White; when I was without you,

I was white as canvas.

I felt lonely, but had a peaceful life.

Like always.

Wheein POV

It's snowing.... I looked out the window, and everything was covered in white. I took a sip of my coffee as I looked at the snow gently touching the ground. Seeing the snow outside, I couldn't help but to think of you again. It's really cold outside today, just like that day when we first kissed. I reached into my pocket and took something out. It was a piece of candy. Mango flavored candy. Just like the taste of your kiss. I unwrapped the candy and put it in my mouth, savoring the taste as I close my eyes, thinking of you again.

Flashback~

"It's so cold outside, Hyejin-ah. Why can't we just stay home?" I looked at the girl next to me while hugging myself, attempting to feel less cold.

"But it's so pretty outside. Look at all of these snow! We get to have all of these sceneries all to ourselves." 

I couldn't help but to agree with her about that though. We were in a park with practically just the two of us. No one would be out in this weather anyways, but with the street lamps all light up and the sight of snow on the tree, it was such a perfect winter scenery.

"But Hyejin-ah, I'm cold" I whined

Hwasa pulled me closer and took off her scarf to share it with me. Then she held one of my hand and put our hands together in her coat pocket. 

She smiled, "Are you still cold?"

I blushed and shook my head, "Not anymore".

We walked a little longer until Hwasa stopped. I looked at her confused.

"Ah, wait a second."

She took off her scarf and put it on me. Then she bend down and started gathering snow.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Ta-da", she smiled while holding a crooked heart-shaped snow that she just made.

I laughed while looking at it, "What is this? It's not even in the right shape."

"I know, but it's hard to make a heart shape. Do you not like it? I'll take it back." She reached her hands out, trying to take the snow.

"No! As long as it's from you, I would always like it", I moved my hands away so the snow is out of her reach.

Hwasa raised an eyebrow and then sudden moved her face towards me. I was surprised.

"W-what?" I stuttered.

She put her finger on my lips telling me to be quiet. She looked at my lips and reached closer. I closed my eyes, but she suddenly moved back. I opened one of my eye slowly and saw that she's digging something out of her pocket. Then she took out a few candies and presented them to me. 

"Which flavor would you like?" She asked.

Feeling confused on why she's doing this, and a bit angry thinking that she was just teasing me, I pouted, "Ahn Hyejin!"

She ruffled my head, "Don't get angry, Wheein. Pick the flavor that you like".

I sighed and then looked at the candies that she was holding. "This one," I pointed at the mango flavored candy.

She put the rest of the candies back in her pocket and then took off her gloves. She stuck her gloves into her pocket and then opened the candy wrapper. She took out the candy.

"Ah," she said, motioning me to open my mouth.

I opened my mouth,"ah".

She put the candy in my mouth and then held me by my chin. I was caught off by surprise when she suddenly kissed me. The candy rolled between our mouth. Our tongues twirled together, tasting the candy. Then she parted away from me to take a breath. I blushed thinking that we just had our first kiss together and it was a candy kiss.

"What is this for?" I asked.

Hwasa looked up into my eyes. "Our life is so long, I don't have the confidence that you will remember me forever. Since you like mango candy, I could only make you remember that our kiss is the same taste as mango. Everytime you eat something related to mango, you'll remember me. You'll remember our first kiss."

I smiled upon hearing her explanation. I hit her head, "Pabo, how would I ever forget you if we're going to stay together forever?"

Hwasa smiled a little, her eyes were glistening. "That's right, we're going to be together forever!"

Flashback End~

I didn't understand her smile at that time, but now I do. She knew; she was prepared for us to separate the whole time. Maybe she gave me the heart-shaped snow on purpose too. It was in a shape of heart, showing her love; but it was made out of such fragile snow. I didn't know. I really didn't. I held on to her so tightly without realizing that she's as fragile as the snow. The more you hold on to it, the faster it melts from your body heat. I went to my room and changed my clothes. After making sure that my outfit would be cozy enough, I put on my hat and scarf, then I walked out of the house. I walked past the park that contains all our memories, looking at everything. I stopped when I got to my destination.

"Hyejin-ah", I called out to the heartless stone in front of me. A single tear dropped down to my face, but I quickly wiped it away.

"Hyejin-ah, I'm here to see you again...."

