Yerin feels like all the air has been let out of her lungs, or maybe even the room.

“…What?”

Sojung takes her hand like she had when she charged into the room, like Yerin’s saviour and captor at once. “I don’t love you,” she says, slowly and carefully, like she’s worried Yerin will shatter at the words, “but I could.”

“Y-you… What?”

“I could love you,” Sojung says, and Yerin feels like the universe is dangling a treat in front of her and any second it’s going to be snatched away.

Yerin looks away. “I don’t want you to—to feel obligated. I’m not so stupid that I’m going to die rather than get the operation, so you don’t have to worry that you’ll have my life hanging over your head.”

“Yerin, that’s not why—”

“I think you should leave, Sojung.”

It’s the first time that she’s ever addressed Sojung without the honorific. Sinbi does it sometimes because she’s a brat, and Eunha has done it at least once, but Yerin would never, ever forego the “unnie.”

“Yerinnie, please listen to me.” Sojung’s voice is softer now, coaxing, and Yerin knows that if she looks at Sojung, even glances at her, she’ll cave in.

She resolutely keeps her eyes locked on her lap. “Please leave,” she whispers and her voice almost cracks.

The universe decides to be kind to her for once, because Sinbi chooses this precise moment to walk in with a glass of water in each hand.

“Yerin unnie,” she says in an unnecessarily loud and cheerful voice. “I didn’t know how thirsty you were so I got you two glasses just in case.”

Yerin smiles at her, so grateful for her timely interruption and her unwavering support and her very existence. She’s so grateful for Sinbi and she lets that emotion fill her smile, for once not trying to hide anything at all.

Sinbi’s hand slips on one of the glasses, but thankfully it doesn’t slide out of her hand. “Do you want one too, Sojung unnie?” she asks, and without waiting for her answer, shoves one at her.

Sojung takes it, seeming caught off guard by the force that Sinbi uses, and staggers back a step. Some water sloshes over her shirt, but she doesn’t complain and keeps her eyes fixed on Yerin. “Yerin—”

“I’d like to talk to Eunbi,” Yerin says. “Alone.”

Sinbi gives Sojung a mutinous look, like she’s saying see? She wants you to leave, so what are you still doing here?

Sojung sighs. “All right. I’ll…give you two some time together.” She looks at Yerin, and then gives Sinbi a quick glance. “I-I’m sorry if I upset you, Yerin. I never wanted that. I never wanted any of—this to happen.” She waves her hand as she says “this,” like she’s indicating the whole situation.

“Right, I understand,” Yerin says wearily. “I didn’t either.” I never wanted to be a burden to you. I want you to love me, but not because you feel like you have to. That’s not love.

“That’s not what I meant,” Sojung says, voice suddenly sharp. “I-I care about you very much. You know that, right?”

Right, Yerin thinks. You care about me very much. You love me, even. Just not the way I want. Not the way I love you.

“I know that,” she says evenly.

“Sorry,” Sojung says. “I was supposed to clear out and leave you two alone. I’ll do that now.” She turns to Sinbi, who has been uncharacteristically silent. “Eunbi, take care of Yerin for me, okay?”

Sinbi doesn’t reply, looking at Sojung with a strange expression that’s neither warm nor hostile yet somehow both at the same time.

Sojung falters. “Sinbi?” she asks, and Yerin doesn’t miss that she switched from her real name to her stage name.

“I’ve always taken care of Yerin unnie,” Sinbi says, like a challenge, “and I always will.”

Sojung nods slowly. “That’s good to know.” She looks at Yerin and gives her a small, sad smile before walking away and closing the door quietly behind her.

“Yerin unnie?” Sinbi asks hesitantly. “Are you okay?”

No, Yerin thinks. How could she be?

“Sorry,” Sinbi suddenly says. “That was a dumb question, wasn’t it?”

“Did you really get the water for me?”

“Of course,” Sinbi says. “I mean, I know it was an excuse to get me out of the room but still. Do you not want it?”

“No, I do want it.” All that coughing was not kind to . “Thank you,” she says as Sinbi carefully passes her the glass, not even a drop spilling. “Sorry about just chasing you out of the room like that.”

“You apologize too much, unnie. Plus, you needed that talk with Sojung unnie. I’ve been trying to get you two to talk for ages.”

“Ah, well sor—I didn’t mean to worry you so much. At least you can tick that item off your list.”

“The talk didn’t go the way you wanted it to, did it?” Sinbi asks, with a tentative expression like she doesn’t know if she should ask.

Yerin exhales. “No, it didn’t, but I don’t know how well it could have gone, to be honest. I mean, it’s not like she feels the same way.”

She somehow says the last part casually, like she’s just stating a simple fact. The sky is blue. Our debut song is Glass Bead. Sojung doesn’t love me back. Just a simple fact.

“Well, that’s her loss,” Sinbi says decisively.

Yerin has the extremely eloquent response of, “Huh?”

“That’s her loss,” Sinbi repeats. “Anyone would be lucky to have you love them, unnie. If she doesn’t feel the same way – well, that’s more her problem than yours.”

“It’s not Sojung unnie’s fault she doesn’t feel the same way, Eunbi. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you expect them to return your feelings. She isn’t at fault here, and I don’t blame her for anything.”

And it’s true. She doesn’t. If it weren’t for this stupid illness, nobody would ever have found out about Yerin’s feelings and she could have carried on and maybe one day they would fade or maybe one day Sojung would return them and Yerin would know that it’s genuine and not because of misplaced guilt and dutiful obligation.

It doesn’t matter now, she tells herself, because she would never know that maybe.

“What would you do if it was the other way around?” Sinbi suddenly asks. “If Sojung unnie had feelings for you and you didn’t return them?”

“If she had feelings for me?” Yerin repeats. She can’t count how many times she’s hoped, wished for that, but she can’t imagine the second part. “Well, I-I guess I—”

“Never mind, it’s a stupid question,” Sinbi says quickly. “Just forget it.”

“It wasn’t stupid. It was just unexpected.”

“Love is usually like that, don’t you think?”

“Yeah,” Yerin says thoughtfully. “Yeah, it is.”