Finished writing and really not satisfied with it. I just posted it here so I feel like my effort won't go to waste. But don't waste your time on this painfully long oneshot. It's . I mean it, it's not good. You've been warned.

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Rushing into the hallway, she finds her Aunt Tia and her little brother seating by the waiting hospital chairs that are resting against the wall, weeping. She stops in her tracks, feeling her knees weak, bead of tears over her waterline. She shakes her head in disbelief. No way. Her mother didn’t die yet, she didn’t leave them yet. No…

Her moment of daze breaks when she hears her name called by the young four year old boy, hugging her at the height he can reach. She swallows her tears, bending down, trying to display a smile. She wipes the sweat on his forehead under his wet fringe, then his tears.

“Mum…” He sobs, hiccupping. “... is gone. Auntie said— Auntie said she left us already.”

She presses her lips as she feels her nose sour. She hugs the young boy and carries him up, letting him snuggle and cry on her shoulders. Rubbing her hand gently on his back, she says quietly, “No, Jace. Mum didn’t leave us. Even though we can’t see her anymore," She swallows her tears, "she’ll always be in our hearts.”

The boy lifts his head. He wipes his tears with the back of his small hand. Sniffing, he asks, “Can Mummy fit in our hearts?”

She nods her head.

Placing a hand over his chest, “She’ll be here?”

“Always.” The older sister can’t stop her tears anymore as it streams down her cheeks.

Jace quickly wipes it away, not liking the sight of his sister crying.

“Big sis is okay. Will you miss Mummy?” She asks.

Innocently, his lower lip jutting out, he answers, “Yes. But she'll be in our hearts anyway.”

She hugs him tight again, kissing the side of his head as she mumbles, “That's right, my baby boy. She won't leave our hearts this time.”

“At this point, you’ll hurt yourself. Take it easy.”

Two weeks after her mother died of brain tumour, she is at the dance studio, rehearsing her performance at her upcoming concert the following week. She didn’t get the time to mourn and grieve over her mother’s death as a daughter because show must go on. So many shows, concerts, fan-meetings, filmings, recordings, and preparations for her upcoming full album are on the way, she’s in no position to halt all these activities of her professional career because of her personal affairs.

She turns to her manager with a serious gaze, panting and sweating.

“I can’t take things easy, Teo.” She pins her eyes back to the wall mirror in front of her. “They’re waiting for me.”

The male sighs heavily. She’s been practicing nonstop for seven hours straight. He knows better of the reason behind why she’s pushing herself beyond her limits. If before she did it for passion, now she’s doing it to hide and run away from the pain besieging and crippling in and around her heart.

“You have to be careful. You can’t get hurt.”

She stills at the last sentence. She almost wants to laugh. Humorlessly. You can’t get hurt. She’s starting to wonder what can she even do? She can’t cry. She can't grieve. She can’t be genuinely happy. And she can't get hurt. Is this what her life’s going to look like now? She can’t feel and indulge herself into her own real emotions. Does she always have to put on a mask for the sake of her beloved supporters?

“I’ll be fine.” The pained artist mutters. “You can leave.”

Helpless at the situation, Teo lowers his head and turns to his heels, leaving the four walls with the lady alone.

Dancing and dancing and more dancing. It’s all she’s done for the quarter of the day. As much as she wants to sing, she can’t. No sound is coming out so she’s doing what she can in control— to dance, to move her hips, her limbs, her body. With her body giving up, she falls on the ground, and slams the ground flat with her palm. The stinging pain creeping up to her hand is nothing compared to what her heart is going through. Frustration, it must be. She wants to give up.

But, she can’t. This is her life now and she’s got to deal with it.

Who would she be, if she isn't who she is now?

“Thank you so much, everyone.” She tears up, bowing her head, holding the microphone close to her lips as she stands in the middle of the front stage, in front of everyone— her fans. She stands straight up and clenches her eyes, breathing deeply.

She is towards the near end of her third night concert as the beginning part of her concert tour. It’s her third world tour since she debuted and up until this day, she can’t believe how far she’s gone. It still surprises her at how her shows are sold out and highly demanded when the organisers were forced to add an additional night. (Something that barely happens in the show business industry in her country.) To what she only dreamt of then, is now her reality.

“I just would like to thank all of whom are here and just for all the fans on the first three nights of the concert. This is a time of my life I won’t forget ever, as an artist, and as me. Thank you for making this concert very memorable and meaningful for me. I don’t know how I can express my utmost gratitude." She breaks to tears. "Ah…. I usually don’t cry, really…” She pinches the bridge of her nose, lifting her head up, looking away.

Slowly, the crowd chants her not to cry sympathetically, cheering her on. She sobs and tries her best to calm herself down. She takes a deep breath once again, speaking quietly, “I want to talk about something that is really, really personal to me. Since you are all close to my heart, I am going to share it just to you guys who continues to support me even until to this day. If I don’t do this, I feel like my heart is going to burst and there’s no other better opportunity than now.” She follows, “I’m not going to talk about this again.”

The crowd dramatically silences, one can hear a pin drop.

She hardly gulps and explains, “Before the concert started, I was reading the fan’s thoughts after the press conference and everyone must’ve noticed how heavy my heart is at the moment. I’m really sorry, everyone.” She bites back her breakdown.

“Three weeks ago, my mother left and has gone up to the heavens. Up until now, along with all my schedules I haven’t got the chance to cry my heart out. I felt so helpless and alone. Everyone, my mother is really precious to me. Everyone knows that, right?" The entire crowd responds. "She supported me with all her heart as I kept reaching for my dreams. She continued to support me and she never left even for a moment.”

Her voice cracks. “I found out about my mother passing the morning I landed from my schedule overseas. I couldn’t believe it. Before I left, she was brought to the hospital. We even talked, she told me to go on with my schedule because she doesn’t want me to disappoint my beloved fans who have been waiting to see me. She promised me that she will be here when I get back, but she didn’t make it. I was too late.” She sobs, her heart cracks. “My head and my heart hurt so much. I wanted to give up.”

All of her fans at the dome respond sympathetically, as one.

“From that moment on, I felt so alone. Everything is just so hard to face. I couldn’t cry because I had to keep going. But, standing here, in front of all of you guys, I felt everyone’s love embracing me. I like to think that I am not alone anymore. My Mum told me to always love my fans with all my heart and even if she’s not here anymore,” She stops, “I know she’s watching me from above. And even if she left, she left me with all of you.” She scans the entire dome. “Thank you, everyone. I’ll keep working hard with a heart for what I like to do, a love for my mother and for all of you. Thank you for making this a very meaningful concert I’ll ever have my entire career. I love you, guys.” She bows once again.

With a smile and teary eyes, she announces warmly, “We’re going to end the night with a song from my second mini album that I dedicated for the people who are supporting me. But, if you just listen to the lyrics once more, I think everyone would feel its deep meaning behind every word.”

She walks back to the main stage, putting her earpiece on as the live band begins to play and spotlights focused on her. Live, she sings the last song to conclude her concert. The most emotional ending she ever had for her show.

"Have you seen it?” She turns to Teo. “EXO is coming here for a stopover for their tour. I just saw the announcement made today. Are you going?”

“Oh my gosh. You’re going, aren’t you?” Her long time makeup artist, Cas, has her eyes wide open, enthusiastic about the artist going.

The famous celebrity has been a long time fan of a Korean boy group, EXO. A year after their debut, 2013, she was over at South Korea for a magazine photoshoot, it was the same time when their widely popular and phenomenal hit song Growl hit up the streets. Upon seeing them everywhere, she was naturally curious of who they are but little did she know that curiosity will turn to something completely unexpected.

But, being a fan for four years, barely anyone knows about it— only her manager and her makeup artist-slash-best friend. She didn’t feel the need to be vocal about that side of her, after all, it’s her personal thing as herself and not as an artist.

She looks up and puts down the pages of brief for her interview. She shrugs her shoulder unsurely, “I have to see about it.” Though really, it’s more likely she’ll go. She never misses to go to their concert whenever there's an opportunity.

“Oh, right,” Cas puts down the brush for a while to grab her phone, catching the attention of both manager and her. She unlocks the device and fiddles with it as she speaks, “I saw this. It’s gone viral especially in the Kpop community here.”

“What is it?” Teo asks, taking his steps closer to the ladies to take a look of the screen himself.

She takes the phone and reads what’s on the screen as her best friend explains, “She has cancer and she’s in the worst stage. A bystander, who was actually a popular blogger, came across her in the hospital and was touched by her kind heart when she comforted a crying kid who has the same condition as her. It was uploaded about four days ago.”

The video embed on the blog post plays.

Uploader: What’s your wish?

Young girl: I want to see EXO.

Uploader: EXO? Who’s that?

Young girl: They’re a boy group in Korea.

Uploader: Are they popular?

Young girl: *nods*

Uploader: It’s just EXO you want to see?

Young girl: *shakes head* I really want to see Baekhyun Oppa and Chanyeol Oppa but I can’t.

Uploader: Why not?

Young girl: Because I’m not allowed to travel and all our money went for my treatment. Also, my parents are still saving up for my operation.

Uploader: Then, do you know how much the operation costs?

Young girl: I don’t know but I think it’s big money.

Uploader: Do you want to be well?

Young girl: Of course.

Uploader: Why?

Young girl: So then my parents don’t have to suffer and cry anymore.

The whole blog post is about giving donations to fund the operation of the young girl with a kind heart. The blogger mentioned about her first wish although he’s unable to grant that wish; to see her favourite Kpop boy group, as she's not allowed to travel perhaps, it can happen after the major operation is done on her with successful results. It is a blog post calling out to help a young girl achieve what her pure heart desires, to get well so she would not see her parents cry and suffer anymore.

The celebrity gives the device back to its owner and grabs her own. She opens her private and hidden social media account wherein she follows all EXO official and fan accounts to keep updated amidst of her busy and tight schedule. She sees that the concert is six weeks from now and tickets will go on sale in a week’s time.

“Teo,” She calls. “please do me a favour.”

“What is it?”

She locks her phone and places at it at the side.“Buy me a ticket to EXO’s concert.”

“VIP?”

“Yes, please.” She adds, “Also, a general ad.”

“For who?” He asks.

“Me.” She answers simply.

He raises an eyebrow, already assuming something inside his head. “And the VIP… for her?”

She nods her head. “Yes.”

Both Cas and Teo smile fondly at the lady. It’s always been like this since she became a fan of the boy group. She’s got everything to get those VIP tickets to take and get a closer look of the members, to get noticed, to meet them whenever they are over at the country through work as an artist to an artist and have that personal interaction and photo opportunity but she has always refused.

It’s crazy, if they are asked. Who would think that she is a fan, a dedicated and passionate fan? Any fan like that would take all the opportunity to take that one step closer to their idol but apparently for her, the words dedication and passion holds a different definition compared to others. It can also be a different of expressing so.

Teo is taken back to that time when she was asked to be part of an exclusive interview with EXO, her being the interviewer. But she refused saying that another celebrity host can do a better job than she ever can. Which was odd for the producers and directors because she never refuses work unless of course it clashes with her other commitments. Besides, she has the heart of a natural host or emcee, who is natural at getting along with guest— all the reason why she’s a regular member of the country’s biggest and most popular talk and variety show.

