He couldn’t breathe.

 

He tried to.

 

But he couldn’t.

 

The water filled his lungs.

 

He struggled, arms reaching out towards the drowning car’s window.

 

He tried to swim forward.

 

But the person trapped inside had already gone.

 

He screamed, but in his head, because he could feel himself losing conscious as he watched the car sunk deeper in the abyss of pure darkness.

 

Then he was gone, too.

 

Gasping, Mark snapped his eyes open, the annoying ringing of his alarm clock drilled in his ears. With a quick tap on the screen of the phone, the ringing stopped, and the apartment grew quiet again. Mark rubbed his eyes, the images, the memories, the dream, still fresh in his mind. He sighed, letting it go as a dream and nothing more. Removing the covers, Mark got up on his feet and stretched for a couple of minutes. After he was done, he picked up his phone, like any modern person early in the morning, unlocked it, planning on checking his social medias for news.

 

Before Mark could swiped his thumb over the screen, his eyes bulged out, completely waken him from his half-asleep state. On the screen, it reads, very big and clearly: Monday, December 25. Confused, Mark raced out of his room and his TV in the living room, hoping to see a different set of dates on the morning’s news. But there weren’t.

 

He could have sworn.

 

He could have sworn that yesterday was Monday, December 25, Christmas.  

 

Yesterday.

 

In a state of panic to something that’s beyond unexplainable by nature, Mark paced back and forth in front of his TV, holding his head in his hands, mumbling incoherent words to himself. He’s scared. Scared of whatever the Hell this thing was. So many questions bubbled in his head like crazy, but there’s no answers to them. None. And nobody could help him. He rushed to the bathroom, catching his reflection staring back at him with matching bewilderness in his tired eyes.

 

This can’t be happening.

 

What’s going on?

 

Why-

 

Wait.

 

Mark’s eyes widened, his knuckles white from gripping onto the edge of the sink. He thought back, rewinding the fresh memories etched in his brain. The car. The water. The man. A gasp escaped Mark’s mouth as realization dawned on him. It wasn’t just a dream. It wasn’t-

 

“,” Mark cursed under his breath. He hit his head with his hand. The memories were hazy, pooling his mind bits by bits, but it felt so fresh under his skin. Somehow, he could still feel the cold water swallowing him.

 

One last glance at the exhaustion adorned his face, Mark freshened himself and walked out. He puts on a pair of dark-washed jeans and a black long sleeve. Pulling a thick coat over himself, Mark grabbed his keys and exited his apartment. Something’s happening, but Mark doesn’t know what. He needs to find out. Shaking his head, Mark sighed heavily. This wasn’t how he imagined spending his lonely Christmas.

 

A cup of coffee would be very good right now.

 

And so, that’s what Mark did. He stopped by his usual coffee shop.

 

Like he did yesterday.

 

He balled his fist and banged on the glass. Bubbles floating up from the corners of his mouth. The water squeezed him tight. He kept banging with the amount of energy he had left. The person inside started banging back against the glass. The car moved, slowly losing its fight against the water. He held onto the back door's handle, desperately trying to yank it open. No matter what, this time, he has to. He has to save-

 

But it was too late.

 

This time, it was him who was gone first.

 

“MARK!”

 

Was all he heard as water filled his lungs, and his eyes closed sleepily, and his body let loose.

 

“Jinyoung!” Mark screamed, sitting up with sweat sliding over his skin. Next to him, his phone’s alarm blared annoyingly in his ears. His mind running ten thousand miles per second. Soon, it was all coming back to him in a wave crash. Mark rubbed his face and shut down his alarm. He looked at the date anyways, even though he knew exactly what day it was.

 

Christmas.

 

Again.

 

Without much delay like the first time, Mark eagerly got out of bed and readied himself. He decided to wear something different this time, testing to see if things would turns out different, and maybe, just maybe, he could save that man. Mark went with something lighter, a little brighter to fit the Christmas spirit that never existed within him.

 

That man.

 

Jinyoung.

 

The name rang fresh in Mark’s mind like a continuous curse. Is this Jinyoung the key to all of this? Who exactly is Jinyoung? And does this means that if Mark saves Jinyoung, then he’ll be able to escape this endless loop of Nature ing with Time? Mark needs answer. Because it was starting to drive him insane. It’s only been the second time around, but Mark was starting to feel it already.

