The weather was crisp, wintry actually. Everyone settled down in their designated places and she scooted herself next to Hyungwon, otherwise familiar as my seat. It was better this way as the air was still awkward between her and I. So I’d rather sit myself on the passenger seat anyway.

The darkness drew me in as we rode off to our destination. I gazed at the serenity nightfall had brought along, with occasional car beams and street lights. As I looked up at the moon, memories of me as a child flashed before, how I thought it was following me around. I couldn’t help but smile at the naivety of my five year old self.

It must have been a good half an hour I had remained stagnant just gawking at the placid artistry of nature and a change was required. I shifted in my leather seat to find a little more comfort as the ride was going to be long. My eyes found her lucent face, illuminated by the street lights I was thus far admiring. A sudden sensation formed at the pit of my stomach, surprised by how her long curly hair framed her appearance. She is beautiful, was all my mind could sum up to.

Over the span of the next few minutes I must have looked over a thousand times, camouflaging myself in the darkened corner every time she shifted her attention to me. What was I doing? This was unlike me to get caught up in something I had no prior intention to. I guess the fact that she was seated so comfortably next to him and not me, paying all her attention to him and not me was a feeling quite alien to me. I was accustomed to her loving only me.

She basked under the glimmer of her beautiful eyes, darting around the car to check if everyone was sleeping comfortably. A part of me wondered if she looked my way or worried about me, but I was too nervous to check. The ambiguity of ‘maybe I pushed her away too harshly’ pondered in my mind.

On about the millionth turn though, my eyes fell on Hyungwon. All my instinct gathered around my hands as they curled up into a fist, repugnant of the way he was eyeing her; full of hunger and lust. His eyes fixated on her contemplating the reaction she’d shove his way. I hated it; absolutely loathed my best friend for gaping at the pureness who sat beside him. I wanted to howl at him, amputate his hand that touched her thighs. How bloody dare he!

I asked myself to calm down from the formidable threat I could be causing to everyone at that very moment. Turning to face the road again, I slightly raised the volume of the radio, undiscovered by the mass. But the distraction didn’t help. Thereupon my impulse urged me to tear him off of that seat and carry her out into the safety of my arms. The hand that climbed up her thighs ever so slowly should have been mine and the fact that it wasn’t, was revolting.

I casually traced my gaze back to her, doing my best not to be found out, and was stunned in disbelief. She was getting closer to him giving him more access, chafing against his touch. The blood in me had gone past boiling point as I was once again on the verge of losing something that wasn’t mine. But, no rationale could make peace in my mind for more than two seconds as the urge in me to replace my friend became hungrier. If anyone could touch her, it’d be me. If anyone was allowed to wrap their arm around her, it was me. The unexpected will to fall heir to her delicate grace and charms concealed every last bit of sanity in me. I loved her. In that moment alone, I had fallen, crashed and burned into the abyss of her gleaming eyes; and I wanted her to look into mine; but hers was busy delving into his.

From the corner of my eye I noticed my best friend put an arm around her and snuggle her in. The monsters in me growled for the umpteenth time as they clawed the insides of my chest; greedy for the soul that dared to touch her. I could feel her get comfortable around the warmth that covered her and in a moment of blitz she delved her gaze further into his. I felt my insides twist and turn into a pit of fire as he lead his face forward, nuzzling his nose on to hers.

For a romance novel enthusiast that moment would look too perfect to absorb, but for me, a taker on the verge of losing his dear beloved, the setting was anything but so. If only she knew what I’d give to be the one holding her, placing her head on my chest, serenading the songs of love which she was so fond of. Of course, she wouldn’t believe that I knew of her likes for such music, her hobbies of writing, her dreams of flying higher, but I did. Sadly, I did not hold the gallantry to put them into words for her; losing her in the process. Maybe, I took her for granted because the thought of her falling for someone else never occurred to me; the greedy thoughts of a selfish man. She will always love me and someday I will be able to rejoinder my own emotions. But things did not quite work the same way.

I gulped in agony as I watched the girl I love inch closer to the man next to her. I didn’t think I could survive the moment as, for the first time in ever, I felt the tears form around my eyes; the pain inside me raging to gush out one by one, and then all at once. I took one last look at the girl I so dearly loved, dethatching my gaze from her lips as his met hers. All my ego and pride came back to punch me in the chest exactly where my heart lay bare. At that moment, I had lost.