Jongdae had always been pretty sure of his uality, until he met Kim Minseok. Minseok was almost everything Jongdae had wanted in a partner and his naturally cute, pretty face was just a bonus. He was 173cm tall and 100% man - MAN - this is why Jongdae was so confused. He almost freaked out the moment his eyes landed on him and his skin heated up and his heart started beating rapidly, but Jongdae was calm most of the time so he decided he'd get over whatever he was feeling for the little guy soon and it'll all be over. His hope of that happening was crushed when they ended up in the same group, EXO-M. 

"Hi! My name's Kim Minseok, it's nice to meet you! I know we're the only two who speak Korean fluently so please don't leave me alone," he finished his little introduction with a cute aegyo face, he was trying to diffuse any awkwardness but Jongdae found him too adorable to handle and ended up screaming his name at him before rushing off to splash his face with cold water. 

----

The next day didn't go much better, their manager was announcing roommates for their dorms and Jongdae silently prayed that he would end up with one of the other tall Chinese guys, they seemed nice enough and he was sure they'd become great friends soon enough.

"Yixing and Luhan, you're in room 2" their manager announced

"Minseok and..."

Jongdae's world stopped and he shut his eyes tightly while praying to whatever God was listening-

"Jongdae! JONGDAE - are you listening? I said you'd be in room 3 with Minseok, take your stuff and go please,"  their manager sounds annoyed and it's enough to make him snap out of it.

Jongdae opened his eyes to see everyone staring at him, he felt his face go red in embarrassment as he dragged his bags to the dorm room with a '3' on the door, Minseok is close behind him pulling his own things,

"Are you okay 'Dae? You blanked out on everyone back there it was kinda weird.."

Jongdae groans in frustration, great, now his new roommate (and crush?) thinks he's a complete weirdo. It doesn't help that his heart won't stop going crazy at the litle nickname. He opened the door to the room and immediately charged for the nearest bed before throwing his stuff down and keeping his back to his new roommate before organising his things into their respectful places. 

Jongdae lies wide awake that night with only Minseoks soft snores filling the silence, he wants to shut out the snores and whimpers his roommate is making in his sleep and think about things that will make him feel like his old, normal self - because he's pretty sure feeling like this about another guy isn't normal. He knows he has to hide his feelings, and he will for as long as he has to. In the meantime he tries to think about women, ex-girlfriends, actresses and idols but his head eventually hurts and his mind constantly drifts back to the aegyo Minseok tried on him during their first meeting. He falls asleep with that in his thoughts and a smile on his face. 

---

Being Minseok's roommate isn't as bad as Jongdae thought it would be, they actually get along very well. They work efficiently around each other during the day and share jokes and stories of their past during the night. Jongdae found that they have a lot in common, they liked to eat the same things, watch the same things and their sense of humour just clicked, the same way everything else clicks into perfect place when it comes to Minseok. They became best friends and that was the beginning of the end for Jongdae's heterouality.

They grow close, but not too close for comfort. Jongdae always manages to pull himself back whenever he feels like he's getting lost in Minseok and that keeps him from spilling the secrets of his feelings.

Jongdae had accepted his feelings for his little roommate right after their debut stage, everything had went perfectly and he turned to look at Minseok while the others were sharing congratulatory hugs. That moment when he saw Minseok beaming at him with a twinkle in his eye (which he's pretty sure were just tears) and a gummy smile plastered across his face he knew that this man had fully broken through into his heart and there was no going back. He accepted his feelings fully but kept his promise to himself to hide them, he was pretty sure that his best friend didn't return his feelings and he was okay with that as long as he got to spend time with him. Everything seemed to go right in Jongdae's life after that, their debut wasn't as successful as everyone anticipated but everything felt perfect, because he had the perfect man with him the entire time.

---

It's been months since their debut as EXO-M and the stress is getting to Jongdae, he's sleeping less and eating less and working harder, longer. It's affecting him, his mind and health but he can't slack. He has to keep working hard because he wants to be successful with his group, he doesn't want to let them down.