If they are to describe, she is a fan from afar, literally from afar. Barely anyone, even EXO themselves would know that she is a fan, a big fan of them. They won’t even ever get to know the mere fact that she is buying number of copies of everything they release and that, some of the accessories, clothes they are wearing, or presents in general, are from her.

Especially for this one particular member, known for his dancing, Kim Jongin or really, Kai, as goes with his stage name. The one who captured her heart since day one.

The assistant director knocks and pokes his head inside, informing, “You’re on in five.”

She nods her head in a genteel manner. “Okay.”

Cas, who does her quick touches, bends back and beams, “You're done!”

“Thank you.” She says appreciatively and stands up to get ready backstage.

Today, she is in another talk show to promote her new pre-produced romantic drama with her male lead, who is another prominent actor for his hit movie released just from the season that passed. The network and producers are in high hopes for its ratings and reviews, not only for their popularity alone, but due to the writer of the drama with her reputation of high quality plots and additional to that, the leads’ undeniable and ardent chemistry.

The taping lasts for around four hours, getting more than enough material for a two one-hour episode. The audience’s reaction in the studio are so intense, coming from the fans of each and together, as a couple. The spark between them is electrifying even the male’s female fans who seems to fully support the tandem.

“I’ll see you again on our next schedule?” The tall male bids as they are walking on the hallway where their dressing room are located.

With a friendly smile, she bobs both of her eyebrows, wordlessly saying yes. “Yes, of course.” She tilts her head back, towards the direction to the studio. “Fans loved you there, Al.”

He chuckles, “You mean us?” His female lead doesn’t answer but she’s beaming. “I think we make a good pair, don’t you agree?”

She puckers her lips, her eyes somewhat twinkling. She nods her head. “I have to agree with that.”

They both let out a light chuckle, before giving each other a friendly hug to go their own ways. Teo meets her artist mid-way, leading her to the van. She is now on her way to dress up for a fashion event in celebration of a prestige fashion brand celebrating their fifth year anniversary since they opened a shop in the high-end area.

She and her stylist are choosing her outfit, perfect for the event while coordinating with Cas as her makeup artist. In the middle of it, she hears her little brother’s running steps getting closer. She smirks, making a countdown inside her head to the moment Jace will yell her name out loud.

Just as she expected, the little boy opens the door, shouting her name with his eyes roaming around the place until it lands on her. His countenance brightens as he sprints to his older sister’s arms.

“Been a good boy?” She asks, giving him a big smooch on the cheek. He giggles.

Another lady comes in and breathes tiredly, holding onto the doorknob out-of-breath. “That boy just doesn’t seem to ran out of energy.”

She giggles, “I’m sorry, Auntie.”

Waving her hand, she shakes her head. “Oh no, no. Don’t be sorry. It’s normal at his age to run around and about like that.”

Jace whines as his sister pinches his full, soft cheeks. “I told you to behave like a good boy, didn’t I?”

“I did.” The boy responds.

“At your best?”

He nods innocently. It’s the best he can do at his age. She giggles and puts the boy down. Day by day, he’s getting heavier. “I want to go somewhere.”

She bends down and tilts her head, asking him curiously, “Where is that?”

“Japan!” He cheers.

The lady gives her Aunt Tia a confused look. So, the latter explains, “He saw a brochure of the tourist spots in Japan. You know, that Disney Resort in Tokyo.”

“Ah…” She turns to the young boy again and smiles warmly, “Okay, we’ll go there. But not now, because I can’t go with you.”

“No,” He shakes his head strongly. “I want you with me.”

“So, Jace has to wait for a little longer, is that okay?”

He hums, putting his pointing finger over his chubby and fair cheeks. “Okay!”

“Good boy!” She ruffles his hair affectionately. “I’m going to prepare so you play around, okay? But only around this area, not anywhere else, you understand?”

Jace nods his head and runs back to their Aunt.

“Uhh..” Teo nervously utters as he’s sitting behind the steering wheel, driving the artist to back to her place— being done with her last schedule for the day with EXO’s second winter special album playing softly in the background.

Her, who had her eyes closed to take a rest, opens it and looks at the male through the rearview mirror intriguely. She frowns slightly, finding his behaviour strange, “Teo, what’s wrong?” She grabs the remote of the stereo and turns the volume down, almost inaudible.

The male takes a deep breath, keeping his guilty eyes on the road, he breaks, “The management committed you to interview EXO before their concert.”

“What?” The crease in her brows deepens. “This is the second time already, and just like the first, I’m going to refuse. Why can’t the first one did it, do it again?”

“She filed a leave for work, being in her third trimester of pregnancy.” He informs. He knew she wouldn’t like it, so he already had asked these questions in trying to get her away from it like she wants.

She groans. “What about the others? There are so many other celebrity hosts who can do it other than me.”

“They said there’s no one else who can do the job better than you.” He explains. “Being EXO, the most popular Kpop artist and you, being the biggest and prominent overall artist and television host, there’s no other perfect combination than that. Aside from that, it’s EXO’s first, comprehensive and exclusive interview here for the number of times they’ve come and visit. It's nothing like the last time. You know that was quick and this one coming up, is nothing compared to that. The network fought hard for it to happen, and now it finally has, they want it to be as grand as possible.” He adds, “They are even willing to pay you highly for your talent fee, just so it’ll push through.”

“Seriously?”

“Also, the management saw it as a big opportunity to make that additional promotion for your drama. “ Which Teo honestly thinks to be unnecessary, he only bets that the management is after what the network is willing to pay her. “And with the other party’s eagerness, they didn't say no.”

She can really just let out a faint “Ha.” as she listens. Her management company is great for the most part but sometimes, it pisses her off at their random greed for money. She knows this is about that talent fee she’s going to get by doing it, that’s why they committed her to it without even asking for her consent, or at least, opinion.

“Anyway, they both already made a firm agreement. It’ll cause big problem internally if we try to get away from it. You know how our industry here works...”

She nibbles on her bottom lip, feeling frustrated for really not having a choice. “When is it?”

“The day before EXO’s concert.”

She clenches her eyes, massaging the left side of her temples.

It’s not that she doesn’t want to meet EXO or her favourite member, Kai, but she just doesn’t like the idea that because she’s a celebrity herself, she’ll be a step ahead or further of what every EXO fans wishes to have and experience. She just wants to be like the majority of fans who sees them from afar, from behind the screens. For once, she just wants to be like everyone. Because she knows too well that there are many other fans deserving to meet and get to interact with them more than she does. And honestly, if she’s asked, she’s willing to give her spot to any other fan who deserves it more than her.

She likes it better this way because the farther she stays away from them, the more she gets to freely indulge herself to more admiration towards them. Now, with everything that is happening, it reminds her the words she read from a psychology book back then when she was still studying: What you resist not only will persist, but will grow in size. But then, it’s slowly changed to: What you resist persists, and now very close to becoming a fact that one will get what they keep resisting. Though sometimes, things happen for a reason, and maybe there is a particular reason or purpose why this, is happening to her.

“Fine, I’ll do it.” She finally says.

Teo looks at her in clear surprise, but wisely says nothing about it just in case it triggers her to change her mind. Instead, he talks with a slightly different topic, “The tickets you told me to get are ready. I got them.”

Her gaze change. “Did you send it to her? Anonymously?”

He nods. “I left a typewritten letter, telling her that we saw on the video posted online and that the concert tickets are for her, hoping she’ll come and take the opportunity to see them. Also, that we’re hoping she’ll get well soon. I also added the cheque you wanted to add for the financial help for her treatment.” He furthers, “Just letting you know, since she’s in a wheelchair and won’t be able to go herself, it’s a special VIP ticket where her companion can come in for free.” He assures, “I made it sure that no one will know who it came from, just like you requested.”

“Thank you, Teo.” She says gratefully, happy at the thought that the young girl will finally be able to see the boys.

“And, yours is in the pocket to your side.”

The lady searches for it and when she’s found it she keeps it there for the time being so it won’t get misplaced. “Great, thanks.”

"I can still get you another VIP if you'd like." He offers.

She eyes at him, raising one of her brows, half harsh, half sarcastic. She knows he knows her and he's just trying to push it. "I'm happy with general."

"Okay." Teo notes to himself that the attempt failed.

Arriving home, she finds her Aunt Tia by the kitchen, wiping the bench tops. Having no family herself, she enjoys looking after niece and nephew. And now that her older sister has passed away, she promised to look after them like their own. It’s now they need her more than any other time.

“Have you had dinner yet?” The woman asks her niece.

With a faint smile, she nods her head and says suddenly, “Thank you, Auntie.”

“What are you thanking me for, darling?” She says, not accepting her gratitude in the way she meant. She’s not doing it out of obligation, she’s doing it out of choice. Though, she appreciates that her niece is appreciating the things she’s doing. “I’m happy to look after you and your little brother at any time and no matter how long.”

“It’s just that… without you, I don’t know how I’ll go on.” She admits.

“But I’m here, aren’t I?”

“Yes,” She nods. “You are.” That’s why she’s so thankful. “Is Jace asleep?” She asks walking towards the fridge.

Tia nods. “He slept about two hours ago now.” She rinses the kitchen towel as she continues, “That boy is very smart, you know. He has a mature mind for his age.”

“He is, isn’t he, Auntie?” She agrees, seating behind the counter after grabbing a glass of cold water. “A lot like Mum and Dad...”

“Sweetie…” She calls softly, noticing how sombre her tone sounded.

“Auntie, why do you think our parents left us so early and so suddenly?” She asks, obviously pained. “Dad died of heart attack two years ago. And then, Mum died of brain tumour and I wouldn’t even know about it if she didn’t faint and got rushed to emergency. Why didn’t she tell me?” Swallowing her tears, she asks again, “Am I such a bad person, Auntie?”

“Darling, no.” She dries her hands and stands parallel to her. Placing her wrinkled and old hands on her white and soft ones, she says, “It doesn’t work like that. Maybe it happened because they know you’ll manage fine without them.”

“Who exactly are they? My parents?”

She shrugs her shoulder, “God, the Angels, whoever they are, sweetheart, I want you to know that the point is, it’s not because the world is trying to punish you. Think of it as something that would strengthen you, something you can teach Jace as he grows up.” More than anything, Tia doesn’t want her niece blaming herself for her parent’s death because she’s sure that her brother-in-law and her sister wouldn’t like that.

She didn’t know about her sister suffering from brain tumour either, so she was just as shocked as her niece was when she found out. She also had many questions inside her head but if she’s hurting, then she’s sure her niece and nephew are hurting more. Her sister is very precious to her and as painful as it was, she thinks she knows the reason why she chose to hide it from her children. Being her sefless self.

“You go ahead and sleep, you hear me? You need to rest.”

Honestly, Tia just doesn’t want her niece to think about such thoughts. She wants her to forget all about it.

