“In the process of letting go, you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself.”

-Deepak Chopra

~.~.~.~

There was a faint smell of alcohol that joined the cold air as soon as Irene pushed the door with pale, trembling fingers. She glanced uneasily at Wendy who kept quiet as soon as they got up from the faded, leather couch and shuffled towards the exit without looking back.

Wendy’s car was parked in the middle of two larger vehicles and Irene insisted on driving, to which Wendy did not protest and gave her the keys. The older woman’s eyes glanced at the time in the corner of her phone screen. In reality, it truly was not enough time to watch even just one movie in a theatre which was a few minutes away. The theatre would also close soon but Irene didn’t mind.

Her client-neighbor needed a distraction. Irene was made for distractions. She ran her hand through dark strands before exhaling. She was exhausted. An introvert can only take a bit before needing to recharge.
The engine roared to life as Irene inserted the key in the hole and turned it. She pressed the button for the headlights, before Wendy spoke out in a hoarse, itchy voice. 

“I’m sorry.”
Irene hummed, putting on her seatbelt while Wendy avoided her gaze, turning her head to look out the tinted window instead. “How about…” Irene stepped on the pedal, voice pausing, before going off the road and continuing her sentence.

“No more apologies for things we wouldn’t have been able to control and enjoy the movies we’d watch instead?”

She knew Wendy wanted to object, but then thought more about it and agreed. “It’d be nice to end this day on a nice note.” Wendy replied, chuckling a bit more sincerely than earlier. Irene’s lips curled into a small smile as the gentle breeze hit her face, enlaced itself through her locks and passed through.

“If it’s a nice note you’re looking for, then, ‘The Notebook,’ would be a bad choice.” Irene warned jokingly to which Wendy slightly elbowed her. “I was wondering why you’d suggest that kind of film when I’m in a terrible state of mind right now.” She made a face and Irene tilted her head, brows furrowed and lips jutting into a pout.
“It’s a movie for all occasions.”

Was Wendy usually this open? Irene doubted it. At times, she actually felt as if Wendy had her guard up. She did a lot of things with Irene for the past few days but the latter had a strange feeling that her client wasn’t doing it because she wanted to befriend her, but out of guilt.
If Irene deduced right, then she was still like that before except she wouldn’t do things out of guilt, but out of love. It would be one of the reasons why Seulgi and Joy loved her back; why they would walk through miles to protect her and give her the happiness she deserves.

In the back of her mind, Irene knew. She knew Wendy deserved better. She deserves absolutely better than being cheated on. She frowned. Even though she has never experienced ‘true’ love before, cheating on your partner is despicable. Well, under certain circumstances where abuse would be involved, maybe it would be a tad bit acceptable. Irene grunted at the thought. She wished things wouldn’t often come to that in some relationships.
Brown eyes focused intensely on the road in front of her, devoid of traffic. In order to fill the silence, Wendy turned the radio on, bursting out an old classic. The two girls’ ears perked up at the familiar tune as they started to bob their heads.

I don’t mind spending every day,
Out on your corner in the pouring rain,
Look for the girl with the broken smile,
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile

“Do you want to stay for a while?” Irene took her chance and Wendy had to refrain from smiling, a stoic expression struggling to stay on her face. “Ha-ha, Joohyun. Very funny.”
    Wendy decided to change topic as the song played in the background, Irene swerving into a new lane. “You seem to know these roads well for a newbie.” The driver almost froze, but scoffed instead. “I don’t always stay inside my apartment, Wendy-ssi.”
    The reply died in Wendy’s throat as they arrived at the almost empty parking lot where they parked near the entrance of the mall. “Do you think they’d let us in even though it’s going to close in like-” They checked the time, “-30 minutes?”
Wendy sighed in frustration and stomped her foot. “This is my fault.” Before Irene could take any more of self-depreciating comments, she strutted towards the guard that looked bored; arms crossed as he leaned on the column behind him.

“Joohyun-ssi? Hey, what- ?”

‘I guess some influences can be of use.’

She turned back to look at Wendy for a moment. Irene saw a genuine girl who deserved a bit of rest from the things she has been through for the past few years. Irene smiled honestly, eyes sparkling with a glint of mischief.
“Wendy-ssi, let me handle this.”

Somehow, her ears tingled with the lyrics she imagined would be sung in this moment.

She will be loved.

~.~.~.~

Bae Joohyun was an enigma. Wendy couldn’t decipher or predict her actions, present and future. It’s not like it was a bad thing but Wendy entertained the thought, ‘What kind of person would go so far as to do things for someone they haven’t known for long?’
She stared at Joohyun, who reached the guard. Although Wendy couldn’t hear what they were talking about, she noticed the guard’s eyes widened and immediately bowed with respect as he ushered her neighbor inside the mall, under the half-closed entrance. Joohyun turned to her and gave her a lopsided smile before gesturing her to come over.

That’s when Wendy realized how unattractive she looked. After crying and fainting in a smelly bar, her uniform was wrinkled accompanied by a tear-stained face and unkempt hair. She reluctantly walked towards Joohyun. Wendy did not like getting out of her house looking unprofessional and making it a reflection of what she actually felt deep inside.

“How’d you do that?”

She was puzzled when the guard bid them goodbye and let them walk into the customer-deserted mall. Stores were already closing and the employees chattered silently about going home, bustling and agitatedly heading towards the main entrance.
Joohyun smiled at her dazzlingly and Wendy had just noticed, how pretty the former was up close. She had dark eyes that reminded Wendy of the night sky, with rosy red lips and flushing cheeks which would be attributed to the cold.

 “I got a few tricks up my sleeve.” 

Wendy did not probe further about that but instead, started asking about personal things.

