Tearless Eyes

Under Her Spell
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“You know how my Dad can be, right?” Sana asked, closing her eyes and sighing to the straw in between her red lips. They were in a crowded café; supposedly, drinking cold beverages and eating flavoured cakes. It took seconds for the hamster to realise the lack of reaction from her penguin friend. Opening her eyes, she began to study her. It was clear how Mina’s mind was elsewhere – staring blankly down to her cold drink. “Mina?” she called, trying to pull her back into their conversation. Nothing, and it was quite frustrating how she had told her story in dead air. “Myoui,” she enunciated well and clear, “Mina.” Her friend’s dazed eyes finally blinked back into conscious state. “Hm?” the penguin answered quickly, gaze finally lifting back to meet her best friend’s. Sana rolled her eyes because she couldn’t be possibly mad to her, “Jeez, you're not even listening to me,” she pouted before sighing once again. “I’m sorry,” the younger girl simply replied, smiling just a little bit, “What was it again?” “Dahyunnie,” the hamster said as she started all over again, “Wants to meet my parents and I’m just wary how my Dad can be.” She frowned and took a mind freezing sip from her smoothie, “He could be scary and strict at times,” she informed as she drew circles on one side of her sphenoid bone. While continuing to ease the numbing cold in the area, she added, “I think she kind of gets the idea when Chaeyoung met yours last weekend.” Mina winced without the aid of a cold drink. All it took her was to hear the tiger cub’s name be said out loud.

 

She had been thinking about that night ever since she had witnessed it, probably what had also been causing her divided attention to her friend. “Mina?” Sana called and again saving her from burying herself deeper into her dark thoughts. She looked again at her and said softly, “Yes?” “Are you okay?” the hamster finally asked, aware to the changes of the shades in her eyes as it turned darker and darker for her passing silence. The penguin bit her lower lip before she uttered, “No, I am not.” Jaw visibly clenching, she continued, “If,” she paused as she felt the lump in thickened and caused her to stop. She took a deep breath and then started again, “If you find out that Dahyun leaves their dorm in an ungodly hour of the night, not for a stroll nor a visit to you, what would you think of her?” she asked with pained expression on her face. Sana tilted her head as she offered a gentle smile even if she knew that the question wasn’t a hypothetical or a situational one. “She’s probably just going to meet or visit a friend,” she replied, lacing her tone with understanding, “But that would be a different case for Chaeyoung, right?” Mina helplessly nodded, "She doesn't have that many of friends," she breathed, "At least not that I know of." “Are you sure it was her?” the older one argued, “Maybe that was just a coincidence for that night.” Averting her eyes, the med student answered, “I waited for her again on the next evening, same time, and it was enough proof for me to know that she’s hiding something.” Sana’s heart broke to her story.

 

“And because,” she said – almost like a whisper, “I don’t want to see it before my eyes for the third time.” “Does she know you know?” the taller girl asked. Her question would’ve caused a laughter to her if only they weren’t talking to each other so seriously. “No,” the penguin breathed out. “Do you think that,” Sana said carefully and worriedly, “She’s maybe cheating on you?” Are they? for the past few days and nights, the question had kept on ringing inside of Mina’s head.

 

Cutting off the repetitive question in her head, “I don’t know,” she simply answered, but in all honesty, she had been considering of the possibility since the other night of confirming Chaeyoung’s secretive actions. “Sana,” she called quietly, “We’re not lovers,” she said simply. Her spine tensed when her best friend had deliberately slammed her hands onto their table – successfully attracting eyes to them. “How can you say that when you two are basically together for months? You two even had ,” the hamster asked angrily, but it quickly subsided when she realised how wrong she had worded her question. “She can do that without loving me,” the penguin replied shamefully, “And she had done it to multiple nameless people way before me.” “Mitang, I’m sorry,” Sana said, “I’ve put my words wrongly.” “I am not her girlfriend, Sana,” the younger one reminded bitterly, “We never talked nor agreed to it.” Are they? shaking her head from the persistent question, Are we even a couple? She whispered sadly, “No, I don’t think we are.” Because she had never said it to me, she thought internally – tired and done.