After removing her light makeup and changing to home clothes, she goes inside Jace’s room and slips herself to cuddle the small boy in his double-sized bed inside her embrace. Jace is her little bear who will forever comfort her in her lonely days. Deep in his sleep, the little boy turns and shifts around, wrapping his arms around his sister’s neck.

Waking up at four in the morning, she gets up and leans on the headboard, reaching for her phone that she placed on the bedside table before she laid herself on the bed. She slides her finger across the screen, entering her passcode as her eyes are squinted at the brightness (despite it being on its lowest set) glowing from it.

She opens her private social media that she uses to check updates for her favourite group. Her timeline and feed are filled up with updates that she wasn’t able to keep up with being busy with her own schedule. An instant smile graces her face when she sees her favourite member on the screen. She proceeds on to read fan accounts, watch fancams and admire photos taken by fansites.

Every time she sees this man, there is this burning, overwhelming and sensational feeling inside her heart that she feels like it will burst through her chest. May it be EXO’s Kai or Kim Jongin, it doesn’t matter to her because he is her beautiful reason to smile and be hopeful every time she feels down. He once said that it would be great if he become someone else’s scenery. Little does he know that he is already one— not only to her but to many other people out there who loves him so much as well.

She doesn’t wish herself to be noticed, known or acknowledged by him. She just wants to freely admire and love him the best way she can with all her heart for as long as she can. She just wants him to be happy, really happy, because she feels she can be happy herself if he is.

She continues to scroll through her phone until it alarms at five o’clock, a cue for her to get up and have herself prepared for the activities she has for the day. Leaving a kiss on her little brother’s hair, she gets off the bed and slips her bedroom slippers on. She goes back to her bedroom and takes a shower. Two minutes before six o’clock, the time Teo picks her up, she is ready.

She leaves a goodbye note for her Aunt before leaving the flat, door safely locked.

Knowing how to speak English, Japanese, Spanish and her own native first language, it’s one of the many things her fans admire a lot about her— to the point they even wonder if she’s still human for being able to act, dance, sing, model, host, all of which she does extremely well, and having a good, kind heart and now, being a multilingual. Though for her, she knows too well that there are still so many things she lacks at.

But not everyone knows that between her free and break time, she takes her time to learn Korean and now, over the years, she has fully learnt it, adding it to the list of the languages she can fluently speak. She, herself, couldn’t believe she’s done it, with so little time she has, spending to learn while she travels from one location to another, the breaks she took from studying her script, and the time she’s resting between her practice and rehearsals. She didn’t know it was possible but she did it. Despite not being as fluent as native, it’s more than enough. Perhaps, it’s really different when you have the passionate and motivated heart to learn. Looking at things now, however, she doesn’t think she will use her capability of speaking the same language with EXO and instead, uses a translator for both ways of communication. It’s better that way and she feels it’ll be more comfortable, especially for her.

The day she’s been both anticipating, at the same time not, has finally arrived. She’s in the dressing room, reviewing all the questions she’s to ask the EXO members, the activities they are to do and the mood and ambiance the director wants. She’s also noticed how Cas has been wearing an over enthusiastic, excited grin the entire time she’s dolling her up. She looks so excited for her close friend, she can’t even hide it.

She shoots a glare to mask her thumping heart. “Stop it.”

Cas simply shrugs, being the stubborn girl she is. “I can’t. Come on, you’ll be seeing them. Close!” She emphasises, hearing a grunt from the other. It's funny, actually, Cas is not a fan of EXO or Kpop in general, but she's more excited than the fangirl herself.

Her makeup artist is right, she’s close to her idols, but it’s nowhere near who she really wants to be. She can’t straightout fangirl and be obvious, she has to be professional, the same time friendly, like how an interviewer is to its interviewee. No one knows nor is supposed to know that she loves EXO. Instead, she needs to amiable and genteel, eliminating the awkwardness the studio can be surrounded with.

When she’s ready, half-ready, she goes out and talks to the director for final checks, listening to all his instructions, explaining verbally what he specifically wants to happen, comes in the floor director who tells her where her position would be and also the boys. She nods her head, doing clarifications as Cas continues to doll her up in a relax and laidback manner. There's really not much work to do as the artist has an outstanding and effortless beauty already. Then, she meets the writer who wrote the questions and what she wants out of it, having done it so many times, although with different local and international celebrities, it’s not hard to comprehend.

Looking at the setup, she realises what the network meant by grand. Though, it’s not a surprise to her at all, knowing how Kpop is immensely popular in her country and to top on that, she will be interviewing the most popular, widely known and unbeatable group among the fans. She comes to think that if anything, EXO is as good to be identified as foreign celebrity royalty in the country. Because of the support and love from many, many fans is utterly unbelievable, especially for an overseas artist.

An hour before the interview time, she hears her name getting called by the assistant director. Before she turns, her makeup artist lets her know that her makeup is done and will just to retouch before it starts, if necessary to do so.

“The director wants you to meet them before the interview so it isn’t as awkward anymore.”

Her jaw drops agape. “Right now?”

He nods, “Yes, that’s what he instructed.”

Despite the shock and suddenness, she answers, “Oh, okay.” And follows where the assistant directors leads her, to where EXO is currently waiting at the moment. Walking there, she realises that their dressing room is just a door between them. She wonders how she hasn’t noticed, but then again, she’s really too preoccupied, wanting to do her best.

The male with headset on politely knocks on the door and lets them know that the interviewer is there to meet them through the tiny gap, keeping their privacy. She sees the door open wider and that’s when she knows that it’s okay.

Shyly, she enters and bows her head, overwhelmed at everyone’s presence, especially when her eyes land at Kai who is sitting in a relax manner on the sofa. Few seconds later, the hired professional translator, who will also be sitting closely to her during the interview, comes in that cues her to introduce herself.

Now, she’s having second thoughts of not using her ability to speak their language. Since it’s a casual and brief meeting, she really thinks the use of translator is unnecessary as it’s too time consuming. But the same time, she also thinks it’d be too weird to suddenly speak Korean out of nowhere.

The lady realises that whom they are onstage, on camera and during their local interviews while promoting their new releases versus offstage isn’t very far from one another. The assistant director is incredibly friendly, that made everything less awkward for her and for them. After a while, everything feels cozy, which the male takes as a cue to leave as they will be filming shortly and they also need to settle the limited group of fans who made it inside the studio.

Suho turns to the translator and asks a question she completely understood. She waits for the translation to be said to her before she answers, “It’ll be just me asking the questions, leading on the interview. As what might have been briefed, it’ll be pretty relaxed and casual. So, I hope everyone will be comfortable, will have a good time and just have fun.”

As they fall into another silence, the artist decides to leave and let them be before they start. Besides, she’s got a heart to calm down too. Walking out of the room, she walks back to the studio welcomed with the cheers of everyone who are mostly EXO-Ls and knows her, being widely popular in the country. She gives warm and friendly smile, waving at everyone. Aside are Teo, Cas and her personal assistant.

She walks towards the staff and grabs a microphone, to interact with them.

“How are you guys?” She asks, receiving a collectively response that they’re okay. “Are you all excited to see EXO?”

Everyone cheers “Yes”, waving their lightsticks in the air.

She walks closer to them. “They’re just as excited too.” She tells them, causing all of them to squeal. “Is everyone going to the concert?” She chortles, hearing their response. “Now, when they are here, although you guys are a small group, it’ll be great if everyone will keep calm— I know it’s hard— but we will listen quietly with warm hearts during the interview, is that okay?”

“Yes!”

“Perfect.” She grins and walks back, telling them. “I’ll just go ahead to have the lavalier attached on me. Shortly after, you’ll get to see them.”

With that, she leaves and walks aside to get the lavalier microphone on her, ready to commence the interview.

Soon, EXO enters the studio and takes their designated seats where she and translator are waiting. She gives a polite nod and smile to everyone and turns to the camera professionally when she hears the cue of the director.

“Today, here with us, the phenomenal, distinguished and sensational Korean pop boy group superstar, EXO!” She introduces and the camera focus shifts on the boys as they greet everyone in the audience and also the viewers who will be watching it. “For everyone who are now watching and would like to know more about them, this is the perfect opportunity for it. Of course, we will need some help from the boys to introduce themselves one-by-one to everyone, particularly who are watching at home, at work or anywhere.”

The interview goes on better than she expected. It’s refreshing to personally and closely witness how lively the members are, and how much they love and are willing to interact, and express their love and gratitude for the fans. Also, they got to take a photo with the fans on the studio, doing other things than typical interviews of just question and answer matter. It turn out to be more fun and pleasant than she imagined and intended. In the middle of the fun and casual interview, she sees the organisers of the concert coming in to watch it, also her the bosses of the network and management who got her in this very spot in the first place.

Soon, it finishes and she bids a good goodbye to everyone and also to the live audience. Hearing the director’s cut, she stands up and thanks the translator next to her, the members of EXO, politely shaking their hands one by one which is initiated by the group’s leader. They exchange pleasantries and finally, to the fans, waving at them cordially.

Backstage, she greets the officials, receiving compliments for doing the job well done. She bows and greets the organisers in a civilised manner. Talking to them, however, reminds her of the young girl she wants to help. She takes that as a opportunity to open up about her and ask if the young, sick girl can meet the boys, particularly Chanyeol and Baekhyun, whom are her favourite members, backstage. She is sure that she will be so delighted to meet them. She isn’t sure if they’re going to grant her little request that would mean so much to the girl, but she’ll take the risk. After all, there’s no harm in trying anyway. She shows the video, in which they’ve seen, with hopeful eyes, she’s is praying that they will let it happen.

After few beats, her eyes brightens up upon hearing that they’re going to make it come true. After all, the social media is updated when it was announced that she received the VIP tickets from an anonymous giver. She comes to realise that maybe, this is the purpose why she had to be the one to interview EXO. So, she can meet the concert organisers and do something for the girl who touched her heart— whom she wants to help as a fellow fan.

The day after comes faster than she wished. She’s glad that the works conveniently for her, having only to record a song in the morning for her upcoming album. She goes home to spend time with her Aunt Tia and Jace. It’s something she’s always done even before when she was just starting in the industry, eight years ago. Although Jace wasn't around then until four nearing five years ago, whenever she didn't have a schedule, she'd spend her time with her family, especiallly her Mum at home. After all, she’s always been a homebody and all the social gatherings she’s gone to are really the mandatory events she has to go to as a celebrity but other than that, like mentioned, she’ll be at home, resting, spending quality time with her family.

Hours before the first day of the concert, she gets ready, telling Tia that she just has somewhere to go to, not mentioning she is going to a concert, and she’ll be coming home late. She reminds her not to worry as she will be back around before midnight.

Refreshing up, she wears a baggy common hoodie, skinny jeans, old sneakers as her shoes, leaving her hair down, with a black coloured baseball cap and white mask. She doesn’t wear any kind of makeup. This way, it's less chances she'll stand out and that anyone will recognise her. She’s thankful that wearing mask in her country is normal enough to be considered somewhat an accessory.

Before she leaves the flat, she gives a kiss to both her Aunt and her little brother. She goes down to the carpark where Teo is already waiting as her driver for the night. He’ll be dropping her off there and then picking her up by the time it finishes. This way, it will be quick, minimising the chance for people to recognise her.

