“You’re… you’re what?”, Joohyun let out a small and awkward laugh as she saw Seulgi’s eyes widen in surprise.

“I’m going to tell her how I feel about her.”

“Why?”, Joohyun frowned in confusion at the unexpected question.

“I think I should, you know… I’ve been trying to hold it in, but… I feel like I should tell her. I think opening up about it is the right thing to do.”

“Oh… I see…”, Seulgi replied quietly, shifting her gaze briefly away from the older girl. “So, why the change?”

“The change?”

“Yea, I mean… you were never the one to really talk about what you feel. So what did you suddenly decide to do this?’’

“I don’t know…”, Joohyun rubbed the back of her neck in thought. “I think that… ever since I’ve talked to my mom, something has changed you know? Like… I feel like I tackled my worst fear, so everything seems more… doable now… and it might sound kind of weird but… after taking such a big step, and feeling happy about it, I feel like I want to take more steps like that.”

“Ah…”

Joohyun looked at Seulgi and the latter looked away.

She wondered why.

“But…”, the younger girl bit her lip. “Aren’t you afraid of her not feeling the same way?”

Joohyun sighed upon hearing the question, feeling her heart crack slightly at the possibility of rejection. It would have been a lie if she said that she hadn’t thought about it.

In fact, ever since she had concluded that she wanted to confess to the blonde, the thought of getting hurt had frequently crossed her mind.

“I am…”, she gulped. “A lot…”

Seulgi frowned.

“And yet you still want to tell her?”

“Yea… I mean… like I said… I’m afraid of a lot of things, but I’ve already been through the scariest one. I feel like I can handle it. And besides… if we always ran away from the things we were afraid of, what would be the point of living? How would we grow? We wouldn’t. We would always be trapped within our own walls and miss the great stuff that can happen once you face your fears.”

“That’s quite deep.”

Joohyun chuckled.

“I’ve been hanging out with Sooyoung too much.”

“I can tell”, Seulgi smiled. Joohyun noticed something was troubling her behind that smile, as her eyes didn’t spark the way they used to.

“But…”, the younger girl briefly paused. “What if you confessing would make things between both of you too awkward? What if you both stopped talking because of this?”

“Wow, thanks for the positive outlook”, Joohyun half-joked.

“I’m just being realistic.”

“Realistic?”, the older girl raised one eyebrow.

“Or well… realistic isn’t exactly the word, but… you know… just trying to prepare you in case things end badly… you can never be too careful…”

“Well, that is the last thing I expected to hear from you.”

“Why?”

Joohyun tilted her head slightly to the right.

“You are always the one who is all positive and stuff… and you were always the one who advised me to get out of my comfort zone. But it feels like you are being the opposite of that right now.”

“I…”, Seulgi bit the inside of her cheek. “I don’t know. I guess I’m just really surprised that you decided to do this.”

The older girl couldn’t help but getting filled with doubts.

Something isn’t right.

“Is there something wrong?”, she asked, deciding that it would be best to be straightforward and shoot the question.

Seulgi frowned.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know… it’s just…”, Joohyun narrowed her eyes. “You’ve been behaving weirdly for the last 5 months…”

“Wow, that’s quite a long time to be acting weirdly”, Seulgi joked, a habit of trying to avoid the question that Joohyun knew all too well.

“You are not answering the question, Seul…”

“There is nothing wrong.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“Bu-”

“Joohyun, I’m fine. Don’t worry about it”, Seulgi smiled. “Everything will be fine.”

“What will be fine? What is wrong?”, Joohyun asked, getting more worried with each second that passed.

“Nothing. I’m just trying to be the positive best friend you were talking about.”

“Seulg-”

“So, do you already know when exactly you are going to tell her?”, the taller girl interrupted.

“Uhm”, Joohyun blinked a few times at the sudden change of subject. “I… I think in 2 days.”

“Why in 2 days?”

“Hm… I don’t know… I guess it’s an intuition thing. Today seems too soon and I need tomorrow to mentally prepare myself for it”, she chuckled.

“Point taken. I guess you need all the mental preparation you can get.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”, Joohyun crossed her arms.

“Well, we both know how you behave when you are feeling awkward. Would be quite a sight if that happened.”

“…yea I can’t argue against that…”

“Have you already thought about what to say?”

“Hm… a little bit? I don’t know, I feel like… like even if I plan what I am going to say, I will forget it on the spot. So, maybe I should just do it spontaneously? Without really thinking about it? Maybe then it will be more genuine… know what I mean?”

“Wow… you are totally going to forget how to speak whatsoever.”

Joohyun slapped the taller girl on her arm.

“Don’t be such a little ! Can’t you have some faith in me?”, she pouted.

“Well, let me think…”, Seulgi tapped her chin. “Nope. Nope, I can’t. Sorry. Got to be realistic.”

Joohyun rolled her eyes.

“I’ll remember this. One day, when you will have a crush on someone, I’m going to get my revenge.”

“Ah… I don’t think that will be necessary”, Seulgi half-smiled.

“Why not?”

“Because you are already a pain in my every day.’’

“Yah! Kang Seulgi!”, Joohyun said as she slapped the taller girl’s arm once again. And then again.

And again.

It would definitely not be the last time.

***

Joohyun felt the nerves kicking in later that night, as her gaze settled upon the blonde standing on the balcony next to hers, which didn’t go unnoticed by the younger girl.

She was always one to pay close attention to others.

“Are you okay? You seem to be a bit tense…”, Seungwan asked.

The older girl mentally cursed herself for failing to produce correct sentences.

How would she tell Seungwan about her feeling, when she was tripping over her own words during normal conversation?

Guess Seulgi really was right about me losing my ability to speak… this is all her fault.