 

He left his apartment. This time, taking a different route to the coffee shop. Mark rounded the corner, retreating back into the alleyway set behind the apartment complex. Usually, Mark avoided this path and hit the main street instead, but he’s risking it today. It seemed like he’ll relive this same day over and over again, so it doesn’t matter if he gets mugged and killed in this alleyway.

 

Fortunately, Mark made it out to the busy road of the neighborhood. He walked towards the coffee shop with weights tied around his ankles. Something has to change. Just about another ten steps from the shop’s door, someone ran right into him. Mark gasped, taken by total surprise. He looked down, feeling the dampness of his shirt slowly sticking to his skin.

 

“I’m so sorry!”

 

Mark looked up and was slightly surprised at who just spilled their hot coffee on him. It was Jinyoung.

 

“Oh, God, I ruined your sweater! I’m so sorry! I-”

 

“It’s okay,” Mark found himself saying calmly. A smile danced on his lips. Something did change. They bumped into each other outside the shop instead of inside like they would have.

 

Jinyoung looked so worried, trying to find words to accompany his embarrassing mistake. Mark just shrugged it off with a little light chuckle. Jinyoung rubbed his nape, biting down on his lips, cursing under his breath at his careless self. “I’m really sorry. You would have thought you'd get your pretty Christmas sweater ruined by a clumsy stranger, huh? Hahaha…”

 

“It’s okay, really,” Mark shook his head, waving his hand in front of him, the smile still lingering on his face. Like the other times, Jinyoung reacted the same. Mark didn’t blame the man. Jinyoung looked like the type who works in an office all-day, even on Christmas. The other times Mark met Jinyoung, he was in a long ivory coat, buttoned all the way, with a black scarf wrapping securely around his neck. But right now, Jinyoung was in a suit, the ivory coat draping over his forearm. A lot of things were different from the times. Maybe…

 

“You know what,” Jinyoung ran a hand through his styled hair, “It’s Christmas. And you don’t deserve going around wearing a coffee-stained reindeer sweater. How about I’ll take you to that store across the street and get you a new sweater?”

 

Mark’s brain froze a little. Well, this was a first. The other times, Jinyoung would offer to buy Mark another cup of coffee. Mark contemplated for a while. Should he? Will this change of events do wonders to the ending outcome? The ending outcome that Mark’s been desperately trying to prevent from happening.

 

Jinyoung cleared his throat awkwardly, realizing how weird his suggestion must have sounded to a total stranger he accidentally spilled hot coffee on. “Um, I’m sorry if that came out a bit… I just wanted to… I mean I have time before I have to go to work, so-”

 

“It’s fine,” Mark interrupted with a bright smile, “My girlfriend is waiting for me, and I’m running pretty late. She’ll be mad. I better get going.”

 

“Oh,” the flash of disappointment on Jinyoung’s face was what Mark expected. “Girlfriend, huh. I’m sorry, again.”

 

“No, it’s okay,” Mark shrugged, “Merry Christmas, Jinyoung-ssi.”

 

Before the confusion on Jinyoung’s face morphed into curiosity, and a little more interested, Mark quickly dashed off, feeling the winter wind scraping against his pink cheeks. There were things that changed, but there were also things that didn’t change. And that worries Mark, because the thing that didn’t change was the reason why Mark and Jinyoung would end up how they ended up. Mark wanted to change that.

 

So maybe, if Jinyoung and him didn’t start something, then Jinyoung could be save.

 

Mark ran. He doesn’t know where he’s going, but his legs just took off. He ran far away. Away from Jinyoung.

 

Away-

 

Something hit him hard, throwing his body in the air. Mark could feel his entire body tied down. The blood in his veins rushed sporadically. At the moment, Mark couldn’t feel anything physically. And everything slowed down around him. It was a breathtaking moment. Mark looked around him. The colors were dissolving, bleeding off their forms, as Mark’s back slammed against what seemed to be the roof of a car.

 

The last thing he heard were people screaming.

 

The last thing he saw was the clear Christmas sky.

 

That was stupid. Mark rolled his eyes, kicking the empty can on the side of the street. He woke up on the same Christmas morning. Changed into something more edgy, like a leather jacket and ripped black jeans, and finished off the outfit with a maroon scarf. Gelled up his hair and wore extra piercings on his ears. Basically, a look that’s contrasted the last one and the Christmas spirit completely. And Mark regretted it. Because who the Hell wears ripped jeans in this cold weather?! Mark sighed, well, he did got himself ran over by a car, so might as well heightened his stupidity.

