"Today is such a hard day" Taehyung says to himself as he fakes a smile. He knew aiming for this life would be hard, but never knew it would be this hard.

"I wish the time could fly by" he thinks as he stares at the long and short hand of the clock that seems to be crawling with time.

"Hey Tae, do you want to grab lunch with us?" Jimin asks, as it's only reaching half the day for them.

"No that's okay, you guy's can go ahead" he says to Jimin and Jungkook, who is waiting by the door for him.

Lately, Kim Taehyung has been distancing himself from friends. Why? He has no clue why, but just knows he cant force the fake smiles outside of the classroom anymore.

Kim Taehyung is an aspiring Art Major, who falls in love with the unique beauty that is made through various art pieces. This beautiful sandy blonde boy who could find the beauty in everything is now having a hard time to find the beauty in anything.

Later that day, once all his college classes were over, 23yrs old taehyung went back to his dorm room.

"You don't deserve this" he says as he removes an art painting from his wall, which used to inspire him in the morning, now he is just disappointed that he can't appreciate it.

After removing all of the art off his side of the room, Taehyung put on an instrumental playlist and fell asleep.

"OMG" Jimin barges into their shared room an hour into Tae's nap.

"Huh?" Taehyung mumbles as he wipes his eyes, so he can look at the other.

"You would not believe who i just saw at registration office" the glow on Jimin's face has grabbed Taehyung's attention.

"Ah, who did you see" Tae says, as he sits up.

"Do you remember the guy we all looked up to in grade school and then he disappeared?" he asks.

"Who?" Tae queries, lost on the description as a lot of people moved away from their neighbourhood.

"You're kidding me right?" Jimin looks at Taehyung with a shocked expression.

Tae simply stared blankly at him.

"Jung Hoseok" Jimin says his name and waits for it to register for Taehyung.

"Wait, how do you know it's him?" Taehyung asks as the name registers to him.

"One, I heard the secretary lady call his name" Jimin begins to explain.

"So that doesn't make him the Hoseok we knew."

"If you'd let me finish, I could explain how I know" Jimin teased, as he saw genuine curiosity in the sandy blondes eyes.

"Okay, sorry, please continue" Tae apologizes, and nervously listens for explanation.

"Remember how hyung said he wanted to make it in the dancing world" Jimin begins to explain.

"Yes, hyung loved to dance" Tae agrees.

"I was bored and needed a break from studying. I was browsing through YouTube and i was watching performances from a dance competition".

"And you saw him there" Tae interrupts, as Jimin pauses for a bit.

"Yeah, I wasn't sure until I saw his smile, you know one I'm talking about" Jimin continues.

"Oh" Tae says as he recalls the last day he saw, Jung Hoseok.

For his 14th birthday, Hoseok planned a birthday party for all kids around his age in the neighbourhood. He planned a special sleepover party for his special little brothers from the neighbourhood; Taehyung, Jimin, and Jungkook.

The sleepover was filled with games, various kind of snacks and a heartfelt letter to each. Tae has memorized the letter, as he was losing a dear friend.

"To my Taehyungie,

I hope that as you grow into a young man you don't lose the glitter in your eyes. I hope you don't let others words hurt you too much, as I wont be here to wipe your tears. I hope that boxy smile never leaves your face. Remember that hyung only wants the best for you in life.. Whatever road you decide to go on, that you are happy as you go through life.

I want you to know that I WILL MISS YOU! I will miss the silly things yiu do just to make me smile.

I love you, Kim Taehyung! Thanks for being a friend and a great brother.

P.S. I hope if I get the chance to see you again that you are still shining bright like when we were young"

Those words etched into his brain came crashing down on him. He wondered how Hoseok would react to seeing him now. Would he still be able to find the glitter in his eyes. So many thoughts rolls through Taehyung mind, as the reminder of such a precious hyung came back to hi

"Hey..." Jimin as he lightly touches Taehyung's right leg.

"Huh" Tae says coming out of his thoughts.

"You okay?" Jimin asks as a tear runs down the right side of Taehyung's cheek.

"Yeah, I'm fine" he replies, completely oblivious of his wet cheek.

"I don't think so" Jimin says as he wipes the tear away.

"How did Hobi hyung look now?" Tae asks trying to change the topic, as wipes his eyes and face.

"I didn't get to see him for long, but we should try and find him" Jimin suggests, letting Tae go with the obvious change in topic, with all intentions to pick it up later that night.

"Yeah, we should" Taehyung agrees, "maybe tomorrow after classes".

