“Make yourself comfortable, Noona!”

"Thank you, Tae. How’s life?”

“Pretty good. Though I’ll moved to Singapore branch.”

“That’s pretty convincing. But why are you so gloomy?”

“Well, I wished I could stay until Sera graduation day. She might interested to search some jobs in Singapore too.”

This young man before me just turned 26 last month. But his vision about relationship is beyond imagination. Poles apart with his brother who seems engrossed too much in his work and not able to see his fiancée once a week. Or now it looks like once a month.

“Do you want some, Noona?” Taemin shows me a plenty lasagna.

“No, I’m good. Today’s lunch treat was a feast. We reached the sales target last month. The general manager brought the entire restaurant to the office.”

“Wow, cool! But it’s already 9, sure you won’t take a bite?”

“Thank you, I’ll just take some orange juice in the fridge. Is there any?”

“Sorry, we ran out. But I got your favorite, here! Catch it!”

Thanks God, I used to join softball club back in college so I’m spared from spilling the banana milk all over the living room.

“When will the brother of mine came back?” I glance at the phone. 9.24 P.M. Jinki should be here at 8.30.

“Soon. He should be already landed. Maybe the traffic got him.”

Taemin nods and continues torturing the lasagna. Where the hell is Jinki, anyway? There is no phone call or message since his last one at 7. In the morning.

“Why didn’t he tell you to wait at your apartment? Like he would sleep here anyway.” I saw Taemin teasing me with his signature evil grin.

“You little puppy don’t you da.. ” I stopped by a new message icon caught by the corner of my eyes.

Baby, I just arrived at the airport. I have 30 minutes before my flight. Sorry, I screwed up with my schedule. See u tomorrow morning, will you?

Whaat?! I need another 6 hours to finally see him?! No, 6 hours plus 2 hours driving from the airport here. Gosh, this is already the third time he did this to me.

Oh, please not that face, you know I miss u gazillion!

Another message reached my phone before I could confront him with a phone call. How could he acts like he knew that I mess up my face with a ugly pout?! Well yeah I made face, but he has no right to judge and be mister-knew-everything-even-we-are-apart. But what can I do? It’s not that I could ask Doraemon to lend me his magic door and grab his collar right now just to bury him with curse.

“Why? What’s happened? Is my brother alright?” Apparently, I’m not that smart to let a sigh reached Taemin’s ear.

“Well, I guess I just back home and wait him there.. Until tomorrow morning.”

“What? He called me this afternoon and told me he’s coming back tonight!”

Wait. This afternoon? He managed to call Taemin but only left me messages with more than 12 hours apart? I know Taemin is his only brother but still, it hurts! It’s not even fair!

“I don’t know. Something must be happened with his schedule. He’ll got on plane in 30 minutes. I will just called him on the way home. Bye, Tae!”

“Hold on, Noona!”

“What?”

Taemin is not answering, going straight to his room and taking a jacket with him. His car key hangs on his finger, “I’ll drive you home. It’s pretty late. Out apartment is not easily reached by taxi. You know that.”

“It’s okay, baby. I can help myself. Just finish your lasagna.”

“Lasagna is not a mission anymore,” he chuckles a bit, takes his phone from his pocket and gives it to me, “This is my mission now.”

Taemin-ah, got your car and make sure _______ arrived home safe and sound. Tell her I am sorry and convinced her I love her. Don’t let her face stays in hulk-mode. You know what will happened if she looks like that. I’ll buy you every single meal you want for a whole month.

”You take a bribe?” I asked Taemin in surprise while walking to the basement with him.

“Haha! Sometimes…”

“Next time, I’ll buy you every single meal you want for 6 months if you promised me to kick your brother anytime he messed with me!”

•••••••

“Hey, _______! It’s lunch time! Come on! It’s on me!”

“I think I’ll skip! This design should be finish before 3! Catch you after!” Actually, the design only needs one last touch and it will done. Called me cheesy, but a small fight – more like one-side fight – with your boyfie would ruin your appetite. After I screamed to him through the phone call, he had no intention to showed up in my apartment or at least called me back.

Suddenly my phone’s madly ringing. Well, speak of the devil, someone finally realize that he needs to call before everything got worse.

