“I’m not going to that place with you!” Jihoon finally screamed on the top of his lungs, running his hands through his hair in frustration. He then slumped down his and Soonyoung’s shared couch, both hands falling to his sides carelessly. “Why are you bringing so much stuff anyway? You’ll only be staying there for 3 days.” He added while rolling his eyes. His thursday schedule didn't take up his whole day but Physical Education took up his energy. The school year end was starting to get closer, anyway. So he thought he might as well just accept the tiring schedules. He surely as hell think that college is gonna be worse than how he is now. 

“Okay fine.. I don’t want you getting lost anyway. Soonyoung sighed, finally giving up asking for the 9th time. “And these are my clothes. I’m not going there to work for the weekend. I’ve been invited to a party. I mean, parties. I need a lot of clothes to choose from.”

“I’m not gonna get lost, jackass. I’m 17. I’m a grown man.” Jihoon added while pouting. He closed his eyes and let his head fall back. Soonyoung snorted hearing what he said. Soonyoung though, who is in his 2nd year in college, is studying arts. Jihoon will definitely follow in his footsteps. He already has a part time job in Seoul as a choreographer and a dance teacher. Leaving his best friend behind every weekend of the week guilted him but the younger lectured him of not being a baby and that he can handle himself for 2 days.

“Sure, Ji. You’re soooo grown up.” Grown up with that cute face. Soonyoung resisted to go over the couch and pinch the hell out of Jihoon.

“What about my face?” Jihoon asked, eyes still closed. He was breathing peacefully, not bothering to look at Soonyoung. Soonyoung, who noticed that he was starting to voice out his thoughts had his eyes go wide and effortlessly saved his . He has been in love with Jihoon since they were both still in high school, but Soonyoung knows not to act up on his feelings. He knows his limits. Besides, the smol bean already has a girlfriend.

“I said your face looks 6.” He put the last of his luggage to finish packing and joined Jihoon on the couch while laying his head on the younger’s shoulder. Soonyoung feels a sense of peace with the boy. Maybe because he was the first one to accept his uality when he came out years ago. Soonyoung is really grateful to Jihoon.

“Oh so that’s how it is huh?” Jihoon elbowed Soonyoung, making him yelp. “Ah! That hurt.” Soonyoung pouted exaggeratedly causing him to fall to the floor but pulling Jihoon along down with him.

“Why’d you have to push me?! Midget!” Soonyoung cried out as Jihoon falls on top of him.

“Just because you’re two years older than me, doesn’t mean you can call me that, .” The younger shot the hamster a glare. The latter, knowing Jihoon enough that he could give anyone the silent treatment, even to his bestest friend, wrapped his arms around him tightly and pouting once again.

“Ow! Too tight. Stop doing that with your face. It’s weird.” Jihoon gave Soonyoung a look followed by a fake barf. His best friend looked hurt by what he said. He then snickered and loosely hugged the older back.

“Ahh, sorry sorry, you don’t look weird, weirdo. I swear if we haven’t been best friends since we were like 8, this would’ve been cringey.” Jihoon, who was on top of Soonyoung chuckled lightly. He felt that Soonyoung was getting silent. Soonyoung’s right hand was mindlessly running upwards the younger’s back stopping as it went up to his head. Jihoon felt his head being pushed down. He nervously swallowed and looked Soonyoung straight in the eyes.

“Soon, what..what are you doing?” Jihoon mumbled. The aura of the taller got weirdly quiet.

Soonyoung’s face started to get closer and closer. Everything was silent except for his conscience. Do it, Kwon Soonyoung. You’ve been wanting to do this for years now. His lips were getting closer and closer to Jihoon’s.

Jihoon, on the other hand, was still in shock and was unable to utter another word. Soon, what’s happening to you? He knew what his best friend is doing. He’s gonna kiss him. Should I kiss him back? This weirdly does not feel wrong at all. What’s happening to me? 

Jihoon held his breath. Soonyoung’s lips are centimeters away and he can feel the older’s hot breath. Soonyoung on the other hand, still pulling Jihoon’s head closer can’t seem to stop himself. Soonyoung, feeling woke, was shocked by his actions. What the am I doing now?  Ji, I'm sorry. Soonyoung was looking at Jihoon and he does not know what to say anymore. He knows Jihoon’s gonna question him and feel around him after this. But one thing happened.

Jihoon was the one inching closer to Soonyoung and made their dry lips meet. Jihoon started to move his lips against Soonyoung’s. Why does this feel better than kissing Seora? What is this feeling? Jihoon felt a rush of hot sensation flowing from his lips spreading through the rest of his body. Kissing Soonyoung sent shivers down his spine, as memories of Seora began to flood his mind.

