Jonghyun kissed for faith.

Faith in people and in love. Faith that not everyone was out to break his heart and hurt him.

Those were the nights when Jinki’s phone would ring at three in the morning and Jonghyun would be sobbing on the other end of the line, asking what was wrong with him and Jinki knew. Jinki always knew. Like clockwork, he would throw on some clothes and make his way to the younger man's house without really thinking about it.

As Jinki had already deduced, lying in Jonghyun's bed with the younger man clutching tightly to his shirt, the late night call had arisen from Jonghyun having his heart broken for the nth time. He was always just a little too sensitive, a little too trusting and he poured every bit of himself into a relationship. All Jonghyun wanted was to love someone and for them to love him back and, call Jinki a dreamer, but he didn't think that was too much to ask.

Jonghyun tasted like coffee and desperation.

Jinki did have to wrack his brain a bit to remember which lover had hurt Jonghyun this time. In his long running quest to find love, Jonghyun had been through more men and women than Jinki could keep up with. While the leader had suggested on a few occasions like this that maybe Jonghyun’s tendancy to jump from one relationship straight into another might be the reason things never worked out, Jonghyun never stopped. It became something of an addiction. A need to be in someone's arms. In someone's bed. In someone's heart.

But in between every relationship, Jonghyun would lose hope. He would lose hope in love and people and life in general.

That's the moment he would turn to Jinki.

Jinki would hold him like he wanted to be held. Jinki would listen to him pour his heart out and speak softly to him when necessary.

But most importantly, Jinki would kiss him. Soft, romantic and loving. The way he wanted all his relationships to be.

The hope Jinki would give him through the slow, gentle press of their lips together was the only thing keeping him from giving up on love altogether. It gave him the hope that there are people out there like Jinki who are caring and sweet and will actually love him the way he wanted.

And no matter how badly he wanted it, Jinki realized that that person… would never be him.

-----

Kibum kissed for fun.

He kissed when he was happy, excited, drunk. He kissed when he celebrated and when he partied.

He would go around at a party and give each of his friends a kiss on the cheek with a cute, exaggerated 'Mwah’ before bounding off to the next person. It seemed as though he just wanted to share the joy he felt with everyone he was close to.

Jinki, however, never got a kiss like that.

For reasons the SHINee leader hadn't yet figured out, Kibum would go from innocently pecking everyone else on the cheek to planting a quick, equally chaste kiss on Jinki's lips as if it were normal. Jinki had thought it was an accident the first time - had he maybe just turned his head when Kibum leaned towards him like all those cliché teen movies? - but the younger man's lack of reaction and the fact that the same thing happened every time after that made him realize that he was very clearly doing it on purpose.

But why?

Kibum tasted like sugar and happiness.

There was never any underlying meaning behind his kisses. Nothing deeper. No secrets, no feelings, no desires.

No love.

Jinki had stopped trying to figure out why at some point and just accepted every whirlwind peck Kibum would give him. He would smile at the younger man as he walked away, trying his hardest to ignore the bittersweet feelings crawling up his chest.

He felt Kibum’s happiness radiate through him and that always made Jinki happy in turn. He also felt his heart crack every time Kibum walked away from him, on his way to share his sunshine with somebody else.

-----

Minho kissed for comfort.

Comfort when they said he couldn't sing. Comfort when they said he couldn't act. Comfort when they said he couldn't rap. Comfort when they asked what was the point of him being in SHINee when he was essentially useless.

Minho wouldn't cry from his insecurities. He wouldn't complain. He would make himself as small as his tall frame could get and cuddle up to Jinki, wanting nothing more than to feel like someone needed him.

It wouldn't take long for the cuddling to turn into kissing. Jinki wasn't sure if it happened because something as intimate as kissing made Minho feel wanted, or if Jinki's thoughts as he kissed him somehow came through between their connected lips.

‘You are worth it. You are wanted. You are talented. You are useful.’

‘You are needed.’

Minho tasted like dark chocolate and warmth.

But sometimes, on the rare occasions where Jinki would drop his guard and let his insecurities show, Minho wouldn't waste any time in reversing the roles and trying his best to reassure Jinki through his kisses.

Minho was a good person. He was sweet and kind and believed in the people he loved. Even if someone was in the wrong, even if they had wronged Minho himself, he believed wholeheartedly in forgiveness and second chances. He believed that a person's character was more important than the mistakes they made.

Minho never wanted anyone to feel inadequate. The way he had felt so often.

