Jeonghan’s hand hovered over his phone, hesitating and debating against himself. His resolve is crumbling, mostly because it was standing on weak ground the entire time, maybe he shouldn’t be so surprised. He remembers his eyes; his beautiful, remorseful eyes, his face pale and tear-stricken eyes—on his knees, begging him not to leave. But Jeonghan did, because despite the absolute regret in his voice and his face, Jeonghan’s heart didn’t stop breaking. Every step away was torture, like knives cutting through his heels with every contact he makes with the ground, but he knew he owed it to himself to walk away from there.

Tears fell from his eyes, one by one, as he gripped his phone hard, displaying Seungcheol’s contact information, glaring at him and standing out from everything in his room like neon lights—in a bout of frustration, he flung his phone across the room to his wall, effectively making its’ parts fly in different directions, and effectively stopping it from reminding Jeonghan about what lay on the other line.

“Hyung?” Wonwoo flung the door open, panic written all across his features, standing by the doorway in his apron as he took a look at Jeonghan, pale and drained, panting without exerting much effort. He slowly took a few steps forward, halting Mingyu who wanted to follow behind him. He glances on the cellphone parts on the floor, stringing the information together as he took more steps forward, attempting to wrap an arm around his friend. Jeonghan has been staying with him and Mingyu ever since he left his home—promising not to be a bother to the newly married couple. Jeonghan arrived in a packed suitcase which barely had anything he needed, soaked because of the rain, and sobbing his eyes out. It had been 2 AM and Mingyu had a bat with him just in case it was a burglar. He kept on reminding him no burglar would knock but his husband insisted.

Jeonghan just stood there, his clothes still dripping wet, when he asked if he could stay with them for a few days.

“Of course, you can.” Getting the fact that Jeonghan still didn’t want to talk, he didn’t ask any more questions and urged Mingyu to do the same. Ever since the night they tucked Jeonghan into bed with some of his dryer clothes, the other has not left it at all. He has filed a leave from work, and he just stayed in their guest room—doing whatever on earth it was that allowed him to be that quiet, almost like he wasn’t even there in the first place. Maybe that’s why the sound of something breaking scared him so much, it’s the first sound that came from his room in almost a week. He and Mingyu just took turns giving him food and adjusting the heat in the room, when he apparently didn’t do it himself.

“Sorry.” Jeonghan mumbles quietly, voice shaking and hoarse from disuse.

“Hyung...” Wonwoo reaches over worriedly, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. “What happened?”

“I threw my phone.” the other replied, evading the question.

“That’s obvious,” Wonwoo smiles, trying to make sure he was comfortable enough to tell him what was going on. “You know what I mean... Why did you leave home?”

The other hung his head, a few drops of tears fescaping onto the back of his hand, before he furiously wiped it off. “It’s nothing.”

“Hyung, you haven’t been coming out, you just threw your phone for god knows what reason, and Seungcheol hyung has been calling us nonstop asking if you were staying with us.” With the mention of the others’ name, Wonwoo noticed that Jeonghan’s ears perked up, just like it always does when he mentions that Seungcheol was coming and Jeonghan tries to pretend not to care but he’s actually anticipating seeing him. “Don’t lie. I won’t judge.”

Jeonghan faces Wonwoo, tears still falling one by one despite him not making a single sound—has he been crying here the entire time?

“He cheated on me.” the anger that surged through Wonwoo was legitimately unbelievable, mainly because of the fact that Seungcheol is his friend and Jeonghan was a sort of a friend-in-law, becoming his friend because of his relationship with Seungcheol. But he thinks that is what makes the anger more logical, apparently. “He says it was an accident.”

“An accident?” Wonwoo asked, fuming. “How is that an accident?”

“I don’t know.”

Wonwoo seethed, sighing and keeping his thoughts to himself as not to aggravate Jeonghan who was already obviously suffering. “He got drunk and went to bed with some random person.”

“How did you find out?”

“He addmitted it to me.” Wonwoo can see Jeonghan’s eyes. He’s torn—he sees hope in there. He’s hurting so much, he may feel betrayed and hurt and altogether horrible, but he sees that he’s completely considering the fact that Seungcheol addmitted it, and honestly quite convinced that it was an accident.

“What do think?” he inquired.

Jeonghan looks out the window, sighing heavily. “I honestly don’t know.” he choked up again, and Wonwoo decided not to push it.

