“SEOUL, ARE YOU READY?!”

Jiyong finds himself breaking into a eating grin at the absolute roar of Youngbae’s voice.

The crowd screams back at his call, the lights dimming and the pyrotechnics setting ablaze as the anniversary concert begins.

The lineup is jam packed tonight. It being YG Entertainment’s 15th anniversary and all, Jiyong didn’t expect Hyunsuk to settle for an ordinary setlist in the first place anyway.

Although not a performer himself, Jiyong for one was heavily involved in the production of the whole concert. The seltist is littered with solos and collaborations alike, both in arrangements one would not normally get to hear anywhere else, and he’d been working closely with each YG artist to make a cohesive mix everyone was satisfied with.

The concert starts with a performance from Youngbae, and as always, he does an incredible job to hype up the crowd, get them all warmed up for the rest of the show.

In exciting succession: Se7en, Gummy, Daesung, 2NE1, Seunghyun and many more take the stage to perform, and Jiyong watches in awe as the audience follow along to each of their songs without fail.

In the middle of the showcase, 1TYM comes together for a performance, surprising everyone at the stadium. It’s not a complete reunion with some of the members missing, but they still had the whole stadium relieving the nostalgia.

Jiyong looks down on the soundboard with a somber smile, at the panel that reads: Without You. He mouths along with the crowd as they swayed their arms, thinking of a windy December afternoon, laughter, and dancing–a lot of dancing.

“It’s nice to be together for the last time,” The crowd whines, cutting them off, making the members of 1TYM laugh. Jiyong himself is sad to see them go so soon, but he can’t lie and say he isn’t excited for the next performer.

After 1TYM has said their goodbyes, the producer holds back a smile as Seungri finally enters the stage. His flashy entrance erupts laughter from the everyone in the stadium as he comes out parodying Se7en–early 2000s hair, all white outfit, and heelys intact.

“Seungri! Seungri! Seungri!” The crowd starts chanting Seungri’s name.

Seungri gives everyone a weird look, coughing into his mic and introduces himself as Se7en, not knowing who this “Seungri” is.

It prompts the crowd into starting a new chant with “Se7en! Se7en! Se7en!” That has the boy grinning from ear to ear. And with a dramatic flick of his wrist, the lights dims and Jiyong works his magic at the soundboard.

In an unexpected turn, laughter fills the stadium when Seungri slips and falls down in the middle of the song.

“I–” The boy couldn’t continue singing, giggles blooming from his own chest and it vibrates through the whole venue. Hyunsuk could do nothing but facepalm beside Jiyong.

Jiyong had his little digicam out, managed to sneak it in in pants pocket. He knows it really isn’t allowed for anyone else but it, he’s technically part of staff anyway. YG doesn’t even notice, too busy hiding from embarrassment to pay attention to him.

And god if he ever let Seungri live this down. He’ll never shut up about this.

As the night deepens, the setlist has mellowed down with it, and Jiyong watches his friends take the stage once again, with Se7en, Youngbae, Daesung and Seungri sing their own sorrowful rendition of 2NE1’s Lonely.

As the smooth strings of the guitar fill the air, Jiyong can’t help but be mesmerized by the ache in their voices, can’t help but feel a sense of pride watching them stand firm on the stage as they all sang their heart out.

And he can’t help himself, can’t help but let his eyes linger at Seungri, looking angelic under the spotlight, his honey voice a soft contrast against the rasp of Youngbae and Daesung’s voices, yet it’s a softness Se7en smoothly accompanies, equally as painful.

For a moment, Jiyong looks back down at the soundboard, too afraid to keep watching. But he cannot escape the music, and how they reflect things he didn’t want to feel, didn’t want to think about.

I’m sorry, this is your and my story
I must not be worthy of this thing called love
Even though I’m by your side

Baby I’m so lonely

The sombers atmosphere didn’t hold back the concert ending with a bang, in true YG Entertainment fashion. YG artists run around the stage in their chaotic energy, shouting into their mics as the venue is filled with confetti. Jiyong only cranks up the volume, the stadium turning into a giant dance floor as everyone jumped every time Youngbae told them to follow his lead.

Everyone give they ending spiels, all excited and sad that the show was ending so soon.

Jiyong watches as the crowd coos at Seungri’s little speech. He says thank you in the most sincere way, says a cute apology for messing up and slipping. It earns him a laugh from the audience, and everyone link hands for one finally bow.

But as the curtains close and they turn their backs, it’s quiet and Jiyong could see how tired Seungri actually was, in every sense of the word. Jiyong wanted nothing more than to go up the stage and reach out, give the boy the hug he desperately wanted to give.

The night is quiet as everyone leaves to their dressing rooms to pack up–a little too quiet. There’s an sinking feeling of something wrong but he can’t put a finger on it.

Before he could follow Seungri and offer to walk home together, Hyunsuk whisks him away to gather the producers in an abrupt meeting back at the YG building.

Regretfully, Jiyong retreats with Teddy, his leg shaking anxiously under the table as the meeting commenced, hoping the knot in the pit of his stomach meant nothing.