“Hello?”

”_______! Where are you?”

“You think?! Office of course, idiot.”

“Great.”

“What’s great? The fact that you’re an idiot?” My heart breaks when I let that word came out from my lips.

“Sorry, baby. I really didn’t mean to. I already explained to you last night. They liked the plan and need another presentation to the headquarter so I had to stay longer. It’s not mentioned before in the schedule.”

“Screw your schedule! At least you should called me earlier!”

“My fault. I knew.”

I sighed. There’s nothing I can do. I know this would be the routines when I decided to take his heart three years ago. He’s busy, I’m busy. But he stays, and I stay. He loves me, I love him more.

“Now, that I want to make it up for you. Go see the coffee shop next to your office and find a super handsome man with an ice americano in the corner!”

He ends the phone call, leaves me in an awe. What did just happened? Is he joking? Or? Handsome man? He means..?

A new message popped up in my phone screen.

You should come quickly or the super handsome man would flirt with a lady who just entered the coffee shop, because hell yeah, she’s very beautiful!

Damn it, Jinki! You better be serious this time! I run to the elevator and go straight to the next building. When I finally reached the coffee shop, I found Jinki waving his hand with his trademark wide smile. Only God knows who much I miss those lovely eyes.

“Where.. Is.. the lady you.. Talked about?” I asked him, pant heavily from flashing down here.

“Sit down here, let me hug you first.”

I’m still not in the mood for some PDA when he grabbed my wrist, placed me to his side, and bear hugged me, causing me suffocated.

“Jinki are you nuts, this is public place!” I struggle under his arm but he doesn’t loosen his hug. I inhale his perfume. It’s like an anesthetic, I found myself became weak and nonchalantly put my hand around his waist.

“I miss you, _______.” He whispers to my ear, makes my whole body turned to jelly.

“I miss you more. But first, tell me where’s the woman you talked about?!?!!” I shout to his face when finally he pulled me apart.

“Gosh, you still care with that?!”

“Of course! Now tell me!”

“Seriously? Okay.. As you wish, over there! The one with a flowery dress.” He’s pointing his chin to the other corner.

When I follow his direction, I found an old lady sits with her husband, enjoying their quality tea-time.

“Which one? I only see a granny there..”

“Isn’t she lovely?”

I flick his forehead when finally realized that Jinki’s pulling a prank with me.

“I ran here with my heels on! You’re so mean!”

“Hahaha! If I didn’t do that, my jealousy bride-to-be wouldn’t agree to forgive her boyfie!”

“Who said I forgive you?”

“Them!”

Jinki take something from under his seat. A brown paper bag with a big broken white ribbon is waiting under my nose.

“What is this?” I can’t hide my smirk. Jinki knew he’s forgiven so he smiles ear to ear.

“Your favorite!”

“Banana?!”

“The other one!”

I rushed to the ribbon, opened it half forcing to some cactus in small colorful pots.

“JINKIIII!” I successfully make the couple beside us turn their head.

“Ssshhh! You’re too loud, honey!”

“These babies are so cute!” After 2 years of flirting back at college time, 4 years of separation, and 3  years together, he definitely knows my Achilles heels.

"Soooooooo, what would the super handsome man got?”

I slap his cheek lightly, then kiss it deep.

“Only on the cheek?” He asks cheekily.

“I’m still a bit angry with you!”

“Hahaha! No problem, I’ll get what I want tonight!”

“Watch out, ert! Or I scratch your face with this!”

“Hahaha! Fine fine fine! I’m sorry, I hope it wouldn’t happened next time!”

“Don’t promise me anything if you won’t able to keep that!” The atmosphere suddenly turned grey.

“I’m trying! I know I’m pretty busy lately, but as long as I can sneak out to see your smile like today, I’ll fight for it!”

“I understand, baby.. I’m sure it breaks your heart too if you’re not able to keep your word.. But it’s not easy to continue falling from cloud nine over and over again..” I duck my head down. , I’m not supposed to spill the words.

Jinki place his hand to my chin, lift it up so he can lock his eyes to mine.

“Hey, baby.. You’ve sacrificed enough.. It makes me believe that you’re really the one.”

