Emerald: love, rebirth.

I am going insane and I don’t know what to do with all this noise. 
I lay here but I can’t seem to find any rest, 
there’s no solution and I’m alone. 
How can you tell me you love me with that expression, 
when I’ve been abandoned as if my mere existence was wrong 
so many times before? 
I just know you’re what my soul craved for 
when I was in complete darkness. 
Please… I don’t wanna be alone.    

I was used to my routine, and after living so many years in the abyss I was fine with monotony. However, nothing about my existence was monotonous. 

First, I was a teenager damned to spend ¾ of my day imprisoned in a classroom with other teenagers and to make it worse, sometimes we were forced to interact. 

Second, and mostly the cause of all my problems, my blood. My dragon shifter blood. Where do I start…? 

I’m technically human… but I’m not. I was born from two people who, like me, have the ability to shapeshift into a magical creature that people believe only exists in Fantasy Novels. Our mere existence is a secret for many reasons and the Dragon Society is the way it is also for various reasons -or that’s what the Elders always say. And this is where my problems started. 

The Dragon Society is just a mean for shifters to be idolized or despised for the color of their scales. The color of a dragon defines his/her status, the same way humans (whom dragons despise for stupid reasons) live in hierarchies - but just try to tell them this, ha. 

Why is this stupid besides the obvious reasons? Well, shifters will not know if they’ve inherited their parents’ color until they’re 15 and the first shift happens. From there, chances are 50/50: you’re either part of a happy family of dragon shifters of one scale color, or you’re as good as dog if your scales turn out to be dark. 

I spent my childhood having nightmares about the most despised dragons amongst shifters: the Golden dragons (which are said to be extinct) and Black dragons. 
“Child, there’s only evilness in a dragon whose scales are dark. One can only pray -and choose death- if such is one’s destiny to get lost in darkness.” My mother used to tell me. 
“Mom, will you love me if I’m not a Silver dragon like you and dad?”
I did not get the answer I wanted: to be reassured that it was going to be fine no matter what happened, to be told by my mother that she loved me for who I was and that something I couldn’t even choose wouldn’t change her love. 
“You will be a Silver dragon” she said sharply. 
You don’t know that -I wanted to say, but her eyes left no chance to refute her. But I guess, deep in my bones, I always knew what I was.  

“Jinyoung~” a voice hummed outside my bedroom. I groaned as I was dragged out of dreamland, and when I mumbled a sleepy reply my best friend opened the door and his usual energetic self, started hopping around. “Wake up, wake up! We’re going out today!”

I did not want to go out, but saying ‘no’ to Lee Daehwi wasn’t an option unless you wanted him to annoy you with his clinginess and that pouty face of his that made you feel horribly guilty (as if you had ripped to pieces his favorite stuffed toy) -and that would go on all day, all night, until he got what he wanted. I wasn’t sure if it was part of his Bronze dragon nature or if it simply was his personality (I’d bet a lot of money on the second option though). 

Outside my quiet room, the house was full of noise, as usual. I lived with 9 other dragons of different colored scales, as a member of what others called the Wanna One Clan; silence wasn’t something common when you placed so many shifters under the same roof (unless they were sleeping or maybe not because some of us snore very loudly). The Clan was special for each of us, we were family, a safe place whenever the world was against us -we were brothers regardless of the color of our scales and how different we were from each other. 
I changed clothes and brushed my hair after Daehwi left my room but I still looked like I was sleepwalking when I arrived at the dining room. I wasn’t the only one though: Park Woojin wasn’t even eating but plainly snoring with his head on the table. 
“Woojin-ie, I’ll eat your breakfast! Thank you very much~” Seongwoo said, poking his cheek playfully. The Green and Copper dragon shifters were very playful, but both of them were very powerful. 
“What? Where’s my food!?” Woojin woke up the minute he heard ‘your’ -all of us were territorial as it was our dragon nature to become a bit possessive over things we love such as food (since we were a Clan and it made no sense to fight over layers, although we didn’t like others invading our rooms).

Next to me was Park Jihoon, who immediately placed his head on my shoulder when I sat beside him, closing his eyes with a mouthful of a cheese sandwich. He was irradiating warmness, like the Red Dragon he was, instantly easing the weight in my chest. He was special, not because he was at the top in the Dragon’s Society hierarchy; he was special because he could calm me, the dark dragon who once was sentenced to solitude and only lived because of Wanna One. 
“Who’s in Team B today? I wanna negotiate a change.” Seongwoo asked as we all stood up to leave for Daehwi’s favorite event: Wanna One’s special training day.
“Hyung, you always wanna change!”  Jihoon said, matter-of-factly and the man who was cracking his neck smirked. 
“That’s because I need the challenge of Team B. My specialty is attacking but why not making defense a specialty as well? I’m ambitious, I want the best Green dragon shifter to ever live.” 