“You don’t to decide right now.” he mumbles, soothing his back. “But remember that you need to take care of yourself.”

Jeonghan nods, resigned and exhausted.

-

Jeonghan was forced to go back to work a few days after his leave ended, and Wonwoo has been keeping close tabs on him. After they had that conversation in the bedroom, he’s been admittedly been tiptoeing around Jeonghan, also while making sure he doesn’t chance upon Seungcheol, especially now that he’s been doing so much better. He occasionaly comes out to eat with them, and smiles again. But sometimes, when he thinks they both are asleep, the couple hears muffled crying from his room. It breaks Wonwoo’s heart, not just because he’s seeing a precious friend hurting like this, but also because he can’t believe one of his best friends can do this.

Jeonghan’s eyes were still swollen when he came up for breakfast the next day, but he and Mingyu tried their best not to make him conscious about it by not doing anything to point it out.

“Hyung...” Mingyu starts. “It’s a long weekend this week, right?”

Jeonghan looks up slowly, then nods. “Why?”

“I have a non-refundable return plane ticket to Japan which I bought for my sister but she had more important plans. I was planning on selling it but I thought you might want to use it for your self?” Mingyu hesitated, conscious about being insensitive. “Take a sabbatical of some sort.”

Jeonghan gradually smiles. “You can buy another ticket for Wonwoo, and you both can go.”

“We’re visiting my parents on Friday.” he smiles sheepishly. “Take it? Consider it an advanced gift.”

Wonwoo had just gone to bed, tired from an entire day of driving to and from Anyang to visit Mingyu’s parents. He had just decided to turn all the lights and Mingyu was already snoring when he heard a loud rapping on the door.

“Who the —”

“Wonwoo!” Seungcheol’s voice boomed from outside, making him jump in surprise to make sure Mingyu doesn’t wake from the noise. He rushed to the door, opening it for the very drunk Choi Seungcheol, sprawled outside his door.

“I know he’s here...” he slurred, balancing himself against the wall. “Please...”

“He isn’t.”

“Don’t lie.”

“Go home, hyung.”

“Jeonghan... please.” he started slouching, attempting to hide his tears. “I’ve made a horrible mistake.”

“Yes, hyung,” Wonwoo stands firm, anger from what he’d done to Jeonghan surging against him again. “You were horrible. You’ve been together five years, hyung. Five years, he wouldn’t have been with your for that long if he didn’t love you.”

“I know.” he sobs, falling against Wonwoo’s shirt.

“If you knew,” Wonwoo pushes him away gently. “Then why did you do it?!” Even if he wanted to make sure Mingyu doesn’t wake up from the noise, Wonwoo wasn’t able to stop himself from raising his voice.

“I was black out drunk, Wonwoo, you need to understand that I didn’t mean to do it.”

Wonwoo stood there, wanting to believe him but wanting to be of assistance to Jeonghan and his sanity. Allowing Seungcheol to woo him back would be an insult to him, and no matter how much he wanted to believe him, he needed to be by Jeonghan and his pain. He isn’t just a friend-in-law, he realizes, he is his friend, too.

“You hurt him, hyung.” Of all the things Wonwoo has said, it was what made Seungcheol regain steady footing and stop swaying. “So much... you don’t even know.” Wonwoo’s voice shook, finally caving to the hurt he’s been harboring the past weeks. “I can’t even begin to describe the sobs we hear every night.”

Seungcheol clutches his chest, closing his eyes, as if to drown Wonwoo’s voice out. “I can’t even begin to describe his form—he’s always drained and tired, he’s always pale, his eyes are always swollen...”

“Please...” he whispers, stopping Wonwoo.

“Don’t come back, hyung.”

-

Jeonghan was doing so much better, Wonwoo observes. He’s smiling so much more—even though it wasn’t close to how much he did when he and Seungcheol were together, but it’s so much better. He’s carrying consistent conversations with them now, and he’s looking for things to do. If anything, the short trip Mingyu gave him had been therapeutic, allowing him to realize that there so much more to things, and that he didn’t necessarily have to hide away from the world. And that he didn’t do anything wrong.

Or that he had just decided to push to the pain down—ignoring it totally—he does not know exactly.

But he’s happy, at least.