 

Let’s see if he’ll make anymore stupid decisions today.

 

Mark decided to not go to his usual coffee shop. He walked the extra fifteen minutes to another shop that’s probably won’t make quality coffee like his usual. But Mark wanted to live past this Christmas.

 

Turns out, the coffee at this new place wasn’t that bad. It was tolerable. And best of all, Jinyoung was nowhere to be seen. Mark smiled, congratulating himself for doing such a good job at whatever this time game was. Sipping onto his coffee, Mark made his way down the street, observing the crowd of people enjoying themselves on a Christmas morning. He stopped by a park and found a bench to rest his legs. This was it. He could do this. As long as he doesn’t see-

 

“Hey!”

 

Mark blinked, immediately recognized that voice. The gears in his head started spinning. Goddamnit. He was doing so well! Turning his head a little, he caught Jinyoung walking straight towards him. This time, Jinyoung wasn’t in a suit or that fancy ivory coat, or has his hair gelled up in an elegant manner. He left his hair natural, covering his forehead, all fluffy and stylish in its own way. Jinyoung was just in some pants, a navy button-down, and a sophisticated black sweater over the shirt. His jacket was a dark caramel color. Mark could tell that the jacket, or the entire outfit, probably cost more than his law school’s tuition. Jinyoung was a rich man, Mark concluded. All the times Mark had seen him, Jinyoung always shown to be very eloquent and intellectual.

 

“Sorry, I was walking behind you, and, um, you dropped your wallet,” Jinyoung held out the old leather wallet that Mark’s dad had gifted him when he first moved to Korea, which was a very long time ago.

 

Blinking a couple more times, Mark mentally slapped himself. Great. Anymore stupid s coming along, Tuan? Mark looked up at Jinyoung and smiled a little, “Ah… Thank you so much. I didn’t even know it was gone.” He retrieved his wallet from Jinyoung’s hand, ignoring that tingling feeling he got when their fingers accidentally brushed pass each other’s.

 

After that, Mark was praying for Jinyoung to just turned away and go about his own business. But since the day Mark stopped believing in a Greater God, his prayers don’t seem to be much sincere anymore. Which meant Jinyoung actually sat down next to him. Mark mentally slapped himself again. He should have known. This always happened one way or another. It’s unavoidable.

 

“Aren’t you cold?” Jinyoung asked, eyes staring at the exposed patches of skin decorating Mark’s knees and legs.

 

“Kind of,” Mark replied, voice even and calm, maybe a bit cold, “But I’m used to it. Almost.”

 

Jinyoung laughed, “I saw you when you’re walking and, honestly, I couldn’t help but be a bit worried, because it’s really cold right now.”

 

“Why would you be worried? We don’t know each other.”

 

That statement cut Jinyoung off right there and then. Mark didn’t mean for it to sound rude, but something has to change.

 

For a moment, Jinyoung didn’t say anything, probably trying to think of something to say that doesn’t sound obsessive in any way. Mark wanted to smile at how cute Jinyoung was. But he knew better than that. He’s determined to change the ending. Doesn’t matter how many times he’ll have to keep waking up on this same Christmas morning. Doesn’t matter how many times he’ll have to change his outfit. Doesn’t matter how many times he’ll have to stop himself from going any further with Jinyoung. Doesn’t matter how many times his heart aches and flutters at the same time whenever he sees Jinyoung. Doesn’t matter how many times he’ll fell in love at first sight. Doesn’t matter. Because he’s going to save Jinyoung. And if saving Jinyoung meant that they can’t be together, then so be it.

 

Mark could do it. He could run away from it.

 

But the problem wasn’t him.

 

The problem was Jinyoung.

 

In all the times they’ve met, Jinyoung was always the one wanting to make something with Mark.

 

It’s hard to run away if Jinyoung was the one initiating.

 

It’s hard to run away when even Fate was on Jinyoung’s side.

 

Mark just wanted to live past this day. If he succeed, maybe he’ll go search for Jinyoung.

 

“Okay, fine, you got me,” Jinyoung chuckled, cheeks burning from embarrassment rather than the cold, “I had a day off today, and, um, I was just, you know, walking around. I saw you and, uh, thought you’re pretty cool, so I just wanted to-”

 

Mark laughed, a hint of bitterness in the tone, “You wanted to come over and talk to me but doesn’t know how. Until I dropped my wallet, and you decided to take up the opportunity. Am I right?”

