Bae Joohyun has a habit of staring. She hadn’t noticed at first, only after her few ventures into the internet world had she realized. After she caught herself staring at a certain pair of lips during an interview she had realized that their fans were right. She had tried to stop herself after that, often moving up to meet beautiful cat shaped brown eyes that always seemed to lure her into a sense of security. She supposed that’s what it was. It made sense that she would find security in her group member’s right? Joohyun didn’t think much of it at first, until she found herself in an embarrassing situation one day at an event and as she made contact with her other members she didn’t feel the same type of security. She realized that day that Kang Seulgi was absent.

Then she started to notice other things she did; how she would find herself getting lost in Seulgi’s eyes for hours at a time, how she would dote on her a bit more than the others, how she would try her hardest to please the other girl time and time again. She started to notice how her stomach would flutter whenever Seulgi smiled at her, how her heart rate pick up when Seulgi made skin contact with her be it hugs or something as inconsequential as a brush of their hands. Joohyun started to notice her hands getting clammy whenever she approached the other girl to ask her if she would like to join her to the theatre to watch a movie which Joohyun would pick based on Seulgi’s preferences rather than her own.

Joohyun started to notice that she spent a lot of time daydreaming. She noticed that in her daydreams she was always with Seulgi, holding hands, going on dates, enjoying romantic scenery together. She noticed that she was always oh so happy.

Joohyun started to notice that she was falling in love. She was falling in love with that radiant smile, those beautiful silky locks and the adorable laugh that characterized the younger girl.

Joohyun started to notice other things as well. How Seulgi refused to touch flowers in fear of hurting them, how she would take a while to get a joke and how unguarded she seemed whenever she slept. Joohyun had known these things before but she had never appreciated just how unique to Seulgi, and not to mention cute, they were.

As Joohyun looked into those beautiful brown eyes she started to notice something new. Hope. Hope that maybe these feelings weren’t as one sided as her nights in her room crying over a tub of ice cream about the fact that Seulgi would probably never return her feelings would have her believe. She started to notice how Seulgi would get shy around her one moment, hiding behind her hands when she made eye contact with the older girl, and bold the other, pushing her hair aside and very deliberately brushing her fingers against her neck. She started to notice how Seulgi would stare at her. Of course Joohyun never vocalized her thoughts, she simply enjoyed the looks in comfortable silence, and maybe sending knowing smirks every now and again towards to younger woman only to have her quickly look away.

Unfortunately hope isn’t always a good thing.

Joohyun had noticed how nervous she was, for the first time her eyes wandering everywhere but Seulgi’s. As she stood in her room, with Seulgi standing patiently in front of her, she noticed her voice got caught in , like her mind was begging her to stop listening to her heart and think about the consequences of her actions.

She wishes she had listened.

Joohyun noticed the look Seulgi gave her when she confessed her feelings for the taller girl. She looked into those beautiful brown eyes and her heart broke when all she found was sadness and rejection. Joohyun noticed how Seulgi tried to let her down easy, saying that they shouldn’t be in a relationship since it wouldn’t be accepted in Korea and aside from putting their own careers in jeopardy it would also endanger those of their fellow group members. Joohyun knew she was right, she knew that wouldn’t be right, but that didn’t stop her from noticing the stabbing feeling she felt in her heart.

Joohyun started to notice new things about Seulgi. She started to notice that she would shy away from physical contact with her, how she would avoid being in the same room alone with her, how reluctant she was to go to shows with only Joohyun as company. Joohyun noticed that she didn’t feel the same way when she looked into those brown eyes, as few as those times were considering Seulgi tried her best to avoid her. She noticed that instead of security she felt the pieces of tape that held her heart together give away; sometimes she swore she heard it shatter. Joohyun started to notice that she would never get Seulgi back.

Joohyun had noticed that she was listening to music more than she usually did. She noticed that almost every night she would turn the record player in her room on, lie in bed, close her eyes and wonder what went wrong if everything was everything, but everything is over. She noticed that she listened to silly songs about her and how she lost her and her brown eyes.