I blow out two quick breaths and stash my purse in the borrowed locker. Behind me, through a narrow passageway onto the main floor, I can see crowds in the stands and the bright lights of the auditorium. Almost time to start. I twist my head to either side and crack my neck before checking my phone one more time.

Some people thrive in the spotlight; others prefer to work behind the scenes. You can't make a movie with nothing but actors. You need writers and makeup artist, costume designers and talent agent. All of them equally important.

I'm not a spotlight person, and I've made my peace with that.

These days, I've pretty much given up being persistent and stubborn. Mostly, I relapsed a little when school started a couple of months ago in the fall. But that doesn't mean I'm ready to run for senior year class president like Anna. it does mean that ever since our girl talk on the beach after I let her down, I've tried to make good on being a dependable friend, so I helped her with all the campaigning. She won, but that was no surprise. Everyone loves Anna. I just love her a little more.

Afterschool, I work at Video Town, which is much less pressure than the Hotbox - not to mention less sweaty. Plus, I get first pick of the used DVDs that come through. And since Taehyung's shifts at the Vogue are only on the weekends now that school's in session, I get to see him on my work breaks, because the surf shop is only a 5-minute walk down the boardwalk from the video store. Win-win.

And i have to see him whenever I get the chance, because next week, he's flying out to Hawaii with his mom. They're meeting up with Mr. Kim and Eunjin compete in Oahu for some special surfing competition. And to talk to someone in the World League about Taehyung surfing in a qualifying event in January in Southern California. He's already registered, and he's been practicing every chance he gets. There's the crazy buzz online in the surfing community that the Kim siblings could be the next big thing; a reporter from Australia called the surf shop last week and interviewed his dad for a magazine.

It's all exciting, and I'm thrilled to pieces that Taehyung finally wants to surf. He was born to do it. At the same time, I'm glad he's not giving up on the idea of going to college. He says he can do both. I don't think he realized that before, but I can understand why. His family's been through a lot. It's hard to think about it next week when you're not sure if you'll even make it through today.

But I don't worry about him now. And I don't worry about him going pro like Eunjin, and whether he'll be traveling all over the world for a week here and there, Australia and France, South America and Hawaii. Maybe sometimes I'll get to fly out with him. Maybe not. But it doesn't matter. Because he's right. Surfing the coast or rocket to the moon, we'll find each other.

"Five minutes," my captain calls out to the team.

Several of the girls around me rush to finish last-minute adjustments to their makeup and pull up their black tights, kneepads, and shiny gold shorts. One girl is running late and just getting her skates on. If the team captain, Leti Rosas, finds out, she'll have to sit out the first period. Leti doesn't take any crap.

I joined the local Rollerblading team, the Vogue'n'istas, two months ago. We're part of a regional Rollergirls league, so we compete against three other teams in the area, including one from Calibra. That works out well for me, because I also volunteer every other Saturday at the Natural History Museum. It's mainly cataloging shells in the stockroom, and I don't get paid or anything, but I love it.

At first, I was a little scared to join the rollerblading. It seemed too "spotlight" for me, and most of the girls are couple of years older. One skater is even in her late thirties. But Anna encouraged me, the uniforms were totally cool, and the more I thought about it, the more I like the idea. When I'm out there skating, it's not about me, it's about the team. we work together as a group. I'm a jammer, which means I get to wear the helmet with the star on it, and my goal is to skate past the opposing team's blockers as fast as I can. My super strength skills are put to better use on the derby track than in my daily life.

Plus, it helps me to blow off steam. When I was working the Hotbox, I overheated, figuratively and literally. Skating gives me an outlet for my frustrations. I don't have to jump punk kids who steal falcons from museums, throw tickets at customers, or wrestle shotguns away from junkies. I can knock around girls bigger than me and it's not only legal, it's encouraged.

I look out through the passage and scan the stands for familiar faces, spotting them almost immediately. Appa is sitting with Jacqueline; they never miss my Rollerblading competitions. In front of them are Anna and Jungkook - who returned from Korea at the end of summer, thankfully, so I didn't have to fly over there and kick his - and Mark with his boyfriend, and then Mrs. Kim and Taehyung. He's wearing his leather jack, which makes me smile. (Note to self: Tear that jacket off later in the back of his van.)

"Three minutes, ladies," Leti calls out behind me. "Get ready to line up."

As my teammates zip around me, I whip out my phone and asks one of the girls to take a photo of me smiling over my shoulder with the crowd in the background. My skate name is printed in bold letters on the back of my jersey: GIANT MAKNAE.

I text the photo, with the time, date, and precise geolocation, to eomma. I don't wait for a reply; I know it won't come. But I haven't given up hope that she'll be ready to forgive herself. To forgive me for leaving her and moving out here. And when she is ready? She can come and visit me and Appa. Maybe we'll even take her out for posole, who know.

After the last call, I stash my phone in the locker and line up with my teammates. Everyone's excited. It's always like this before we go out. It's such a rush. I shake out my arms and adjust the strap on my helmet. Everything's in place. I can hear the announcer riling up the crowd. They're cheering. It's almost time to go.

"Are you ready, girls?" Leti asks, skating down the line, making eye contact with each one of us.

She touches my shoulder, reminding me of how Yoongi used to, and I give her a little nod.

I'm so ready.

I am Giant Maknae. Hear me roar.