It's been a month since he lost him. A month since he saw that beautiful face lying in casket. It's been so hard ever since. He could feel the quietness enveloping their usually cheerful dorm. There wasn't Jonghyun to wrestle with Minho for the remote, there was no one to gossip about girls with taemin, there wasn't anyone to piss the hell out of kibum, and there wasn't anyone to whisper sweet nothings in Jinki's ear. Because that one person who was Jinki's best friend, has left them behind to go on the long unending journey. And now it was Jinki's responsibility to keep what was remaining, together.

He hasn't cried even once, yet. Because, he is leader. He doesn't have Jonghyun beside him to stay strong while leader can cry on his shoulder. He is all alone now. And besides, he knows that others are still not feeling better.

He knows how Kibum still gets in tears whenever he sees anything related to Jonghyun.

He knows how taemin still keeps all the stuff related to older man at his designated place, hoping he will come back.

He knows how ever so strong minho sits in front of Jonghyun's photograph that they have placed beside that frame with all of them together in hall, and just stares at it with tears in his eyes.

Heck, he even knows how roo still hopes her owner is out for schedule, and barks with uneasiness searching for Jonghyun everywhere.

They are still struggling. And so, Jinki being the oldest can not afford to be weak. 

Suddenly an uneasy feeling grips his heart. If Jonghyun, who never looked unhappy, was so engulfed with depression, then what about his other members? Currently they all were so sad and so tired with everything. What if someone again decides that they can't continue? No!! He can't afford to let that happen. He knew he shouldn't think like that. But he was scared, he suddenly stood up and made his way to Kibum's room. He knocked before pushing the door open. 

Kibum was sitting on his bed, hugging his knees close to his chest. He looked up to give Jinki a little smile to show him he was okay, but Jinki's heart broke at the sight of dried tears on his cheeks and just how tired Kibum looked. The earlier uneasy feeling again gripped his gut, and he promptly stood up, surprising Kibum in the process.

"Hyung? Are you okay?" Kibum asked, unsure about Jinki's action.

"Y-yes Kibum-ah... Can you just let Minho and taemin know that I want to talk to you all? I'll be waiting in the hall. I know you guys want to rest, I'll be quick I promise. Just few minutes. Can you do that?"

Kibum looked at his leader and he realised just how desperate Jinki sounded. In any other case, he would have rolled his eyes at the older. But currently he knew better than that. He simply nodded and that was all Jinki needed before he left the room.
After few minutes he heard footsteps approaching and he turned to find his band mates coming towards him. He bit his lips as he really just how tired they all looked. He motioned them to sit on the couch, which they did.

Jinki took a deep breath and started, "I know you all are still coping with our brother's loss. And I know you certainly don't want anyone to tell you how you should be feeling or behaving. Everyone has there own way of coping with these things and you guys are free to take whatever time that you want. But I just wanted to let you know that I'm here for you. Jonghyun was my best friend, and still I could not be there to help him through whatever that was hurting him. I don't want anything like that happen to anyone else."

It was getting harder to talk, and he could see s were getting confused with each passing second. But he have to do this. He closed his eyes and imagined Jonghyun was there, he imagined his hand rubbing soothing circles on his back while his smooth voice whispering a little fighting~ in his ear. That was all Jinki needed as he opened his eyes and continued.

" I know I have always been that silly hyung who tripped over nothing and made really bad jokes... But I'm trying to be strong for you. I know you all are struggling and I don't want anyone of you to feel helpless. So if anything is bothering you anytime, just let me know. It can be anything really. I won't judge. If you are too tired with multiple schedules piling up, just tell me and I will make sure to get you enough time to rest. If you are feeling lonely or homesick, let me know and I'll do anything I can to make sure you get to meet and spend time with your loved ones. If you want to cry, I'll be there with a box of tissues and I promise I won't let anyone else know about it. Just remember that I'm here for you. You don't have to feel alone, because no matter what, I'll be there for you. Till my last breath."

He could see little tears adorning there faces and he panicked. Even Minho was crying and he thought that he screwed up. Did he talk too much? Godd! It's so hard without Jonghyun there to make sure Jinki uses correct words. He should just say sorry and leave before making them feel worse. 

"I-I'M sorry I said too much. It's just that, I disappointed him. I wasn't there for him and I don't want to not be there for anyone ever again. I'm sorry again. I think I'll just leave!" 