 

Sana was left muted on her seat, lost in words, because Mina was in the state of giving up again and she knew that she wouldn’t stop her for her own made decision. Partly, because it will take every pain away once it was all over. It was selfish for the older girl to think that way but her best friend was hurting for the same reason from before, and she wouldn’t stand for it regardless of the cub’s relation with her girlfriend. A tough and an understandable decision on her side, but for just once, she would consider helping out and ask one last question because she still had the littlest of belief that Chaeyoung silently loves back even if it was causing so much pain for Mina. A love that hurts, she thought to herself as she stared at the penguin’s once again pitiful self. “Have you asked her about of all of these?” she then asked, hoping that she could spark some encouragement that could bridge their hearts together because she knew how weak and emotionally clouded the younger girl’s mind could be. “I think Chaeyoung has a good reason behind everything, Mina,” she smiled as quickly as it turned into a serious expression – an expression one might mistake to something lethal, “And if she doesn’t, then I’ll be the one to keep her away from you.”

 

Supposedly, Mina should be thankful for her words, but just feeling the slightest chance that the if condition might happen, furtherly sunk her heart in the darkest pit inside of her because what if Chaeyoung really didn’t have a good reason for this time? “I haven’t, the last time we’re together, I’m still unaware of everything – blindly happy with her,” she answered weakly, tearless eyes but heart had already been weeping. She didn’t stupidly look past through asking her, but she was greatly fearful of what her answer could be. That was the sole reason why she hadn’t asked yet and instead chose to suffer alone, again. And blindly loving her, she thought achingly, smiling to her best friend even weaker, “I guess, I just can’t wait for her after all.” Even if Sana only knew the bare minimum of Mina’s story, her heart still felt heavy for her. She wanted to protect her best friend – from pain, fear, and even Chaeyoung, but she knew that wouldn’t necessarily solve all of it when everything mattered to her hurting heart. Her attention was forced back to the other girl when she had heard her name – her heart further breaking from her words and that fake smile on her face. “Sana,” the penguin called, eyes dead from her storming feelings, “Did you know that I haven’t cried?”

 

“I’m doing good, right?” she asked. “Oh, Mina,” the hamster attempted, reaching her hand to her face. “I don’t want to cry again because of her,” Mina said – words trembling and voice breaking. Tears might not be flowing down her cheeks but her sadness was almost tangibly seeping out of her, crying out to be saved.

 

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It was a bad move from her, Mina knew about that. She should be meeting Chaeyoung up, asking her directly about the blooming secret, and not standing outside a department that was far from theirs. With heating skin under the weather and numbing mind from her thoughts, she shouldn’t be allowing her fears to openly devour her. That she shouldn’t be conducting her little investigation ironically without the artist’s knowledge. Somehow and someway she knew that she will encounter a consequence because of what she was currently doing – about to ask the roommate of her beloved tiger. At that moment, the thought of her beloved wasn’t honestly that enticing for her own good. It was still too raw, too fresh, and too hurtful, so what she did next was to shut down a piece of her that solely belong to Son Chaeyoung. The piece that had been hurting even before she had witnessed her secret; thus, shutting down her heart and letting her mind to take care of everything. Surely, what she was doing was indeed a cowardly act, but she wasn’t moving out of sheer hunch that the cub was probably lying to her and was – hopefully not – seeing someone else intimately. It was just that she needed that glimpse of her out in the dead of the night to finally trigger her mind and to realise all the subtle details from their passed days of being together.

 

Somehow, she was torn between being grateful and ungrateful that she was partnered with Seungcheol, because she was able to observe Chaeyoung’s state of sleep deprivation during her guarding days of him that could be hidden dots – motives even – connecting to her late night secret. She guessed that she was grateful that the project with him somehow helped her to get closer to the truth, but at the same time, ungrateful that it also drew her nearer to her greatest fear. That she might permanently lose Son Chaeyoung from herself. She bit her lower lip to the thought before she chuckled bitterly because that wasn’t the most painful part yet. Her, asking the tiger to meet her parents, was the realisation that killed her inside when it had hit her. The artist’s oh so subtle but obvious hesitation. Selfish thinking on her side, but Mina assumed that Chaeyoung would simply answer her with an immediate yes because of the important nature of her Japan request. Was it her fault that she failed to express her yearning to be blessed – this turn – by her own parents for the younger girl to hesitate like that? Maybe she was already overlooking to this subtle and probably non-existent hesitation, but maybe it was there at that moment, and maybe in this time, everything was on Chaeyoung. That was why she was in front of Jeongyeon’s department, to relive the feeling of both grateful and ungrateful. She had to know if she had already lost Son Chaeyoung – had she been wrong again to the matters of heart.