 

Jinyoung looked a little surprise, “Y-yeah… Something like that…” He stared down at his lap, smiling a little to himself.

 

Undeniably, Mark thought Jinyoung has a nice smile.

 

“Since you knew my intentions,” Jinyoung sighed, lifting his head to meet Mark’s eyes, “Could I buy you a cup coffee?”

 

Hesitating, Mark was stuck in a whirlpool. Should he? Would this count as a stupid decision? He noted the spark in Jinyoung’s eyes. Mark was just lost in those eyes. Maybe this wouldn’t be such a stupid decision. “If you haven’t notice,” Mark held up his own cup of coffee, “I already have one.”

 

The red streak across Jinyoung’s face was something Mark would pay to see again and again. Jinyoung groaned, hiding his face behind his hands, “God, that was so dumb. Not smooth at all.”

 

Mark bit back a laugh, settling for a kind smile instead, “It’s okay. I appreciated that you’ve tried. How about I buy you a cup of coffee?”

 

“R-really?”

 

“Mmmhmm.”

 

“O-okay. Thank you.”

 

“Anytime.”

 

How many more stupid decisions before Mark would finally learn that the only way out is to not interact with Jinyoung at all? Apparently, the answer is a lot more stupid decisions. Mark wanted to kill himself now. How the Hell did he die from a fallen flower pot? What kind of bull?! Given that the pot cracked directly on his head but still! What?! It’s like Nature just wants him to keep relive and finding out cute little ways that he could die. Mark huffed, crossing his arms against his chest. They were having such a great time with each other until some douchebag decided to drop a flower pot from the seventh floor. What. Kind. Of. Bad. Luck.

 

Maybe he shouldn’t even go out today. Yeah, he’ll just do that. Stay in the whole day until the next morning. Bam. Problem solve. Easy.

 

Mark sighed, feeling bad to have wasted such a nice date with someone who he’s been having first dates with for so many time now. It ends here. Something has to change. And so Mark just laid around the apartment, either watching some shows on his old TV or opening his law book to do some studying, or just anything that could kill time.

 

By the end of the day, Mark was exhausted from boredom. There wasn’t anything interesting on TV. He’d already finished his papers and even did three extra lessons ahead. He had dinner. There wasn’t anything left to do except to sit there and stare at the clock. But after a couple of minutes of watching the hands moved, Mark gave up. Burying his face into the pillow, Mark let out a frustrated scream. Staying in was a lot harder than he had thought. Especially on a Christmas day.

 

But there was only four hours left until midnight strikes.

 

If Mark could survive for the next four hours…

 

Mark got up from his couch and headed inside his room. He’ll sleep it off.

 

Hopefully, he’ll wake up to greet a new day tomorrow.

 

Nope. Still the same. Staying in and avoiding Jinyoung didn’t work. Mark dragged himself off his bed. So it wasn’t about not interacting. Mark has to meet Jinyoung. They have to meet. They have to happen for time to flow towards the right direction. Mark has to save Jinyoung.

 

“ this,” Mark angrily cursed, grabbing some clothes and threw them on. This was torture.

 

Mark left his apartment dressed in all black for his own funeral. He’s tired. Maybe he’s overreacting, but Mark really just wants to die. But dying meant waking up on this exact date again. And again. And again. And again. It continues on. He’ll have to suffer from being stuck in time for God knows how long. Christmas had never been so depressing.

 

With hands in his coat pockets, Mark wandered around the busy street. He chose to go out around noon. Instead of getting morning coffee, he’ll just grab lunch. But he has to meet Jinyoung, though. He’ll take a different approach.

 

Walking through the park from the other time, Mark decided to sit at the bench again, testing his luck. He waited. Mark had already trotted down this as one of the many stupid decisions he made. Of course Jinyoung wouldn’t come. It’s noon. Morning would be a more appropriate time, since they always met in the mornings. So why was he sitting here? What’s the point of this? Mark wasn’t sure. He kept on waiting, watching people passing him. The temperature dropped as time dragged on. Pressing his thighs closely together, Mark sighed, what was he even doing?