“I’m not clapping my own hands, right?” I forced a broken smile.

“Of course.. How about I said that I’ll come with you to the college reunion ball?”

“No way!”

“Yes way! I got the presentation re-scheduled! That day I’ll be 24 hours yours!”

“Are you kidding me? You won’t sent Taemin at the end, right?”

“I won’t give my baby brother a chance to be your date! NEVER!”

I hug him so tight. I’m the one who said this is a public place earlier, but now, I really don’t care!

“Are you serious?!”

“200%!”

Someone said, falling in love is like own a vending machine who has the best cookie ever. But in 100 chances, you only got 1 cookie and 99 s for the rest. But it’s the best cookie in the entire universe. So you knew you screwed up, nearly don’t care about the s and just waiting for the cookie to showed up again. And here I am, finally got my cookie after 99 times disappointing s.

“We should choose a matched outfit. I won’t let you carelessly put something awful! Key would be there! At least I’ll let him know that it’s a good thing that you ended up with me!”

“Hahaha! Key! I remember he got angry when we finally an item. And that’s just because I didn’t pay much attention to my appearance back then!”

“You know how he is.. He is def..”

My words hung on the air while Jinki’s phone’s vibrates vigorously on the table. He sneakily glances to it, then flip it down so I couldn’t see the caller ID.

“Go on.” He pushed a fake smile. I sighed and continue my story knowing he’s trying his best to make an effort.

“Yeah. Key definitely thought you’re such a waste. You don’t know how mu..”

The phones continues asking for attention. Jinki holds his hand under the table not to answer that.

I look away, waiting for it stop moving. I’m not able to put some words together. It’s hard for me to keep going, but I know that it is harder for him to not take the phone call. He lives for that.

“It’s okay, baby. Keep going. I’m here for you now. I don’t really ca..”

Even his speech is stopped by that stupid call. I can’t take it anymore.

“For God’s sake, just take it, Jinki!! That’s the only way I could keep going!”

Jinki bites his lips. I grab his phone and place it to his hand.

“It’s okay. I got used to, honey.” I’m not that used to actually. Jinki is finally answering that phone call, anyway.

“Yeah, Sir. Sorry, I was in the toilet.” I see he crossed his finger.

“Oh, is it? That’s great.”

“I want to. But can y..”

“No, I mean, now I ju..”

“Well, if it’s so, I shall be there.”

I shall be there. Check mate.

“Yes, Sir. Okay. Thank you.”

He puts the phone inside his blazer pocket. Without any words, I knew he’s already not there for me.

“You need to go, rite?”

“Well..” He scratches his head, “You hear that, anyway. But I can go later after your lunch time’s over. I’ll just say the traffic is the worst ever. Or I just got that re-scheduled until 3 P.M.” He let a broken grin decorate his face. But I’m not that stupid.

“What’s the use you’re here but your mind already gone since 5 minutes ago?”

”_______, I’m really sorry.”

“Just go, I don’t want you see me sobbing.”

“Baby, please don’t.”

“Alright, alright. I’m a big girl, it’s no great deal. I know the consequence since the first day I met you again.”

“Can I leave now?” He politely still asks for my permission.

“Of course, Jinki.. You don’t need to ask anymore..”

“Thank you! You’re the best! I love you!”

He rushes to the front door with full speed, left me with the cactus. Oh, poor me. Am I bribed easily? Am I already mad having a conversation to cactus like this? Hey, pal. I’ll bring you home and bear yourselves to hear my sad stories. I’m ready to leave when I found him shoved back inside the coffee shop and placed his soft lips onto mine. I lost in translation for 20 second before able to put my mind back together.

“I’ll promise to dance with you at the ball. I love you, _______!”

And he dashed out in another full speed. I’m still taken a back, not believed what just happened. Oh, great. How can I not bear the 99 times for a kiss that makes you feel thousand firework sparks inside you?

•••••••

Remember when people said don’t get too excited with something because you would never know what tragic event could happened later? And anything in this whole universe would not more tragic than my life.

Babe, before anything, I’m so sorry. I need to get something at the office before the ball. We would be late if I picked u first. Is it okay if we met at the venue?