 

She suddenly felt a rush of indecisiveness when she saw the first glimpse of silver head in the crowd. Her feet stayed rooted to the ground as it rushed to her how things were suddenly pacing so fast for her. What if she wouldn’t like what Jeongyeon will say? She couldn’t possibly unlisten to it, delete her words and proceed to be by Chaeyoung’s side, because if she could, she would’ve prevented herself from seeing her that night – willing to blind herself again from everything. Cold sweat ran through her spine when the silver haired girl smiled and waved to her direction. If her heart could dictate the function of her brain, she would’ve dashed away from her because that seemed logical and acceptable to her pitiful state. That was beyond her heart’s capabilities, so as usual, her brain did the job. She strode forward to meet her friend with fake smile and screaming heart – begging her not to do it. “Hey,” Jeongyeon greeted, smiling cluelessly at her, “What brings you here?” Mina chuckled, lighting up her mood and easing her worries, “Just want to catch up with you, graduation’s next week after all,” she said. “Yeah,” the older girl scoffed before laughing, “I am heartbroken and excited all at the same time.”

 

“Semester’s ending, too, right?” she added, “The final grading for the lower years is just few days after our graduation.” The penguin smiled softly as she nodded in agreement – ears listening to her words but mind and heart elsewhere, to someone. Jeongyeon sighed then followed by a giggle, “That means you’re probably going back to Japan like every other break,” she looked at her friend and then added, “Chaeyoung, too, probably.” The med student, on the other hand, remained silent. “Will the two of you be okay with that?” she asked, staring at her with amusement. Mina didn’t like what her friend just stated because it was all true, and with her current situation, whether Chaeyoung was indeed lying to her or not, being apart to each was just an inevitable event – lurking in the shadows as everything fell into its places. It was only a matter of confirmation if she also had to forget about Chaeyoung completely when her feet returned to Japan. I’m still here but I already don’t feel okay, she answered internally as her gaze stayed on the pavement they were walking into. The taller girl looked away from her silence, rubbed the back of her neck, and then sighed, “I knew, something was amidst when you said that you wanted to catch up with me.” The silver headed chuckled but ended up frowning after, “It sounded like we’re going to stop being friends and not going to see each other again, especially when you have a car that can drive you to our new place,” she explained. “Sorry,” the penguin mumbled, keeping her eyes to the ground. “What really brings you to me?” she asked softly before looking up ahead. Mina mustered all her strength to construct words and to tell her worries to her friend even with the constricting feeling in her chest and the spinning thoughts in her head. “Where does she go, Jeongyeon?” she asked, pleading even because she needed to know.

 

In all honesty, the silver haired girl wanted to reassure her and to tell her that Chaeyoung wasn’t lying to her with anything. Jeongyeon just wanted to do that, but she just hopelessly couldn’t when her roommate was also lying openly to her. She let out a held breath because she just felt what the tiger cub must’ve been through when she was caught red-handed in her own lie regarding her secret relationship with Jihyo. Both lying events had its accustomed betrayal but the dragon just couldn’t pinpoint her reason for it. It might look like she was weighing who was the eviller between the two of them, but when she had done it, she did it for the cub’s sake – to take away that feeling of being abandoned by someone again. As of Chaeyoung, Jeongyeon couldn’t figure out why she would even lie to her, and top of it all, why would she risk doing something secretive that could definitely put Mina back to the same pain and fear of their past. Putting the penguin back to the same disposition was a laughable understatement when she was already hurting and plagued with fears. Her sharp jaw clenched, this was on Chaeyoung and she wouldn’t tolerate her even if they are best friends. She wouldn’t tolerate her best friend with cheating on someone, not to mention to a close friend. “I don’t know, Mina,” she shot back, anger lacing through her tone. “I see,” the elegant girl said and forced another fake smile, disappointed, “Sorry, I should be asking her directly about this. Thank you, Jeongyeon.” Hopes shattering, she felt numb, broken, and scared because she had no other choice but to face and ask her beloved Chaeyoung. Her thoughts, however, were interrupted because the taller girl had continued on talking. “I mean it’s not that I’m unaware of your story, it’s just that I wouldn’t know,” Jeongyeon stated softly, “Because she was also lying to me.” That was the first time she saw the penguin looked at her, so she let out her own fake smile, “The time I got to ask where she was sneaking off to, she told me that she was going to you,” she explained, smiling, “And I believed that because where else would she go?” “We never really spent nights in each other’s places besides on our birthdays and that two nights,” Mina said – losing her heart further.