 

He looked up at the sky and caught the bright blue now turning pitch black, matching with his gloomy outfit. Mark had hoped there would be stars, but this Christmas seemed to be another one without those shiny diamonds. Sighing, Mark got up, scolding himself for wasting time sitting in this freezing weather. He walked to the nearest restaurant, deciding that it’s now the time to fill his poor stomach.

 

Mark ate in silence. The food tasted like nothing to him. He was eating to be full. It’s like he’s drained from all senses and emotions. Christmas was supposed to be a happy day, but all Mark could mustered from his feelings was emptiness. Looking out to the street, Mark felt even colder as the snow fell beautifully. His heart hurts. Will this day end like this? And he’ll have to wake up to it again?

 

Letting out a sigh, Mark shook his head and went back to finishing his hot bowl of noodles. He was done quickly, feeling a lot warmer. Waiting for the waiter to come with his bill, Mark looked out the to the street again, gazing at the little snowflakes blanketing over the concrete. The world seemed to have stopped moving. It was so peaceful. Mark smiled, he wished it’ll be this peaceful always.

 

But the world never has true peace.

 

A black car zoomed past in front of Mark’s eyes. Mark stood up from his seat, staring out to catch another glimpse. That wasn’t what he thought it was… Right…?

 

Slamming down some random bills on the table, Mark hurriedly grabbed his black coat off the chair and rushed outside. He looked down the direction that the car headed to and took off running while struggling to put on his coat. His breath fogged up in smoke puffs as he breathed heavily, forcing his legs to run faster. This can’t be happening.

 

He remembered that car. How could he forget? He didn’t remember it the first time, but he definitely had it engraved into his brain the second time. And if everything’s falling in place, then that car will be heading towards that bridge up ahead. And then-

 

Mark made it to the bridge, chest heaving up and down, trying to catch his breath. Without wasting another second, he looked over the bridge, searching for the car. It was a moonless night. The darkness covered all, teasing Mark in the most despicable way. He turned around. His eyes landed on the metal railing of the bridge that’s hanging off from the platform, dangling freely as to taunt Mark.

 

“No, no, no,” Mark chanted, “God, no!”

 

He ran down to the bottom of the bridge where the edges of the water would kissed the grass growing on the downslope. Mark didn’t think. He couldn’t. It was happening again, and he doesn’t care about anything else now. Before he could rationalize his actions, Mark jumped into the water.

 

Ignoring the icy-cold water wrapping tightly around his body, Mark swam downwards, eyes slightly adjusting to the water and darkness. He kept swimming, whipping his head around frantically, trying to find it. His heart beats wildly against his ribcage. Where is it?! Mark swung his arms around in desperation. He kicked his feet to go above. Ripping through the surface of the water, Mark gasped for air. For a few quick seconds, he calmed himself, and in a huge gulp of air, Mark sunk again. This time, he swam near the surface, seldomly went up for air. Mark swam down the river, mumbling “please please please” every time he came up for more oxygen intake. Taking it a full gulp of air, Mark finally left the surface to swim deeper down.

 

The pure darkness continued to greet him with pleasure. Mark slowly starting to feel nauseous. But he pushed through. He can’t give up. He has to do this.

 

He has to save him.

 

A little more deeper and his eyes caught on the huge form of the car he’s been desperately looking for. Mark didn’t hesitate and kicked his feet harder. The tips of his fingers touched the window of the driver’s seat. He looked inside, the front was empty. A muffled thump reached his ears through the coursing stream. Mark moved over to the back row, and there Jinyoung was. Mark would sighed in relief if there wasn’t water threatened to invade his closed mouth.

 

Grabbing onto the handle of the car’s door, Mark yanked onto it with all the force he had left. It won’t budge. So Mark tried again, and again, and again, each time more desperately than the other. Inside the car, Jinyoung banged against the window, as if trying to get Mark’s attention. Mark didn’t notice. All he wanted right now was to get Jinyoung free. Because he swore he won’t let this happen again. Not this time. Not when Jinyoung was all Mark could think about these past days of reliving such nightmares.

 

The car gradually sunk deeper below. Mark still tried to pulled on the handle, grounding his feet on the car as he pushed himself from it. Gritting his teeth, he’d forgotten that he’s underwater. Gripping tightly and kept on fighting against the water currents, he’d forgotten that he’s running out of air. Water filled his lungs, doing a fine job at suffocating Mark at a slow, unnoticeable pace. Though, Mark could care less.