Jinki turned around and started taking few steps towards main door. Maybe he will just take a long walk and clear his mind. Or he can take roo for walk. Now with Jonghyun gone, he was supposed to take care of her. And he is going to make sure she is doing good. But then he heard a little murmur and stopped dead in his tracks.

"We want you to know that we are here for you as well!" 

He turned around to see Kibum taking few steps towards him.

"We know how much he meant to you hyung. You guys were the oldest, our pillars. You took role of that stupid hyung who made sure we are happy and laughing, while he took it upon him to make sure we are not going out of hand. I know how he was the only one to whom you ever opened up. I can't count how many times I stumbled in kitchen late at night to find you both sitting there talking about everything from your personal hardships to your dreams to the dreams you both had for our group. I know you are having it hard to believe that he was struggling so much and I know somewhere you are blaming yourself. I don't want you to. I can't afford to lose another hyung." 

Kibum could not continue so Minho took his place as he started talking while rubbing soothing circles on Kibum's back.

"Yes hyung. We know how he was your strength. He cared for you a lot. And you only ever depended on him. I know how much you both respected each other. How even after his solo debut he still wrote so many songs which you both sung and recorded together. I know how you both adored each other voices, how you both were there for each other every single time. I respected your relationship with each other. You guys were each others strength, and I know that makes him your biggest weakness too."

Taemin who was quite the whole time, stood up and continued. 

"Hyung, what we all are trying to say is that we know how much his death has hurt you. I know how you listen to all those songs you secretly recorded on your mobile, before going to bed every single day. I know how you call his mother once in two days to make sure she is doing well. I know how you make sure roo is doing good in his absence. Hyung, you still haven't cried once after his death. It's okay to let it out hyung. I know no one can take his place in our lives but we have to be there for each other. You can cry hyung. We all are going to get through this. Because this is what he would have wanted, right?"

Jinki was stunned. He was glad that they were still caring for his well being. He thought that he should at least let them know what he is thinking.

"I-I don't know what I should be saying. He was my best friend. He was strength. He was the one  who made sure I was okay. He didn't deserve this. How can such a beautiful,kind soul who blessed millions lives with his presence had to die at a rented place, all alone without anyone by his side? How can I be so stupid to believe he was happy, when he was struggling so much? It's all my fault. And I don't want to repeat my mistake. It hurt so bad to see him lifeless. He had promised me, that he will be there for me always. 'Yahhh Jinki-ah, you are not alone. You are a great leader, and I'm always going to be there with you. We are bet friends, remember??'

We were going to make duets till we grew old. 'Jinki-yah, how come we have only one official duet when our voices mix so perfectly?? Since we can't force our company, let's just make songs and record them on our own. At last singing together matters, right? It will be our little secret!!'

I just can't believe he is not here. But We have to accept it and get better for him. But it just hurts a lot... Jonghyun-ahhh why did you do that to me???"

Jinki could feel his tears soaking his face. He hid his face with his palms, angry to have broken the promise he made to himself to be strong for s. And just then he felt three pair of arms around him. Hugging each other close and crying just as hard as him. They haven't cried together like this after their last concert and it felt like Jonghyun knew that would be the last time so he hugged each of them with so much feelings.

Soon sobs turned to hiccups and hiccups turned to just heavy breathing, and suddenly Jinki yelled that stupid chant that Jonghyun had invented. And that little action brought smile to there faces. 

Yes, it was hard, to go through life without that one person who was part of your life for years. But that person always wanted them to be happy. And now that he was gone, this is the least they can do for him.

Shine was five, it is and it will always be. As their fans say, they are just four people with one angel watching over them now. 

They all stood in front if Jonghyun's photograph and bowed to him with all their heart. 

It will take time to get back on the track, but he is going to make sure they fulfill every single dream Jonghyun had seen for them, Jinki thought as he once again embraced them all,one by one and smiled as he felt a little bit of hope he could feel in their eyes.

A/N:

So this is it... I just don't know what to say... I have been huge jongyu shipper and for the past month I don't know how many times I wished it was all dream. I love Jonghyun, even though he wasn't my bias he was one hell of an artist. I have always treasured their friendship and somehow I have imagined their relationship like what I have wrote in this fic. I'm sorry if anyone is not satisfied with this fic. Let me know your thoughts through comments.

And most importantly, if anyone wants to say anything, if anyone wants to share anything and needs someone to talk to, I'm here. Youncan message me here and I will reply you. Let's just make sure no one is hurting anymore.