--

Youngbae
https://www.koreadispatch.com/2011/05/07/yg-rising-star-seungri-caught-kissing-a-boy/

Youngbae
Jiyong?

Youngbae
Are you at the dorm with Seungri?

Youngbae
Please call him when you see this.

Youngbae
He needs you right now.

Youngbae
Don’t leave his side. Please.

--

Jiyong heading home early for the day was a rarity in itself. To see him right now, sprinting down the hall in such a goddamn rush was an even more ridiculous sight to see.

He ignores the pointed stares he gets, saying his quick sorrys as he bumps into people in his hurry to the emergency stairs, too antsy to wait for the damn elevator to stop by his floor.

In his busyness, Jiyong had his phone turned off all day to avoid distractions. He had to submit a few demo tracks for an upcoming junior group’s debut in a few days, and he was determined to finish them all by today.

So at lunch, imagine his surprise to see Youngbae’s flood of messages as he his phone.

“Seungri? Are you there?”

Jiyong’s out of breath as he clumsily jams his key and twists the door open. The dorm is eerie quiet and dim with the lights all turned off. As Jiyong carefully enters the living room, he spots Seungri’s hunched figure on the couch, nothing but the harsh light of his laptop illuminating his face.

Seungri doesn’t turn to greet him, but Jiyong didn't need him too and he didn’t need to know why. When he gets closer, he could see the Dispatch article clear as day on the monitor screen.

“I’m trending.” Seungri says aloud, but his voice is void of the excitement that would usually accompany such a statement. When he finally turns his head to look at Jiyong, it’s with a tired smile.

“This is what I wanted, right?” He asks, sounding more like he was trying to convince himself of the matter than asking Jiyong.

Seungri’s a mess. Clothed in day old sweatpants and a loose shirt, the boy hasn’t gone out since the anniversary concert at all. Jiyong doesn't know if he should be relieved or be worried.

For one thing, it’s good to be assured that Seungri was at home and not someplace else, but all he’s ever been at home was quiet and unmoving.

Jiyong doesn’t know what to say to the boy either. What do you even say in these type of situations? Sorry? Are you okay? Tomorrow will be better? He doesn’t ing know.

He should be comforting the boy, but he also didn’t want to appear condescending, especially when he himself has fought Seungri about this very matter. So he stays quiet, carefully placing his hand over the boy’s shoulder and squeezes reassuringly.

The photos are taken very strategically: Seungri’s face is as clear as day, no one having to second guess who he was in all of them, while the other boy always had his back turned to the camera. And if he wasn’t, he had his hood on to obscure any distinct features.

What’s frustrating is that anybody can easily mistake anyone to be that person. Hell, it could've been Jiyong if he didn't ing know any better.

And they were normal ing photos. At first glance, no one would bat an eyelash at all, if no celebrities were involved this wouldn’t even be an issue. Just because it’s photos of Seungri, it was turned into a scandal all of a sudden, and nothing has infuriated Jiyong more.

But the last photo in particular–Jiyong couldn’t keep his eyes away. With the last photo, he could understand how it was enough for it to blow up to such a controversy, although unnecessarily.

The last photo is a very clear picture of Seungri kissing the hooded man, eyes closed, looking enchanting in the dim street light. A light pink dusts Seungri’s cheeks, the quirk of his lips shows that he’s smiling into the kiss, and Jiyong feels sick, lingering at that photo for more than he wanted, imagining himself in place of the other man he didn’t have the heart to know the damn name of.

He feels ing awful.

He thinks of a several nights before, about their own kiss.

Or, what could’ve been.

Jiyong didn’t kiss him.

God, it didn’t feel ing right at the time.

Seungri was hysterical and just wanted to seek comfort in anyone that was close. Jiyong felt like he would have been taking advantage of the poor boy at such a raw state that he was, and that was the last ing thing Jiyong wanted.

Seungri didn't take it well. He was thrashing in his hold when Jiyong told him no. The older tried his best to soothe him as much as he can, until Seungri envitibly tired himself out with his sobs, souleslly resting his exhausted body against Jiyong’s.

Jiyong does kiss him in the end, on the forehead–it’s chaste and loving, and everything Jiyong wanted to say but couldn’t, and Seungri lets out a quiet whimper at the soft press of the older’s lips, his tears silently falling as Jiyong held him close.

The dorm got quieter.

No more late night phone calls, no more of Seungri’s tinkling laughter at one in the morning. Instead, the silence in their dorm room is suffocating, the tension thick enough to cut. In the rare instances that Seungri’s phone rings, Jiyong purses his lips at the sound of the basic ringtone, Hideaki’s voice nowhere to be found.

Now, he watches Seungri stare blankly at his phone lights up, the same basic ringtone filling the room. His answers are clipped to short yeses and if that wasn’t a difficult sight to see.

Seungri smiles grimly at Jiyong as he put his phone down.

“They put me on hiatus.” He says. “I don’t know for how long.”

“I’m sorry...” Jiyong replies. He can’t say he’s surprised, but he can’t say he isn’t furious either.