 

Jinyoung pressed his palms against the window, eyes staring wide, fear written all over his face. Loosening his tie and ed the first two button of his shirt, Jinyoung held Mark’s gaze, trying to convey a message. He was scared. But not scared for his life. He was scared for Mark.

 

Too focus on getting Jinyoung out, Mark didn’t even know when his face changed from color to color from the freezing water. Didn’t notice the water he’s breathing in. Doesn’t notice that he’s slowly being suffocated to death. Mark could see Jinyoung banging onto the window, but he ignored it. Because he knew if he looked now, he’ll just lose himself in those warm eyes.

 

They were both fighting for their lives. Just Mark putting Jinyoung’s over his first.

 

Releasing the car’s handle, Mark tried another method. Using his elbow, Mark slammed it against the car’s window, applying all his body strength. It didn’t do anything at first, but Mark was determined. He continuously hit the same spot on the window with his elbow. Jinyoung inside, also about to face the suffocation of the waters, broke the headrest of the driver’s seat, using it to bang against the window, hoping to flex the glass a bit.

 

After a few more seconds, the water filled the car completely, drowning Jinyoung inside. Mark shook his head wildly as he sees Jinyoung letting go of the headrest to grab his throat. Jinyoung was dying.

 

No...

 

No...

 

NO!

 

With the car being filled up with water, the pressure equalized with the water from outside the car. Mark took this chance and grabbed onto the handle again. He yanked hard on it, forcing himself to produce some kind of strength. He’d rather die than let Jinyoung go like this. The car’s door sprung open. Mark reached in and winded his arms around Jinyoung’s torso, pulling the both of them out. Using his feet to kick the car for support to push them both up, Mark looked down at Jinyoung, whose eyes were hazy and slowly closing.

 

Mark leaned down, pressing his lips against Jinyoung’s quivering ones. Pushing Jinyoung’s back fully against his chest, Mark forced their mouths open. Even a slight bit of air could help. Mark wasn’t sure what he was doing, but the moment their lips touched, suddenly, the icy-cold water surrounding them weren’t so cold anymore. Life was thriving within Mark. Pushing their mouths harder against each other’s, Mark hugged Jinyoung tighter. The angle was a bit inconvenient, but Mark could care less. He was trying his best to pass a little bit of oxygen to Jinyoung.

 

They stayed like that, lips locking and bodies plush against one another, letting the water dance around them in a graceful tune. In the moment, it scared Mark how much of a perfect fit their lips were molding against each other. Mark had never imagined what it would be like to kiss Jinyoung. But this feeling right now was so raw, so intense, so genuine, so in love. Mark pulled apart, turning Jinyoung so they’re now face-to-face. He crashed their mouths together again, hands gripping tight onto Jinyoung’s shoulders. This time, Mark wasn’t just passing air. He just wants to feel it. Just wants to feel what it’ll be like. Just wants to pass on his heart to Jinyoung through this kiss. Just wants to say the words he’s been wanting to say.

 

Mark just wanted to bid a final goodbye.

 

Jinyoung’s eyes opened, greeting Mark’s sincere ones with the radiance of a thousand suns. Mark believed everything he wanted to say has already been received. Pulling away, Mark kicked his feet, hands finding their way back around Jinyoung’s upper body. He swam upwards, holding Jinyoung securely in his embrace. By the time he could almost see the faint light shining through the water’s surface from a sliver of the sleeping moon, Mark was already drowning. He closed his eyes, squeezing the last ounce of strength he had left, Mark pushed Jinyoung’s body upwards, letting Jinyoung used him as a stepping stone. The moment Mark heard the splashing sound of the water’s surface shattering to welcome a raise like a cleansing baptism, he smiled, feeling himself drifting back downwards.

 

Mark opened his eyes to look at Jinyoung one last time before closing them again, accepting his ending outcome.

 

“HEY-” Jinyoung must have screamed from above.

 

That was the last thing Mark heard before his entire world bled into the murk of the river’s sorrows.

 

Jolting awake, Jinyoung’s eyes snapped open as his back instinctively lifted off the bed. His eyes blown wide and body drenched in sweat. Jinyoung’s throat dried up, stopping him from screaming at whatever the Hell that nightmare was. When he had calmed down, Jinyoung grabbed his phone from the nightstand. He the screen, checking for the most important thing that his mind could possibly process right now.

 

Tuesday, December 26, the screen displayed.