However, one night, as Wonwoo decided he wanted a little bit of fresh air and went up their commonly unused access to the rooftop right after Mingyu fell asleep, he heard him—sobbing. Trying to take a peak as Jeonghan has not seem to have noticed his arrival, he noticed him sitting by the bench that they had dragged up there right after they moved in, and he was just looking at his messages—reading Seungcheol’s messages. As to whether they were old messages or new ones, he didn’t know.

So apparently he still was hurting—well, he didn’t exactly expect everything to go away right away—Seungcheol was the love of his life... if Mingyu had done it to him...

He shuddered.

He can’t even imagine what he’d do if this was him; he’d probably be in a worse situation than Jeonghan is so, technically, he’s still doing so much better.

Wonwoo took a step forward, knowing that whatever it is Jeonghan was battling at the moment, he couldn’t be bearing it all alone, without a shoulder to cry on, even. He wasn’t exactly the shoulder to cry on type, but he knows the urgency and the necessity of him stepping up. He couldn’t just allow Mingyu to do it for him, Mingyu was quite tactless, as was unconditionally loyal to Seungcheol and he may be tolerant of his actions despite the amount of pain he’s given Jeonghan.

“Hyung?”

The sobbing stopped abruptly, but the sniffing couldn’t be helped, so Jeonghan couldn’t really hide it even if he tried. “You can cry in front of me.” he whispered, reaching out to pat his head.

“I’m sorry, I’m such a bother.” he apologized shakily.

“No...” he moves to take a seat beside him, sighing in the process. “You were never a bother, hyung.”

After some time, Jeonghan chuckled. Wonwoo looked over to him, puzzled. “I never thought that after a break-up I’d be running over to my ex’s friends.” Wonwoo smiled, seeing the irony, but still flattered about being chose. “It’s just that... I knew you and Mingyu would not be necessarily be able to understand, but you’ll give me space. And I was right.” he reached over to ruffle Wonwoo’s hair, who suddenly looked a little bit like an overwhelmed cat.

After a few moments of just looking up the stars (or lack of them, to be honest), they both heared the door being opened, and a very sleepy Mingyu emerged.

“It’s two in the ing morning.” he croaked out, voice hoarse. “What are you both doing here?” he walked over, handing a coat to both of them.

“Thank you, babe.” Wonwoo muttered as Mingyu sat on the other side of Jeonghan.

A bout of silence enveloped them, before Mingyu started clearing his throat. “I know you both think I’m totally on Seungcheol hyung’s side that’s why you have these conversations without me...”

“Mingyu, it’s not that.” Jeonghan started but Mingyu kindly cut him off.

“It’s okay, hyung.” he smiled. “To be honest, I kind of am biased when it comes to him. But I know what has happened, and I know that he hurt you, no matter what he says.”

Jeonghan smiled a little, feeling Wonwoo squeezed his arm in comfort. Mingyu continued, “He still loves you.” Wonwoo made a move to stop him but Jeonghan stopped him, letting Mingyu continue. “And I can bet my life you still love him a lot.” Jeonghan nodded. “But despite these, it’s not exactly easy to forget the hurt and I know you’re still scared that it can happen again, and hyung... you can. You’ve been together for so long, this can be an oppotunity to step away, to find out who you are outside the two of you. If you still aren’t ready, then don’t go back.”

They both looked at him, incredulous. “Yeah, it’s hard, I know how much you love him. But I also know that you wouldn’t forgive yourself if you went back to him without fully trusting him again. He messed up, he was careless, and he hurt you. The way to take care of yourself is to step away.”

Jeonghan grew silent, breathing quietly. “It’s really hard to be angry with him” They husbands nodded, understanding. “But the past few weeks have been the worst of my life and I am not willing to be reminded any time soon.”

“We understand—and we can help you.”

Jeonghan has gotten a place of his own with the help of Wonwoo and Mingyu, which conveniently was near his office building so he didn’t have to work very far. He didn’t have a lot of things, though, as most were still in his and Seungcheol’s former shared home. He needed his things back, but at the same time, he wasn’t sure if he was willing to get them from Seungcheol. He was sure that he was able to fare all that time because he tried not to think of him as much as possible—but he also wasn’t willing to buy new furniture and clothes; he was saving up for another trip to Japan and he could barely manage it—but he didn’t really want to know what would happen if he contacted him again.

With encouragement and guidance from Wonwoo, he sent Seungcheol a message saying he wanted to get his things back. In a flash, there was a reply saying, “I will pack them up for you, if you want. You can just get them on the weekend.”