One night, he snaps.

Minseok jolts awake and looks around frantically, he sees the time, it's 3am and Jongdae is screaming in his own bed not too far from him, it's scary to witness and Minseok doesn't know what to do with himself. Yifan bursts in seconds later and takes in the scene in front of him, Jongdae sweating, screaming out with tears streaming down his face and a terrified expression plastered on Minseok's face as he sits up in bed. 

"What's happening?" Tao had followed Yifan out of their room and was stood behind him looking equally terrified.

"I-I don't know! I- he just started to scream! I don't - I think he's having a nightmare!" Minseok shouts still scared but he seems to have gathered his thoughts enough to understand what's going on and he jumps out of bed and rushes to Jongdae's side, he holds his hand and tries to soothe him while pushing his sweaty hair away from his forehead. Jongdae's screaming stops and his breathing slows, he opens his eyes slowly and squints at the light streaming in from the hallway, he looks around to see Yifan, Tao, Yixing and Luhan stood by the door looking worried. He turns to the side to see Minseok  giving him a small, sad smile and he feels his heart flutter.

"What's.. going on guys? Why are you all here?.." he knows Minseok is holding his hand and he tightens his grip, trying to find some comfort and reassurance. 

"You don't know? You don't remember what you were dreaming about?" Minseok's voice is quiet and caring.

"Uh, no? What are you talking about?" Jongdae's mind thinks of the worst and he immediately checks under the sheets thinking he had another wet dream and had soiled himself while everyone heard.

"You were freaking out! Having a nightmare or something -I don't know but it was scary" Toa's voice started as a shout but lowered to barely a whisper towards the end.

"What?" Jongdae had never felt so small, "I don't remember-" he suddenly becomes aware of the cold sweat all over his body and understands why Minseok is holding his hand so tightly while sat on the edge of his bed. 

"I'm sorry if i scared you guys, I promise I'm fine. It's probably from stress, I'll try not to do this again I know how tired you all are you don't need me waking you up like this. I'm sorry" Jongdae can't look anyone in the face, instead he's focusing on the foot of his bed and his hold on Minseok's hand looses. The other five look at each other before Yifan speaks up

"We aren't mad 'Dae, we're just worried about you. Take care of yourself, make sure you're eating well and sleeping enough, okay?" Yifans voice is soft and he has a sad look in his eyes, "Come on guys lets leave them," Yifan ushers the others out and closes the door behind him, leaving Minseok and Jongdae alone in the dark.

"I'm here for you 'Dae, you know that right?" Minseok has moved much closer to Jongdae, whispering straight into his ear and sharing his body heat, Jongdae silently hopes that he won't leave him. 

"Yeah, thanks Minnie," He feels content in this moment, lying in bed next to a man he cares so much about and hearing him whisper reassurances into his ear while his hands never leave his hair.

"Good" Minseok hesitates before sitting up, "Call me over again if you need anything," he returns to his own bed and leaves Jongdae feeling empty and cold once again. 

---

It doesn't stop.

It happens for nights on end.

Jongdae can't escape this recurring nightmare that he can't seem to remember no matter how hard he tries.

But, somehow, it turns out alright every night. Because he has his own little guardian ready to run to his rescue and comfort him before it can get too bad. 

Minseok started sleeping light. It was ruining his sleep but he didn't mind because he wanted to wake as soon as Jongdae's nightmares start up so he can stop them before they really start. There's nothing that makes him happier than the little look of relief Jongdae has when he opens his eyes to see Minseok's face right next to his. But there's always the feeling of sadness that settles once he leaves again. 

One night, Minseok tries his luck. 

"Jongdae-ah" Minseok starts as they climb into bed 

"What is it? What do you want this time?" Jongdae is staring at him cautiously, Minseok only ever calls him that when he wants something from the younger. 

