When he first sees the sign he stops in his tracks and takes a good look at it, “ot6” it says and the girl holding it seems happy enough that he's  seen it.  He decides not to say anything or act in a way, instead, he just wanders off to another part of the stage and stands there.

But then it starts off as a pressing feeling in his chest, he doesn't know what is it and why he's feeling it so he chooses to ignore it. But the feeling won't go away and it's distracting him from the concert and the fans. He tries to calm himself by reminding him that when the song’s over there are only a few minutes of talking left and then the concert will come to an end.

When the song ends he breathes a sigh of relief and when Hanbin starts talking he feels relieved knowing that he’ll soon be off the stage. But when more time passes he realizes that the pressing feeling in his chest is becoming heavy And more present than before. It’s not only in his chest anymore that he feels weird, his arms also feel like they suddenly weigh a ton and his legs feel glued to the ground.  

He hasn’t experienced anything like this before and it's frightening because he doesn't know what “this” is or why he's feeling this way. When Jinhwan starts talking he almost feels like his breaths are coming out a bit short like he ran for about ten minutes and is starting to feel the effect.

When it's his turn to speak he has trouble holding up his mic because his hands are shaking and the words he so desperately wants to voice seem to clog up in his throat. He looks down to the ground and tries to calm himself enough to thank the fans but his vision feels blurry and his chest heavier. He feels a hand on his shoulder and when he looks up it's Jinhwan, he's smiling because he probably just thinks that Chanwoo’s a bit emotional because the concert’s coming to an end.

Chanwoo tries to get his head on straight again and so he looks up again and ignores the burning feeling of a few tears in his eyes. “T-thank you f-for an amazing concert and for a-always supporting u-us” is the thing that comes out of his mouth and it's not very long and not very pretty either but it's something.

Jinhwan’s hand tightens its hold on his shoulder and gives him a reassuring smile, Chanwoo can see the confusion in his eyes though. Because Chanwoo never cries in front of people. Not in front of them and certainly not in front of the fans so what's got him so emotional now.

Thankfully Junhwe’s the last to speak and his speeches are almost always short so it doesn't take long before they're all joining hands and bowing to the fans before exiting the stage.

As soon as they're off stage Chanwoo’s reaching for a water bottle and trying to sooth the burning feeling in his chest. He's shaking more prominently now and it's obvious to the people around him as he tries to drink from the bottle with little success because he spills all over himself.

“Chanwoo, what's wrong?” it's Donghyuk who asks and he sounds very concerned and perhaps a little bit scared. Chanwoo tries to answer, he really does but his mouth isn't working and his head is spinning. He almost feels like he's about to be sick.

“Chanwoo talk to me,” Donghyuk says and this time he's right in front of Chanwoo, “h-hyung I...I can't” his teeth are hacking and his entire being his shaking. Everything feels hot but also cold and heavy but light and it's disarming and frightening because Chanwoo’s not even sure where he is anymore.

There are hands grabbing at him and leading him to the couches and he doesn't know who the hands belong to but he knows that at least one pair belongs to Donghyuk.

When he's seated on the couch his shaking becomes even more visible only because the couch moves with him and his hyungs are at loss. There are cordi noonas around him and their manager but he's not too sure on what they're doing since they don't seem to be helping one bit.

There's a plastic bag pushed into his lap and he wants to toss it away because he’s not sick like that but, then again, he doesn't actually know why he’s feeling like this.

“H-hyung I… I c-can’t b...breathe” he manages to get out in between his half sobbing half heaving and he doesn't even know who he's talking to, he just wants someone to know what's going on.

There's a hand carding through his hair and a wet cold towel on his forehead and it feels a bit better but it doesn't help the tightness in his chest. There’s murmuring around him and someone talking to him but it’s all white noise to him.

Suddenly there’s someone kneeling in front of him and snapping their fingers in front of his face, he doesn't know what's going on but the snapping doesn't stop so he's forced to focus on it.

When he manages to focus he can make out the figure in front of him and it’s shockingly Junhwe who's kneeling in front of him. “Yah, listen to me,” he says and Chanwoo clings onto the words because at the moment they're the only thing that’s making any sense.