Her ticket is already in the compartment of her car at the front passenger seat that she placed there the day before from the van when she got home. She has a lot of light-sticks she bought, one that would stay in her personal car, another one in the van she uses for her schedules, one, again, at home where she displays it and one that is always kept inside her luggage whenever she’s travelling overseas for schedule or a holiday.

She tosses her car keys to his good manager, to which he catches perfectly and hops inside to the arena. This is her only chance to attend the concert for the three days it’s going to be held here because the other two days is when her schedule is hectic and full.

“This reminds me back of that time when you were in Japan, and you flew to Seoul just for the concert and went back as soon as it finished.” Teo utters as he drives down the road.

“I had to see it.” She reasons. “It was worth it.”

Teo nods his head, understanding the lady. For him, it’s good that she is doing something like this as another outlet, being a really not sociable person. Although, she has friends in the industry and artists who likes and loves her, she really just prefers to stay at home. The only time she’ll hang out with them is when it is at home, their or her place, and not outdoors.

“You have your phone with you?” He asks.

Humming, she answers, “It’s safe deep inside my pocket.”

Arriving at the venue, she grabs her lightstick and her ticket, she opens the door and hops down with the male telling her to have a good time. She quietly sprints down towards the opened gates and presents her valid ticket. When it’s validated, she gets inside and settles down. With enough time to spare, she plays with her phone in its lowest brightness, keeping her head down, not removing her mask on even for a second and her hat in place, making it difficult for one to see her eyes.

Catching the sight of a wheelchair being pushed on the grounds through her peripheral view, she sees that the girl whom she helped finally arrived, holding two fans which she assumes to have Baekhyun’s and Chanyeol’s faces in it. An instant smile graces her lips, happy with the fact that one of her wishes has finally come true. Not long after fans start to occupy the seats around her, she gives them polite nods, not wanting to be rude and goes back to what she is doing as EXO’s music softly plays in the background. Minute by minute, the area is starting to fill up, having every benches occupied.

Soon, in time, the lights dim, taking it as the sign to hide her device. Their lightsticks light up, as an opening VCR starts to play with them cheering. When the video ends, the stage starts to light up, revealing the boys who are ready to perform at their very best.

For each time she has attended EXO’s concert, the complete thought of what she does as her career washes out of her mind. She’s no longer the popular celebrity, she is an ordinary, the usual fangirl; a proud and happy fangirl.

The lady is brought back to the time when she first became a fan of theirs. It was around that time when she became so sick and done with the popularity and fame she’s getting. Many people would think it’s a walk on the moon, a fun thing to have but it’s far from reality, at least for her, as it went on. When her career is slowly to starting peak from bottom, it made her so happy to think that finally, people are starting to support her and her projects. But it also came to a point when it just got so much for her, it was slowly to eat her up. She wanted to give up. She wanted to run away. She wanted to turn back on everything she has done, she’s doing and she will do.

But then, her trip to South Korea, became huge turning point for her. Not only she became a fan of a beautiful and talented group but she also realised the value of who she is now and what can do about it positively. She came back to her own country with a stronger heart and will to continue on and give out inspiration and good values to those who chose to support her. She used the fame and popularity she reached to be a good influence to everyone who idolises her. She can be that good example and role model, especially to the youth who are needs someone like that in their life. Much similar to the way EXO was, is and will be to her.

EXO runs all around the stage as they sing their upbeat pop songs, entertaining the crowd, and giving that fanservice as they throw and shoot signed colourful balls and soft flowers around, making cute, adorable and sweet faces to the camera to the audience. All of which causes everyone to scream louder at the very bottom of their lungs. While the lady on the other is never the type to scream but she’s burning inside. Good thing her face can be barely seen because she’s feeling a zoo inside her stomach while she can bet her whole face is as good red as a red apple and her cheeks are just pointed up, like one can see how big her grin is behind the mask she’s wearing.

Then, the next moment she catches touches and warms her heart. Chanyeol is climbing down the stage, where a security follows closely behind him, hurriedly walking towards the girl she helped. Too bad she doesn’t even know her name, but she’s glad she could and got more than she did. The tall boy gives her a flower personally with his big, white, and broad smile, causing a reaction from the fans. Then, he quickly climbs back up, continuing on with the production.

But that isn’t the end of it all, as during their talk between sets of performances, Baekhyun, Suho and Xiumin waves their hands at her, wearing warm smiles. That sight satisfies her heart, the young girl who deserves to be noticed is finally noticed. She is sure that the girl will keep it in her heart for the rest of her life. But that isn’t the end of it all because they are going to meet to her again backstage to have that quick and once in a lifetime encounter.

For her, even though she’s far, far from the stage, this EXO concert is the concert that will forever remain in her heart as a herself and as a fangirl. There’s really nothing she’d ask for more.

And while all the members are looking at the big screen before the stage, their backs on the fans, watching the fan project they did with them, the celebrity fan takes it as a time to close her eyes and say the words from her heart inside her head: “Thank you, Kim Jongin.” Kim Jongin, who has became her inspiration and motivation all these years; who bewitched her.

At that moment, her oblivious to the fact, EXO’s main dancer turns his head back looking towards the direction where her section is, as though he heard someone call his name.

Three months after that memorable night, the popular artist is in a meeting with her producers from the recording, music company she’s signed in and the management for the album she’s been preparing for more than half a year now. The past months have been incredibly busy and exhausting for her because even if she’s not on the camera, she’s also doing a lot behind it such as of course as mentioned, preparing for her new album, filming a new movie, attending her daily live talk and variety show as a host, photoshoots here and there, and endorsement filmings as well. She’s been juggling around her schedule, making it difficult for her to spend time with her little brother. And since his birthday is coming soon, she wants to do something special for him.

“Is everything okay?” Her director asks.

Addressing the gentlemen and women in the room properly, she requests, “I’m hoping to push back the release of my next album. It’s my little brother’s birthday soon and I have to make it up to him since our mother died. I also want to breathe and unwind myself so I can come back and do my promotions for the album with all my heart.”

The head director stays silent as he shares a glance with the other men and women next to him and to her manager. Looking back at her, he asks a question again, “How long do you need?”

“As much as I can have on my watch.” She answers frankly. “But I guess, four days would be enough.”

“We’ll discuss about this further and we’ll let let you know, is that okay?”

She nods, more than thankful that they are considering it. She won’t ask if she doesn’t need it anyway. At least, she is relieved that it’s not a firm no from them. After all, almost everything is complete with her new album, they are just on its final stages now. It won’t hurt to wish a little time for herself, will it?

As the meeting ends, she gets out of the room, meeting Teo at the end of the hallway. He’s holding a bouquet of flowers and cute bunny stuffed toy. She looks at him and frowns, wondering whom it’s for, surely it’s not for his wife because she remembers how he told her that she has pollen allergy and though the toy can be for his daughter who loves fluffy, soft and cuddly toys.

“Who’s that for?” She asks, bobbing her head towards the items his holding, yet to stop half a metre away from him.

“For you.” Teo answers, handing it out to her.

“Me?!” Her eyebrow raises into more confusion, then she realises, “It’s from him again, isn’t it?”

He gives her a look which causes her to roll her eyes.

“One just doesn’t know how to give up.” She mutters, shaking her head.

“So? Are you going to take it?”

“No.” She responds. “Give the flowers to someone else but your wife. Or have it decorated at the reception area for colours.”

He nods. “What about this?” He wiggles the bunny.

“Give it to your daughter. She’ll love it.” She advises.

“You know Vin will be offended, right?” He sees her cringe at the mention of the name.

“If that will be the trigger for him to stop, then I won’t mind.” With much bitterness, she furthers, “Besides, it’s everything he’s good at. Giving up.”

Teo sighs defeatedly.

Vin is her ex-boyfriend, who is a popular model. They met six years ago, when they were paired to feature as the cover for a well-known lifestyle magazine— which made them to be the youngest couple and models to be featured on the cover, releasing five different versions. A year later, they began dating as boyfriend and girlfriend. It was a relationship mostly supported by the fans and the public but of course, there were haters too who were against it. They didn’t mind at first. They liked each other so much, but at the same time, it wasn’t enough to last and continue on. So, they broke up. He broke up with her, telling her how the relationship was getting toxic for him, and being with her was tiring because he could barely see her and when he would, they couldn’t be in public because she wanted to keep their relationship as private as possible.

Two weeks ago, they met again through a fashion event, and ever since then, he’s been constantly sending gifts, flowers all of which are her favourites. He has also been calling her that she intentionally misses, and sending text messages which she remains to be monosyllabic in her replies. Honestly, she would be glad and greatly appreciating the gesture, if only she wasn’t so hurt and broken after he left and gave up on their relationship— on her.

She’s about to head out to shoot for her new movie when she hears her name called by one of the directors.

“Will five days do?” He asks.

Her eyes widen. “Sir…”

“We’d love to give you more but with your schedule so tight, it’s quite impossible at the moment. I apologise.”

“No, Sir.” She shakes her head. “I’m grateful, thank you.” She reaches for his hand to shake, which the male gladly accepts.

“You deserve a break too, our big star. We’ll discuss this once your promotions with your movie and your new album finishes. Is that okay?”

“Of course. Of course.”

“You can take the leave first week next month.” He informs.

“Thank you again, Sir.” She bows and the director walks off with a polite smile. She’s happy because it’s just in time of her brother’s birthday.

Teo is wearing a big grin on his face, happy for his artist. “Ready to shoot?”

She nods her head. She can’t wait to get home and tell Jace and her Aunt about the good news.

Walking out of the building though, she sees Vin parked across the road, waiting for someone— or more like for her.

She stands by the van, her managee yet to come as he informed her he’ll drop off the flowers at the reception area.

Her shoulders square, her arms crossed over her chest, she ask, “What are you doing here?”

He looks at her, noticing she isn’t holding anything. “Teo didn't give you them?”

She shakes her head. “He did. I just didn’t accept them.”

He calls her name hopelessly.

“What are you doing here?” She repeats.

“I want you back.” Vin answers sincerely.

She gulps, hearing the eagerness in his voice and seeing the desperation in his eyes. “You left me, Vin. You gave up. How sure can I be you won’t do it again?”

“Because I know better this time.” He responds straightaway. “I realised I can’t live and go on without you. I thought I was better off without the relationship. But I was wrong. Dead wrong. I’m nothing without you. And I can’t give you up again.”

She doesn’t say anything, just looking straight at his orbs and when she hears Teo has arrived, she speaks coldly, “I’ve got to go.”

Without even hearing him say anything back, she opens the van and climbs up, shutting it close. She hides behind the heavily tinted windows, clenching her eyes, calming the flame inside her chest. She doesn’t realise a tearing has flown down her cheek until she wiped the side of her chin with the back of his hand.

When the manager has climbed in the driver's seat, he doesn’t say anything upon seeing her with her head down, studying her script and controlling her emotions. He wheels out the parking to join the road. He reckons it’s best to leave her alone as she is. But he doesn’t forget to play the album of the lady’s favourite group. Hopefully, in a way, this will help her, like it always did in the past.