 

A sigh randomly left his lips. Jinyoung didn’t know why. Shrugging, he probably overthinking things. Dragging himself out of his bed, Jinyoung scoffed. How great to be waking from a nightmare that he doesn’t even remember. And Jinyoung thought going to work everyday was a pain.

 

Dressing himself in a typical charcoal suit, Jinyoung skipped breakfast and hurriedly over to the elevator of his penthouse. A hot cup of coffee would feel awesome right now, considering how tired his body was suddenly feeling, as if he’s been struggling underwater for a long time. Jinyoung shook off from that thought. He should focus on work. It’s the day after Christmas-

 

Wait.

 

Christmas?

 

Jinyoung turned the key, starting up the engine of his car. “It was Christmas yesterday?” The question was more to himself. His eyebrows knitted together. His brain tried to dig through his memories. “What did I do yesterday?”

 

It was like someone broke into Jinyoung’s place and brainwashed him, because he just couldn’t remember what had happened yesterday. Like yesterday didn’t even exists. Jinyoung pondered about it throughout his drive. He thought he’s been working too hard as the CEO that he’s starting to lose his mind for real. No matter how hard he tried to remember, he wouldn't remember. Like something just erased it off the face of this planet right in front of his eyes.

 

Confused, Jinyoung shook his head. “Whatever,” he sighed, steering his car to go up the bridge.

 

Wait.

 

Bridge?

 

Jinyoung slammed onto the brakes. He looked out his car’s window to the glistening river below. “This…” He opened his car’s door and got out. Jinyoung walked towards the railing, placing his hand on top of it as he stared out into the waters. For some reason, his heart picked up its speed, yelling into his ears in pure desperation. In a swift second, the memories flooded back.

 

The memories.

 

All of them.

 

The coffee shop. The stained reindeer sweater. The leather jacket. The park. The laughs. The smiles. The-

 

“H-how m-many times…” Jinyoung found himself staggering back against his car, hand hovering over his mouth in disbelief. “How-how many times did-did w-we… How many times did we met...” And more memories poured, and kept pouring, until every bits of them overwhelmed him.

 

Jinyoung looked down at the water below, eyes widened and glassy, tears b on their edges, preparing to fall at any moment. He ran down the bridge in a hurry, stopping at the meet of the river and the grass. Swallowing hard, Jinyoung muttered scaredly under his breath, still hanging in shock. His eyes glazed over the river. If the recent meeting had happened, then-

 

“Mark!” Jinyoung shouted, feeling the strings of his heart tugging painfully. The colors drained from his face. The harsh winds slapped him repeatedly across his face, blaming him for everything that had happened. Jinyoung shook his head, tears rolling down his pale cheeks. “MARK!” He screamed, ripping his vocal chords apart. Reality came crashing down on him.

 

Jinyoung denied it.

 

He didn’t want this.

 

This reality.

 

He don’t want it!

 

Running back to his car, Jinyoung angrily let the wind wiped away his tears. He won’t accept this. It’s not fair. Jinyoung started his car again and pressed hard onto the accelerator. Driving straight to the that busy street, Jinyoung swears he won’t let this happen. He’ll find him. He’ll find Mark.

 

Mark can’t be dead.

 

He can’t.

 

Jinyoung won’t let it happen.

 

He parked his car in a random open space, couldn’t be giving more than two s right now. Jinyoung ran to that coffee shop where they first ever met. He stopped in front of the shop, looking around at the people passing by laughing and talking to each other. His mind ran in circles, pressuring him by seconds. Jinyoung was so desperate. So so so desperate. Walking back and forth in front of the shop, Jinyoung was counting time. He whipped his head around again, trying to catch a familiar face in the crowd. Adrenaline pumping throughout his body, keeping him unable to stand still. Something has to happen. Something has to happen.

 

Please.

 

Please.

 

Please-

 

“Oh, my God! !” A string of curses in English tugged Jinyoung back.

 

Jinyoung felt the burning feeling of hot coffee sticking to his skin. He looked down, witnessing a battlefield right on his suit.

 

“… … That suit looks expensive,” more English.

 

Jinyoung’s first reaction was to raise Hell on whoever the that had the audacity to do this. He wasn’t in the ing mood. But his anger immediately died down, like a weak flame in the wind, as soon as he saw the person’s face.

 

“I’m so sorry,” the man said in Korean this time, “I was just… God, I’m so so so sorry. It’s my fault. I wasn’t looking where I was going. I’m really really sorry.”