“Wow,” Wonwoo began. “That was... anticlimactic. I thought there would be anger and begging.”

Jeonghan stared at his phone, slowly realizing that that had been their first interaction since that night when he pulled his leg away from him aggressively when Seungcheol was holding onto him too tight, begging him to forgive him.

Well, he was the one who was cheated on and yet he’s still kind of fine—of course, Seungcheol would be more fine than he is.

He stood by the door, with Mingyu and Wonwoo standing on both sides of him, almost protectively. He stared at their door—the home he previously came home to so many times—greeted by Seungcheol, sometimes even swept up in a hug. He took a big breath before tentatively knocking on the door. There were footsteps and the sound of the door unlocking, and Jeonghan’s heart pounded against his ribcage.

The moment the door opened, they were greeted by an almost bare house, except for a huge pile of things on one side. It was all of Jeonghan’s clothes, the small futon that they both shared when they just moved in, most of the blankets, and none of the furniture. “I had moving guys take them out this morning.” the moment he spoke, Jeonghan almost sobbed right then and there. “I gave them Wonwoo’s number so don’t worry, I didn’t figure out what your new address is.” he assured quietly. He lost a lot of weight—and to be honest, Jeonghan didn’t like it. A lot of people may think he’s more attractive this way, but Jeonghan wanted his cheeks back, his thighs, his jawline was too sharp, his cheeks hollowed. Plus, the house was too clean, it had never been that clean the entire time they lived there.

“Hyung, why is the house so clean? It’s too clean, I feel like my presence is making it dirty.” Mingyu asked, observing something by the piano. “You only clean when you’re—oh.” He stopped himself, looking at us one by one, realizing what it apparently implied.

He only cleans when he’s sad.

Jeonghan slowly moved forward without a word, and knelt by his boxes, picking one quietly. “Let’s take these to the car.” Was all he managed to say quietly, and the two men followed him right away.

They almost had all of his things outside when Jeonghan was left with Seungcheol alone, only having to move one more box to move. He bent over it, and it contained a lot of important things for Jeonghan: a family photo of his graduation day, his high school year book, a book which had a wilted flower tucked in between the pages, which Seungcheol gave him on their first date, and a lot of legal documents. He looked at the photos one by one; they were either with family or friends, or they were solo photos of him—it was almost all of them, except for one. There were none of the pictures that was of him and Seungcheol. He looked up, and that was when he saw it, the thing Mingyu was looking at by the piano. It was a picture of Jeonghan on a dock on a tropical country, it was on their third anniversary and they were there on vacation—the photo was taken by Seungcheol, and like the trying hard bloggers that they were, they were holding hands, with Jeonghan looking intently at him, with only Seungcheol’s hand exposed to the camera.

“Please...” he whispered. “It’s the one thing...” his voice broke, and at that moment, Jeonghan almost rushed back to him. But he kept his rationality, and tried not to be affected by it. “Don’t take it, please. I’m giving you everything back, take them with you... everything.” Jeonghan had started to feel choked up, but he knew—he had to do this for himself. “Can you give me this? Please?”

Jeonghan nodded, thinking there’s no reason to be so cruel.

“I’m sorry.” he croaked pathetically before the tears started falling one by one. “I didn’t want to hurt you. I was black out drunk—I know I shouldn’t be giving you reasons anymore...”

“I know, Cheol, but... I was so hurt, and I don’t want to feel like that again.”

He nods furiously, “I know.” he sighs. “I still love you.”

Seungcheol couldn’t have said anything worse—it just made Jeonghan grip to that hope to convince himself to stay. “I do, too.” he admits, Seungcheol lights up like a child by the christmas tree. “But... I’m still tired, and scared, and I’m.... just not ready. You understand, right?”

His expression turns back to solemn, but he nods. “I do.” but he smiles. “But we can try again, right?”

Jeonghan thought about it. “Maybe someday.” he replies, and he means it. He doesn’t really know. But maybe someday.

Seungcheol smiles fondly and cupped his face in one of his hands. “Maybe someday.”

He watches Jeonghan walk out the door and take everything with him—every single thing; with Seungcheol left with one framed picture, and one broken heart.

--

thank you for reading!

you can leave your comments here, or you can request through dming me @choisoftcheol on twitter!