“Uh, i-it’s n-nothing… real…really”, Joohyun said, forcing herself to laugh her worries away, but ending up awkwardly chuckling as if her teeth her hurting.

“You don’t sound very convincing…”, Seungwan frowned.

“I really don’t huh…”

Seungwan shot her a smile as she leant against the small wall.

“Nope. Not with all the stuttering and confusing sentences”, she briefly chuckled, before putting on a more serious facial expression. One that showed concern. “Want to talk about it?”

It was a question that Seungwan never failed to ask whenever she sensed something was wrong. Her caring nature always seemed to warm Joohyun’s heart, but right now it made her feel scared, as the thought of possible rejection or potential awkwardness between them two crossed her mind.

“Uhm…it’s… it’s okay… I’ll b-be fine…”

I hope I will. I hope we will.

“Are you sure?”

“…positive…”, Joohyun said, repeating Seulgi’s earlier answer.

“Okay, I won’t push you”, Seungwan said, despite Joohyun knowing that the girl really wanted for her to tell what was on her mind.

Too kind for her own good…

“But if you want to talk about, then…. well…. You know”, the blonde smiled.

“Yea…I know…”, Joohyun felt her heartbeat speed up, thinking about what Seungwan’s reaction would be two days from now and she wondered whether she would truly go through with her decision.

Or whether she would collapse to her own distress.

“You know what’s funny? Or more kind of weird? That I associated months with colours. Like, don’t you have the feeling that December is all yellow and bright and happy, and January is grey? Like to the point that it’s depressing? Or how April is more blue-ish? It’s kind of a melancholic month. At least to me… do you also have that?’’, the raven suddenly said.

Seungwan blinked a few times, processing Joohyun’s words, not really knowing what to answer at first.

“Hm…”, she bit her lip as she thought about the subject. “I know what you mean… December is really warm, despite it being winter, but January really feels cold and dark to me…”

“Exactly! Finally, someone who knows what I’m talking about!”, Joohyun said excitedly.

“You asked more people about this?”, Seungwan chuckled.

“Well, yeah… I asked Seulgi and Sooyoung about it, but they didn’t really get it… I thought I was being weird.”

“Maybe you are being weird, but that’s not a bad thing, anyways.”

“You just said you knew what I meant, so doesn’t that mean you are as weird as me?”

“Yes, I am. We both are… which means that we bring up each other’s weirdness”, Seungwan chuckled, before looking the older girl in the eyes. “Good thing we have each other then.”

Joohyun felt her cheeks burn at the unexpected statement, and quickly looked away, fixating her eyes on the stars above them.

“Yes… good thing we do…”

***

The next day felt strange. Things seemed out of place.

Or to be more specific, both Seulgi and Seungwan.

And the fact that the latter was behaving unusually just a day before Joohyun’s planned confession didn’t really help her calming her nerves.

During the break, Joohyun talked with Sooyoung and Yeri about Seungwan, since she was starting to have some doubts about whether she was doing the right thing.

And apparently Yeri had found out about Joohyun’s feelings for her sister, having stated how “obvious” it was and that only Seungwan was dense enough to not notice it.

Both had reassured her that she was doing the right thing; Sooyoung talking about getting out of the comfort zone and how freeing it would be, and Yeri telling her to not be a coward.

And despite the huge differences in their approach, Joohyun found herself getting slightly calmer because of both of them.

That is until later on when she coincidentally happened to cross roads with Seungwan on the way home.

She had immediately run towards the blonde, excitedly waving and being met with a small smile who didn’t shine how it used to.

“Wow, I’m actually surprised to see you. Doesn’t happen often that we see each other at school”, Joohyun chuckled.

“Indeed”, Seungwan answered, not once looking at her.

The older girl frowned at the blonde’s curt answer.

“It’s finally weekend! Feels like school weeks are getting longer. I almost fell asleep thrice during class. Ah… I wish it was summer vacation already. We all really need it, pff…”

“Yeah, unfortunately it’s still March…’’, the blonde quietly replied.

Joohyun gulped, wondering whether it was her fault that the blonde was behaving in such an unusual way.

Whether she had done or said something wrong without noticing.

“A-are you okay?’’

“Uh? What do you mean?”

“You sound a bit… down…”, Joohyun tilted her head slightly to the right in order to get a better look of the blonde’s face.

“I-I do?”

“Yea…”

“Oh…”, Seungwan bit her lip. “I’m fine! Sorry… I’m just a bit tired, that’s all.”

“Couldn’t sleep?”

“Yea.”

“Ah… that is kind of annoying. You know… when I can’t sleep, I always eat something. I don’t know why, but each time I do that, I fall asleep almost immediately when I go back to bed.’’

“Hm, I’ll try that out next time. Thanks for the tip”, the blonde flashed her a quick smile.

“Is there a reas-”

“Uh, I… I have to go to the supermarket. Do some groceries and… uh… stuff… so I have to go left here…”, Seungwan suddenly interrupted her.

“Oh, okay! I can join if you wan-”

“No!’’, the blonde quickly replied, making Joohyun frown in confusion. “I-I mean… it’s okay. I will walk around a lot. Have lots of things to buy. You wouldn’t want to be dragged along with me.”

“I don’t mind though? Don’t you need help with carrying things? Won’t it be too heavy?”

“It will be fine! I can handle myself”, Seungwan smiled.

“Bu-”

“Okay, see you later tonight!”, the blonde quickly walked away while giving her a small wave, disappearing within seconds.

And just like that, Joohyun was left alone in the middle of the busy street.

***

She couldn’t stop thinking about it.

About Seungwan’s behaviour.

The way she answered almost too quickly.

The way she seemed to be eager to get away from her.

And that maybe it was a sign that she shouldn’t talk to her abo