Jihoon was startled and pushed Soonyoung away, standing up in shock and wiping his lips.

“What was that?!” Jihoon screamed, feeling his head getting hotter and hotter. The way the moment happened frustrated him. It all happened so fast but it felt so good.

“Soon, I know you’re gay. But I have a girlfriend.” Jihoon started pacing around their living room. He kissed his roommate/best friend. This is supposed to be wrong.

“Ji, I’m sorry I was so caught up in the moment I felt like I should do it.” Soonyoung stood up, reaching out to Jihoon but the younger flinched. Soonyoung then could not hide the feeling of hurt on his face anymore and hands went back to his sides as he waited for Jihoon to talk. Ji, I'm really sorry. He could not bring himself to talk at all, forcing himself to nod his head as Jihoon started walking towards the door.

“I need to meet up with Seora. She’s been waiting for me. I’ll see you when you get back in three days.” Jihoon grabbed his phone and wallet and ran out the door, leaving the sound of the door slamming to Soonyoung the last thing he hears.

“I’m ed.” Soonyoung felt so hurt. He felt like he was a disease that Jihoon was so afraid to get close to. What’s gonna happen if Ji starts hating me? He can’t avoid me. That can’t happen. He's the only person who knows everything about me. I already lost my family. I can't lose him too. 

Soonyoung’s eyes were beginning to feel cloudy. He let a tear roll down his cheek but quickly wiped it with his shirt halfway down. “It’s gonna be fine. He’s your best friend, Soon. He’ll come around.” He started to reassure himself.

“ you Soonyoung why did your feelings have to act up now?!” He ran his hand through his hair frustratingly. He grabbed his bags and was about to leave the unit but went back to the kitchen counter and left a post-it saying “I’m sorry.”

He walked to the station with his quick feet attempting to make the air hitting his face to forget about what happened. As he arrived at the train, he started his 1 hour ride with a deep, sad slumber.

Jihoon’s head was spinning when he let the door slam. He was putting his hand on his temples. His head was starting to hurt with what happened. Why does he feel like what he did was good? The feeling was making him frustrated.

Jihoon pressed his lips against Seora’s softly. Seora, who was delighted with the feeling of her boyfriend’s lips on her, leaned in, and Jihoon’s eyes widened as she was deepening the kiss. She started to lead the way.

Her hands landed on Jihoon’s thighs, making their way up to the male’s zipper. Jihoon immediately grabbed his girlfriend’s hands. He pulled away, breaking the kiss. Seora was puzzled with his actions.

“What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?” Seora was waiting for a reply. She earned a sigh from her boyfriend.

“Seora.. I can’t. I’m not ready yet. I’m so sorry.” Jihoon did not know why he was feeling disconnected with Seora at that moment.

He was trying to push the memory away. Maybe the answer to why he did not want it to happen was because he was entirely different. The thought of it made him scream. Breaking him from all the thinking when people started staring at him. He bowed as he passed them by. Until he arrived at the bench, he was having a hard time concentrating, sitting on their usual meeting place and sighed.

“Jihoon, are you okay?” Seora saw Jihoon with an angry face she’s never seem before. Jihoon was startled as his eyes landed on his girlfriend. This was not making anything better. He nodded at her. “Seora, I’m alright.”

“What’s the matter?” She sat down the bench before taking a hold of Jihoon’s hand. Jihoon tried to talk but he couldn’t hold it anymore and broke down. He took ahold of Seora, wrapping his hands around her shoulders. Seora knew Jihoon wasn’t going to explain and placed her hand on his back, gently rubbing it, letting him sob. Jihoon’s tears were starting to wet Seora’s shirt. He pulled himself upright from her embrace, wiping his eyes with the back of his palm.

“I’m sorry, Seora.” Jihoon uttered. What he did was considered wrong by a lot of people. He can’t desire what he just did with Soonyoung. A lot from his family already judges his best friend. What will happen to him now? He loves Soonyoung so much, he considers him his real brother.

“What are you sorry for, Jihoon?” Seora put her hands on Jihoon’s cheeks, wiping his face.

“I can’t be with you, anymore. I did something bad.” Jihoon put his head down, not being able to look her straight in the eyes.

“What is it? You can tell me anything, babe.” Seora was getting nervous. Was he cheating on her? She knows Jihoon would never do that.

“I kissed Soonyoung. And I really liked it.” Jihoon was almost inaudible at the last part of his sentence. His tears were beginning to return. “Something’s wrong with me, Seo. I couldn’t have loved it.” His voice was starting to get louder, fists balled tightly.