 

“I’m sorry, Mina,” she apologised shamefully, “Every night I get to hear the slightest sounds of opening doors I just assume she’s visiting you which in fact never happened that often.” "Don't be," the penguin quietly reassured, "This is a problem between us and I think it's out of anybody's hands besides ours." She took a deep breath and then said, "I know I shouldn't have asked you but I still did, thank you for being honest with me." Jeongyeon awkwardly put her hands in her jean pockets, "I'm sorry," she replied sadly, "I'm sorry on her behalf." Mina's eyes blurred from her feelings. Her ears fell deaf from the ringing white noise inside of her head as her heart cried itself into an ocean of sorrow. The more she sank down for the truth, the more she drowned herself with pain. She smiled, though hurting, "Don't worry, Jeongyeon," she reassured – mouth tasting unpleasantly with lies, "We still have to talk. Maybe, and I still hope, she has good reasons for this." The taller girl laughed and then stopped on walking, "She's my best friend and I will be there for her whatever happened," she bit her lower lip before nodding, "But I'll understand however this one will turn out, Mina." "Thank you," the elegant girl whispered as she raised her gaze to the sky – strange gloomy clouds unusually moving for the fast approaching summer season. It seemed like the weather was sympathising to her own clouded thoughts and gloomy feelings.

 

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Quite certain that Mina had lost her grasp to the idea of time ever since she had her conversation with the silver haired girl. Had not it been with the medical materials that she had to attend, she would've completely lost her mind with thinking about Son Chaeyoung. She was utterly stuck, waist deep in an odd quicksand that would never sink her entirely but also would never allow her to reach the safe ground. It was a looping situation where she wanted to talk to the cub, but at the same time, she didn't want to. Opening the topic to the art student was far from comprehensible on her side, and so she tossed again on her bed. The effects of drowning herself with studying were slowly ebbing away and her mind was starting to drift back to Chaeyoung. Her skin had gone numb as her heart had gone frozen. She hated feeling everything and she wished that it could stop, at least by soundless sleep. Opening her eyes, she envied the blank ceiling. She dreamt in open eyes that the hurting inside of her would leave her alone in her own version of blankness. Her darkened pupils turned normal when her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of her doorbell, ringing.

 

The penguin shut her eyes and covered her ears with the palms of her hands, rolling to her stomach to bury her face to the softness of her white pillow – persistent ringing continued, irritatingly. She didn’t want to deal with it or with anyone. Mina would most likely want to be left alone because she was in her most dangerous state – feeling that the intensity of her thoughts and emotions will soon explode out of her. She gasped audibly, hearing, "Are you not home, Mina?" No doubt, it was Chaeyoung’s ever so familiar voice with the sweetest promised words and unconfessed lies. She began to get up as her thin fingers combed the dishevelled strands of her hair. Once in front of door, trembling hand landed on the knob before turning it open. Smiling softly, she pathetically admired the tiger cub with her pink hoodie adorably covering the upper half of her face. Chaeyoung pulled down her hoodie and smiled to her happily, pearly whites peeking past through red tinted lips. She walked past the penguin and stepped inside. "I'm inviting myself in," she remarked, taking an elegant hand into hers before shutting the front door close. "What?" Mina mindlessly uttered, eyes stuck on their connected hands. The cub let go of her hand before cupping both of her cheeks, "Just so you know, it's movie night, Mina."

 

"Oh," the taller girl said as she internally scolded herself that she shouldn't be loving every feeling of her skin against her own. "You seem confused," the shorter one chuckled before joking, "Almost like you don't want me here." She didn't give Mina the chance to reply as her hands landed to her waist before she pulled her taller frame flushed to herself, and then shutting her up with a warm kiss. The kiss stopped as soon as it started, but enough to leave a burning trail on the penguin's lips. Pathetic, she thought as she watched the cub jumped over onto the rose-coloured couch, I am really pathetic. She was pretty sure that she was under a curse to be this stupidly in love with Chaeyoung, even if she was currently aware of her secrets. Her feet paced until she had settled again only few inches from the younger girl. Honestly, she couldn't care less to whatever her television was showing. Both her mind and eyes were chained on the cub. "Cuddles," Chaeyoung declared cutely as she pulled the other girl for herself, unaware of her uncharacteristic silence. Halfway through the nonsense in front of their eyes, Chaeyoung fell asleep on Mina's shoulder, snoring lightly as she breathed.