“So what are you working as, Joohyun-ssi?” A shadow casted over Joohyun’s face but it passed in a second as she answered uncertainly, “I’m…kind of like a guidance counselor.”

    “Really? That’s awesome!”

    Wendy suddenly felt as if she should just spill her whole life story and ask the older girl for advice. Joohyun shrugged nonchalantly. “I guess that’s why you’re like that.”
    Joohyun arched a brow and frowned at the vague statement. “Is that a bad thing?”
    Wendy shook her head, shuffling her hair and inhaled the air. “No. It’s just, you’re so motherly. Just…kind of a person who’s pretty good at listening. Isn’t that one of the basic but most important principle in guidance counseling?”

“Is it?” Joohyun answered playfully.

    Wendy figured that since she’s already shown a lot of hidden parts of her to Joohyun, someone she wasn’t really close with, she might as well make-up for it by trying to get to know the other woman more.
    Her heart did ache; that wasn’t going to change anything soon. But when Wendy saw Im Nayeon and Hirai Momo moving on in life, going forward without doubts, she felt left in the dark.
She thought it was ridiculous. How do people move on so fast? How can you stop the past from controlling you? 
    Wendy waved off the negative thoughts when they arrived in the theatre and Joohyun showed something to the ticket counter where they then led the two to an empty cinema.

‘Joohyun has a lot of connections.’

    They sat in the middle section, not too far from the screen and not too near where they would need to crane their necks to look up to watch. The opening of the film flashed throughout the room and filled it with a silvery, bluish light. It covered the two with that glow and Wendy would have probably found it romantic if it were a couple in their seats.
    She did try focusing on the movie like the person beside her who was so engrossed in it that Wendy had a hard time feeling like she was actually with a child instead of a grown lady.
But Wendy just wasn’t in the mood.

    ‘The Notebook,’ was definitely an excellent movie. But it made Wendy feel a bit bitter. She wasn’t the type to get bitter. She hated the feeling of bitterness. Most of all, she didn’t like burdening people with her problems.
It was her problems.
She needs to solve everything on her own.

    Wendy blinked. Glassy-eyed, she reminisced about the times she did try sharing her problems. The advice was the same. Move on.
How?
    Were there any steps she could follow? That would make things a lot easier. Wendy wanted to go back to who she was before all those crappy moments of her life happened. She missed her old self.

Herself that could live without Im Nayeon in her life.
Herself that was confident in surviving on her own.
Herself that believed she could move forward.

“I feel lost.” She admitted.

Wendy felt as if she lost herself.

    One moment, she was enjoying Joohyun’s company but the next moment her voice went still and quiet, Wendy’s mind made another uproar. Another noise. More negative thoughts she was struggling not to entertain.
“I’m here.”
    Wendy felt a hand gently placed on top of hers and she looked at Joohyun, whose eyes weren’t focused on the movie anymore. “It was easy to tell you were distracted.” She looked concerned and Wendy contemplated telling her everything again. But she kept it all in.
It was unhealthy, she knew. Taeyeon used to bottle things up but the first time Wendy saw her have a breakdown, her unnie warned her that keeping things inside wasn’t always good.    
When Wendy didn’t answer and avoided Joohyun’s piercing brown eyes, the latter began to hum a song. It took a bit of time before Wendy realized she had stopped shaking and relaxed into her neighbor’s firm hold.
As if she wasn’t allowing Wendy to drown in the noise that had tried pushing her down under the sorrow. Joohyun tapped her finger on Wendy’s hand, in a morse code the younger girl couldn’t understand.

“Everyone is lost.” Wendy thought that Joohyun knew more about her than she would let on. “I’m not giving you advice or anything but…” Joohyun turned her head to look at her seriously before she let go of Wendy’s hand and tapped her forehead.

“Do not define yourself by the people who may or may not have liked you before.”

    The ending credits rolled in, the theatre went dark until all Wendy could see was Joohyun’s cheeky smile, showing pearly white teeth. The words hit Wendy like a truck. It resounded in her heart and Wendy laughed brokenly. 
“Have you ever been in love, Joohyun-ssi?”
    She made a muffled sound like, “Pfft, no.” But Wendy just nodded. “Well, it feels like you’ve experienced it.”

They watched the words roll up on the screen and when it finished, the room lit up with bright lights and Wendy could finally see Joohyun pondering on things that was a mystery to her.
“You know what’s more important than love, Wendy-ssi?”
Wendy was starting to dislike the formality. But she stretched out her arms and yawned. “What?” Joohyun grinned and pointed at Wendy’s uniform.

“Laundry. Clean, dry, laundry and ironing.”
If she meant to make Wendy laugh, she succeeded.
“Truly, at least laundry doesn’t hurt you back.”
“No.” Joohyun agreed.
The drive home was probably one of the peaceful night Wendy had in a while. They reached their apartment doors with a walk filled with jokes and more personal stuff.
Before Joohyun could turn her back and walk in her room, Wendy called her out. Her neighbor looked confused, hand on the doorknob. “Do you need your laundry washed again?”
“Tempting idea. But I just wanted to ask for a favor.”
Wendy beamed. Her cheeks hurt from smiling widely, something she hasn’t done since forever.

“Please don’t call me Wendy-ssi anymore. As a sign that we got a bit closer since you’ve already seen my ugly parts.”
Joohyun seemed surprised. But she chuckled briefly after.
“If that’s the case, I’m honored. Call me Joohyun.”
“Don’t want an ‘unnie,’ along with that?”
“Don’t test me, Wendy.”
Wendy raised her hands up in surrender. It was nice to have a playful banter. They bade each other good night and Wendy thought that at least today didn’t end in a bad note like she concluded it would be.

Today, someone told me that I should