“Daesung.”

“Hmm?”

“I’ve been thinking about something.”

“Again?” Daesung raises his eyebrow skeptically, watching Seunghyun over his cup of tea. “We are not going to have a dog.”

“No,” Seunghyun laughs but it’s a nervous laugh. Daesung recognizes it immediately and puts his palm on Seunghyun’s cheek. The latter leans to his touch, eyes not meeting his. “About having a kid.”

Daesung chokes on his drink, coughing uncontrollably.

“I know it sounds crazy,” Seunghyun rushes to his side, patting the younger back’s softly. “It’s… insanely crazy.”

“It is,” Daesung spits out a response as soon as his cough has subsided. “Whose idea was that?”

“Mine,” Seunghyun bites his lower lip. “My own.”

Daesung looks at him as if he’d never seen Seunghyun before. His heart is hammering in his chest as the signs drawn on him. Seunghyun is avoiding his stare, Seunghyun’s hands are balled into fists, Seunghyun is breathing hard.

“Oh my God, hyung,” he stands up from his chair abruptly, trembling. “You’re serious.”

Seunghyun takes a deep breath. “I am.”

“You can’t be…” Daesung wraps his arm around himself. He wishes for hell to be wide open and swallow him to stop the misery crawling from his legs to his head. Memories and dreams collide within his mind, creating a chaos over his heart. He walks out from their kitchen to their bedroom, manages to close the door before he pounds his fist on his chest to chase the pain away.

Seunghyun follows him not so long after, trying to find his courage before knocking on the door. Technically, it’s his bedroom too and he always joked that their bedroom was his area.

“Daesung?” he turns the door knob, finding the man he’s been living together for five years sitting on their bed, facing the walls. He can’t see Daesung’s face but he knows from the slump of his shoulder that the younger man has no intention to talk about the matter anymore. “I’m sorry.”

Daesung doesn’t nod, doesn’t shake his head, doesn’t make any movement to show that he’d heard Seunghyun apology.

“Daesung,” Seunghyun walks closer to him, climbing on his bed and sits behind the slightly shorter male, wrapping his arms around the figure he loves so much. “Just forget it, okay? I’m sorry.”

Daesung trembles in his hold and Seunghyun’s heart hurts at the recognition. His Daesung is crying and he’s the one causing it. His Daesung doesn’t cry, not so much, never this much.

“Daesung…”

“Who?” Daesung asks finally, the question escapes his mouth like venom, his voice is shaking. “Who is she?”

“She?” Seunghyun pulls him closer, Daesung’s back is warm against his chest but the tension around them is more than enough to kill. “Whom are you talking about?”

“Whoever bears your child,” the younger man struggles to escape Seunghyun’s embrace but the hold only tightened the more he moves. “Whoever you’re thinking about having kids with.”

“You,” Seunghyun says sternly, a matter of fact. “You misunderstood, Daesung.”

“Do you think we live in fanfiction, hyung?!” Daesung finally pushes him strong enough to let go. He stands and turn around to face Seunghyun, tears are still glistening in his eyes, face red with the thought of betrayal. But it’s only for a split second, because then, his mask crumples and he closes his eyes. “I know very well the risk of this…of us.”

“It’s not what you think, Daesung,” Seunghyun takes Daesung’s hand in his and feels slight relief in his chest when Daesung doesn’t pull back. He the other man’s back of hand with his thumb. “I wasn’t talking about having my own children.”

Daesung snicker at him in an attempt to mock, and honestly, it frustrates Seunghyun. Even though Seunghyun is older, he is the child between them two and Daesung’s amount of patience is so much more beyond his. Seeing him in this state, trying to run away from what’s hurting him, attempting not to get more scars in his heart by pushing away other people; is frustrating.

Both of them are introverts who enjoy having their own spaces, their own place, their own peace. They enjoy whispering secrets and being loud about themselves when no one is looking. Seunghyun knows that he’s lucky to have someone who stays by his side even as he doesn’t understand Seunghyun’s preferences of art.

Seunghyun knows that he’s very damn lucky to have someone who never fails to love him even in his worst.

“I was talking about adoption,” he reaches to cup Daesung’s face with his palms. The younger’s eyes meet his and he hiccups, but there’s no sign of backing off.

“Adoption?” Daesung frowns. He didn’t see that coming from Seunghyun. He’d seen everything else that might come to them; love that fall apart, scars from separation, words people mutter about them, someone who wants to come in between; everything but adoption.