That was a challenge itself to everyone else and we all stared at each other with our intentions written in our eyes - we all were proud of our now known as a powerful and unique Clan, for each of us had somehow caused trouble for our magic abilities at some point in our lives and got in some bad situations because of that. 

At first sight, the dragon that my parents were watching was Silver, but I knew the truth as I crossed the night sky with the wind wiping my tears away. 

Black dragons are a threat, everyone had told me, for they are extremely powerful creatures whose mind would be slowly swallowed by the dragon’s natural darkness until they go mad and lose control.  

The first months, I thought I was going to be fine because my scales weren’t entirely black, most of them were Silver. There were some rare occasions when a dragon’s scales were kissed by another color, but I discovered that wasn’t my case when lost control one night. I didn’t know what was happening since I hadn’t told anyone about that strange feeling creeping inside my head when I was about to fall asleep, but I was labeled as a monster soon after, and then I was alone to face every nightmare I ever had as a child. 
“All black dragons are sentenced to die right away because there’s no way to control the evilness inside them. This is a rule we must respect or else our entire community will be in great danger. That’s how we’ve survived through the centuries, and it is true it brings sadness to all of our hearts to lose a friend, a son or a daughter, a fellow shifter… but we must obey the rules.”
I was sentenced to die, treated as if every second I breathed was a horrible mistake. I was alive, and that was my crime. However, as I waited locked in a cage, unable to move as I waited for my unavoidable faith, they found me.   
“Hello, evil boy.”

You make your own destiny, I’d like to tell you that, but mine apparently was one full of problems whether I wanted it or not. 
“Why is it melted?”
What was I supposed to answer to that? 'My hands are warm’?, I doubted that would save me from my classmate’s questions. I knew her, and those eyes staring at me were quite perceptive -I was in no position to lie-, so I tried to escape like I had the previous time I had accidentally lost control over my magic and melted my deskmate’s pen but she moved to grab my hand… and I froze. 

“Y/n…”
Have you heard the saying that goes 'Things can always get worse’? Well, I kept proving myself how true that was. Breaking rules was also another thing I was good at, apparently. 

It was ironic, really. I knew who she was the minute our hands touched yet she didn’t know who I was -and she found out the worst way possible. 

I still remembered the burning pain in my chest the first time I had lost control, the darkness clouding my thoughts and feelings, erasing every connection I had with the world until all that was left was a merciless dragon with the power to burn down an entire country. The realization hit me: the Dragon Society was right: all black dragons had to die and I had just lived a beautiful lie. Wanna One wasn’t my home and I should’ve never escaped with the boys who promised me to save me from my destiny of darkness. 
Liars. Jihoon, Jisung… you’re all liars.     
“I can’t control it, please… Run.”

Her eyes were fixed on me, and all I could see was… pity? fear? I hated it, I hated her. Her existence was a lie as well, every dragon was meant to find their other half, the ‘owner’ of their heart, yet I had also lost the opportunity to ever be loved after finding her eyes were only staring at the monster I was.  

Then, it was gone. The girl staring at me didn’t move but I did. As I growled at her body below me, her hands moved to touch me and although I hissed a warning she didn’t listen. It made me insane, who did she think she was? I scratched her face, as I moved towards her neck -to prove her she was weak, a mere human I could kill in one second. However, only one thing filled my mind when her scent filled my nose: You’re mine. All mine…just as I am yours. 

“What’s going on here- OH MY GOD” I didn’t recognize the two dragon shifters standing in the door as anything besides enemies so I hissed as I made sure the owner of my heart wasn’t anywhere near them -no one was gonna touch a single hair of hers. I heard Y/n getting up behind me and my tail moved protectively around her legs.  
“Daehwi-yah, be careful. That’s a dragon and his mate.” The taller shifter advised the skinny purple haired one.
“He’s my best friend, he wouldn’t-”

I didn’t know who he was. Growling and ready to attack him with a black dragon’s specialty: paralyzation gas, I warned the boy not to get closer to which he showed a confused and hurtful expression that somehow made me feel uneasy.     
“Jinyoung…” 
“Are you his friends?” Y/n asked them and they nodded.  
Their voices confused me, Y/n’s presence itself was both calming and overwhelming and the world was a big mass of nonsense around me - I was dizzy, my vision blurry and my senses too weak for me to distinguish clearly my surroundings.

“He seemed to be in so much pain before… do you know if he’ll be alright?” was the last time I heard Y/n asking before I finally collapsed unconscious on the floor. 

