Even after 2 days, it still hard to write this. I'm not a Shawol. But i was a SM stan for long time, since Boa, Shinhwa until TVXQ5. So of course i know SHinee. I really like them. I even watched some of their variety shows like Hello Baby and One Fine Day. And occasionally watched their group or individual appearances in my fave shows or radio shows. And eventho i like them all, but JongHyun was my fave in Shinee. Esp since i knew that he loves.. loved his sister so much. Have no brother sibling at all, i found it to be sweet and endearing.

So this news was shocking and devastating.. I'm a Psychology major graduate. So Depression isnt new to me.. Also i have 2 best friends who fought with the same devil like him. One of them even still have it and i constantly worried for her when i cant reach her out for quite a long time.

Reading alot of news and stories prior his death just make me sadder. He had fought it for so long.. he even seeked for help. His family worried for him and even tried to kept watching him prior to his death. Watching his last concert video that happened 1 week before his death and saw his eyes during the closing perf just sadden me. When i watched it, i thought to myself his look was like he want to remember what his fans look like for the last time, like he was sad to say goodbye to his fans. And when i read that prior to that concert he has given his final letter to his closest friend, it just hit me. He knows at that time, that it was his last moment with his fans. He really was saying goodbye, forever, to his fans..

His final letter told people about his demon and his fight with it. And i dont want to blame anyone. It was a hard and lonely battle. Even my Father n my sister said how come a young, handsome, popular, rich and succesfull young celeb like him could felt depressed and kill himself as he had all the good things going for him. That what many people think about Depression, since the word is easily use in our daily life.. 

'i have so many work at office that it depressing to even go to work'

'My friends all have boy/girfriend while i'm alone, its so depressing'

'i have so many tests in school that i'm in depress right now'

So many people dont understand how hard it is. Its not a weakness.. its a battle that people with Depression have to fought every single minutes of his life. It was a lonely battle even when you have your loved ones surrounding you with care and love, and you know how they care for you.

He's so young, he has so many things going for him.. but he admitted he was tired, he tried to fight it and to live, but he was in pain and tired.. and on Dec 18, he had given up and went for the long rest he longs for such a long time.

His last hope was simple.. for people to tell him that he did well, that he did a good job. That he really went trhough a lot.

Goodbye, Kim JongHyun. Rest in peace now. You've work hard. You did well... 수고했어요..