“Try to slow your breathing” he speaks and Chanwoo hears and understands but doesn't know how to, he tries to hold his breath for a bit but that just makes him panic even more.

“No not like that” Junhwe scolds as he sees what the younger is doing, he realizes that this is probably Chanwoo’s first experience with panic and that he absolutely has no idea what to do. He grabs Chanwoo’s hand and puts it against his chest, Chanwoo recoils a bit because of the strange show of affection but doesn't say anything, he wouldn't be able to even if he wanted to.

“Try to breathe like me,” he says as he starts to breathe heavily so that Chanwoo can follow. It's tough and it takes a while to truly be back on track and breathe at a somewhat normal speed but it works and Chanwoo’s shaking subsides a bit too. What's left after that is just a very tired looking maknae and a very concerned bunch of hyungs.

When Chanwoo leans forward a bit Junhwe’s there to meet him halfway and rest his forehead against more than a little sweaty maknae. But in that moment he couldn't care less.

Chanwoo breathes heavily but at least he’s breathing now and Junhwe keeps Chanwoo’s hand on his chest and continues to breathe so that Chanwoo can follow. But when Chanwoo starts pulling on his hand Junhwe lets up and moves back a bit.

Jinhwan cards his hand through Chanwoo’s hair once again and kisses his head while Yunhyeong takes a seat next to Chanwoo and grabs his right hand in his.

“Chanwoo what happened?” Jinhwan asks when Chanwoo has calmed down a but Chanwoo just shakes his head and swallows thickly.

“N-nothing happened, I just got a bit emotional,” he says but it's an obvious lie that they all see through. “That wasn't just a bit emotional, that was full on panic,” Hanbin says from behind Junhwe and the rest of them nod in agreement.

Chanwoo sees that they won't believe any lie he spews and looks down to the ground in defeat, he sighs deeply and contemplates what to do next. He knows he should tell the truth but he knows what his hyungs will say, too. They'll tell him that he's a part of ikon and to not listen to the haters but it's not so easy all the time.

“There was this girl in the audience and she had a sign that said ot6” he says and he can see how Jiwon and Hanbin open their mouths so before they say anything he quickly adds, “and I know that I shouldn't take that to heart but it does hurt when people go through the struggle of getting tickets and making a sign just to tell me to leave. I already do that to myself enough…” He breaks off as he realizes what he just spilled and there's a long silence after and Yunhyeong’s hand tightens its grip on his and Jinhwan’s hand stills in his hair he can tell that he's upset them.

“Yah what do you mean you already do that yourself?”

Chanwoo pauses, realizing his mistake of revealing a little too much, he curses his stupidity internally. What’s he supposed to say now? Just kidding! Yeah right, they would never believe him if he did that.

“I just mean, like, we all doubt ourselves occasionally, right?” he hesitates a bit, unsure of how much he can say as to not worry his hyungs too much. He takes a look at the men around him and realizes that he’s already said far too much, judging by the suffocating silence and the concerned stares.

“Chanwoo-yah,” Jinhwan begins, trying to keep his concern and anger at bay, “there’s a difference between doubting your dancing for a song and doubting you place in this group,” his jaw is tense and he’s speaking through his teeth which has Chanwoo recoiling. He hadn’t meant to upset anyone, but look at him now, he’s gone and ed everything up.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles and look down at his lap in shame, “yah,” Yunhyeong says from beside him and tightens his grip on Chanwoo even more, “there’s nothing to apologize for, we’re just worried,” he says softly and leans a little closer to the younger. Chanwoo nods in understanding but none of the boys in the room truly believes that he understands and believes them.

It’s silent for quite a while and just when Chanwoo’s about to apologize once more and ask that they forget everything Junhwe speaks up, “so what if they had an ot6 sign? We’re not six people, we’re seven, so just them,” he spits out and Chanwoo hears a smack which makes him look up to see Junhwe holding his shoulder and Hanbin standing over him.

