“We can’t keep doing this”

“But, are you going to abandon all of your feelings now?”

“I’m sorry, but this is for the best, not only for us but for all.”

“How about your feelings, how about mine?”

“Can we please, just for once, be selfish?” he keeps going.

“No, it’s enough. I don’t want anyone to hate you. I can handle if they hate me again, but I can’t handle it if you take hate from them or from anyone else. I love you so much” he covers his face with his hands.

“This is really out of our character, isn’t it?” sighing, he looks up to his lovers who sit in front of him.

“We are both screwed, aren’t we?” replay his partner.

The conversation ended just like that and both of them were back to their own minds. That morning, for other people it might be to early to awake and yet here they are sitting face to face inside the coffee shop. Two Americanos in front of them, long forgotten because of the serious talk they were having. The coffee shop was not really full as there were only few high school students and office employee who visited the coffee shop to buy some breakfast or morning coffee. They start sipping their cold forgotten Americanos in silent. When the time strikes at 08.00am, they knew it’s their sign to move and get back to their dorm. They should get ready for another schedule and tiring acts.

***
When they reached the dorm, they were greeted by Kihyun’s loud voices. They heard how the tiny members try to wake the tallest and the hardest one to wake. Minhyuk open the door of the dorm, and went straight to the bathroom. Shownu, who was watching some morning program in the living room, stared confusely at Minhyuk who went to the bathroom without greeting him. It’s really rare for Minhyuk to ignore them after entering the dorm.

“What’s wrong with Minhyuk and why his eyes are so red?” ask Wonho who just come out from the kitchen drinking his selfmade coffee.

“Did he cry?” this time it was Shownu who ask, Shownu and Wonho are staring at Changkyun who was still putting his shoes at the shoes rack.

“I have no idea hyung. I will get ready” avoiding his hyungs stare, he went to his bedroom to get ready for the schedule.

Both Shownu and Wonho can only shrug it off. Not because they didn’t care, they do care a lot. But, they will talk to them when they want to talk. So, both of them just could wait for the members to open up to them like the usual.

***
“Where did you guys go this morning? I heard that you went out?” they were on the van to the music show for their schedule. But, Jooheon who often get curious, ask Changkyun who took the seat beside him on the back seat of the van.

“Huh? Oh? This morning? We went to the coffee shop beside our dorm” Changkyun was startled by the sudden question, while he was busy with his lyrics on the phone. Because it was the only distraction form what’s on his mind.

“I heard that Minhyuk hyung was crying this morning. What happened?” whisper Jooheon while looking at the front, afraid the said hyung hear what he said.
“You can just ask me Jooheon-ah, I’m right here” Unfortunate to him, the latter indeed heard what he said and looking at the back from the mirror in front of him. His eyes set at Jooheon for few seconds, but he couldn’t ignore that the one who sat beside Jooheon was distracting. Quickly he diverts his eyes to the van’s window, observing the people who start their daily activity.

Jooheon who got noticed just apologize and remained silent. The atmosphere suddenly got awkward, the other members who heard them also could only stay in silent. They knew their known sunshine member was in the bad mood. And Changkyun also back to his world in the lyrics on the phone. But, what the other members notice too, not only Minhyuk who got the mood down, but also Changkyun too from his clothes. They did notice how Changkyun wears all black for his fashion today, even in the van he still wears his hat and mask. But sometimes, Changkyun is as mysterious as that. Little did they knew both of them were related.

***
However, all the awkwardness from the van quickly vanished when they were in front of the fans. All of them were smiling, and waving to the fans. Also the moodmaker, and the sunshine got happy again. Both Minhyuk and Changkyun were making a joke at Jooheon while he’s getting his make-up done. All the Ice were melting when the laugh ringing in the room. They thought that the problem will get forgotten and they are all alright. The days were runnig smoothly and fun. At the fan meeting, all of them were having fun. Even Changkyun and Minhyuk still annoy each other.

“Alright, today was enough. I will let you guys rest for today. Please take enough rest, and let the problem vanished” the manager who notice the tense atmosphere at the morning couldn’t help but let the kids get rest, to not add more stress. All the kids were shouting happily, because a day was enough for them to play or to sleep more.
When they were on the red light, on their way back to the dorm, Minhyuk notice a couple who happily chatting and holding hands on the sidewalk. He picks his phone up to text one certain maknae who always on his mind 24/7.

If I can be selfish, I want to be like them. Hold your hands openly on the street, laughing, and ignoring all the stares from other people. Act like a normal couple, doesn’t need to hide anymore. Kissing you in the daylight. If I can be selfish. But we can’t, right? Our parents, our members, our career, our fans, our dream. It’s too much right?

“Tling!” the notification from Changkyun’s phone broke the comfortable silent in the van. It makes the other hyungs to look at him because of the sound and he just smile to them.
He was trying hard to put a poker face, what he best does, when he read the message. But apparently his eyes were betraying him. Without he realizes, the tears went down from his eyes and not long after that he was sobbing. The members were all shock, even the manager, they all ask the maknae if something wrong, but he just shrug all of them and tell them he was okay. He just held his phone tightly on his chest and looking at the street outside, and quietly typing to reply the message.

Me too, believe me. I have the same feeling.

-END-