‘Everyone makes mistakes. You're not a bad person. They'll forgive you. I'm still here for you.’

Jinki wasn't sure if those were the thoughts Minho was trying to project that day, but he so desperately wanted to think so.

But even so, even as caring as Minho was and as distraught as Jinki could get, the leader never dared to entertain the idea that Minho would ever try to tell him he loved him through those kisses…

-----

Taemin kissed for pleasure.

uality was a big part of the dancer's life and, despite the fact that there was no doubt he cared deeply for Jinki, the only time he would kiss him was when he wanted something more. He wanted Jinki's hands on him, he wanted Jinki on top of him, all around him, inside him.

He would crawl into Jinki's bed in the middle of the night or he would pull him into a bathroom backstage or, once or twice, even coax him into SHINee's van. Every time, Taemin wouldn't say a word. He would just look into his leader's eyes for a moment before kissing him and Jinki knew immediately what he wanted.

Taemin never wanted to be on top. He wanted to just lie back and take what Jinki gave him. Take in the sights and sounds of Jinki lost in the thoes of passion. Take Jinki's pistoning hips and wandering hands and just take take take…

Jinki never had a problem with their ‘friends with benefits’ relationship - or their ‘some’ relationship as it had come to be known. After all, he had known Taemin for a long time and it wasn't difficult to see that the older the boy got, the more ually charged he became and Jinki was happy with being the primary target of his lust.

Taemin tasted like cherries and indulgence.

He was particularly high strung during awards season. Jinki could never tell if it was due to excitement, stress or the disappointment of not winning a particular award, but after every awards ceremony, the youngest wouldn't even wait until they left the venue before he was kissing Jinki.

Even when Taemin had attended the 2017 MAMAs by himself, he had shown up at Jinki's door after the post-ceremony after party, looking wrecked, smelling like liquor and heady cologne and beaming at the older man so brightly Jinki had the brief thought that maybe, just maybe, Taemin didn't come to him for the same reason he always did.

“I won, Hyung, did you see?”

“I saw. I'm so proud of you Minnie.”

And suddenly Taemin’s hands were on his hips and his lips were on his own and Jinki's heart was at the pit of his stomach.

But still… as he fell onto his bed with the younger man, hands roaming, bodies grinding and tongues tangling, Jinki realized that, as long as Taemin kept coming back, he would never deny him his indulgence…

-----

Jinki kissed for love.

He loved every one of them. He loved all four of them equally.

But that also made him greedy.

There were those moments when he would have Jonghyun crying into his shirt, asking both Jinki and some deity that he never believed in why he couldn't just find somebody and be happy while Jinki prayed to that same deity that the younger man wouldn't notice how hard his heart was pounding from the force it took to hold himself back from just shaking Jonghyun and shouting at him ‘Me! Me! Me! I'm the one you're looking for! I'm here! I love you!’

But he would never say any of that out loud. Because, even if Jonghyun returned his feelings, Jinki would still be in love with Kibum, Minho and Taemin.

And that was unfair.

There were those moments when Jinki would move with Kibum as the younger tried to pull away from one of his routine happy kisses, trying desperately to get more than he was being given. All he wanted to do was take hold of Kibum's wrist, his waist, his arm, anything to keep him in place while Jinki deepened the kiss and showed him physically how he felt.

But he just clenched his fist and smiled. Because, even if Kibum returned his feelings, Jinki would still be in love with Jonghyun, Minho and Taemin.

And that was unfair.

There were those moments when he and Minho would be wrapped up in a blanket together, trying to send each other comfort and reassurance through their kisses. Jinki would be focused on controlling his thoughts and making sure they were only sweet and comforting, as if Minho could actually read his mind. But every so often, he found himself thinking about how much he loved the younger man.

He would always push those thoughts out of his head. Because, even if Minho returned his feelings, Jinki would still be in love with Jonghyun, Kibum and Taemin.

And that was unfair.

There were those moments when he'd have Taemin pliant and begging underneath him and he'd have to bite his lip so hard he'd sometimes draw blood just to stop himself from slowing his hips and making Taemin look at him for just five seconds so that maybe, hopefully, he would understand that this wasn't just about for him.

But he never did, he just bit his lip harder and gave Taemin what he wanted. Because, even if Taemin returned his feelings, Jinki would still be in love with Jonghyun, Kibum and Minho.

And that was unfair.

Yes, Jinki kissed for love, but he also kissed for greed.

Jinki tasted like longing and tears...