Flashback~

I am standing in front of the room and through the glass I can see Hwasa's lifeless body laying in front of me. The doctor is checking on her condition while I am nervously pacing outside the room. We were just having a date when Hwasa suddenly collapsed next to me. I was so shocked and frightened, I didn't know what to do. I immediately called a taxi and brought her to the hospital, so here I am, waiting outside the room that my lover lays in. The doctor then came out, and I pulled on his sleeves asking him about Hwasa. The doctor sighed and shook his head. He asked me to follow him to his office so he can tell me more about Hwasa's illness in detail. 

"So, how is she doing? Why did she suddenly collapse? What's the problem?" I asked one question after another, desperate to understand the situation.

"I don't know how to tell you this but....." The doctor couldn't make eye contact with me.

Anxiety starts to go within me when I heard the doctor's words. I was feeling really uneasy.

"Hwasa... she has a brain tumor."

Shocked. Stunned. I froze at my place. My mind went blank, I couldn't think of anything and I didn't know how to respond.

"She's gonna be alright, right? I mean, as long as she takes surgery, she's going to be fine again, right?" Tears were dropping down my cheeks.

The doctor looked at me for once. He shook his head. "It's the final stage.... There really isn't anything we can do at this point---"

"She's going to be fine!" I yelled. Without letting him finish his words or even wait for his response, I ran out of his office. 

I ran my way to Hwasa's room. I quietly entered and sat down next to her, holding her hand. She was lying on the bed lifelessly with her face all pale. I looked at her, she was still as beautiful as ever. The evening sun shined on her face, making her look even more mesmerizing. I move the strand of hair on her that's covering her face. Suddenly, I felt her move. 

"Hyejin...." I made a small smile for her.

"Wheein, I'm sorry" She said weakly.

I put a finger on her lips and shook my head. "I should be sorry, Hyejin. I'm sorry I couldn't sense your pain. I'm sorry I didn't know you were sick all along. I'm sorry I couldn't take care of you well enough. I'm so sorry."

Hwasa shook her head and smiled weakly. "Wheein-ah, thank you. Thank you for being with me. Thank you for being here with me when I needed you the most."

I looked at the floor. I couldn't make eye contact with her and I was at the verge of crying. Tears dropped and hit the floor. 

"Don't cry, Wheein. Come over here. " She moved a little and patted at the space she left me on her bed.

I stood up and sat next to her on the bed.

"Can you hug me?" 

I did as she asked. I lift her up a little and then place her on me so I was back hugging her in a way. We didn't say anything, staying quiet for a moment, all we did was look out the window to watch the sunset. I suddenly forgot about her illness, I forgot about the fact that we are still in a hospital.

"Wheein-ah, I love you" She suddenly confesses.

I hugged a her little more tighter, "I love you too."

"Wheein-ah, let's stay together again in our next life."

I nodded, "I will go find you".

"Wheein-ah, I'm tired. I want to sleep."

I nodded. "Take a rest. You've been having it hard. Don't worry, I'll always stay with you".

Hwasa smiled one last time before she closed her eyes. The line on the electrocardiogram went straight. A loud and harsh beep sound can be heard continuously. I cried without letting Hwasa go. 

Flashback End~

It is still snowing, I sat next to Hwasa's tombstone. I gently touched Hwasa's name that was carved on the stone. I took off my scarf and put it on the stone. 

"Hyejin-ah, I feel so lonely without you here. Everything is in a mess right now. If only you were here, you would lead me to the correct way. You would tell me what to do. Hyejin-ah, I wanna be with you right now."

I took some pills from my pocket. I swallowed them and leaned on the stone. I closed my eyes, slowly letting the cold and darkness take me away.

Before I had met you, my life was plain like an unpainted canvas. I had no one but myself. It was colorless, but peaceful. When you came into my life, you painted my life with colors I had never thought to see. The colors could not be erased and I could no longer imagine a life without you. We lived a peaceful life with nothing else to desire, but once you're gone, loneliness starts to take over me.

A/N: Sorry, for not updating at all. I was meant to update this chapter the day I made the story, but I didn't have time. I decided to update on Friday instead, but my whole story got deleted with no backup. I had to rewrite the whole story again, and I had finally finished with this one chapter. I'm not sure when I am going to finish my next chapter or when I am going to update, but like I said before, I will try my best. This is my first story (without being proof-read), so I hope you like it. Please leave a comment on how you think the story goes.