and dancing all day tomorrow. Get some rest.”

Smiling, Rose responds, “Alright. Thanks, by the way.”

Jisoo hums in acknowledgement.

 

Releasing a breath, I slouch down in my position on the couch, waiting for the screams and so on to come out. Honestly, these girls get excited too easily, though I’m not complaining. It can be rather amusing.

“It has to be an idol! I mean, why else—”

“No, Doyeon, it couldn’t possibly be. First of all, idols are far too good for me—my dancing skills are only mediocre and I can’t cook for the life of me—and second of all, that has never happened to any other dancers here. It’s always a dancer with a dancer, y’know, they have similar passions which only makes sense.”

Doyeon and the others pout, Yeonha giving a look of thought as if she actually has something to say. It would be nice to hear her output on this to be completely honest.

“I-” Yeonha stutters, debating what she wants to say. “It makes sense that it’d be an idol, y’know? Sorry if this is rude, but it doesn’t really make sense for it to be another dancer or stylist of some sort, does it?” There she goes with the little apology, a common thing she does. Her childhood truly changed her.

Messing with my fingers, I stare at them while giving a pout. “I guess… But, why me of all people? Why does my soulmate have to be an idol? Can’t they just work at the store or something?”

Suddenly, the topic changes. There they go again, wondering when the male back up dancers are so late (they’ve never been on time, which is why YG-nim always gives them earlier starting times.). To add on, I’m an exception it seems—whoever drags me along first is who I stay with.

“They’ll be here eventually, girls,” I cut in, desparate to end the bickering/muttering of how immature the boys are.

“Will they ever be on time though?” We all shake our heads no, some of us rolling our eyes. They may not be mature, but they are some of the best dancers, so we can’t really dislike them-they do help others with dances they struggle with. So all in all, they are nice boys, they just aren’t the most mature about things. For example, soulmates. Oh boy, they treat this like a joke. They say things such as “ooh so-and-so’s got a crush~~” which is completely pointless. It isn’t a “crush,” it is love that has no boundaries. Forgive me for such cheesy thoughts, but it’s just how soulmates work (in my mind, at least).

A sudden tiredness washing over me, I tell the others I’m going to go rest now and excuse myself from the couch. Today has been a long day, especially since I saw colors more than once, and seeing it one time alone can cause dizziness or drowsiness, it is a common thing that happens to almost everyone, one person being Doyeon. She says the butterflies in her stomach, the pounding of her heart, and the feeling of excitement and relief was definitely more than worth the drowsiness. I hope it’ll turn out to be the same for me.

 

Waking up in a bright field, I look up at the baby blue sky and then back down at the vibrant green grass all around me, wondering where I am. The area is secluded, hidden behind many tall and wide trees, the forest giving my surroundings a mystical feel, a pleasing one I could easily adjust too. Sitting up, I stare at the beautiful dark blue pond straight ahead of where I am sitting. It’s got two or three lily pads on the surface, and I can tell that beneath the surface of the water, there are many pond creatures roaming below. Occasionally, bubbles appear on the surface and pop due to the bustling movement underneath.

I stand up and wipe off my legs, running a hand through my hair afterwards. I do not know where I am, but I do know that it is a wonderful place, though I do wish I knew where this place is. I look around yet again, this time paying attention to the tinier details like the appearance of the leaves, or the small ripples in the water. This place truly is mesmerizing: the colors are so vivid and real, the trees hiding this place oh so perfectly, and the beautiful ginger hair in front of me. Wait—ginger hair? Caught off guard, my eyes widen and my mouth gapes open. Is my soulmate finally being revealed to me?

I know that is not the case—why would I get to know my soulmate just like that? That is not how the world works, and anyone in their right mind knows it.

My assumptions are correct; the ginger hair fades away, as does all the color I saw earlier on. The beautiful, hidden sanctuary turns to a dull nothingness—the life underneath the pond disappears, the pond now still silent with zero lily pads on top, and the grass seems to wilt away like the flowers, the leaves on the trees fall, revealing the original sanctuary this place once was.

 

Waking up the morning thereafter at exactly six o'clock sharp, I sit up from my spot in one of the many guest rooms on one of the many expensive and comfortable beds and run a hand through my hair, my eyes closing and opening slowly. Waking up at six is never fun: it’s just like school—you don’t want it to happen, you just want to continue sleeping and act as though it never happened. It’s something you think you’ll escape as an adult, but you never will.

I remove the many blankets from my body and turn around to sit on the edge of the bed, rubbing my eyes once again, silently praying to hear from the others that the dance practice is canceled for some reason, any reason. As I stand up from my previous position, the first thing I hear is one of the guys pounding on a door (presumably the restroom) and yelling so the other side can hear him encouraging (to put it nicely) to hurry up. I roll my eyes and scoff, knowing he will take just as much time, if not more, to style his hair alone.

After brushing my hair and scarfing the meal Doyeon has made all of us, I hurriedly grab my bag and head out the door. I do not know why, but I always have a sense of accomplishment when I reach the practice room early on, over a half an hour from practice starting. I use that time to warm up: I feel as though if I do not warm up, I will not dance to the fullest of my abilities.

As I start my stretching, I notice other dancers begin to fill the empty space in the room, most of whom begin their stretching as well. I frown to myself, disappointed I was later than usual to get here (which was due to the whole bathroom fight between the boys and girls. I just wanted to shower, eat, then leave). A couple of the dancers, however, sit straight down on the floor, immediately looking at their phones. One of them is Doyeon, and knowing her, she’s either looking at Instagram or talking to her son. She soon puts her phone down and begins stretching. The other one continues to sit there, eventually lay there, doing absolutely nothing. I admit, they are a good dancer, but is it really necessary to act as if you’re so amazing you don’t even have to try?

Soon enough, everyone starts stopping their stretches and get into their places, the sound of feet audible on the opposite side of the door. Blackpink, YG-nim, and other dancers enter the room, some dancers completely new (from what I’ve paid attention to), and as they enter, color starts to fill my world. I audibly gasp, and the dancers who stayed at Doyeon’s house and heard the “juicy gossip” (as they call it) begin to smirk, some like Yeonha inwardly squealing.

Paying closer attention to the people entering, I notice the members of Blackpink starting to gather around, ecstatic looks on their faces. I’m not quite sure why, but they do seem very excited. They soon get in their positions as well and someone starts the music, YG-nim seen in the back observing us through the mirror. The minute the music starts, my palms begin sweating and my heart starts pounding. Saliva fills my mouth, and I’m suddenly lost. My steps seem to be either too large or too small. I mentally pray and hope YG-nim is too focused on the other dancers to notice.

I accidently step over somebody’s foot and am sent flying forward, someone just barely catching me. As I look up, the world seems brighter than anything else. The first thing I notice is her hair; ginger, just like in my dreams, and it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my entire life. The next thing I notice are her eyes, then her nose, and finally her lips. And that’s when I realize: Rose is my soulmate, and man, is ginger her color.