“Yeah,” Seunghyun lowers his stare again, stuttering to explain. “It was just…just an idea, Daesung,” he stands up from his seating position and leans forward to touch his forehead to Daesung’s. “I won’t trade this, us, with something that might break us apart.”

“I –I don’t know,” Daesung is at lost at what to do. His finger fidgets awakwardly with Seunghyun’s edge of shirt and finally he glides them alongside the other’s back until it’s resting on Seunghyun’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Seunghyun kisses his lips very softly. “I shouldn’t bring that up.”

“But you’re thinking about it, hyung,” Daesung’s breath ends up against Seunghyun’s skin when they lean for another kiss. “I want to know what you’re thinking about.”

“You,” Seunghyun answers his doubt with butterfly kisses alongside his neck. “Always you.”

***

Daesung lets out another deep sigh. Seunghyun is asleep beside him, his jaw relaxing and his feature is serene.

“Adoption,” Daesung whispers quietly so he won’t wake the older male up. He slides his hand until the tip of his fingers touching Seunghyun’s skin. It’s a lie if he never thought about having child. He admits belatedly that he’s not the best with kids, he often doesn’t know what to say or do or talk about. Most of times, he only threw jokes or treated them food or showed them his poor magic trick…or sang them children songs. He loves, loves, spending times with his nephew or Yeonjun or any other kids around him, but to have one staying in his house, living with him under the same roof every day, sharing bathroom, shopping together for clothes, asking him questions he’s not sure he has the answers, counting on him, his own child…

Seunghyun stirs in his sleep and Daesung quickly closes his eyes, trying to even his breathing. He feels the bed creaks and dips and Seunghyun’s lips on his. He feels the older male shifts him to lay against his chest then it’s quiet until he can hear Seunghyun’s heart beats in his ear. He pretends to sleep until Seunghyun’s arm goes heavy on his shoulder, until he hears soft snores.

When he opens his eyes, the thought still lingers in the air, clouding in his chest like ghost.

“Adoption,” Daesung whispers once again, a little bit louder this time until he’s sure the walls memorize his word.

***

Seunghyun wakes up alone in his bed. Daesung’s side is empty and tidy, as always, since the younger male sleeps like rock, unmoving. He rolls onto his back and stares at the ceiling. The digital clock on the bedside table tells him that it’s almost ten. Daesung must’ve gotten up early, probably done with breakfast already. He reaches for his phone to check his message and is reading one from his sister when he hears Daesung’s footsteaps approaching.

“Morning,” Seunghyun mumbles, eyes still on his phone as the younger male enters their bedroom.

“I made us food,” Daesung announces then laughs at Seunghyun’s suspicious glance. “Just coffee and sandwich.”

“You don’t drink coffee,” Seunghyun frowns, setting his phone on the bed. “And sandwich?”

“Bread, ham, lettuce,” Daesung says in a way of explanation. “I’m good with my water.”

“Water,” Seunghyun snickers. He stretches his limbs. “I thought you’ve had breakfast without me.”

“I was waiting for you,” the younger speaks hesitantly. “We need to talk,” with that, Daesung heads downstairs, leaving a confused Seunghyun alone.

***

“I’ve been thinking about it,” Daesung blurts out during Seunghyun’s third sip of his coffee. Seunghyun only stares at him blankly. “Adoption.”

Seunghyun puts his mug down but keeps his palm on it, absorbing the warmth from its surface. “And?” he asks softly. “It was just an idea. Like I said last night, what’s important to me is you.”

“Us,” Daesung corrects him and smiles.

“Us,” Seunghyun parrots then reaches his hand to squeeze Daesung’s. “I’m glad that you thought about it.”

“I currently am,” the younger says cheekily, his eyes lit up and provides Seunghyun the eyesmile he loves the most. “Thinking about it.”

“What are you thinking about?”

Daesung sneers. “That I don’t know how to change diapers.”

“Oh God,” Seunghyun takes another sip of his coffee, one hand still lingers over Daesung’s. “Don’t talk about diapers during breakfast.”

“Seriously though,” Daesung laughs. “You’ll be the one doing that.”

Seunghyun can’t help but cringing at the thought. “No, thanks.”

“And who will teach him how to pee?” Daesung challenges again.

Seunghyun raises his eyebrows. “Excuse you? It