 

Face neutral of expression, the elegant girl stared at the sleeping cub – unwanted feelings starting to bubble in the pit of her stomach. She closed her eyes and tried to control or maybe stop the thorny vines that were constricting around her chest, turning the simple task of breathing into a struggle. Turning her face away from the sight, Mina knew that she couldn’t take it anymore. She couldn't bare to feel absolutely fine when she was close to her, so she moved away – apathetic whether she woke her up or not. Chaeyoung managed to stay upright by resting her back on the couch as Mina pulled her knees up before hiding her face into her crossed arms. She hated how she couldn't cry for her because it made her more instinctive of her pain. She hated how she couldn't release some of the hurting through the use of her tears. Everything just hurt as she continued to think how their words of endearment from the past slowly turned into invaluable dusts, or maybe had always been dusts from the very start of enunciating them. Few minutes passed of her curled into her own thoughts with tearless eyes, the tiger cub quietly yawned back into consciousness.

 

Rubbing the sleep off of her eyes, Chaeyoung blinked to the distant penguin beside her who was on the other armrest of the couch. She smiled innocently as she crawled back to her on her knees. The cub couldn't pinpoint if she had slept through the whole movie or the penguin had simply turned it off as it only showed the reflection of themselves through a black mirror. Her right hand reached atop her silky hair, then she uttered softly, "Sorry, I fell asleep." When Mina lifted her head and then looked at her, the only thing that made sense in her mind was to kiss her again for that night. Slowly, she made her move and closed the space between their faces. She blinked in confusion when the penguin looked away from her seconds before their lips connected. Right before she could check what was the matter, the penguin had said under her breath, "Stay over for tonight." Cutting off the shorter girl for the second time around, she added with words coming off desperately, "I really miss you, Chaeyoung." The cub fell on to her and then proceeded to look up to the ceiling, "I can't," she said before smiling apologetically at her, "I'm still cramming to learn our past lectures, for me to have a better chance at passing this semester."

 

Pursing her lips as she continued, "I'm sorry, Mina." Teeth boring down to her lower lip, Mina's head hung low as she tasted the slightest tinge of blood. Choking back the burn in her chest, she whispered just enough for the other girl to hear, "Have you always been lying to me?" "What?" Chaeyoung asked in total disbelief with furrowed brows. "I'm asking if everything was just a lie, Chaeyoung?" the older girl shot back – red coloured around her eyes despite staying tearless. "What are you talking about?" the cub asked, out of tone because of the accusatory delivery of her questions, "I don't know what you're talking about, Mina." Ironic, how each call of each other's name turned sour on their lips as it churned into bitter anger inside of them. After hearing a scoff and a chuckle from the penguin, she stood from the couch and said, "I should go home," she shook her head as she tried to calm down even just for a little, "I don't like where this is going." Mina laughed bitterly, stopping the cub before she could walk away from her, "You should," she challenged, "I bet you needed to be somewhere."

 

That did it badly for Chaeyoung, she stayed rooted to the floor before facing her, "What do you want?" she blurted out angrily. She, too, did a lot of work academically for herself, and she, too, was tired as hell. The only thought she had when she entered the elegance of her place on Friday night was to spend some time close to her, but when she woke up, the penguin was spaces away from her and avoiding her attempt for a kiss. It wasn’t fair and it pissed her off greatly. Silence slowly ate her, until she was caught off guard when Mina stood up from her spot and placed a forefinger on her chest – pointing at her as she explained. "I want you to be honest and tell me that you're just making excuses to me, to be somewhere," the elegant girl said, voice raising from her own anger, "That you're even using me as an excuse to get away from your lies to your best friend." The anger in Chaeyoung’s eyes wavered for a second as she tried to speak up, stuttering just a bit, "That's not true."

 

"I've talked to Jeongyeon, I can't believe that you're lying to me for so long," Mina said lowly, feeling betrayed before pulling any contact she had from her, "Were you really busy with university works that's why we had to reduce our time together," clenching her fists tight then adding, "Or were you just busy sneaking off to who knows where?" "It's not like what you think, Mina," the cub said, silently pleading her not to think that way. Shaking her head, "What am I thinking, Chaeyoung?" she asked, looking back with angry yet pained expression, "Come on, say it," she demanded. "No," the artist pleaded, "Don't do this, please," instead she reached out for her hands.