Arriving at the location, she tries hard to wear her best mask. No one has to know the events prior. She greets the director and the other present casts before going inside the tents where her own staff is waiting along with Cas.

The filming proceeds on and by the end of it, she’s already feeling exhausted and tired. Hearing the director’s cue that they are done for the day, she breathes and smiles tiredly.

Arriving back at her place at six in the morning, she sees Tia preparing breakfast by the kitchen.

“Hungry?”

She looks at her Aunt and nods. She really wants to sleep and rest even just for the next six hours she’s free but she won’t. She wants to join her only family for a meal.

“Okay, you freshen up and Jace will wake up soon too. We’ll all eat breakfast together.”

“Thank you, Auntie.”

Tia nods and watches her walk inside the bedroom to freshen up— to at least wash away the exhaustion covering her system. Taking almost to an hour, she dries herself with the towel, her hair with the hair dryer. She applies some lotion before dressing up to walk out to the dining area.

Jace’s face brightens up as soon as he sees his older sister. It feels like it’s been so long since he’s last seen her that he missed her so much.

“Hello, my baby!” The older sister welcomes him into her arms, hugging her tight, sniffing his hair. “Missed me?”

He nods, humming. “I missed my pretty, very, very pretty sister!”

She giggles, pinching his nose playful. “I have a surprise for you.” She announces. His eyes turn to curiosity. “But, I need to ask Auntie Tia first if you’ve been a good boy.”

“I am!” He answers for his Aunt. Then turns at the older woman, who is standing by the table where a feastful breakfast is served. “Aren’t I?”

Tia’s small eyes turn into smiling crescent lines as she smiles. “I must say that’s right.” She affirms.

The young boy turns to the lady who are holding his tiny hands. “See?” He waves their holding hands, eager to know the surprise. Whenever his sister would have surprise for him, it’s good surprise. Thus, he can’t wait.

“Well, we are going to Japan and see their Disney resort.”

His eyes begin to twinkle, jaw dropping in awe and delight. “Really?”

“Yeah, we’re leaving next month and we’re going there for five days for your birthday!” She explains. “Auntie is coming with us too!”

“Yay!” Jace jumps, hugging his sister around his neck.

She faces him. “Are you excited?”

“Yes!” He bobs his head enthusiastically.

They both stand and head to the dining table where Tia are patiently waiting and fondly watching them. If her sister is alive, she’d be so happy to see them like this.

They eat breakfast, with the young lady noticing how her little brother’s appetite has grown over time. She’s so proud, seeing him eat heartily like this. Jace has also been talking nonstop about what he’s eager to see at the Disney world, recalling the places he saw in brochure he saw long ago. It neither surprise both ladies as Jace has always been known for his sharp memory.

After breakfast, the siblings play together, slowly exhaustion hitting her once again. Her body is gradually about to give up but she doesn’t want to rest seeing how Jace is having so much fun. The Aunt doesn’t miss it so she takes the initiative.

“Jace, how about let’s let your sister rest for now? Doesn’t she look tired?” She asks gently, in the usual manner how an adult would talk to a child.

The young boy turns to his sister and finally notices her jaded eyes that he failed to earlier because he was having so much fun. He hangs his head low, apologetic, “I’m sorry.”

“Oh no, baby!” The older sister calls, not wanting him to feel guilty for her feeling tired. “I will sleep just for a few hours and will play with you again. Is that okay?”

“Yes! That’s okay.” He says cutely, jutting his bottom lip out a bit.

Kissing his cheek deeply, she says, “I’ll be back, alright?”

“Please rest well.” He requests. “Yes, sister will do that.”

As she takes her steps towards her own bedroom, Tia follows behind, not forgetting to remind and tell the young boy to play by himself and promises that they will go out to the park later.

“I was going to clean your bedroom but it’s squeaky clean.” She says as the younger lady sits on her bed.

She looks around, saying lowly. “I barely have time to mess it up.”

“Oh, honey…” She purses her lips, feeling sorry for her niece. “You know you don’t have to work so hard. It’s okay to take a rest, sweetheart. There’s no need for all of this. Your parents have left a fortune enough for you and your brother to last for a long time. Not to mention, your own earning and savings too from your career. Take it easy, my sweetheart. Jace won’t be able to handle it if he loses you, too.”

She sighs, and opens up, “You know Auntie, when I was starting, Dad was against the idea of all of this. But Mum and I insisted because it was what I wanted to do. I didn’t want to study. But then, when I was starting out, I realised, it’s not at all easy. I’d be at the camera but people won’t give a damn or at least a tad of their attention at me. I’d be there standing at the back, seeing the people who started at the same time I did, getting more attention and support that I will never have.

“So I made a wish. I wish I will be so busy, having project here and there, until I wish I’d have time for myself. That wish came true after so long. I’m not talking about now, Auntie. When everyone’s career was skyrocketing, I was just around, wondering if people knew me by face or even by my name. But I realised, the industry, the universe had something else planned for me. That my timing wasn’t the same with others. That’s why instead of wishing that I’d become that popular, I decided to work hard to be that talented star. I could only hope that one day it will be noticed. Then, a project came to me and became my breakthrough.

“I thought, wow, finally no more hard times, but that was just a warm up. Being popular, getting the fame, was a lot harder. So hard, it became unbearable and I wanted to give it all up. But I think, giving up isn’t something that I can ever do. And Dad saw that— though, a little bit late and then he left.”

If there is one things she envies about the man who she loves and admires, is that Kai had her Dad’s support when he was reaching for his dreams. It’s something she never got from her father until she proved to him that she can actually reach something with the dream she chose to pursue. If none of it happened, she doubts she’ll be able to rekindle their relationship before he passed away.

She adds. “Then, Mum died and I remember her telling me before she did to take care of my career and my fans because she can see how much I love them and what I do. It’s not just about the money anymore, Auntie. It never was.”

Because the time, emotion, the effort, and all other investments she gave to become who she is today, and she continues to give to maintain that, does not equivalate or even come close to the monetary return she receives back. What makes her job worth it is the fans— the fans who continue, endlessly give her support and love. Someone that she is with this korean idol, Kai.

“I do it because I know I can do something good for my fans and I will do that. I want to be there for them, though not physically but emotionally, to strengthen them whenever they find themselves in a rough time. I will continue to fight for what I have been fighting for all along. I won’t stop making my fans happy. I will support them just as much they support me. I won’t stop even if I only have one fan left cheering for me.

“And Auntie, Jace won’t lose me.” She assures. “Because I’m not only doing this for me or for my fans. It’s also for him. I want him to see how I stood for my dream and hopefully, when he finds his, he’ll be the same. The boy who will never give up what he loves just because of the many obstacles he’ll encounter on the way.”

Tia falls into silence. She really can’t say anything more to that. At first, more than the worries she initially mentioned, she thought her niece was constantly exhausting herself to keep herself busy from the abrupt death of her parents. She didn’t realise until now, just how strong and mature her sister and brother-in-law’s daughter is.

“Okay, then.” The older woman says tenderly. “Take a rest, okay?” She bids, closing the door as she leaves.

She remains sitting there, at the same spot, thinking how becoming EXO’s fan made her stronger each and every day. Reading the magazine interviews, promotional interviews of the group and Kai, her favourite member, she’s picked a lot of lessons she’ll bring with her throughout her life. Something she aspires to be for her fans, and so far, she’s succeeding at it.

She highly believes that her mentality would be different if she hadn’t come across the group and Kai. They changed and made her life better, and she can only hope that they know that. Especially, him, the dancing king to her, that she loves and admires the most.

Before she goes to the airport, she and her male lead, Al, is currently in an interview in celebration of the success of their drama, just six episodes into it. Having it reach the highest rating of all time, breaking a thirteen year old record.

Instead of the usual interview where the host and the guest sits on couches or chairs, they are currently in the kitchen, with Al sharing a recipe on camera.

“Here still with us is the nation’s sweetheart and the country’s boyfriend,” The host turns to her, calling her name, making the fans at the studio instantly cheer for her loudly. Until the crowd calms down, the host jokes, “Your fans are unstoppable.” The artist flushes, helping her male lead, she’s asked, proceeding on with the show, “I’m sure everyone here in the industry would agree that starting off is nothing easy, and continuing on is even harder as our world can really be daunting. I’ve personally witnessed your journey and anyone can attest at how far you’ve come. For a young lady like you, in your mid twenties, how do you manage to keep up but at the same time be still so humble like when you first started?”

“My family, my supporters.” She answers simply, adding ‘and EXO, especially Kai’ in her head. “My supporters really keep me going while my family keeps my feet on the ground. I know I just have to keep going, enjoying what I do and the same time, I can set a good example to them.” She gestures towards her fans.

“And she really is a sweetheart.” Al adds, stopping with what he’s doing, looking directly at the host. “When we were filming, the temperature is already negative. Everyone is freezing but the scene we were shooting then falls under the season of autumn, so we had to wear outfits that match to that.” He adds salt, and the young lady decides to take over so he can talk freely, not forgetting to say thank you. He steps aside, and adds some seasoning while she mixes it. “The staff behind the camera were all clothed, with thick longline puffer coats, wearing winter gloves and as soon as the director shouts cut, she asks her staff to give all her heat packs and the portable heaters to the drama staff so they will be warmer.”

“Oh, did she?”

She tugs his sleeve, giving him a look, gesturing him to not continue. She doesn’t feel comfortable hearing it.

But Al just smiles charmingly and continues, “I was caught off-guard, all of us were shaking because it’s so cold and she’s probably colder than any of us but she still made that gesture kindly. It’s astonishing and amazing for me to see that. The staff were in awe, too.” He concludes, “I think that’s what sets her apart because she doesn’t only genuinely care for her fans, but she also cares a lot for the people she works with.”

She shakes her head. “No, no, it’s something anyone would do.”

The host furthers, “Also, I think what’s amazing is that, all the roles she takes and the drama and movies she takes part in will really deliver good lessons for the viewers. I personally admire that from her. She just doesn’t take whatever role, even if it meant no project.”

She voices out her stand on the topic, “As an artist myself, having the job where a lot of people would see me on TV, I just don’t want to provide entertainment. I think I have another purpose other than that so I want to go further. I want that every time they see me in big or small screen, they would pick a valuable lesson they will bring for the rest of their lives. I’m honestly so glad and incredibly lucky that the producers and writers are trusting me by giving me that opportunity.” She concludes, bringing the topic back to their drama, “ And One Day isn’t an exception. So please, continue to support our drama as the writers and our director did a splendid and an exquisite job.”

The host and the male bobs their heads lightly. “Okay, so proceeding on with One Day, as prompted by you,” She jokes, making the younger lady laugh. “What more of the show’s fans can expect from it?”

The couple glance at each other, careful not to spoil anything.

“I suppose it’s safe to say that we are all just about to hit the middle of it and there’s still a lot, a lot, for everyone to anticipate.” The female answers, “Right, Al?”

He nods. “There’s a lot in store, definitely more to come. Story my character and hers and the people around us.”