The younger just shakes his head slowly. He closes the laptop and puts it aside, laying back down into the cocoon he’s made for himself on their couch.

Jiyong frowns.

“Aren’t you angry?” He treads carefully.

“Angry?” Seungri murmurs, voice muffled by the blanket over his face. “What for?”

It only deepens the crease in Jiyong’s furrowed brows.

“They were following you around, Seungri. Isn’t that’s an invasion of privacy?” Jiyong didn’t want to start an argument, especially in the situation and state Seungri is right now, but who wouldn’t be fuming with the way the trashy paparazzi could easily force someone out like this for the whole ing country to see?

Seungri slowly brings his blanket down and looks at Jiyong, only offering a small bitter smile. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

Jiyong clicks his tongue.

“You seem so calm about all of this.” He hisses. For a moment he closes his eyes to clear his mind before he kneels by Seungri’s head, heart twiging at the blank expression on the boy’s face. “We can still do something about it, Seungri. It isn’t fair.”

“I know.” Comes Seungri’s quiet reply. It only serves to fuel the fire embering in Jiyong’s chest.

“Then let’s do something about it!” He grits out. “It isn’t too late, Seungri. Please. I’m sure Hyunsuk-hyung can contact them. He can put a stop to this! Maybe confirm that it was a ing mistake! It doesn’t have to end this way. God. We shouldn’t just be sitting like ing ducks here, we have to make a ing move–”

“Jiyong–”

“WHAT?!”

“Please,” Seungri whispers, stopping his rant with his hands over the older’s clenched fists, something Jiyong didn’t notice he was doing.

“It’s okay.” The younger says quietly, thumbs running over the back of Jiyong’s hands. “It’s okay, alright? I’m aware–about everything.”

Jiyong recoils a little, stomach churning at the boy’s words.

He thinks it’s very Seungri, how he’s the one calming Jiyong down when he has it much worse. He relaxes his knuckles, which has turned white with his anger, feeling useless as he watches the tired boy at his lips nervously, gathering his words.

“I’m not blind either, hyung. Just the thought of them following me around without knowing... God, it makes me so angry, you have no idea.” Seungri sighs as he sits up, letting go of Jiyong’s hands. His blanket falls onto his lap, hands, still antsy, pick at a loose string on his sweatshirt.

“I guess I just–I’ve reached a point where I’m just too tired to be angry. I wasn’t being careful either, you know?

“And even if we confront them, I can’t deny what they have to say either. I was too distracted... I didn’t even know it was going to spiral to something like this.”

Seungri lets out a hollow laugh.

“For a moment, I thought I was free, how stupid is that? This was reality check that I’m not, that everyone's watching me, everyone's waiting for me to fail and say ‘I told u so.’”

Seungri flashes him a somber smile. “Even you were telling me to be careful, hyung. But I was so stubborn, I wanted to rebel against everything everyone told me not to do. And when I did, it made me happy, for a moment it made me really happy.

“And for a moment,” Seungri breathes. “For a moment I thought I made him happy... But even he couldn’t handle being with me. And after ignoring all the warning signs, everything finally blew up in my face, as I knew it would eventually. So here I am now, I guess.

“I ruined it didn’t I, hyung?” Seungri sniffs, wiping at his eyes with his sleeve. “It hasn’t even been a year and I already have a scandal under my belt.

“I’m so stupid. I guess this is the karma I get for being so selfish.” Seungri laughs. Another hollow sound that has Jiyong reaching out to squeeze at his knees in comfort.

He hates this. Seeing such a strong person feel so helpless like this is just ing unfair. Seungri did forgo a few rules, but it was because he was feeling trapped in. And Jiyong can admit that that was partly what he wanted, to keep Seungri away from being with other people, but as he watched Seungri spiral into nothing but the shell he used to be, he’s realized that the happiness that made Seungri who he was was stripped away from him too.

“You weren’t selfish,” Jiyong counters with a shake of a head. He quirks his lip in a small smile. “You were in love.”

Seungri just stares at him, eyes glassy and red rimmed. “Isn’t that the same thing?”

Jiyong’s smile falls and he wets his dry lips, not sure how to respond. He can’t refute that, not when he himself has been selfish, wanting when he shouldn’t.

Jiyong’s phone rings before he could say anything, and he’s aware of the pointed stare Seungri had on him as he answered the call. It’s Teddy, asking him back to the studio.

“I’ll be there in ten.” He says, but he’s eyeing Seungri hesitantly, not wanting to leave the boy so suddenly like this, not when he has willingly opened up a wound for Jiyong.

“Do you really need me there?” Jiyong tries.

“It’s urgent, Jiyong.” Teddy sighs from the other line. “See you in ten.”

Jiyong just lets out a disgruntled moan in reply. God, now isn’t the time for this. Granted, he left his studio a little too abrupt, but this is Seungri. And to Jiyong, Seungri comes first, even if he himself wasn’t sure how he ranked in the younger’s heart.

“You should rest, Seungri.” He tells the boy as he pockets his phone. Seungri just nods, smiling up at him tired