She’s too small that I could only see the top of her head from where I’m standing. Who knows what she’s going to talk about this time? Every Tuesday is Irene’s ‘TED’ talk, the event nobody really needs but everyone attends.

Ever since she got into public speaking, my personal life had been in a constant risk of being mercilessly exposed. I could only wish that for today, it’s not about me.

“…worst habits that I really, really hate. Sure, I talked about understanding why everyone does the thing they do; but certain quirks make me want to take up some cause and change the world.” [Laughing audience in the background]

Oh my god – I wish she would stop. I just wanted some peace and quiet.

Istg if this is about me I’ll never talk to her ever again.

I cross my arms and brace myself for this character assassination. She clears .

“Don’t you just hate it when someone acts terribly inappropriate? How everyone is serious but this person suddenly cracks a joke or, maybe creates weird noise, out of nowhere?”

If she didn’t add that little detail, I would’ve let it pass. But she is obviously talking about that time when I wished I hadn’t been born.

Just recently, I unintentionally moaned in my History class. Really loudly. Suffice to say, my teacher wasn’t happy.

Almost everyone pretended they didn’t hear it – the thing that made me believe that God exists…

“Is the Great Wall of China turning you on?”

My intense need to belong and feel understood was rising. I told her to shut up.

I could live without her side comment. It’s her fault: she poked me on my side and I had a terrible case of emitting weird sounds when I’m surprised. It was embarrassing. Irene only kept grinning.

She’s grinning now.

“I think I know who she’s talking about,” Seulgi says beside me.

“No, you don’t.”

“So, I know someone who bites her shirts and jackets excessively. It’s the one habit that irritates me the most because first, it’s strange and second, who does that?” She looked inquiringly at the audience and frowned. “A huge NO-NO.”

Well I really did this but only when I’m sure nobody would see it. I am wondering how this female Jesus found it out and to expose me like this???

It wasn’t that disgusting of a habit, if you ask me. In fact, that mannerism wasn’t originally mine at all. It was Irene’s. I guess my staring at her unhealthily too long caused me to unconsciously inherit her habit. This woman was a hypocrite. She’s actually talking about herself. Joke was on her, ha ha.

“What do you think the reason this girl does this?” She pointed a finger to the side of her head as though thinking – plus the aegyo. “What could possibly be the reason for this unhygienic quirk?”

“She’s hungry!” Some guy shouted.

“She’s baby!” Seulgi interjected beside me. I elbowed her to the side and to this she winced.

Thank you, Seulgi. Irene saw us both and I hid my face in embarrassment. I told her I would never ever come to her stupid TED talks.

“Who cares, still inappropriate. Next, move on to number three.” I glanced over and saw Irene impatiently and pointlessly reordering her cue cards. “That person who compliments people way too much. Do you guys know someone who’s inexhaustible on throwing compliments that it felt like that person was only faking you? I mean, I appreciate the gesture but to say it again and again? What goes on?”

I am being greatly misunderstood here. And insulted. And hurt.

Due to my constant complimenting on people, eventually, some began to think that they didn’t mean anything. But the sad truth was, I am trying to reserve my compliments for only the best people.

And that was the female Jesus. In front. Doing the TED talk. The very one who’s roasting me about it.

If she didn’t want it, then she could’ve had told me privately instead.

I’m leaving.

Seulgi grabbed my arm as I was trying to escape. “Where are you going? I need you here to keep Irene from embarrassing herself further.”

“Let me go.”

“If you think that whatever Irene was saying applied to you, then wouldn’t it be better to stay so you would know what actually was going on?”

“I never had issues with her. She’s being unfair.”

Irene continues, sadly. “…gives up all the time. Might as well be a furniture. And oh, she's addicted to video games.”

Seulgi sighed. “She’s ruining her own love life.”

I didn’t need to listen to Irene’s own explanation on how irritating my giving up on stuffs easily was because I knew exactly what she’s referring to. But the video games part?

H3T3R0HUNT3R killed 19910329bjh with S12K – 42 left.

…and just like that, her 28 killing streak ended

“WHO ARE YOU? I AM NOT A HETERO. THIS IS DEEPLY UPSETTING.” 

This might be the usual situation but if it’s duo you could count on me that I would never let anyone hurt her character.

“When someone gets hung up over the littlest things. Like, plain dwelling on small things… what are you doing there, sister? Oh, just having a coffee with my friend, Misery.”

If Irene sent a one word reply to my TL;DR, I got worried; if Irene read my message, I got worried; if Kuma stayed away from me, I got worried, even if it’s merely by coincidence, I worried.

“Sleeping too late and it’s not for anything productive. Wasting away the youth.”

But she was to blame. She often called me at night just to chat. It was her damn idea. I wasn’t the one to turn her down, especially when she started talking about our future and , it was cute. So why was she suddenly against it now?

Irene was having fun in making me sad. Not even Seulgi could prevent my walk of shame.

“But strangely, without these ‘habits’ that I hate, my life would be ing boring.”

Istg I wouldn’t stop.

“With that weird sound, now I got something funny to think about during boring situations, always puts a smile on my face. Biting the jacket was still hateful but it’s cute so I might forgive. And I had already taken photo or two. Receiving a compliment to someone you actually like? I’ll put it on a record and it will be my favorite soundtrack, no sweat. Giving up easily? I might not forgive easily on this one. Though having someone to trust you, it’s actually exalting. Makes me want to do things more. Playing sometimes didn’t actually matter because out of 10 games Jennie played, 8 games I won against her. Then, hmm… still hate slowly dealing with problems, she should improve in this area. And lastly sleeping late, JENNIE KIM YOU STOP RIGHT THERE, and sleeping late, yeah. Thank you for picking up my calls when you could easily ignore them. Somehow, these worst habits of yours makes me feel loved. I love you.”

Slowly, her audiences awkwardly then enthusiastically cheered for us.

This supreme magnetic being.

But I ignored it and made my way out of there. Before anybody could see the crazy grin I got on my face.

Irene succeeded.

She got me to attend her next TED talk again.