“Is this finished?” She asks softly, referring to the dish they’re making.

Al takes a spoon and takes a tiny bit from the cooking pan. He hums, nodding his head, satisfied with the flavour. “Yes, it’s good.” He takes another small bit and lets his leading lady taste it, causing the fans to loudly.

Her eyes widen, “Wow.” She points towards him with her thumb over the shoulder, looking at the audience, “Husband material.” She says playfully.

Al and the host chuckles.

The show goes for another hour and when it’s finished, they walk to the backstage, giving each other a tight hug. When they first met during script reading, they admit it was quite awkward because they’ve only seen each other and heard of each other’s name but not quite, met or encountered yet. But as they spend more time with each, they grew fond of each other and became from simple acquaintances to good friends.

“Enjoy Japan with your Aunt and little brother, hm?” He tells, softly patting her back.

“Thank you.” She says gratefully. After this, she’s going straight to the airport as Teo already has gone and driving her family there. She just needs to catch up so they can all check-in together.

“Who’s going to take you there?”

“I’ve booked a taxi. It’s easier that way.” She says as everything she needs are with her Aunt.

“I’m going to take you there, then.” He volunteers.

“Don’t you have a schedule?”

“Not until tonight. I have time to spare.”

If that’s the case, then she won’t refuse. She feels more comfortable with him than being in taxi, after all.

“Wait here, I’m just going to get my car keys from my manager.”

“Okay.”

And she stands there patiently. She goes to her phone to send a message to Tia, saying that she’s on her way. She receives a reply two minutes later, letting her know that they are nearly there. The moment she looks up though, she sees someone who she really didn’t wish to see at the moment.

“What are you doing here?”

“What else would I be doing here?” Vin asks, a metre and half away from where she’s standing.

She changes her question, “How long have you been here?”

“The entire time.” He answers. “You got some mad chemistry with Al, huh?”

She rolls her eyes. “Said most of our fans.” She mutters. “Why are you here?”

“I know you’re off to Japan for five days.” He says. “But when you come back, I want you to please, please, give me a second chance. It’s all I’m asking.”

“Do you really expect me that just because you come back after leaving everything will be okay?” She questions, almost sarcastically. “I’m not looking for someone who will be with me just for the good times, Vin. I need someone who will be there no matter what. Someone who won’t give up, just like you did.”

“I can be that.” He asserts. “I can be that if it meant having you.”

She sighs. “I don’t know, Vin.” She mumbles, feeling helpless. “I don’t know.”

On her peripheral sight, she catches Al walking back for her so she looks at her ex-boyfriend and says, “I’ve got to go. I’m sorry.”

She walks away and meets the other male, leaving the man who loves her alone.

Al safely drives her to the airport, of course not missing the change in her aura. But he chooses not to say anything about it as he knows there is a perfect timing for everything and he really doesn’t want to push or pry with her matters. Perhaps, in the future, when their friendship is a lot stronger, when she can fully open up to him.

Dropping her off at the airport, she thanks him with her whole heart and meets Teo, Tia, and Jace with all their luggages. Being in the same outfit and makeup during her shoot, people are turning their heads to her, making her feel slightly conscious. She really doesn’t like the attention she gets whenever she’s in the public and she’s out of work.

The manager gives her a mask while her Aunt hands her a paper bag to change with so she can be casual. She quickly walks off again, wearing the black mask with her head down. Arriving at the change area, she breathes in relief that barely anyone is there. She washes her face, putting the makeup off and changes quickly. Done doing so, she meets them back and Teo bids them a farewell and to take care.

Jace is a happy little child as they board business class in the plane. It’s not his first time riding a plane but perhaps, it’s the first time he’s actually conscious to realise, remember and actually experience the journey. Tia, on the other, will be her first time in awhile since she’s last rode a plane, so she’s quite feeling nervous and excited as well. Her, on the other hand, travelling is nothing new to her as it became a regular thing with her concert tours.

Unlike other child, Jace doesn’t cry when the plane takes off. His eyes are just widened in amusement, feeling all giddy and excited. But a little later, he falls to nap so he’ll have energy when they arrive to Japan.

The young lady, lays on her space comfortably, going through her phone to look out for EXO updates, catching up on what she’s missed. Minutes into it, she is approached by another passenger, who is in her teens, holding a black marker with her journal while wearing a shy smile. She locks her phone and sits up. She returns the smile in a friendly manner.

“I’m your fan.” The girl says quietly. The artist looks behind her and sees that she’s with an older couple, perhaps her parents, wearing warm smiles. “My whole family loves you. I watch your drama all the time and we all went to your concert. I watch all your appearances on TV.”

She tilts her head fondly, saying sweetly, “Thank you.”

“I have a letter for you.” She slips a folded piece of paper that was in between pages of her journal.

She accepts it cordially.

“I was wondering if you can—”

“I’m sorry but…” A flight stewardess interrupts, preventing the young girl to say anything further and interact with her idol. She explains the policy to her, which the artist can see how it disheartens her fan.

“No, it’s okay.” She says, stopping the attendant.

“But, Ma’am—”

“It’s okay.” She insists. “If the artist agrees, I suppose this is okay?”

The attendant nods, and leaves. The lady turns to her fan. “You were wondering if you can…?” Her voice is so soft, it warms the girl’s heart.

“If I can have an autograph?” She says, holding out the marker and her journal.

“Of course.” She takes it. “Where do I sign?”

“Anywhere~” She answers shyly.

The other titters and opens the marker to sign that last page of the journal at the back. “What’s your name?”

“Mimi.”

She begins to sign, leaving a personal short message to her. Then, she remembers that this is not the first time they met or encountered each other. So, she asks, "Weren't you the one who gave me the scrapbook from my fan meeting last year?"

Mimi gasps, she can't believe that her favourite celebrity actually remembered her. She nods her head, "Yes, that's me."

"Thank you for that, it was so pretty. It's kept safely in my room." The fan could feel herself tearing up.

They smile at each other warmly, urging Mimi to say, “You’re really pretty even without makeup.”

She grins widely, her cheeks tinting red. “Thank you.” She gives back the journal and pen. “I’ll read your letter.” She assures.

“Thank you.” She bows and walks back to her company.

The celebrity keeps an eye on her and sees her parents mouth a thank you. She bobs her head, accepting it before leaning back, checking on her little brother. Her Aunt has fallen asleep, too. After that, she continues what she’s doing, a little later reading the letter the fan earlier gave.

The fulfilment she feels every time she reads the letters written by her fans is indescribable. It makes everything she does ten times worth it because by reading all of the letters she receives, she realises how although they all have common denominator, each of them are different in their own way. If every artist will read all the letters of their fans word by word, they will realise how the feelings of their supporters differ. That’s what she realised over the eight years in the industry.

And she knows what it feels like as a supporter to have your letter read by your favourite artist. She knows because she’s in the situation, especially with Kai. There are many times when she has her letter sent to him, and although she can’t do it herself, a fan who wants to make something happen can happen. She knows Kai received her letter especially, it was confirmed when a fansite released a photo of him, holding the many letters in his hand. The mere thought of her idol receiving it is already satisfying. And even though it’s unnamed, she can’t help but wonder, for the number of times she sent him a letter, can she hope at the little possibility that he can remember her? That unnamed fan with the same handwriting each time? She isn’t sure but for as long as her words, her feeling reached him, then what more she can ask for?

Drowsiness hits her as she keeps Mimi’s letter safe inside her bag. Later, she wakes up at the sound of the pilot making announcement that they are going to land soon. Jace hasn’t woken up yet and deep in his slumber. Tia wakes shortly after, urging the niece to let her know the announcement the pilot just made.

Safely landed, she reaches to her little brother’s seat. “Jace.” She calls softly. “Jace, we’re here. We’re in Japan. Wake up, my baby.”

The Aunt helps out waking the little boy. After with much trouble, he rubs his eyes with his little hand, yawning.

“We’re here.” The big sister announces, waking the little boy’s spirit right up! “Advance Happy Birthday, my little boy.”

Jace hugs her tightly. He is young but he appreciates his sister’s efforts filling up the role of a mother, a father and a sibling to him. Auntie Tia always reminded him of that and although his age is too young to understand, he’s a smart, sensitive and appreciative boy.

They settle straight away to their hotel room and taking about two hours of rest, they explore the city around, with plans of going to the tourist spots tomorrow and to the Disney Resort the day after that as that is the exact date of Jace’s birthday.

She has never felt any happier.

Finally, after what seemed to be so long, she finally got the chance to be that sister she’s supposed to be to her little brother. They take photos and videos, capturing all the memories as she and her Aunt are constantly running after the active boy who just wants to do everything. They eat at the restaurant known for serving tremendous Japanese dishes.

The Disney Resort, is literally huge and massive park with so much to see— there is the Disneyland and the DisneySea. A day won’t be enough to see everything both place could offer but since it’s Jace rules for this holiday, the two ladies just follow along at where he wants to go and what he wants to do. But compared to him, especially to Tia, being at age, they find it hard to keep up but every time they see the young boy excited, happy and animated, they seem to forget the tiredness they’re feeling.

They try to maximise the most of the holidays she’s was able to fish out, making the most of happy memories Jace can bring with him as he grows up. While on the streets though, a Japanese fan recognises her and asks for an autograph. She gladly grants the fan’s request and signs at the paper bag she was holding with her with a normal blue ballpoint pen. Once done, she and her friends squeal, jogging away, still can’t believe that they met her.

Tia gives her niece a hat and a mask so she’s less recognisable. Not that the celebrity doesn’t want to interact with her fans, but this trip is private and she doesn’t want it to get interrupted just because of the slightly different job she has than others. Her little brother deserves to have the holiday where she can only be a sister to him and nothing else.

On their fourth day, the young lady wakes up and sees her Aunt sitting the couch, drinking a cup of tea. Jace is still asleep, next to her side.

“Good morning, my beautiful niece.”

“Morning, Auntie.” She greets, getting up to give the woman a soft kiss on the cheek.

They get ready for the day, waiting for the boy to wake up himself so when he does, he only needs to take a quick shower, dress up, ready to go. The big sister packs everything they need, especially extra shirts for the young boy, towels to dry his sweat, powder and his favourite snacks.

For today’s agenda, they are going to Ueno Park to visit their National museum of Science and Nature as Jace has a big love for animals, particularly for dinosaurs.

That is apparent as soon as they enter the museum and she just knows that her decision bringing him here isn’t a wrong decision. They stay there, exploring everything they can see and the interactive displays are particularly manifesting the young boy’s existing interest.

Tia tells her niece to stay still and relax as she’ll accompany Jace because the dinosaurs she’s seeing are also impressing her and also everything else that’s inside about nature. World knows how much she loves the nature. The young lady shakes her head while smiling fondly, letting the Aunt and nephew explore around.

Standing there, she takes a look around, half focusing on the displays, half thinking about other things that she normally would when she’s spending her time alone. She walks around the area slowly, probably the person taking the longest time there until about an hour and half later, Jace and Tia comes back, satisfied.