 

The penguin pulled her hands away from the contact rather aggressively, stepping back and creating a gap between their bodies. "Just say it!" she said angrily, tired and disappointed. Nothing, the cub decided to keep shut. "He or she must be so special for you to keep them away from me or your best friend," the elegant girl husked quietly. "Stop implying it! I'm not cheating on you!" Chaeyoung snapped defensively as she had reached her own breaking point. "Then just say it!" Mina replied as angry as the other one was, "Tell me the truth or give me a reason that I can believe because I really can't trust you with anything right now!" Wrong move that she raised her voice and let herself be pulled by the penguin’s anger, but she couldn't blame herself that her own emotions burst out of her. It also wasn't easy on her side. Ashamed, she averted her eyes away, "I can't tell you," she said weakly, "Not in this way, when you're like this." Giving up completely, Mina let her tensed shoulders to relax, "You sure do have a lot of words that you can't tell me," she stated, anger dissipating into another wave of hurting, You can’t even say that you love me. "You probably never did," she whispered to herself, utterly spent for her own good. She felt quiet footsteps directed to her and she soon felt a hand in her right one.

 

"You should go home," she told her albeit facing down to the flooring of her flat. "Mina," the cub cooed, pleading, "No, I'll stay. I want to stay here." She never thought that her heart could break even more from the exchanges of their words, but it did. Chaeyoung’s heart turned cold. It cracked and shattered into pieces when she heard her spoke again. "I don't want you, Chaeyoung," Mina promised as she once again flinched away from her. "I can’t keep you anymore, not like this," she stated as she stared into her eyes with clear intent and meaning. After realising her certainty, the cub gave a nod once, jaw visibly tight from holding back her tears from falling, "Okay," she replied lowly, voice cracking embarrassingly. Her feet backed away as she revelled every second of Mina in her own eyes before she turned herself towards the door – ignoring and walking past the little cat who had been crying out for them during their whole fight.

 

At her peripheral vision, Mina watched Chaeyoung walked out of her flat and left her alone completely. Her muscles weakened and her chest burned painfully, soon falling down to the couch. The palms of her hands met her closed eyes, drawing small soothing circles on it, as she relaxed her back on the soft furniture. Before she had completely lost herself again into thinking of the cub, she felt soft paws against her jean-cladded thigh, sensing the faint wet on her elbow. Sighing, she pulled her hands away from her tired eyes and then looked down to the feline occupant. They exchanged their raised voice too much that Needy's sad presence in the living had gone invisible from them. The brown fluff mewled, round eyes boring into hers before looking back to the direction of her front door. "I'm sorry," she spoke, fingers lightly running on the furry head, "But I don't think she'll be back." Once again, Needy cried sadly, feet padding to her lap before nuzzling its face completely on her shirt.

 

Mina chuckled and then smiled softly, but that didn't help the aching of her heart lessened. In her opinion, the pain worsened as she watched Needy wordlessly comforted her, "Don't worry," smile on her face slowly fading, "I won't cry."

 

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Jeongyeon breathed out, she just finished cleaning after eating her dinner. Since the penguin had confronted her, she felt quite of empty inside. She couldn't bond with the cub in the meantime – could only muster simple nods and small talks – maybe she was still coping with the part where her best friend lied to her. Of course, she felt betrayed regardless how she had done the same from the past. It was just that the silver haired girl was irritated that she still couldn’t wrap her head around her roommate's unsaid reason for the act. It wasn’t a call of her name or a subtle knock on her door that disrupted her from her reverie. It was the sound of barging through their dorm, door flinging open followed by laughters. Nayeon, with her Japanese girlfriend and Dahyun, invited herself in to the place. The silver headed walked out of their kitchen and approached her untimely visitors, "What's going on here, Nayeon?" she asked with her voice stern.

 

"Good evening, Jeongyeon unnie," Dahyun greeted with a big smile as she pushed a waving Momo to the couch. The bunny walked up to the occupant and placed both of her hands on her shoulders, "Movie time," she stated with grin on her face, "Thought you might need one since Chaeyoung's having her own." She let go of her hold and then walked to her girlfriend to take something from her, all while Jeongyeon watching her and the others with the same stern expression. "Here," Nayeon mindlessly said as she gestured the white plastic bag of snacks and beer cans to her. "You could've done this at Dahyun's place, Nayeon," the dragon stated, clearly not appreciating and refusing the offered gestures, "I don't want any of these," she said just in between their bodies. She really didn't want to seem like they were unwelcomed – at least not openly. Nayeon shook her head no, "You need this, okay," she loudly whispered as she pointed to the taller girl’s chest, "You've been tensed since yesterday and don't you dare to deny that, Yoo Jeongyeon." At that, the silver dragon rolled her eyes while her sharp jaw reacted to the correct accusation of her friend. When Momo turned her head to their directions and called out for their names, they smiled back and told the other two that they were coming to join them. "I could say the same to you," Jeongyeon quietly argued, brows furrowed with annoyance. "Shut it," Nayeon replied while barely managing to keep their heated conversation private to themselves, "Just take the damn bag." She raised the bag and then lightly shoving it to her chest before walking ahead of her.

