I open my eyes again today. You are still not here with me.

 

We were cute, both of us. Always together, hand in hand, throughout the seasons: the warm spring, the hot summer, the solemn autumn and the cold winter. There were always us smiling in the pictures hanging on the white wall. Memories flashed through my empty mind like an old movie on rewind. The places we had been to – the mountain, the beaches, the caves and so many more – could not be counted with fingers alone. You had always been such an outdoor and adventurous girl, while I was an introvert and lazy boy. We were polar opposites by nature, but that was not a problem, no, not at all, since we knew how to accommodate our differences. We would take turn to give way to the other. Despite having an endless amount of energy waiting to be spent, you were willing to waste your time away on the bed in my apartment. Despite having a lethargic body that exhausted easily, I was always there with you through the mountains and rivers, spending the nights away under the clear unpolluted sky filled with stars.

 

Walking along the hallway of your apartment, my finger rang through a series of photographs you took of us. Ah, there it is, a picture of us lying under the grass.

 

You were laughing at my half-blinking expression then and I was blaming it on the camera’s flash, which took me by surprise, but that only made you laugh harder. I wonder why. Perhaps you found it funny that I was being childish? Talking about childish, back when we were in high school, who was it that threw eggs at me out of jealousy? You were crying and shouting nonsensical words without even listening to my explanation. It started with a cushion then a spoon, which hit me in the head, then a tissue box right in the stomach and finally two eggs in the face and shoulder respectively. I remembered standing there in shock, but your angry expression did not falter at my ridiculous appearance. I also remembered leaving your apartment in frustration and kicked a telephone pole on the street in rage. My leg hurt very much on the next day and without doubt, I smelled like raw rotten eggs. Being a neat person that I was, I decided to have nothing to do with you, who put me in this state, anymore. But that did not last long when I caught a high fever from the cold weather, as you were no longer taking care of my health. It had always been you who nagged me for wearing too little clothing. It had always been you who made sure I eat proper meals.

 

Oh look, a picture of me looking like a dead man in bed with a fever. I can’t believe you still have it.

 

I deserved it though, for not treasuring a precious girl like you. I really did deserve that punishment, although back then, to me, it was like a one in a million chance. My fever brought you back to me. You came secretly and took care of me in bed, while I was asleep. I was a deep sleeper so, of course, there was no way I would have known if not for this picture. After a few times of interrogation, you finally admitted the truth. I felt like I was in heaven back then, that I was the most fortunate man in the world for having you. Our love had been one-sided since middle school until I mustered all my little courage to confess to you in high school, only to see you crying in happiness and kissed me in reply. That moment felt like fireworks were exploding in my head with loud cheering in the background.

 

Haha… I remember these. Our first anniversary, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth and... seventh.

 

On that fateful seventh anniversary began the of our love story. Our tragic love story. It was as if destiny decided to test our love. Seven years together, we had done all that a couple could do, from the simplest to the most extravagant things. Each and every year we spent together was priceless to me, but then I guessed I began to take you for granted. Unknowingly, my love for you faded away little by little every day, until it was almost unbearable having to give you my affection forcefully every single time. I loved you. I really did. I swore it wasn’t because of someone else that my heart changed. I did not know what was the cause either, but perhaps, seven years were enough to make one’s feeling that was once so fervent and intense to an apathetic and fleeting one.

 

Destiny tested our love and I failed to pass.

 

“Let’s break up,” I said. The cup of your beloved black coffee halted at the tip of your lips. Though half of your face was covered, I could see it in your eyes that you were already expecting this. Sadness, shock, denial, and more – I could see them all swirling harshly deep inside you through those emotionless eyes.

You put down the cup, dared not to look at me in the eyes and replied, “What did you just say? Sorry, I wasn’t listening…” The shaking voice slowly faded away with uncertainty.

I paused for a moment as if to find the courage to repeated those hurtful three words and I did it. Your eyes were glued to the warm cup of coffee that unfortunately could not heat up the cold atmosphere nor our long-frozen love. Your wavy pink hair prevented me from seeing your expression but the ripple on the coffee’s surface told me you were crying.

 

As my hand stopped at an empty picture frame, my effort to smile as I recall the memories vanished in an instant.

 

“Do you know what day it is today?” You asked weakly, finally looking at me with tears flowing down your pretty face.

I nodded without a word.

“Then why…?”

“…Well, I thought it would be better to end a relationship on the day it started.” I paused for a while. “At least we can pretend it never happened—”

My voice came to a halt as I felt a burning sensation on my cheek. Ah well, it wasn’t as if I didn’t see this coming.

“Pretend like it never happened? Our seven years old love… How can you expect me to just forget everything about it? HOW?!” You started to scream relentlessly. A loud clash could be heard as you hit the coffee cup off across the kitchen.

 

I frown as the scenery replayed in my mind. Taking the empty picture frame off the wall, I held onto it one hand and my aching head with other. I slid down to the floor while leaning my back against the wall.

 

You began to sob uncontrollably and collapsed to the floor. I tried to soothe your pain to no avail.  Your tears were unstoppable like a crying baby that you had always been. I knew it was hard for you. It was for me too. I didn’t want to make you sad. I didn’t want to make you cry. But this was inevitable.

After ten minutes, you finally calmed down. After washing your face, you returned with puffy eyes. I couldn’t even look at you in the eyes out of guilt. I kept myself busy by cleaning and picking up the pieces of the coffee cup you broke in order to avoid looking at you.

"Jieun-ah... can't we just be friend?" I muttered under my breath. 

 

My hands clutch the frame tight. Emotions were swamping all over me. I was such a coward.

 

I could hear your footsteps around the room behind me halting. I glanced back to see you with your stuff, getting ready to leave at the door. Your eyes were cold as they looked at me. Thinking that you were going to leave without answering me, I sighed and washed my hands, getting to leave as well.

“Myungsoo.” I heard you call for me and my body froze. “Won’t you at least tell me the reason why we’re breaking up?”

I wanted to tell you "I simply no longer love you" but I couldn’t even utter a sound, never mind saying it out loud. Your patience soon ran out and you walked away without a word. After a few seconds, I turned around and rushed to the door to see you leaving. As I stood there watching you walk away, I could feel my heart breaking apart. I did not want to make you sad. But what else could I do when my love for you had already died? It was better for you to leave me, who no longer loved you, and find another guy who will love you for eternity. 

 

Who would have known...

 

 

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