“Seo, being like that is a sin. I’m so sorry. I’m really sorry.” Jihoon broke down again. She did not know what to say. She knows Jihoon is different. That she’s seen some signs of him not being ready in the relationship. She is deeply hurt by what she just heard, and she thought; that’s why Jihoon seemed so hesitant whenever they were doing something together.

“Seo. I know you won’t be able to forgive me. I can’t forgive myself for betraying you. I can’t find myself stopping I-“

“Ji, stop.” Jihoon was cut off. He looked at her. This is it. She’s gonna hate me. Seora took a deep breath.

“Jihoon, there’s nothing wrong with you. I completely understand why you did it.”

“What? What do you mean?” He gaped, hearing what she just said.

“You think you’re gay, right? It’s no-“

“No, Seo, it’s wrong. I can’t do this to you. I feel like a sinful person.” He grabbed her hand tightly.

“Jihoon. Being gay is not wrong. So what if you are? You think people are gonna say things? They’re gonna judge you? Yes maybe they are but what matters is that love is love. There is nothing wrong with being you.” His heart hurt hearing what she just said. He feels so guilty, hearing her saying this. His girlfriend.

“Jihoon, you’re perfect the way you are. And if breaking up with me is what you think is the best to do, it’s okay. Nothing will change between us. I won’t judge you. I won’t hate you. And you shouldn’t hate yourself for being that way. Your family.. They shouldn’t too. But you shouldn’t think about that now. You should take it step by step. You’re the most loyal person I know. Thank you for being honest with me, Jihoon.”

“I love you, Seora.”

“Yes but not that way, right? It’s okay. I’ll always be here for you, Ji. Just introduce me to your boyfriends, hmm?” Seora chuckled lightly. She noticed Jihoon looking apologetic. She sighed and put her arms around him.

“It’s okay, Ji. I love you too.” Jihoon hugged her back, tightening his arms around her. He started to feel at ease knowing that Seora, a girl he definitely just hurt a few minutes ago, accepts him however the way he is.

“Thank you, Seo. I won’t ever forget you. And I’ll never forget everything you’ve done for me.” His lips were forming into a smile, and lays his head on Seora’s shoulder.

“Woah woah, chill there. We’re breaking up. But that doesn’t mean we’re gonna be apart or anything. We’ll still be together.. Just not that way.” Seora was starting to tear up but held them back. This is for the better. It’s gonna be okay now.

“Let’s go somewhere to eat. All this drama made me hungry.” That statement broke their silence, making them laugh. Jihoon realized how lucky the guy who will steal Seora’s heart. He put her pale pink hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead for the last time.

“Ah, Seo. I can’t thank you enough. Let’s go?” Jihoon stood up, took ahold of her hand and dragged her to their usual cafe.

The train stopped at the third station, waking Soonyoung with the brakes getting hit. He was holding his bags, barely opening his eyes as he stood from his seat. Ahh. I wonder how Ji is doing now. His nerves started to target the beating of his heart. The thought of Jihoon was bothering him. His own best friend. Starting to be like everyone else.

He sighed and continued walking out the train. He was trying to distract himself from the situation. He knows Jihoon isn’t gonna hate him, but he doesnt want it to be awkward between them.

As people kept passing by, rushing to their destinations. Soonyoung spotted a tall, dark haired guy waving at him. The guy caused him to snort, walking a tad faster to the person and playfully hit the man's chest.

“Soon! SOOOOOOON! Over here!” The horse-like features were standing out.

“Dokyeomieee. I missed you, you rat.” Soonyoung hugged his city friend tightly. It’s been a week since they saw each other, busy with their jobs and their personal lives.

“You’re looking down over there. You should lighten up. Let’s partayyy.” Dokyeom snatched two of Soonyoung’s bags, helping him carry them to the car.

“You know, I wasn’t gonna tell you this but you’ve gotten fit.” Soonyoung glanced at the taller from down to bottom. “How’d you get your shaped like that? I want mine that way.” Soonyoung squinted at Dokyeom as the taller winked, grinning as both of them closed the car doors. The sun was already starting to set, boosting both their party modes on. The two already got used to being invited to parties, they made it a monthly habit.

The two of them headed to Dokyeom’s place for Soonyoung to get dressed and place his stuff for the weekend.

The moon stole the sun’s place, making the streets brighter with their lights. Jihoon was already back in the apartment, seeing the note Soonyoung left behind as he arrived. He felt guilty. He knows he must have hurt his best friend real bad. Jihoon sighed and checked the clock. It’s only 7 o’clock. If I leave here now I’ll be there for about 8:30. The clubs have only been opened. I can't let a small issue ruin our friendship.

He knew he had to apologize to his best friend. Jihoon started to pack his bags, only bringing the important things.

“Alright, Jihoon. Let’s do this.”