 

Sighing as she did the same, Jeongyeon joined them with a smile like she wasn’t arguing with the bunny literally just seconds ago, and so they began their own version of movie night. The eagle told them that Tzuyu would've been with them if she wasn’t nerding out to some new novel that she had bought earlier of the week. She said that it would've been more fun on Momo’s behalf if there were more of them. The raccoon dismissed her claim and reassured her that she was having fun as it was. As the movie rolled, Jeongyeon wouldn't flat out admit it openly, but Nayeon’s gesture did help her not to think and worry about the cub and the penguin’s issue. She wouldn't say it out loud, but she thanked the bunny that she had insisted some bonding time for the night. Beer cans were consumed the same as the store-bought snacks when Dahyun decided to break the silence. "So, any specific plan for the sent-off party?" she asked directly to the senior students while munching her fourth choco pie. "Yeah," Jeongyeon replied with her chin resting on the palm of her right hand, "Nayeon and I, as planned, will spend the night of the graduation with, of course, our family." "After that, you two can freely celebrate with us?" Momo pitched in as she pulled her girlfriend closer to her side. The silver dragon nodded before sipping her beer, "Yeah, but I don't really know the details," she answered, "Jihyo told me that she'll take care of everything."

 

The eagle let out an excited giggle before the bunny interrupted, "That settles it then," she said monotonously, "Now, let's get back to the movie because that's why we're here." She sighed as she pulled the remote and increased the volume. The raccoon chuckled and then eyed the other senior apologetically. In return, Jeongyeon waved her hand to tell her that it was fine, mostly because she was already used to Nayeon personally. She knew about her just as the bunny knew her and the baby cub. Third quarter of the movie and they had sprawled around the living room with chip crumbs on their shirts. The slight effects of beer were slowly working in their blood streams as their eyelids felt heavier as the night sky darkened in lateness. Momo was in fact already in the process of dozing on Nayeon’s shoulder, but who cared? She was pretty sure that she and Sana will be scolded by their military strict dorm lady anyway, might as well enjoy it to the fullest. Nayeon was still pretty much awake and sober while Dahyun could barely breathe due to the excessive amount of choco pie that she had eaten. When Jeongyeon was quite sure that the movie was nearing its ending, she started to clean their mess little by little. Mind lost with cleaning, she, along with the other three in living room, regained control with their consciousness when Chaeyoung entered the place with heavy padded steps.

 

Instinctively, Nayeon tried to greet her baby beast with both motherly nature and tone. She failed though, because she hastily stopped her attempt when she witnessed the mixture of sadness and anger on the freshman's face. Chaeyoung didn't even bother to look at them and headed straight to her room, ending her entrance with slamming her door shut. Momo bolted from her comfortable position when her Korean girlfriend stood up. The bunny was about to follow the distressed cub, but to her annoyance, the dragon stopped her by her wrist before she could even move another inch from the couch. "Don't," Jeongyeon warned – her eyes mirroring how serious her advice was. "What?" Nayeon spat out, the unintended heat between them was once again present. "Don't even try," the taller one stated, calming down a little to avoid an inevitable misunderstanding, "You don't get to help on this one, just as I am." Momo was left frozen on her spot while Dahyun was left uncomfortably on her own. "What do you know?" the older girl scoffed as she aggressively pulled her hand free. The silver haired girl lost her balance forward before she said, irritated, “She and Mina probably had fight, and it’s out of our hands.” “I don’t care, Jeongyeon,” Nayeon replied, clearly pissed with her words, “I don’t care who she had a fight with.” She tried to pass the taller senior, but was blocked by her frame. “I’m here to comfort her because something simply went wrong for her,” she stated, rolling her eyes and doing the same attempt of walking past her, “Something her best friend is currently debating in herself.”