 

Standing in front of Jinyoung was Mark.

 

Mark in his white button-up, black jeans, and cream trench coat. Mark with his hair gelled up and ears free of piercings. Mark when they first ever met inside this coffee shop. Mark when Jinyoung had bumped into him and spilled his coffee over his white shirt. Mark when they first met.

 

Jinyoung’s words caught in his throat. Everything was drowning him.

 

“Hey, I know this probably isn’t much, but,” Mark pointed across the street, “There’s a store over there that sells clothes, maybe I could go over there and grab you something to change into? You’re on your way to work, aren’t you? God, I’m such an idiot. I’m so sorry. I can’t afford you another suit, I’m so sorry. Now you’re late for work and you have a huge coffee stain on your suit, and goddamnit, I feel like a klutz. I’m so sor-”

 

“It’s fine,” Jinyoung finally had the courage to say.

 

The frown on Mark’s face had Jinyoung’s stomach doing flips. “No, it’s not. I just ruined your suit!”

 

Chuckling, Jinyoung looked down, and yes, his suit was pretty much drenched in brown liquid, but that didn’t matter right now. “It’s really fine. I wasn't in a hurry. I could just go home and change.” Lies. He’s in a hurry. There’s a really important meeting this morning.

 

“You sure?” Mark looked skeptical, quirking his eyebrow.

 

Jinyoung nodded, offering a smile, “Yeah, I’m sure.”

 

And Mark sighed, “Again, I’m really sorry. See, this is what happen when you sleep for the whole day during Christmas. You wake up all messed up.”

 

“No, you’re good,” Jinyoung waved off, “You look great.” That wasn’t supposed to be said out loud.

 

Mark looked amused for a split second before the corners of his mouth lifted up in a small smile, “Thank you. I have a meeting with a Senior today to discuss about my plans to continue law school. Gotta look at least presentable, am I right?”

 

“You look more than just ‘presentable,’ I hope it goes well.”

 

“Yeah, I hope so, too.”

 

They stood there for a while. Jinyoung just stared at Mark. Emotions washed over him the longer he let his eyes lingered. He desperately wanted to reach out and crash their lips together to feel that feeling they had shared underwater. Instead, Jinyoung clasped his hands together in attempt to restrain himself. He smiled brightly, eyes shining with glittering warmth, “Could I get you a cup of hot coffee? You look like you really need one.”

 

“M-me?” Mark cleared his throat awkwardly, “It’s my fault… I bumped into you. I should be asking you if there’s any way for me to compensate for my stupid self, not letting you buy me a new cup of coffee.”

 

Jinyoung laughed, hands in his pants pockets, another attempt to control himself at Mark’s cuteness. “You can compensate by letting me buy you coffee.”  

 

“How does that makes any sense?” Mark looked at Jinyoung with confusion written on his face, however, the obvious red tints coloring his cheeks said otherwise. He for sure knew Jinyoung was flirting with him. “Well, if you insist, I guess I do need another cup of coffee.” Mark smiled sheepishly at Jinyoung.

 

“Okay, then-”

 

“But if you have time, though, I feel like I’m holding you back from doing your business-”

 

“No, it’s okay. I can make time for you,” Jinyoung winked, smiling prettily.  

 

Mark burst into laughters, turning his face to the side a bit to somehow hide the red tips of his ears. “Wow. That was smooth.”

 

“I know,” Jinyoung shrugged casually, enjoying the way Mark’s face flaming up in a shift of a second.

 

“Question.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Is this a one-time thing? Do I have the honors to request another cup of coffee some day?”

 

Mark’s little teasing smile swept Jinyoung off his feet just like that. It was like falling for Mark all over again. And Jinyoung didn’t mind one bit. “I have a question, too.”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Do I have the honors to take you out for lunch?”

 

At this, Mark laughed, eyes reflecting the winter’s sunlight gorgeously, “Only Time will tell.”

 

Jinyoung looked down, biting his lip, and looked up at Mark, “I’m sure Time will tell you to have many lunches with me. Maybe even dinners.”

 

“We’ll talk about it when we meet again.”

 

Watching Mark entering the coffee shop, Jinyoung found his heart breathing alive again. All these times. All the encounters. All these firsts. And Jinyoung still find himself falling in love with that heavenly smile again for probably the hundredth time.

 

“Oh, we’ll definitely going to meet again, Mark.”