Our Story

I stared at the sunset, I know I should be happy because I’m with my friends but I can’t stop thinking about him, he was my everything, he was like a brother, he was my shield, the reason why I stayed in this nasty world. He stopped me before I did something stupid, he is what helped me up. He was my anchor. He was the only person that understood me, no one else did. I have to act happy in front of my friends right now but it isn’t easy. They think that I’m all happy when in reality I’m a mess inside, I feel the tears breaking thru. Remembering how he would bring me to the waterfront and we would sit on the swings and just swing and talk about everything. We would tell each other anything, we would laugh, I would cry, I would get really happy, I would have comfort. One night when we came to the waterfront by ourselves and he bought me ice cream and we sat on the edge of the water and he just looked at me and smiled. I asked him, “What?” and he said, “I’m glad I have you, you're the only person that gets me, you are the one I say everything to, you know all my secrets.” That made me really happy, I was full of joy the rest of the day. We walked around, laid on the grass and looked at the sky, we saw the stars, we talked and talked. We talked about the most random things, we never ran out of stuff to say.

I know he wasn’t my real cousin but that’s how I have known him for so long. He my dad’s best friend’s son; therefore, my cousin. He was a brother. My parents trusted him. They liked us spending time together and I loved it. He is the one that would protect me when guys would disrespect me. He got jealous once when I spoke about Zhoumi to him. He threatened Zhoumi when he cheated on me with Victoria. He went to Zhoumi’s door and spoke with him. He would have fought for me, and I adored him for that. I knew he liked me. I didn’t know how I felt about it at the time, he was a brother figure not a love interest. I know he was 19, three years older than me, but the age difference made it hard to imagine why he would love me.

I met him when I came to Seoul. He was the first kid I met and played with when I came here. I was 4 and he was 7. They put us in the room and gave us toys and he began playing and so did I. I don’t remember much but I do remember him and I playing joyfully on the floor. When I was in 5th and he was in 8th we went to the water park and had spent the whole weekend together, I started liking him and seeing him as my brother, a big brother I had wished for. I told him that when we became closer and inseparable. My parents understood we have a strong friendship and considered each other family because that’s how they raised us to think at the time.

During my middle school years we went to the movies together. One weekend there were guys there that I knew were from school. Those guys thought he was my boyfriend but honestly he looked like a 9th grader, and I looked like an elementary kid. I blushed and laughed and I just looked at him to say something but all he did was smile and looked at me. I signaled him through a shrug to say what he wanted. He said, “Yea he is, so back off.” I just smiled and played along. He took my hand and held it. We walked in the movies like that and we sat down. Our fingers interlocked through the whole movie. When we got up we let go and then we hugged for a good 2 minutes. He held me and waited for my parents to come to take me home. Of course I didn’t think anything of it and so I kept treating him like a brother because that’s what he was. When I was in the seventh grade I started dating people. I dated Zhoumi and my dear friend, Siwon, didn’t seem too happy with that. I would talk about Zhoumi all the time and he would just roll his eyes or just sit there and listen without much to say. When Zhoumi cheated on me he got so pissed he walked to Zhoumi’s house and punched him. Zhoumi wanted to hit him but of course he was a Sophomore and Zhoumi two years younger and Siwon was pretty strong. He told me that I deserve someone better and I needed someone that will treat me like my worth. He said they should treat me like a prince. I don’t deserve to be cheated on. He said he hates to see me cry over some dumb that doesn’t deserve me, someone that I’m too good for. I thought he was just being nice.

I went to 9th and he was a senior. We went to the frozen yogurt shop and we were talking and he looked at me and wouldn’t look away. I just smiled and said, “Why are you staring at me like that weirdo?” he laughed and said, “Nothing just thinking about stuff.”

“What stuff?”

“My feelings towards you.”

“What?”

“Like throughout middle school and elementary school.”

“Haha tell me.”

“Okay well…. I have liked you since the day I saw you, but then they said we were cousins so I didn’t real