Chanwoo manages a small grin at the interaction but Junhwe’s remark hangs heavily in the air, so what if they had an ot6 sign? They’re seven, and of course, he knows that but that doesn’t make him doubt himself any less. People getting kicked out of groups is not unheard of, although it’s never confirmed to the public but in the idol world they know that if they screw up there is the possibility of getting kicked out, although it usually requires something really serious to have happened.

He’s never heard of anyone getting kicked out for being untalented, they usually never debut if they’re untalented so he’s obviously good at something, but he could be better, which he’s very aware of and so are the fans- haters. He knows the majority of fans like him since they picked him, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t a lot of haters out there. Out of all the members, he gets the most hate which he guesses isn’t completely unjustified considering the fact that he hasn’t gone through all the hardships they have, but it’s not like he was promised to debut and just arrived at YG with everything already planned out.

“It’s just,” he pauses because he truly doesn’t know what to say, he knows how he feels but it’s hard to put it into words, “I sometimes think that you would be...better off being 6,” Chanwoo mumbles before quickly adding, “ not that I don’t want to be apart of this group! Because I do, more than anything, I just, you know, doubt myself sometimes.”

When silence falls in the room and no one dares to move Chanwoo feels that uncomfortable feeling in his chest starting to return, he’s getting more nervous by the second and in a moment of weakness he leans forward once again to try and capture Junhwe’s eyes for some comfort. Which he manages to do but it doesn’t give much comfort because Junhwe is frowning at him.

“Hyung,” he says, trying to hold the stinging tears back, “I’m sorry, just, f-forget that I said anything,” he adds hastily, trying to get rid of the heavy silence. It’s only him and his hyungs left in the room, the staff and their managers left to give them some privacy but in this moment he almost wishes they were still there, just to make some noise.

“Do you really...feel that way?” Jinhwan questions, concerned as well as perhaps a bit angry, and in that moment it’s so distinctly clear that he’s the oldest in the group, despite not being the leader he’s the one who speaks up first.

“I just- you know,” Chanwoo pauses, unsure of what to say, “sometimes,” he settles for and that’s when Hanbin decides that he’s had enough. He lightly pushes Junhwe away from his position and takes his place, kneeling right in front of their maknae. He grabs the hand that isn’t occupied by Yunhyeong and takes a deep breath so that he doesn’t let all his frustrations out on the younger boy.

“Chanwoo, I-” he drags a hand through his hair and sighs deeply, “do we- I, make you feel out of place?” he questions quietly and Chanwoo’s eyes widen drastically, “no! No not at all, hyung. You haven’t done anything wrong!” he exclaims and Hanbin tightens his grip on Chanwoo’s hand to the point where Chanwoo wonders if there’s any blood reaching his hand.

“But we gotta be doing something for you to feel this way,” Jiwon speaks up and they all nod in unison, but Chanwoo isn’t having it, his hyungs are absolutely not to blame. “No, hyung. It’s not you, it’s all me,” he mumbles and it’s such a cliche that Junhwe can’t help but snort, “yeah, like we haven’t heard that one before,” he mutters and for once no one tells him off.

“It’s true, it really isn’t you, it’s just me being stupid, can’t we just drop this?” he just wants them to forget this ever happened so that they can go back to normal. But none of them seem to be willing to let this go. “We understand that you don’t want to talk about this, but this is obviously something that has been bothering you, and if we just let this go who’s to say that it won’t get worse?” Chanwoo stays silent after Hanbin’s little rant because no matter how he looks at it the leader is right, he doesn't know if this feeling is going to get worse, but it certainly doesn’t seem to be getting better.

When Chanwoo doesn’t speak for a while Hanbin assumes that his message has gotten across, he claps his left hand over their intertwined ones and hums, “maybe it’s best if we leave it at that, but we’ll talk about this later, when you’re feeling better,” Hanbin says and although Chanwoo feels anxious about having this conversation again, he’s happy that they're letting it go for now. Despite feeling annoyed that they won’t let it go, he also feels a little warm and cared for, because he knows they care for him very deeply. And maybe that’s enough to get him on the right track.

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed, I was a bit unsure on how to end it so it ended up like...well...what you just read.

anyways, hope you have a nice day/night/morning/afternoon <3

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