The ceiling.

It starts with the ceiling, everyday. And it is accompanied with the same damn alarm. And the same damn noise. And the same damn thoughts. How many days must I continue to live like that? I continue to stare at the ceiling.

'LEE YOON JUNG!' Oh. Here comes the reason why I cannot die. My grandmother. If she's gone, I will probably die on the same exact day...  but that is a story for another day.

'YES GRANDMA I'M UP', I got out of my bed and stood in front of the mirror, just like any other day. I look into the mirror yet again. My reflection. Is that even me in the mirror? In the reflection stood a girl with an average height, relatively okay-looking face and figure. What stood out were her eyebags, dull-looking eyes and weary expression.

This is my reflection, but it does not look like me anymore. Do I really look this hopeless? I look at myself everyday but the more I look, the more I can't recognise myself. Well, it is almost time to go to school. I willed myself to prepare for school and put on some make up. It covers my eyebags and make my lips look less pale. However, it does not cover for my eyes. How can I conceal my dull, blank eyes? Other people's eyes are bright and full of hope...

I put on my uniform and headed out for school. It is already 7.30am and I am a little late but that doesn't matter I guess. I got on the bus, sat on the seat at the back next to the window and closed my eyes. The bus is always full of students from our school. It's annoying, really. Once I arrived in school, I walked straight to class, past all the judging stares and glances. I am afraid of those glances. I admit that, for I never know what may happen to me beacuse of those judging stares. At the same time, I am also pissed off and cannot care less. Such contradicting thoughts and feelings. Well, being contradicting is one of my traits. Isn't everyone contracting too? Life itself is ironic.

I arrived in class and listened to the teacher that cannot care any lesser about us. He is just here to earn money. Every teacher in this damed school is the same. Who cares about teaching? About the well-being of students? He just needs to run through the standard presentation slides and that's that. That will be another class over and done with and he will get another day of pay. Easy money made. I do know there are some good teachers somewhere, teachers good enough to be called teachers. But there is none in this school, at least not for my classes.

And so, the day went by. I ate, went to class, and went home,  and then ate again.  

It's another day that is over again.

The same thoughts from the morning linger and  repeat in my mind.

I am hurting and am tired. Sometimes, I can't even breathe. I hate myself. I hate everyone. I do not know what to do anymore. I do not know how to get out of this. All my emotions are too overwhelming, too complicated, too suffocating. I am always alone, no one can understand me.  My surroundings are colourless.

When can I be saved?

My time... it is running out.

I may not be able to endure this anymore.