"Okay, I'm going to tell Jungkook" Jimin says as he gets up from Tae's bed.

Before leaving he looks at his life long friend and then wraps his arms around him. "I'm here for you, if you ever need to talk or anything" he says as he lightly his back.

Taehyung's eyes instantly welled up with tears. He didn't kniw he needed the hug tull he felt the love of his friend washed over him.

"Thanks" a chocked up Taehyung mutters.

Hearing his voice, Jimin hugs him tighter. Taehyung finally wraps hus arms around Jimin and let his tears fall.

"Whatever it us, we will get through this together" Jimin says before he kisses the top of Taehyung's head.

Tae looks at his friend eith tear filled eyes hoping that those words will be true.

"Do you want me to stay or wanna go out or something?" Jimin asks, not wanting to leave his friend alone, with the current state that he is in.

"Let's stay in tonight, tell Jungkook to come over and stay the night" Tae replies to Jimin, trying to meet Jimin on his effort to comfort him.

"Chicken and beer?" Jimin asks.

"Call" Tae retorts.

Hoseok's letter to Jimin was a huge ask. Only Jimin he saw fulfilling the wish between the three. The elder asked for Jimin to not let the others or himself face any hardship alone. It definitely wasn't an easy ask but Jimin was the rock that kept them all moving along.

For the past ten years, they've all had their shares of ups and downs, but they got through it all by being in the presence of the other. Whether they actually talked about the issue at hand or simply enjoyed each others company when was down was enough.

That night, in a long while, Kim Taehyung genuinely smiled, thanks to the help of his friends.

Possible  trigger below. Read with caution. 

A/N: for those who follow my other stories or on my blog, you know that i have been going through some hard times.

This is something i just wrote one day, when i wish i had an outlet. Sometimes I find myself wondering why am i here?

In light of recent tragic news, which has hit me in ways i wasn't prepared for, i found myself typing this up from my notepad.

This little... Idek what to call it reflects on some of my situation in real life i dealt with as of late.

It was a few months ago i was in a doctors office that told me that im depressed and in such a weird manner, which made me feel like if i just stopped thinking negative i can be fixed. He talked as if waking up and being happy is such a basic thing  but im denying myself happiness. Because i wasn't in a state to think straight and was willing to try anything to hopefully find some sort of happiness and normalcy in my world. I took the pills he prescribed for me. The moment i did, i started having dreams of me dying in various different ways. Violent bloody deaths, and all i could think. I thought this doctor said he would help me but it was doing the opposite. I went back and explained how it was making me feel. He said it shouldn't happen like that, but to give it a couple more weeks for the drug to be able to take a proper effect.

At the time i didn't have 2 weeks. My cousin died, who was like a sis to me. I thought i was getting better a bit after the tragic news, but then the funeral came. We had delayed the funeral a bit so family from far and wide could make it.

One of my cousin who was trying her best to hold it together that her baby sister passed away. She didn't cry till the moment we started putting the dirt on her casket.

My precious baby girl who was the rock for her sister, dropped right there wanting to go to her mom. It broke me, in ways i cant even put in words.

Too many times people overlook others bc they are smiling and laughing. While everyone was saying they are so strong. All i could think is how hard it will be when the reality hits them. When it did hit them, i felt like i got hit by a truck as well, as my legs gave way. Thankfully i had my brother and his girlfriend who held me.

My friends had asked me, what do i have to stress about or be sad. I have my own apartment, i have a great paying job, family that loves me. My reply was always i dont know, i just feel like im missing something i just couldn't place my fingers on.

To my friends i have it all, and it's just a phase. When i was sent to a crisis hospital and to be admitted that is when they realized that something was wrong. My emotions were dismissed in ways that wasn't their intention but it hurt. My manager at work was the one, who broke down my shield and comforted me in a way i never knew i could feel. She lead me to open up to my family and friends. Got me the help i needed that wasn't just drugs. Rather human interaction and a place of safe haven.

I definitely feel like a lucky one, so many times i have sat there banging my head against a wall till I passed out. Or prick away at my hand with needles until blood was drawn. I have tried several times but every time i try someone reaches out and grabs me.

I have acknowledged my demons, just hoping i can completely overcome them.

Excuse my feelings here. I needed to get it out.

I am going to keep fighting to find my happiness. I hope others will too, dispite the trials we might face. Our Jonghyun was a source of strength for many, as he discussed the mental health issues. Let's continue to fight on, and make him proud beyond the sky.