I read it once again inside the taxi that brought me to the ball. I can’t believe this. It only took 20 minutes from my apartment to the venue. Why on earth I agree heading to the ball by myself? And by myself means by myself, cause until two hours standing there, I had to stupidly put the i-am-fine-don’t-bother-to-stop-your-move-for-caring-me-just-enjoy-your-dance for the rest of the night because everyone came with their couple and I am alone like a world war survivor, torn and miserable.

They asked where the hell is Jinki. Oh, I want to ask that too! They thought that our lovey-dovey stuff back in college just didn’t really happened. I’m thinking the same, because the memories of it got blurred day by day. They assumed that Jinki and I already separated. Well, maybe?

Once I reached the point that I couldn’t stand the crowd any longer, I pulled out my phone and dialed a number that I memorized it so well. No answer after one try. Second try. After the fourth time, it’s still not reached the voice I miss the most. Turned out my answer is not coming through my phone, instead it’s standing perfectly near the grand piano. Well, I knew Jinki so well to finally saw Taemin looks so worried in his casual formal look.

“Noona, he said sorry. He tried to escape from the board but they loved him too much. He said he really wanted to come. He’s already in his outfit and became a goofball for his office mates.”

I lost my words. There’s so many thing I want to throw to Taemin. I want to scream at him how much I hate his brother right now. But it just gone. I’m too astonished to put something together in my tongue. I can feel stings creep up to my eyes.

“Noona! Are you crying? Are you alright?”

Shoot. I hate this. My night already ruined, I don’t need another mess to worsen it.

“Tell me one reason, Tae. Why should I wait for him? Why should I forgive him?”

“He said sorry already..”

“He said that to you. Not to me.”

Taemin looks confused. It’s always awkward becoming the third party.

“I mean.. He thought..”

“No need to explain, Tae. I understand. Just go home.”

“I promise to take care of you, Noona.”

“Don’t bother to do that. It’s his duty. Not yours. Once he failed, well…”

“But..,”

“You did pretty well. Now I ask you to leave, please.”

I leave Taemin to join Key and the others who take a break from the waltz. Key notices something is wrong with me. He embraces me in his warm hug and brings some booze to calm me down. The night can’t get even worse.

I feel my phone rang crazily inside my purse. I’m sure who it could be, because two days ago I might answer that phone call in less than 3 second. But I just don’t care anymore. I’m tired being the only one who make an effort in this relation- – pardon my word – for these past three years. When the clock hit 10 and Jinki didn’t showed up at all, I should admit that my vending machine already broke and no more cookie would came out for me. That’s why, I don’t think twice when Key and his fiancée offered to drive me home.

•••••••

I woke up with a lot of pain in my face. I look down my body, still in the same dress I wore to the ball. I found my shoes across the room, being neglected with no mercy. When I finally dare to take a glance to the mirror, the reflection showed put me in a shock.

Who is that miserable girl? My eyes are swollen up, anybody might believe that someone did beat me up. The dizziness attacked when I got up from my bed. Damn it. What just actually happened start flashed into my mind. I must be cried on the way home, and continued until I couldn’t bear anymore then just fell asleep.

It’s almost two in the morning. I undress myself from this stupid, filthy, annoying, bad charm, ugly, i-don’t-care-anymore-you-can-stole-that dress, eager to change into some comfortable clothes. I almost got myself crying again because the first pajamas I could notice is the one that Jinki and I bought back in silly couple-stuff shop in Japan. Too lazy to find another one, I just go straight with that and head to the bathroom.

I want to continue my potential sleep when my throat asking for decent treatment. I only two step away from the kitchen when I found someone’s hanging Christmas decoration that definitely too early for May.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

Jinki with plain white tee and blue shorts falls down the chair when he heard me screaming. His face covered with grimace while he rub his hands and legs. I really want to stretch my hand helping him to stand but my broken heart holds my feet tighter.

“I got something for you.” He slips some groans in his words.

“You always got something for me. Some other thing. Some other person,” well yeah, Taemin’s included here, “But it would never be you.”

