Joohyun’s stare used to make Seulgi’s heart race, her face flush, but now she’s incapable of any of those things. Even time no longer moves the same way when she feels trapped within the same moment while the world moves forward without her.

Seulgi’s lips part. “Joohyun unnie.”

“They call me Irene now,” she says, and Seulgi absorbs it without comment. Joohyun. Irene. It doesn’t matter. No matter what name she uses, Seulgi knows her the best in the world or not at all; there is no in between.

“How are you these days?” Joohyun asks, as casual as a passing acquaintance on the street.

Seulgi manages a shrug. Joohyun appraises her, dark eyes and ruby lips, the opposite of the night when—everything changed.

Joohyun gives a tiny smile, sad and weary, the weight in her eyes being the only sign of her many centuries. “You still hate me, don’t you?”

“I could never hate you, unnie,” Seulgi says honestly. She has tried to tell herself many times that she hates Joohyun, or that she should at least, but she never quite manages it. Of the many things she feels for Joohyun, hatred is not one of them.

“Never is a long time for our kind, you know.”

Seulgi’s face twists at those words, “our kind,” a reminder of the nature she can’t deny and the fate she never wanted.

Joohyun sighs. “I see you still haven’t come to terms with our nature. Have you been drinking?”

“I’m fine,” Seulgi bites out, even though burns at even the mention of blood.

Joohyun frowns. “You’re clearly not. You need to get over your aversion to—”

“I almost drained Seungwan last time.” Seulgi’s voice cracks. “You really expect me to drink from a human again?”

“There is another option.” Joohyun peels back the collar of her shirt, revealing the pale column of her neck. “Here.”

Seulgi’s eyes widen. “W-what?”

“Come on.” Joohyun takes a step closer to Seulgi, and then another. “You have to drink, and if you won’t from a human…”

Seulgi feels paralyzed by her proximity; she’s hyperaware of how close Joohyun is, how soft her skin looks, and oh god her scent. She wants to blame it on the fact that Joohyun is her sire, but she knows better. Joohyun has always had that effect on her.

She shakes her head, nails digging crescents into her palms.

Joohyun sighs again. “Seulgi,” she says, both an admonishment and an imploration, and if Seulgi’s blood were capable of singing it would have. “Please.”

The last word does her in. Her fangs slip out, the thirst overwhelming her, as her teeth sink into flesh that’s as soft as it looks. And Joohyun moans.

Joohyun’s blood tastes better than anything Seulgi’s ever had, whether as a human or vam—what she is now. She’s pretty sure she moans too, and she’s scared for a second that she won’t be able to stop, to pull away, that she’ll drain Joohyun (is that possible?), but Joohyun murmurs, “It’s okay, I’ll tell you if it’s too much,” in a voice rougher than it is in Seulgi’s fantasies and she sees red.

“—gi. Seulgi.” Joohyun’s fingers are threaded in her hair, but they’re not tugging on it or wrenching her head back, merely resting there with something approximating affection. “Stop.”

And somehow, Seulgi manages to. Manages to raise her head and back away, her lips to lap up the last drops of Joohyun’s blood. It’s so, so sweet, and Seulgi can’t help but wonder if she tastes sweet elsewhere too.

Joohyun’s eyes are darker than ever as she straightens her shirt and runs a hand through her hair. She looks only the slightest bit ruffled, expression aside, and Seulgi feels oddly disappointed. She wouldn’t have minded seeing Joohyun dishevelled, debauched. Ruined.

“See?” Joohyun says lightly. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

Seulgi’s tongue darts out and traces the corners of , and Joohyun’s eyes track the motion. “It was okay,” she says with studied casualness. “Thank you.”

Joohyun regards her with a kind of terrible solemnity. “I don’t want you to throw your life away.”

Seulgi looks away, biting back the it’s not much of a life dangling on the edge of her teeth. “I guess I owe you since you gave me this life, right?”

Joohyun draws in a breath. “Seulgi.”

“I think you should leave, unnie,” Seulgi says with a calmness that surprises herself.

“Do you want me to?”

Yes. No. I don’t want to see you because you remind me of everything I lost. I want to see you because you remind me of everything I still want. I can’t bear being with you. I can’t bear being without you.

“I think you should leave,” Seulgi repeats.

“I will, but you have to know that—” Joohyun draws in a sharp breath. “Even if you hate me, I don’t regret it.”

“I don’t hate you, unnie,” Seulgi says tiredly. “I just wish you gave me a choice.”

“You were dying, Seulgi. Was I supposed to hope you regained consciousness so I could ask for your permission?”

Seulgi presses her lips together. “I wish you thought of what I wanted rather than just doing what you wanted.”

Joohyun’s voice is very quiet. “So you wish you had died instead?”

“I—” Seulgi doesn’t know what she wishes. What she wants. Aside from the woman standing in front of her, that is.

“I couldn’t let you die, Seulgi. I couldn’t.” And finally, Joohyun’s voice cracks, like a maze of hairline fractures culminating in a total break. “I’m sorry if this isn’t the life you wanted, if this isn’t much of a life at all. I’m sorry I was selfish and took the decision away from you. But I’m not sorry I didn’t let you just lie there and bleed out.”

Seulgi can only manage one word. “Joohyun.”

Joohyun touches her cheek, fleetingly, and even though her skin has always been cold it’s the exact same temperature as Seulgi’s now. They’re the same now. The wound on her neck where Seulgi had bitten her is already mostly healed, only two tiny pinpricks of pink left. She looks even paler than usual, and Seulgi feels a sudden stab of guilt, wondering if Joohyun has had enough blood to offer hers to Seulgi.

“I’m sorry,” Joohyun repeats. “But I’m not sorry that I love you. And maybe, one day, you can forgive me and we can try again.”

“Joohyun…”

“I’m not going to pressure you about it, I’m not going to force anything on you.” Joohyun gives her a tentative smile. “It’s all in your hands, Seulgi, like it should have been from the beginning. Just…take care of yourself in the meantime, okay?”

Seulgi nods, and somehow manages to stay in place when, with a final smile that’s a little sad and a lot hopeful, Joohyun walks away.

It takes every fibre of Seulgi’s self-restraint not to call her back.