 

The other two had gone silent and the rest of the movie had gone forgotten. Jeongyeon laughed shortly, fuelled by anger, “You know, Nayeon,” she shot back, words laced with meaning, “You can’t solve your own problem by focusing to others.” She said with the same intent as the bunny’s earlier words. “Not with movie time,” she added, fiery eyes daggering at her, “Or barging in for the sake of comforts.” That hit a spot on the older girl, a sore spot like the one she had hit with the taller girl. Clenched fists and furrowed brows, Nayeon mustered herself and pushed Jeongyeon by her chest, “Screw you, Jeongyeon,” she said before she turned around and headed to the front door. She opened it loudly and bolted outside with stomping feet and gritted teeth. Momo was quick to follow her girlfriend, just sending off a confused look to the silver headed girl, before dashing to a run. “Nayeon, wait!” she called loudly as her own sleepiness vanished into the night. Dahyun was left with widened eyes and gapping mouth – feeling the cold outside wind entered the room. Jeongyeon coughed awkwardly as she loosened up some tension inside of her. She walked to the door and closed it before she joined the eagle again. Flopping down to the couch, she rubbed the middle of her forehead and then sighing deeply. “Jeongyeon unnie,” Dahyun called out unsurely, “Are you two okay?” The dragon just smiled, eyes foggy with emotions, “She’s as tensed as me, Dahyun,” she replied, not minding if she couldn’t explain her answer completely, “But we’re fine.” The freshman remained quiet in her spot, saddened how their supposed fun movie night turned out disastrous. “Go home, Dahyun,” Jeongyeon urged with head tilted up to the ceiling, “I can clean the rest here.”

 

It wasn’t a negotiation and Dahyun was aware it. A simple nod and then she started to collect herself. “Good night, unnie,” she muttered softly before dragging her feet to the door that was slammed open just seconds ago. With weighing feeling and heavy heart, Jeongyeon watched the stillness in the newly emptied room. She roamed her eyes around and then thought, What a mess…

 

-------

 

The moment she entered her room, Chaeyoung shoved her face to her pillows. She tried to control her heaving lungs, for she could already feel that it would give out for any minute longer as she willed herself not to cry. The run back to her dorm in the open air was let alone tiring, what more after she had heard Mina’s words out loud. I don’t want you, she remembered painfully, her words echoing clearly inside of her head. Every time she remembered the penguin’s words and hurt expression, her heart felt like it was being punctured mercilessly and continuously. She choked down a sob as she clenched her fists on her pillow. She wasn’t cheating and she would never – that much she knew for a certain, but how much did Mina’s words mean? Was it just for the night or will it be for the better? She doesn’t want me anymore, the cub bit her lip. She knew that she shouldn’t think that way, but the thought was just really persistent and it kept on crawling back into her head no matter how hard she shoved it away from her. No, Mina’s different, she begged to differ as she tried to reassure herself and drown the other hurtful thoughts that were floating in her mind. Shutting her eyes, she kept on repeating her little mantra internally because she had to or she’ll break just like the elegant girl. “She’s not like the others,” she whispered to herself, repeating and repeating and repeating until she had fallen into sleep.

 

The next morning, she woke up with throbbing head, bloodshot eyes, and empty feeling. She blinked to the blank ceiling for a couple of seconds before she finally decided to sit upright. Her room was uncomfortably silent, maybe too silent for her own liking. As the memories of last night resurfaced to her, Chaeyoung quickly searched for her phone – frisking her mess of a bed

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somedummyaccount
Note: re-uploaded my fics in AO3 for anyone who wants to read it offline

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Comments

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Junren01 #1
Still one of the best story here
Minyeon-ah #2
Chapter 44: Great story thank you 😁
Gotnothingtosay #3
Chapter 6: This is so cuuuuuuuute!
bore_d1020 #4
Chapter 5: cute Minguin gay-panicking... allergic to pankcake? that's a first! LOL
byulieeeheartt
#5
Chapter 41: I'm sorry I can't read the Enkindlers. It was too much for me. But yeappp such a good read. Thank you for this.
byulieeeheartt
#6
Chapter 41: I learned a lot about love and how heavy the word 'love' is.
byulieeeheartt
#7
Chapter 41: Thank you for writing this story Authornim. Such a good story, thank you for your hardwork, you've done really well. Stay healthy and Happy Authornim.
byulieeeheartt
#8
Chapter 41: Omyghad Authornim, I was reading this at the office and I cried HAHAHAHAHA and then I laughed then cried again. I felt a lot of emotions because of this. It was well written, as someone like me a total noob when it comes to love and relationship, I thought it would be like 'When you love someone and it's reciprocated, that's it you're both happy' but with this I learned the complication of human emotions (I sound like a robot lol but I'm just find it hard to empathize or sympathize emotions) and its relation to the concept of love.
chocochipc00kie
#9
Chapter 33: Oh wow. That was your 1st time writing that??? It was so elaborate!!! Better than others that I've read!
chocochipc00kie
#10
Chapter 26: OMG THE CAB DRIVER LOL

Gosh i will be a mess during work later. 2.5hrs left yo sleep. I can't stop readiiinggggg