She’s about to ask if the little boy is happy but by how his eyes are twinkling and his beam shining, her answer is already questioned. They exit the museum, heading somewhere to eat but Jace requests to eat some Japanese street food, good thing she’s craving for it too so they all do that. Sitting at the benches there, they decide to eat and share Custard-filled Taiyaki, Takoyaki and Okonomiyaki. Being able to speak the language, their trip has gone a lot easier.

Her little brother is watching a video on her phone when Tia takes the opportunity to talk to her. “How about you take the rest of the day to yourself?”

“Auntie?”

The older woman bobs her head. “The past days since we arrived has been really fun for me and Jace. How about you take the last days of this holiday to yourself? To have that rest you need before you go back and start working again?”

“What about you and Jace?”

“Oh, darling, we’ll be fine.” She urges, “Do that, please? Just keep me updated so I know you’re okay.”

The lady contemplates. Should she? “Are you sure, Auntie?”

“Very sure.”

Then she gives in, “Okay, thank you, Auntie.” She leans in and hugs the woman, thankful. “Please keep me updated too. If you ever get lost, please call me.” She’s going to suggest to go back to the hotel so they can rest but she senses that her Aunt still wants to tour around.

“We will do that, sweetie.” She gives her bag. “Here, I took some of your clothes with me you can change with. Give me that bag. I’ll take care of our young boy.”

Reluctant, she gives the bag and accepts the other. She turns to her boy and tells her that she will be spending the rest of the day with their Aunt because she has to go somewhere. The boy nods his head, not really minding it. He’s happy either way, anyway.

After finishing their street food, they part ways as she goes ahead and changes her outfit to black leggings, gray hoodie and black jacket with a mask. Her cap is clasped around the line of her jacket, both looking as a style and an accessory. Not that she thinks anyone will recognise her but over the years being in the industry, being careful has always been her top priority.

She removes her contacts upon seeing that Tia packed her black round eyeglasses as well. Having poor eyesight, it’s handy as she likes wearing glasses better than her contacts. Her hair is tied up in a bun, not neat but not too messy either.

Since this is unplanned, she really hasn’t got any particular place she wants to go at the top of her head. So, she walks down the street until she finds her feet at the shopping centre who are selling official and unofficial merchandises of her favourite group, EXO and other popular Kpop acts.

She looks around, not buying anything, just admiring. After all, though it’s not obvious, she has most of their official merchandises, bought several copies of all their albums, and the brands they are endorsing to show mere support. All of which are kept hidden in a room inside her condominium, like they're her life’s treasure. Perhaps, they really are her life’s treasure.

She removes her mask but puts her cap on when she buys a bowl of noodle in a ramen place, sitting at the corner table. For some reason, she likes being alone. Not that she’s an anti social or anything, but she just likes being alone. She likes spending her time alone because it’s less dreading. Being alone calms her.

She takes her phone out and puts her earphone on listening to her playlist, containing her favourite EXO songs that whenever she listens to this songs, she’s taken in another dimension.

Okay, maybe for one thing she doesn’t like about wearing glasses is that it fogs up whenever she’s trying to eat a hot bowl of soup, or she opens the dishwasher and the oven or when it’s winter and she tries to warm up only to have her glasses fog up and down.

Being not used to it, she takes it off, sacrificing her clear view of scenes and things distant from her. Good thing she can still see the bowl and eat properly, just that, everything else around is blurry— which makes her feel comfortable and somewhat uneasy at the same time. If she is in her home country, she’d be more uneasy than comfortable. This is something she can’t do there, moreover alone.

She is in her own world, mindless of her surroundings as she scrolls through her phone while eating at the same time. Not having a public social media account of her own, only relying on her management’s official account to update her fans occasionally, she is usually just on her private account that she barely uses to communicate as mostly it’s to keep herself updated of EXO and of course, Kai. There is this humorous memes that the fans make, and beautiful appreciation posts of everything.

Finishing the bowl soup and her side dishes, she wipes the side of her lips with a serviette, removing her earphones and locking her phone. She puts back her glasses. She puts back her mask, not removing her cap anymore. She finally gets to look at things clearer around her and notices a familiar figure, in front of her at the other corner of the ramen place. Since no one is occupying the tables in between, he can easily be seen from her spot. Also, they are the only ones who are alone, while there are other four groups in the place.

They are both wearing black, dark colours that blends well with the dark night. He’s wearing an all black plain sweatshirt, black jeans and beanie. He also has his head down for most of the time but there’s is this big hunch in her that it’s Kai and it’s confirmed when he looked up with tired, sleepy eyes, making her look back down straightaway so he won’t notice. She discreetly sneaks a glance of him and it’s true, it’s him. It’s Kai. She can’t be wrong.

But she won’t approach him. Why would she? Clearly, his presence here is unexpected and perhaps, he could’ve snuck a private time for himself as there is really no schedule posted for them. It can be that no one knows that Kai is even in Japan right now so she won’t approach him. She knows it’s his private time and he’s really not Kai at the moment. He’s Jongin. And even if she knew that EXO would be in Japan for a concert or whatsoever, she would still decide to not approach them. Because as much as she is a fan, she is a person too, and above that, she is a celebrity too. Perhaps, they are not exactly the same, but she knows what it feels like. What he probably feels like.

Not wanting to disrupt, she stands up silently and leaves after heading to the counter to pay for what she ate. She gives a polite bow to the person who gave her service and walks out of the place. She gives a quick one final glance through the mirror wall, heading back to the hotel she’s staying.

She fishes her phone out and sends a message to Tia that she’ll be home soon— to which she receives a reply shortly after to not rush and take her time as they are okay. Jace is already asleep and she’s just watching random shows on the TV. She smiles and puts her earphones out again to walk down with music in her ears, setting her apart from everyone.

On her way, she comes across a bookstore that looks rather inviting. There is no one inside, given the hour, but it’s not going to close any time soon either so she doesn’t see why not enter and check the books they have.

Smell of books— it what she likes, her little tiny obsession when she was a teenager. She greets the man behind the counter and ventures into the shelves, coming across with the classic Japanese romantic novel. She picks it up and reads the back of it, being interested she doesn’t think twice in buying it. She picks another two novels that seems to be interesting, not having any problems, being fluent in the language.

She goes straight to the counter, having the three books wrapped in a brown paper bag. Then, she politely thanks the man and leaves the bookstore with a happy heart, only to take a wrong step— causing her to sprain her ankle.

She hisses and sits on the ground to massage it. She looks back at the spot she stumbled at to see a rock, big enough to step on but have your foot twist around and about. She sighs, scolding herself for not seeing that but thankful that it’s not any worse.

This isn’t the first time she’s done this to herself. For all the times she hurt herself for dancing too much, for getting mobbed by the fans, and other few accidents, she has learnt how to do first aid on herself. And with the pain, she knows she didn’t fracture her ankle. Which is good.

She stands up and limps toward the nearest bench she can find. She puts her mask under her chin to breathe, feeling suffocated and her cap around to widen her view. With the people and by how dark it is, she doubts anyone can see or recognise her. She takes off her shoes and takes off her sock just until the mid point of her foot, exposing her heel. She ponders if she should give her Aunt a call or just leave it, but she’ll definitely come home later than usual.

She bites on her bottom lip, at lost at what to do. If Teo is here, she would not be worrying about anything but the same time she’s also thankful that her manager is not present because she knows that she’ll get told off again for hurting herself.

She then remembers the time when she got herself injured, around the time just before Kai, her favourite member, himself, also got injured and was forced to sit out, unable to perform for EXO’s concert. They were both injured and both worked their hearts out to recovery.

If her parents were her motivation and inspiration to be a better person. Despite being in the industry (that is different but similar in a way) longer than him, Kai has always been both her inspiration and motivation to become a better artist.

After staying for a while, she puts her socks back on with her shoes. She tries to get up, placing her mask over her nose and mouth. She attempts to put the most minimal weight she can on her injured ankle, leaning against the arm rest with her hand, putting the weight there for support. She grimaces slightly at the pain, pressing her lips together in a hard line.

“Are you okay?”

She hears a voice ask in his best Japanese. She stills frozen at her spot, her heart starts to pound rapidly. Slowly, she turns her head— despite knowing the sound of that voice in her heart, she still can’t believe that it’s really him standing there, talking to her.

“Yes, I’m okay.” She answers back in Japanese in a quiet voice. She feels like her heart is going to pound straight out of her chest and hopefully, he doesn’t have a very sharp hearing, otherwise, he might hear it and it will be utterly embarrassing.

She remains herself composed, giving a small and polite smile, putting back her mask over her nose and mouth as she feels extremely conscious. Those eyes… Those eyes are his and it’s so close— probably the closest she’s seen ever as in the interview, he was sitting in a position far from her, almost at the other end from her side.

“Thank you for asking.” She says again in Japanese and bows, taking another difficult step.

Abruptly, she feels his hand hold her wrist and the other over arm in assistance. It’s not harsh or soft. It’s a safe touch. He gestures back to the bench, getting her to take the seat once again. Not wanting a bad impression, she nods lightly and hops back to sit down.

He takes the seat next to her and he holds out his hand towards her foot. She interprets it as he wants to take a look at it. She’s hesitant. Reluctant, even. There’s no way she’s going to make her idol look at her injured ankle. This is too much.

She shakes her head, continuing to converse in Japanese— keeping it as simple as she can. “It’s okay.” She can tell that probably the most Japanese he learnt are for their concerts.

He sighs deeply, as though he’s trying to construct a sentence in the same language without any mistakes so the artist, who is now just a fan, initiates and puts an end on their struggle. “Are you… Korean?” She asks in Korean, sounding much like an attempt to know what is his nationality. In which she succeeds at, being an actress in her country.

His eyes bright up as relief completely wash over him but falls into cautiousness soon after when he asks back, “Are you Korean too?” Afraid that he might get recognised, or that he’s already recognised.

The lady shakes her head. He relaxes. “I’m not Korean. I just learnt Korean.” She explains, including her own nationality and where she came from, reasoning that learning Korean was part of her academic curriculum.

“I’ve been there.” Kai says. She knows. She was there and even met him but he doesn’t know. The last time he saw her after all was when she was all prepped up and now, she is just her natural self. Besides, she doubts he remembers her anyway. Given, he’s only seen her once. “What’s your name?”

She introduces herself, her nickname, the name her family calls her that no one else’s does. It’s not selfish if even just for this moment, he’d call her in the name only people she’s extremely close with does, right?

“Yours?” She asks, keeping on the act that she doesn’t know him, even though she’s been idolising him for years now.

“Jongin.” He answers.

She nods, acknowledging it. Feeling overwhelmed, that for this short moment, she gets the right to call him by his real name and not by his stage name.

He eyes back on her ankle, that she has forgotten the pain of. “Can I take a look at your ankle?” He turns to her and she gulps, feeling her heat is about to burst. “What happened?”

“Uh…” She starts and recalls, “I came from the bookshop.” She points towards the shop’s direction with her finger. “And I took the wrong step on my way out.” She follows, “It’s okay. This is not the first time, I know I didn’t fracture it.”