"These nightmares that you have.." Minseok starts and thinks carefully about what he will say next, "they stop once I'm there for you, comforting you right?"

"Yeah, I'm really thankful Minnie I know it must be hard-" Minseok cuts him off with a wave of his hand

"I was thinking- to make it easier for both of us.." Minseok takes a deep breath and blushes "Why don't we both just sleep on my bed?" 

Jongdae's heart starts beating rapidly and he tries to hide the smile which is making it's way onto his face, then he starts thinking, can he do this and not let his feelings get carried away? Does Minseok feel the same way he does? Am I overthinking this? Friend's do this all the time, right? He just wants to be there for me. Jongdae ignores every thought in his mind and nods his head shyly "I'd like that" he finally says.

Minseok's heart jumps and he's visibly excited, "Great! Uh, come here then? I guess" Minseok giggles and his face goes redder than it was before. 

Jongdae makes his way over and climbs into his bed, he keeps his distance at first strictly sticking to his side of the bed, he's tense and the room is cold and the last thing he expects is for Minseok to shuffle over and cuddle into his side, basking in his body heat. Jongdae's mind clears of all his thoughts and he relaxes while turning to face his best friend and wrapping his arms around his delicate body. 

"Hey 'Dae?" Minseok voice is so small it can barely be heard even in the dead silent room

"Yeah?" Jongdae answers, he's already drifting to sleep, this is the most relaxed he's felt before sleep in a long time and he can't help but nuzzle his nose into Minseok's hair and take in the scent of his apple shampoo.

"Can I tell you something, and you'll promise not to freak out or get weird with me? I- it's just been on my mind for a long time, since we met actually and I feel like I have to-" Minseok starts but he's cut off by Jongdae

"Just say it! I know you ramble when you're nervous so, don't be?" Jongdae chuckles and Minseok leans into the vibrations going through his chest, "You know I'd never let anything get in between us" This time Jongdae is whispering into Minseok's hair and he hears his best friends breath hitch in his throat.

"I love you," Minseok breaths it out so comfortably he starts to wonder if he had said it at all, he imagined his confession to be harder but Jongdae seems to make everything so easy.

"What?" Jongdae tenses again and Minseok feels it, their heart beats increase simultaneously and Jongdae doesn't think he's heard him right. 

Minseok contemplates lying about what he said or brushing it off as a joke but he knows if he doesn't get it out now then he never will, "I love you" he says it again but with much less confidence and Jongdae's silence feels a lot like rejection. "It's okay if you don't feel the same way, I just needed to tell you" Minseok is speaking into Jongdae's chest, they haven't changed their cuddling position and Minseok is praying that Jongdae doesn't pull away. 

Jongdae is silent for a long time, mainly because he can't believe what he's hearing, he wants to cry, scream and kiss Minseok, his brain is just trying to figure out which one to do first. He's pulled back to reality when he feels the small body try to pull out of his grip.

"I get it Jongdae, don't worry you don't have to say anything. I'll just go sleep on your bed, I'm sorr-"

"I love you too" Jongdae cuts him off for the second time that night, his brain won't work properly so he'll just have to wing it. "I love it when you smile and it's more gum than teeth, I love your laugh, I love how cute you look in everything you wear, I love your cooking even though its terrible, I love the way you comfort me and the way you tease me and I just love you, Kim Minseok. I'm in love with you and I've known it for a long time." He pulls away to look at Minseok's face and he see's that he's crying.

"Why are you crying? Oh God I've messed this up haven't I, I was too eager" Jongdae groans and Minseok laughs.

"No, idiot. I'm just happy, I want to be with you, next to you, for a very long time" Minseok’s eyes are glistening but this time Jondae doesn't think its from the tears.

Jongdae leans in and Minseok meets him halfway for their first kiss, shared with tears and raw emotion, they fall asleep immediately after, clinging to each other with their legs tangled and their breathing steady.

It's the first night in a long time that Jongdae sleeps without being interrupted by nameless fears in the middle of the night.