“…”

“Jinki, I honestly tired of this. I’m really tired putting my expectation on you.” He just standing stiff, it hurts so bad when I see him looks more broken than me myself. I love him so much but I don’t know how long I could spend my life waiting in vain.

“Can you please, just one day, one day out of your 365 busy day, forgot your schedule and care to notice how hard I trust my hope on you? I need you right now. Not flowers, not banana, not cactus, not even Taemin, that you always sent later after your every missed moment! And now, what the hell is this?!” I exploded in one split of second. The decoration’s not helping at all, it makes me sick and burst more.

I’m almost dying crazy when I found it’s hard catching my breath after yelling but Jinki just grins ear to ear and walk closer to me. Did I ever tell you that his smile is everything that I want in this whole world which could let my guard down every single time?

“Come here, _______”

“…”

“I promised to dance with you at the ball right?” I nod in perplexed, mad and confused at the same time.

“And you broke that.”

“Well, I’m sorry. Wait, let me finish. I am terribly sorry, if I could summed up the whole apologize I should gave it might as higher as heaven.”

I sighed, just because I really have no idea what should I say at this very moment.

“So here I am, with you, at the ball,” he stretched his arm, presenting the mess he made at my kitchen.

“What the heck? What ball? You’re completely insane!”

“Oh, wait.” He runs to his phone on the counter, “We need this to complete the event.”

“What event?!” I hate to accept that Jinki somehow is a clueless. He definitely can’t read the mood inside a room.

“Jinki I swear to God..”

My words cut by the song played over his phone. This..

“My dear queen of my heart, can I have a dance with you?”

My favorite song, smoothly filled the room and cooling down the temperature. Well yeah, Queen of My Heart by Westlife might be little bit too cheesy for my edgy personality. But this song is killing me inside whenever I listen to it.

“Happy anniversary, _______. Now you got the song, got the ball — well yeah, you can say the Christmas decoration — and you got me that will dance with you for the rest of your life.”

He pulled my waist closer and placed his forehead on mine. Jinki doesn’t say much words, the song explains pretty much about our circumstance. The tears I hold earlier seems find its way streaming down my face.

“You idiot, I hate you so much!! You always made me the losing side!!”

“I don’t know how many times I should apologize to you, honey..”

“And today’s not even our anniversary, stupid! Are you that ignorant to remember the date?! Should I be your calendar too? Your agenda too? Is it not enough for me being a neglected girlfriend?!?!!!” The stream’s now already becoming a waterfall on my cheeks.

He locks my lips with his before I could screech another curse for the whole minute. I felt my knees trembling, I’m sure without his hand on my waist I might melted down on the floor.

“Nine years ago, I bumped into a girl with a mannequin in her arms in the hallway which made her couldn’t see what’s in front of her. That’s the very first time that girl with the short hair stole my heart. And she did stole it again and again for the next nine years. So yeah, today’s our anniversary.”

“You.. You remember.. T-that day?” I asked him while pull myself away from his chest.

“Every single day. So don’t you ever ever ever think that I am not working my on this. I love you too much to send Taemin every single time I didn’t manage to keep my promise because he’s the only one I trust that would able to make you save when I’m not around.”

“But I need you! I need you to talk directly to me! Tell me that you’re not able to see me. Tell me that you miss me. Not the other stuffs you bought me later! Not even Taemin!!”

“My bad.. I can’t tell you by myself just because I’m afraid if I heard your voice I could died because of the pain in my heart missing you so bad.”

His words sounds like the most beautiful song I’ve ever heard. I peck his lips lightly.

“You’re so mean.. How can I mad at you with all of those words?” I murmur on his lips.

“That’s why I always busy.. I can hypnotize people with my words so my boss sent me around the world..”

“Oh, I forgot I date the smartest guy back at the college.”

He could wake up the entire block with his laughter while sneakily peck my lips. But I don’t mind. I would be very happy if I could wake up to that every single morning.

“Now would you dance with me?” I laugh at myself, remember how hard I put on a spectacular dress earlier but finally got my waltz after I changed into stupid pajamas.

“Is this won’t messed up your schedule?”

“You are my major schedule.”

I remember he kissed me for another minute before we spent the whole hour dance to my favorite song.

***