Life is unfair. I found her first but he claimed her before I could even blink. I gave up because I couldn’t hurt him and I know he’d do the same if he was in my shoes. But it just hurts seeing her crack a smile because of him, laugh heartily because of him, love earnestly because of him. “Him” could’ve been me.

“Hey Tzuyu pass me that slice of pizza?”

The three of us are eating at the school’s cafeteria but even before I could even eat my share I want to throw everything out already. Mina is leaning on his shoulder while he drapes his arm over hers. I sit beside them trying my best not to pull his eyes out from its socket.

“Sure.” I faked a smile which I’ve been really good at. I learned it after 3 months of Mina and Mark flirting right in front of me. “Thanks,” Mark said after receiving the pizza I handed him.

“Mina and I have plans to watch a movie later. You can come if you want to.”

“Uh, no thanks, I already made plans with Chaeng and Dubu,” I lied. I took a bite of my pizza and felt sorry for it knowing I couldn’t enjoy it the way it should be enjoyed not after witnessing all their sweet actions.

“Ahh, too bad.”

“Yeah, too bad.”

He suddenly clung his arm over my shoulder. “You’ve been hanging out with Chaeng and Dubu a lot more than you hang out with me. I’m starting to think I’m not your best friend anymore.”

As if you don’t hang out with Mina more than you hang out with me.

“Stop being dramatic Mark,” I said instead and removed his heavy arm. He chuckled and I only stared at him. I shook my head before saying, “Imma go first since I need to get some things from Dubu.”

“Sure, should we pick you up to send you and your friends to wherever you’re going?”

 “No!” I quickly answered which probably surprised Mark. “Well if that’s what you want,” He replied. I waved my hand good bye and walk away.

I saw Chaeng and Dubu hanging out at the music room. I swiftly entered the room before locking it. Dubu stopped playing the piano and the two looked at me with questioning eyes.

“I got enough of their flirting.”

I sat down on one of the chairs while they still stare at me. “What?” I asked after a while of silence with only them staring at me. Dahyun heaved a sigh before saying, “How’s your masochist heart?”

“It’s surprisingly fine, it got immune,” I answered her with full honesty. “That’s all we need to hear,” Chaeyoung replied. “Want to hear a song?” Dahyun asked me and I simply nodded my head. She started playing the piano. ­

As the music start to flow I can feel my heart calming down and my mind easing up. I was madly jealous earlier but I couldn’t say that. My state right now is very pitiful, I quietly watch while my best friend fall in love with the girl I love.

“You can just tell Mark you like Mina,” Chaeyoung told me while Dahyun still plays. “You know that I will never do that, Mark really adores Mina and I can’t see his heart break just so that mine won’t,” I replied. “You said it yourself, your heart is breaking at the sight of them being happy together while you watch from the side and in my opinion that is very stupid,” Chaeyoung straightforwardly said.

“Mark is really like a brother to me, he’s given up so many things for me and I think at least once in my life I should be also able to give up something for him.”

“Well that’s pure bull if you aren’t really happy.” Dahyun already stopped playing the piano. “You should at least tell him about how you truly feel and let him make the decision,” she continued. “But I know he’d give up for me!”

“Exactly and it’s up to you if you’d hurt him or not.”

“You are not help­­ing at all Dahyun!” Chaeyoung scolded the older girl. “Trust me Chaeng, I am,” she winked.

“Whatever, I’m heading to class so see you guys later,” I said to them and left the room.

_____

Class ended and students started packing up, I did the same as the others. I knew Dahyun and Chaeyoung still need to attend their glee club practice so I had to go home alone today. I left the room without saying goodbye to anyone at the room. Simply because they are not my friends nor am I willing to befriend them especially with their common spoiled-brat remarks.

“Hey Tzuyu!”

“What the hell!”

Mina was standing near the door. She was grinning while I clutch on to my chest. She almost gave me a heart attack and yet there she is smiling. She’s probably enjoying my misery.

“What are you doing here?” I asked her. I showed no affection in my tone, I need her to think that I don’t like her. She’d hate me for that and that would be great. Things will be easier for me.

“Mark cancelled the movie date because there was an urgent meeting for the school athletes,” Mina answered. “Okay,” I simply said and walked away. A few steps later she’s already beside me and we’re walking together.

“What do you want?”

“Can’t we walk home together?” She asked back. I stopped walking to face her. “No,” I answered with a straight face and walked ahead of her. A few steps later again, she was walking beside me. “Why?” She asked.

“Because I hate you.”

I hate you for confusing me. I hate you for bothering my mind. I hate you because you’re not mine when I could’ve had the chance.

That made her stop walking again. I knew she was no longer following me and that made my heart ache a little. I was probably too harsh on her. I wouldn’t say sorry to her though, I mustn’t. I halted in front of the gate and waited for 2 minutes to know whether she’ll catch up or no.

115

116

117

I started walking again.

118

119

120

I sighed knowing that she probably headed to the gym to wait for Mark. She’d probably walk with him too.

“Chou Tzuyu come back here!”

My frown turned into a small smile after hearing her. She ran just to catch up with me. I continued to walk but I slowed down a little. A few seconds later she already clung onto my arms while flashing her gummy smile.

“Urghhh,” I groaned and pulled my arm away. I didn’t have to do that but an act is a must. Although, I smiled internally again when she took it back. “Stop being mean,” She said.

I no longer put an act and let things fall into its places.

_____

What’s worse than having to walk with her home? Her, living right next door.

“Do you want to stay over for dinner? I’m planning to order some sushi and sashimi,” Mina asked me once we reached my dorm room. I love Japanese food, it’s my favorite food. Also, her eyes were begging me to say yes.

So how can I say no? Simple answer, I won’t.  

“Uh, sure,” I said to her. She beamed with joy and I also smiled internally. “Let me just change first into my casual clothes then I’ll knock on your door,” I told her and she agreed immediately. “I’ll order while you’re gone,” she said and I also nodded.

“Imma go in now.”

“And I’m heading to my dorm too.”

“See you soon.”

“Yeah, see you soon.”

It was kinda getting awkward so after she said that I just rushed inside my room and dove straight onto the bed. I let out a squeal I was holding in earlier. Damn, her smiles could kill me.

I looked at my watch and noticed that 5 minutes have passed already. I quickly got up from bed and took