Inferius or Infuriating? A Guide to English

In which Yebin would like to bite Kyla’s head off in a totally legal, loving way.

Yebin exhaled loudly through her nose. Her smile was broad and stiff, perhaps even creepy. She sort of hoped it was. “Let’s try this again. What was Harry Potter’s Patronus?”

“A stag,” replied Kyla.

“Good, good. And his best mate, Ron Weasley’s?”

“Some kind of… dog?” Kyla said, her usually low voice rising two octaves. She watched nervously as Yebin’s knuckles turned white from gripping her blanket.

“A Jack Russell Terrier to be precise,” said Yebin in a clipped tone. “And Hermione Granger’s?”

“An otter.”

“Excellent. What about Severus Snape?”

“Oh, that’s easy. A doe. Everyone knows that.” A sort of maniacal giggle escaped from Yebin’s lips. Kyla swore she heard Kyungwon’s name disguised as a growl.

“Ahem. Moving on. Do you know Minerva McGonagall’s?”

“Well she transformed into a cat and blew everyone’s minds in the first movie, so I’ll go with that.”

Yebin tapped Kyla’s nose affectionately. “Correct. She transforms into a tabby cat with markings around the eyes like her spectacles. Her Patronus is likewise feline in nature. A very good deduction. The form of an Animagus and a Patronus are likely determined by similar aspects of one’s personality, though be wary as this isn’t always the case.”

Kyla raised an eyebrow, impressed at Yebin’s fluency. It definitely helped to discuss a subject she was passionate about. “Whose Animagus and Patronus don’t match?” She asked.

“Well there isn’t a concrete counterexample, but out of all the wizards and witches in history, there must have been someone who had a different Patronus from their Animgus form. Granted not everyone could become an Animgus and conjure a Patronus. Most probably couldn’t do either.” They sat in awkward silence as Yebin frowned at the blank wall. Kyla tentatively reached out to pat her back before she burst into speech again. “Arthur Weasley!”

“A weasel!” Shouted Kyla in surprise, her hand barely touching Yebin. It was the first thing off the top of her head and by the grin on Yebin’s face, she answered right.

“Next one! Hagrid?”

Kyla screwed up her face in concentration. “I don’t remember him ever conjuring a Patronus. He didn’t even have a wand. Was he a proper wizard?”

Yebin laughed approvingly. “Good memory. Hagrid was expelled in his third year under the accusation of releasing Slytherin’s monster from the Chamber of Secrets, leading to the murder of a student. His wand was confiscated and snapped, but he kept the pieces in a pink umbrella. Wasn’t too great with spells. It’s no wonder he was never shown conjuring a Patronus.”

“Right! Of course. Pshh, obviously,” Kyla agreed nonsensically.

“Now, this might be difficult. Kingsley Shacklebolt. Go.”

Kyla leaned in as if sharing her deepest, darkest secret. “Who’s King Shakebutt?” She immediately cowered against the bed’s headboard and curled into a ball for protection.

“Who’s— I— King… Shake— ?!” Yebin coughed and wheezed with her hand pressed to her chest, her eyes bulging out of their sockets in horror. Then she let out a blood curdling screech. Footsteps thundered down the hall. The door burst open as two people toppled over each other in an attempt to break into the room first.

“Should I call an ambulance?!” Minkyung searched the room frantically for someone groaning in pain.

“Where’s the burglar?!” Shouted Kyungwon from under Minkyung. She bashed someone’s origami collection in the corner with a miniature baseball bat.

“Rescue my chocolate stash!” Eunwoo came barreling into the room and launched herself onto the floor by her bed.

“What is going on in here?” Nayoung demanded. She stalked over to the pile of limbs and untangled Minkyung from Kyungwon. With a grunt, she dragged Eunwoo out from under the bed. Turning on her heels, she glared at the other two occupants of the room with her hands on her hips. “Explain why you’re yelling. It’s nearly one in the morning.”

Yebin ignored her and jabbed a finger in Kyla’s direction. “He’s not some twerking combo meal from McDonald’s! He was a respected Auror, a member of the Order of the Phoenix, served as the Muggle Prime Minister’s secretary for his protection while undercover, and later became the Minister for Magic after Voldemort’s demise! Kingsley Shacklebolt! Say it with me.” She grabbed Kyla’s cheeks and pulled her unnecessarily close. She mouthed each syllable with a crazed look in her eyes. “Kings. Ley. Shack. Le. Bolt.”

“Kingsley Shacklebolt,” muttered Kyla.

“Oh, good lord,” grumbled Nayoung. She strode out of the room as Kyungwon and Minkyung rolled their eyes and followed her. Eunwoo’s shifty eyes scanned the room once before she scurried away. Her shirt was tucked into the waistband of her pajama pants. Her belly appeared bloated and cubic.

“Sorry,” whispered Kyla.

Yebin cleared and let go of Kyla’s head. “No, no. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled bloody murder. Shacklebolt’s Patronus is a lynx, by the way.” Her lips stretched into a wide smile again. “You know what would be fun?”

“What?” Kyla asked warily. Her cheeks were just returning to their normal shape.

“Let’s assign the members a Patronus!”

“Can’t we use the quiz on Pottermore?”

“I tried. Nobody except Kyungwon would make an account. We’ll just do it casually.”

“Alright. Well Nayoung is methodical and wise as the leader. Maybe an owl?”

“That works,” Yebin nodded. “Jieqiong is elegant but exerts power when she needs to. Maybe a mare of some sort. Strong with a luxurious mane.”

“Are all Patronuses regular animals?” Kyla wondered aloud.

“Nah. Sometimes Patronuses take on the form of magical creatures, but that’s pretty rare. Let’s see.” Yebin her imaginary beard in contemplation. “Sungyeon’s could be an Augurey, whose song was thought to foretell death but actually predicts rainfall. They’re mournful and shy. Sungyeon’s voice moves people to tears and she avoids V Lives at all costs.”

“Poor Yewon…” Kyla shook her head sympathetically. Off in the distance, they heard a wail.

“Now for Siyeon. Hmm.”

Kyla snapped her fingers with a glowing grin. “A Dementor. She has this aura like she could out your soul… and… um…”

“What did you just say to me?” Yebin snarled as she attempted to control her twitching eye.

“I-I mean, it kinda f-fits.”

Yebin made a pained squeak and lunged forward to grab Kyla’s shirt collar. “You cannot have a Dementor as a Patronus! That’s against the laws of the entire universe!”

“Why not? You said magical creatures were fine!” Kyla shouted as steadily as she could while being shaken.

“Patronuses fight off Dementors! You can’t have a Dementor fighting a Dementor! The world doesn’t work like that!” Yebin was practically foaming at the mouth. “Dementors are the manifestation of fear and depression! Patronuses are guardians of light, conjured by your happiest memories! You can’t have fear as your guardian!”

“But I think they’re kinda cool in the movies—”

“Out! Get out! Get off of my bed and get out! You are wounding me!”

“Wait! But—”

“I! Said! Out!” Yebin howled as she shoved Kyla out of the room and slammed the door shut.

Siyeon turned her attention away from the glaring TV to see Kyla sitting on the floor in the hallway. “How’d your English lessons go?”

Kyla shrugged and dusted herself off. “Better than yesterday.” She plopped onto the couch as Siyeon yawned and snuggled into her lap.

“What happened yesterday?”

“I asked if Hogwarts students could request sunny side up or scrambled Hippogriff eggs.”