She regrets saying that for some reason. He might think she’s a klutz now. “Uh,” She thinks of a good excuse. “I’m an athlete.” She smiles, flushed, “You know, simple accidents happen.” He knows she’s smiling, embarrassed by the way how her eyes look and curve.

She really didn’t want to introduce her true self and say outright who really she is and that she is a big fan of him. She doesn’t want him to feel awkward and uncomfortable by that.

“That’s why I doubt if I severely sprained my ankle. It’s nothing. It’s just the shock.” She gives another smile despite it being hidden behind her mask. “There’s no need for you to look at it.”

He gives in and notices the brown paper bag next to her. “You read books a lot?”

She bobs her head once. “I used to back in middle school and high school. Kind of stopped but coming back to it again.” She asks carefully, “Do you read?” Although, she might know the answer to it.

He doesn’t answer straight away when he utters, ”Your Korean is really good.” She bows. To answer her question, he says “Yeah, I read when I have the time.”

She nods. “I see.”

“Can I see them?” He looks at her.

“Yeah, it’s okay.” She answers, almost willingly. She gives the bag.

He takes the books out of the bag and studies it. She smiles at the sight. This is probably the most intimate scene she can get of him. The serene scene scene speaks very much of it.

The fact that he came here and more likely snuck so none of his fans know about it, he must feel relieved to have someone who doesn’t know him. She knows how fame can get so suffocating. She’s been there. She’s there, actually. There are many times when she wants to go back to those days when she wasn’t a celebrity but at the same time, she won’t deny that she does love where she is now, not because of the popularity or fame she has on her hands but because she gets to do what she loves and is best at— to perform, act and host, and provide entertainment. She loves it so much that probably, she is giving more than just that.

As he’s busy looking through the books, she takes her foot over her knee, making loose of her shoe from her foot, massaging it again with her socks on.

When he’s done, he gives it back and quickly eyes at what she’s doing. “You must be a language genius.” He comments

She giggles, shaking her head in denial as her gaze turns from her foot to him. “I only speak five languages.”

“Fluently?”

She hums as a confirmation.

“Then, you are a language genius!” He declares.

“I’m not.” Gosh, she can bet her cheeks are as red as a tomato right now.

The more he looks at her, looking at her features, the better he sees how lively her eyes are. How it is full of character and very much expressive, so he can't help but note. “Your eyes are really pretty.” She finds herself blush upon hearing that as her stomach is rummaged by a zoo.

“Thank you.” She says. “You’re too kind.” She can’t breathe. Her mask is stopping her. She wants to remove it but at the same time, she doesn’t want to.

Then, what he does next surprises her, he removes his mask while moving his head side-to-side, putting it under his chin. He smiles, and she can feel her heart stop, she can faint. She looks around and notices that barely anyone is around them now, and the people who are, are mostly elderly people who probably knows nothing and has no interest about idols.

He’s wearing no makeup, revealing his flaws that seemed just perfection to her.

With that smile he’s wearing, he says, “It won’t be unfair if I ask you to remove your mask too, would it?” So, that is his intention. “Just like this too.” He furthers, pointing to where he placed his mask.

She ponders about it. There’s really no harm now is there? It’d be impossible he’d recognise her, right? After all, it’s been months, and besides, she looks like nothing of her artist-self. Rather, she’s looking just more of herself, her natural true self. Nervously, she does the same he did, revealing her full face to him.

The lady realises that maybe, she’s letting him know her in her most true form. Not the celebrity her or the fangirl her, just her. Herself.

“You’re pretty.” He says and she looks at him surprised, taken off guard. “No need to be shy. You’re really pretty.”

Growing up, he knows how important compliments are. But he’s saying this not out of manner or politeness but rather through genuinity. She’s really pretty to his eyes. Simply pretty. Innocent, serene, quiet but her aura has character. She’s charming.

Then, her heart pounds the nth time, but this time more of in nervousness when he hears him say, “You know, you look familiar.” He just can’t pinpoint exactly.

She plays it off nicely when she says, “Yeah, I hear that a lot.”

“But you’re prettier.” He follows because simply, it’s true.

The lady is unsure. It’s nice, the only light that’s giving them are the dim lights around. And, she’s also wearing her glasses too and her hair is everywhere. So, probably, this is all just because that’s why he thinks that. Could also be that Jongin is just kind.

She clears , diverting the topic. “Are you here in Japan for a holiday?”

“Yes. I just arrived today. I’ll leave tomorrow before dawn though.” He sighs sadly. “What about you?”

“Leaving tomorrow too, but in the evening.” She answers, she sees him looking around. “What are you doing?”

“Your ankle needs something cold.” He responds. He stands up, eyeing on something. Her eyes follow his figure.

“Where are you going?”

“Stay here, okay?” He says, putting back his mask on.

She stops massaging her ankle, following where he’s going with her eyes. She sees him, disappearing into a corner, making her slightly panic. Her eyes doesn’t leave there until he comes with a can of drink in his hand. Her shoulders relax, meeting her eyes with his. She can tell he’s smiling.

He takes his seat back, removing his mask, he hands her the cold can. “Use it. In replacement of ice. It’ll help.” He says. It’s the best next to ice.

She gladly accepts it, saying “Thank you” in a rather sweet voice. She places it over her ankle, soothing it. Hopefully, this much is enough so she can walk again— properly.

It’s silent for a while and the next thing she knows is when she sense him coming closer, she has to look up, taking her by surprise. Then, he squats down, sitting on his heel as he looks over her ankle.

He meets her gaze and he smiles softly. The lady can swear she can melt right there and then. It’s only in her dreams this can happen but somehow, it’s reality.

A reality that can be as good as a dream because once this moment ends, they go back to their own worlds.

After about fifteen minutes, she puts the can down and Jongin stands up. She tries to stand up on her feet, him voluntarily assisting her. When she does, she smiles widely, small pain is still there but it’s nothing compared earlier. She’s good to walk back.

“You’re okay.” He says.

“I’m okay.” She affirms. “Thank you.” She says. “Uh, for the can and the company.”

“Don’t mention it.”

She smiles, both abashed and reluctant. “So uh, I guess I have to go. Thank you again.”

There is slight rue in his eyes, as he lets her go. It’s like he doesn’t want her to go but she has to, anyway.

“Can’t you stay?” he asks, almost all of a sudden. “Just for a little bit more.”

“Oh.” She looks at him carefully. To think better about it, he must’ve had a reason why he made a sudden visit here in Japan away from his own country. And who knows? He might be in need to talk to someone. Although, she highly doubts she is the best person for that. “Okay.”

They sit back down and she places her books to her side safely.

“What music are you listening to?” He asks, seeing her earphones slightly out from the pocket of her jacket.

“Huh?” She turns to where his eyes are looking. “All sorts. Ballad, RnB, Pop anything my ears feel like hearing.” She answers. It’s not a complete lie because apart from EXO’s music, it’s that she mostly listens to, though rarely from other artists. After all, the times she listens to other’s music, particularly western’s, is when it’s incredibly popular and some of it, along with other performers, will be performed and covered by her.

She’s thinking of asking the question back, but she thinks to herself, is there really a need to? She stays silent.

“Being an athlete must be tiring, huh?” He prompts again.

In her mind, athlete respectively changes to artist. She can’t talk as an athlete or for the athletes, despite what she said, she can only talk about what she really does. Except, instead of using the word ‘athlete’, it’s altered to artist, a celebrity inside her head.

“Sometimes.” She answers. “It’s gets overwhelming, too. But what can I do? It’s what I love.” She continues as his gaze remains somewhat jaded, as though in deep thoughts. Is it true? Is this true? Is this really Kim Jongin before him? “Because I like what I’m doing, I just do it and I try my best. I won’t give up until I don’t like doing it anymore. I won’t give up just because I am having a hard time.”

“There are just times when I feel like what I do is not enough.”

The lady looks at him. As what? As Kim Jongin? Or as EXO’s Kai? She thinks inside her head. She can’t say much about him, as Kim Jongin but she can say something about EXO’s Kai as his fangirl.

“You will never really know that because sometimes, you are more than enough to someone who is quietly just standing behind you.” Like me, she wants to say. He doesn’t know how special he is to her heart and how much this moment means for her.

She continues softly, “It really depends on the person, but to some, the truest feelings are the ones that are the hardest to express. Because it’s so true, because there is just so much meaning to it, it’s hard to let it go. That one time of expressing can mean their entire life, their feelings or their entire heart. Sometimes, you just have to really believe. There are things in life that don’t have to be heard or seen for it to be real. It’s just… real.”

For the entire time they’ve been talking, since they met, this is the most she said and she doesn’t really regret it.

She concludes, “You’re enough. More than and so much to someone and probably to more people out there. I don’t know you personally.” It’s true. “But it’s what I think. Someone is enough to another someone. Sometimes, it’s just us that is not enough to ourselves that’s why we think like that. It’s what we feel like.”

She turns her head and looks at him, smiling. When he’s too stunned and awe to speak, she shifts, getting out one of the books she bought earlier. She decides to give the book about a son trying to be the good son to his hardworking parents while he’s in search of his own dream. She hasn’t read it but compared to the other two books of romance, the one she’s holding in her hands is more appropriate for him. Besides, there’s another reason.

“Here.” She says. “I know it’s in Japanese but being it widely popular, I know a Korean translated version is released. Read it if you find it. It might help you, who knows.”

Jongin takes the book and the lady takes her stand. “It’s nice meeting you, Jongin.” She holds her hand out. “I guess, until we meet again?”

Putting the book down, he stands up, slipping his hands to her. They shake it, him holding her gaze tenderly and to her surprise, he grasp on it to pull her close. He hugs her lightly around the shoulder.

“I think it’s me who’s supposed to thank you now.”

“Let’s call it even.” She says.

He closes his eyes, feeling in the moment. They unwillingly part from the embrace.

This is the most and closest she could possibly look at his eyes but just like all dreams, this ends as well. And this is the end. The end to her beautiful six-hour-solo journey here in Japan.

“See you around, I guess?”

“Until we meet again.” He bids.

She picks up the bag, slightly limping but definitely can walk better than earlier. She waves her hand for a goodbye to him, heading back to her accommodation.

 

No one knew she’s a fan of EXO, not EXO themselves, not Kai himself and no one will know because no one has to know. And she, herself, will continue to admire and love EXO and Kai with all heart regardless of today’s encounter. She’ll be the same fan who watches him from the very farthest view instead of the close one, the one who will continue to watch and support them in the simplest and best way she can. She will continue to be that silent fan, giving him and them the most possible genuine affection she could possibly give.

 

“Jongin.” She calls faintly. She isn’t sure if she can be heard, given the distance but she’s going to say it anyway. “You’re amazing. Thank you.”

 

Watching her walking off, Jongin can't explain the strange sense of familiarity he's feeling towards her. It's like he's met her before, it's like he's seen her before, it's like he's heard of her voice before. He sighs. He isn't even sure if their Until we meet again opportunity will ever come or even if it exists. Of many people around the world, of the time they both have, he wonders will he ever meet her again? And as he watches her walk further away, he can't deny that there's this feeling of... emptiness. It's strange.