“Do you have an idea of how hard it was to take out of a school an unconscious dragon?” someone whined making others laugh noisily. Was I going insane or were they laughing in my room and stopping me from sleeping peacefully?
“There’s hate dripping from your voice, Daehwi” another voice mused.
“He growled at me and almost attacked me with his gas! I’m very mad at him, just wait until he wakes up -he better be very sorry or I’m setting on fire his collection of ridiculous hats.”
A hand was intertwined with mine, I realized as I started to wake up and my senses started to clear up. 
“He has a hat collection?” A female voice that made my heart race asked. “Can I see it?”
“Daehwi’s eyes are sparkling with pure evilness” someone else pointed out. The warm hand holding mine loosened its grip -as if it was about to leave me-, and I finally was forced to open my eyes. 
“Touch my hats and I’ll decapitate your Rilakkuma bear, Daehwi.”
“Jinyoung-hyung!!” someone cried and two seconds later my best friend jumped on top of me, causing everyone to burst into laughter.  
“So you do have a hat collection”

There, next to my bed, was Y/n -the girl that had always made my heart flutter ever since I saw her playing around with her friends during lunch break in our high school. The girl I now knew was my other half, the owner of my Dragon heart. 

Suddenly, I remembered how I had lost control in front of her, how I had shown my crush I was a monster and I looked at the boys in the midst of a panic attack yet they didn’t say anything to explain what had happened after I… 
“Well, well. Jinyoung’s not dead and it’s almost dinner time so we’ll let you two talk while we make some food.” Jisung sort of pushed everyone outside my room, including the Daehwi-the-koala, and I found myself horribly scared of finding out what she thought about my true nature -a shapeshifter, a dragon… one of the worst, a black dragon. 
Last time we were alone in a room I lost control. 
“So, you’re a…” 
A monster? I closed my eyes, too scared of seeing hate in the eyes of someone I loved once again. 
“You know, Jinyoung? I’ve always wondered how could someone so handsome be human. Turns out you’re a mythical creature -and man, I have so many questions! Can you fly AND can you take me with you? Can you spit fire? Are you immortal, cause you know I’m just a mortal human and…”
I opened my eyes to find the most gorgeous girl beaming with excitement and light. Was she real? She seemed like a dream to me. And did she just say I’m handsome…?
“What?” she asked, suddenly turning shy under my gaze. 
“I can fly but sadly I can’t spit fire -those of us who actually do are rare. I also can do magic, and if you promise me one thing, I’ll show you my world.” 
There was nothing like all I had feared to see in her eyes, just curiosity - one so big that could compete with Daehwi’s. 
“Is that a confession?” she mused, tilting her head to the side. 
“It might be” I replied, suddenly feeling bold. “It depends on your reply, though. Would you accept me if I said it is?”
Her hand was still on mine, and for the first time since I was a dragon, my chest felt light and I could breathe- it was different calm to the one the Clan gave me, it was her presence, her curious nature making her eyes bright, that witty head of hers. 
“Is that the promise you want me to make? To accept you?”
I blushed at her straightforward question. I did want her to accept me, even if it was asking too much. 
“Aren’t you… scared of me? Truth is, I don’t know why you didn’t run after you saw what I am” My parents did. My kind did. 
“You did scare me at first, but I believe I was… Umm, how should I say this? Attracted? Hypnotized? In awe?”
“Of what?”
“It was in your eyes, you know. A sadness that broke my heart the minute that black dragon stared at me, and maybe I’ve just read too many fantasy books but I was astonished by you, drawn to that dragon.” 
“All my life I’ve been told I’m a monster, and I am, Y/n. I am a black dragon, an evil and merciless creature that…” wasn’t anymore once she came around. The words died once the puzzle fitted and I realized what that strange calm inside me was: the existence of the owner of a black dragon’s heart. 
“You’re not a monster, Jinyoung.”
She didn’t flinch away when I moved to wrap my arms around her. She was the end of my lonely days. 

One loud bang interrupted the warm atmosphere that the boys, my family, had created to make y/n feel at home. She laughed at Ong’s jokes and Jihoon’s typical 'you got no jams, Seongwoo’, complimented Daehwi’s 'great sense of fashion’ (to which we all snorted loudly) and my skills on the piano -which made me happier than I knew I could be. 
“Jisung-hyung! There’s someone asking for you…” Seongwoo shouted but his voice sounded anything like it usually did. Sensing something was wrong, every single one of us wandered towards the entrance. 
“Jisung, I…” The pale boy with cat-like pupils giving away his shifter nature collapsed in our entrance, like a puppet whose strings were cut abruptly.  
It was a rainy night when the last member of the Clan appeared at our door, drenched and covered in bruises. A fallen leaf, a star whose death was near.  
“Daniel?”