We met during Christmas, a season full off celebration and love – or so it seemed.

I was at the nearby supermarket, throwing random grocery items into my trolley in frustration, in hopes that doing so would eliminate the replaying scene of the fight me and my sister just had. It was Christmas, I was looking forward to having a peaceful happy day but she just had to spoil my plans. I wasn’t thinking straight, I just wanted an outlet to release all my built-up anger, and the supermarket was a place that would have to do.

I had filled up the trolley about halfway with random fruits and vegetables, and was about to head off to the snacks and confectionery section to continue my little tantrum match against myself when a hand wrapped around my wrist and pulled me back.

“Hey, do you mind letting me have your packet of potatoes?” Mystery guy said. He grinned, casually putting two hands into his coat pockets and leaning against the nearby shelf. “You took the last one but I really need it.”

I glared at him. Who was he to go around negotiating deals over some potatoes, even more when I was in such a foul mood (although I would have to admit he was handsome, even my anger could not blind me). Flipping my hair behind my shoulders, I stuck my nose in the air and stalked away. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with irritating strangers. However, to my annoyance, he ran till he was right in front of my trolley, where he stood like a starfish, as if trying to block my way like a human barricade.

“Wait! I-I’ll pay you double for it! I really need it.” He pleaded, pouting as he held his palms together in a begging motion. I then made the mistake of looking at his face for he had his puppy eyes on full effect, and I found myself unable to look away at that moment.

“What-“ I cleared my throat, clearly affected by his intense stare. “What do you need it so badly for?”

A small grin broke out across mystery guy’s face at my question, and before I could process what was happening, he had whipped out his phone and was shoving the device in my face, where a picture of a corgi was displayed. I looked at him in confusion, which he took as a sign to continue explaining.

“That’s Mongryeong, he’s my best friend. I always bake him potatoes on Christmas Day but I got a little too busy this year and kind of forgot.” Mystery guy sighed, shoulders slumped as he stared at the picture. “It’s kind of our yearly tradition, it’d be really sad if I broke it.”

“Did this guy have no friends? Why was he celebrating Christmas with only his dog?” were my initial thoughts. However, as I watched him smile sadly at the picture of his corgi, I felt my heart warm at his actions. He really did seem genuinely dejected over possibly breaking a yearly tradition, and it was just a situation that displayed his pureness and sincerity as a person that really made me reach into my trolley and hold out the bag of potatoes to him.

He looked at me in surprise when he noticed, and immediately, a wide smile spread across his lips as he took the item from me.

“Thanks!” He winked. “You go to SNU as well right? I go there too.”

I blinked. How did he know?

“Your ID.” He said, gesturing to the lanyard hung around my neck where I had placed my student card, as if he could read my mind.

“Ah.” For some reason, I couldn’t think of anything else to say in his presence.

He chuckled, sneaking a look at his wrist watch before turning his attention to me once again. “I’ll get going now, its getting late. Thanks for this once again!” And with that, he was gone, coat flowing behind him as he briskly walked to the counter to pay.

I thought nothing of this incident, but after repeatedly running into him at university after that day, my life began to rapidly be filled with him. And with the amount of time we spent together, I inevitably began to fall for him.

******

1 January 2016

Byun Baekhyun,

I’m so proud of you Baekhyun-ah, it’s been a long year, but you’ve worked hard. I can see how you put your heart and 100% of your effort into anything and everything you do, and it shows through everything you do. You really deserve all that you have gotten, you really deserve the world – and if I could, I would give it all to you. You make me so happy, thank you for being a part of my life. I love you dearly.

******

As with every other relationship, we started off very well. Everyday was a bliss, every moment we spent together was a happy one. We texted non-stop, I spent almost every minute of my life with him. He would wait for me outside my classes, sometimes with a snack if it was a late class. He did that every day, every day I would look forward to seeing him leaning against the white wall outside the classroom, and watch him ignore every other females’ gaze on him when he saw me. Byun Baekhyun knew how to dress well, he knew how to use his charms to have every girl swooning. Even the way he pushed himself off the wall to walk to me was attractive, and there was no doubt that I was completely smitten by him. There was this one look he had that was only reserved for me, and I loved the fact that that made me his special lady. He was so undeniably handsome, but his witty and cute personality was what really made me fall so deeply in love with him.

He was one of the few people who understood me like no other. I could trust him with my deepest darkest secrets, my greatest worries, even my life. That’s how much I trusted him, and that’s how much of my life I had let him into. I always felt like the connection between us was special because it was something I had never experienced with anyone before.

And then one day, it all stopped. One day, after 2 years. On Christmas.

I didn’t see him outside my class waiting for me. I stopped receiving text message replies from him. I stopped seeing him around campus, even though I walked to every crook and nanny trying to find him. It was impossible to not bump into him because our campus wasn’t that big and I knew the places he would be in well, so it was obvious that he was avoiding me. And then one day, when I was in the supermarket doing some “lost” grocery shopping to sort out my thoughts, I ran into him.  

I had my hand wrapped around a packet of potatoes, but my mind had drifted elsewhere. It was as if someone had pressed the pause button on me. I clearly wasn’t handling Baekhyun’s disappearance from my life well for he was all I could think about, and for the first time in my life, grocery therapy was not helping. It wasn’t until I heard someone clearing their throat did I break out of my trance. When I turned around, Byun Baekhyun stood there himself – looking like he hadn’t been the one avoiding me on purpose for the last week, looking like he had his life together, looking like he didn’t even know me.

He cleared his throat once again and awkwardly nodded towards the packet of potatoes that were still in my grip. “The-the potatoes. They’re the last ones.”

My heart was beating crazily – now that he was right in front of me, I realized I had missed him so much and one week away from him had been hell. But, why was he acting like I was a stranger when I was far from that?

Gathering whatever courage and dignity I had left in me, I turned to face him. “So?”

He blinked, clearly not expecting that answer. “Uh…” He ran a hand through his hair. “Could I have it?”

“No.” I croaked out, struggling to hold back my tears. I couldn’t let my cool façade crack in front of me, not after what happened the past week. “Is that all you’re going to say? Is this really how it’s going to end?”

He winced visibly, and I watched as he hesitantly held his hand out with his palm faced upwards. “I-please Eunhye. You-you know I need them. You know me.”

He was right in front of me, but why did I feel like he was miles away?

“Do I?” I shrugged and smiled weakly. He stared at me with an unreadable gaze.

“Why do you get to go around pretending like I don’t exist, but I have to remember every single thing about you?” I whispered, voice on the verge on breaking. “Why are you doing this? Why today? Why?” My voice had risen quickly and at this point I was lashing out at him in the middle of a supermarket, but I couldn’t care less – I had reached my breaking point and was going to give that a piece of my mind there and then.

Baekhyun looked around worriedly, before frantically reaching out to grab my arm. “Let’s talk about this outside. Not here.”

I laughed dryly, roughly shaking off his hand. “Why? Afraid I’ll expose you to the world?”

At this, he went rigid and stiffened.

“Let’s talk.” He looked at me. “I’ll speak, you just have to listen.”

******

9 March 2017

Byun Baekhyun,

Sometimes I feel like you’re the only one in this world who is capable of comforting me and cheering me up even though you’ve forgotten about me, but it’s okay because when I see you I’m the happiest I can ever be. You make me forget all my pain