ATTENTION ****** Some parts are INTENTIONALLY copied so do not skip them .

Enjoy~

 

 

Everything had ended where i got stuck in a very heavy traffic that caused me to be late for a first impression which i must have been there 30 minutes sooner .

When i got there , from the top of the Han river bridge , i saw cops , police cars and ambulances where all standig in the rivershore and some of the cops were searching for something in the water with powerful lighs in their hands . Some other people who had worn divers clothes were waiting to dive in the river .

I passed the bridge and got myself there . Some cops stopped me from getting any nearer and i was told that i shouldn't be there , but i could see a very fragile and lame body was taken out from the water and the emergency nurses were trying to save him by taking water out of his lungs but it didn't seem to work .
His body was totally lame .

This was my first time seeing him .
And of course last time .

He was compelety different from what he had explained about himself .

He always used to picture himself as a very big boy with a strong attitude who could stand against all of his problems .
A huge tree that no wind could make it crooked .

But the little boy who was soaked and committed suicide by jumping down from the bridge was nowhere near what i imagined .

The cop was still trying to push me away from the area so i took some steps back and as i saw him off gaurd i asked

"Is he alive?"

 

***

 

Sunday , March 20th 2015

After months of working extra times in the insurance company , i could spend Sunday in my own house .

I decided to live my life normally at least for a day . What would normal people do in Sundays?! They probably take a warm bath and relax , or they'll invite friends to have a show_off party . Some go to churchs to pray despite some people who go to _bars and waste million of money which can easily be equal to what i earn in a year from working in insurance company _ adding those extra times_ to just a beautiful girl...well whatever, who said i was normal?!

I passed the mirror but i didn't look at it on purpose .
I knew i was still wearing my uniform with many wrinkles on its white fabric . A very loose dark brown tie around my neck . My short black hair was probably a mess . I think about being bald very often because i don't really have time to take care of my hair .
Let alone those black holes around my eyes and some rediculous pimples on different parts of my face which my co_workers called acne!

Why would i look at my picture in the mirror when i knew everything about the way i looked like everyday .
I was probably the ugliest man ever .

People who spend hours of watching themselves in the mirror are the stupidest creatures ever .

An unormal guy like me , starts his Sunday morning sipping on his cold bitter coffee with an empty stomach from last night whilst he's sitting on his sofa and trying to start his old laptop , thinking "is there anyone as unormal as me in the world?!"

And right when i was being presuade that i'm the most unormal guy existing in the univers i was introduced to another unormal guy like me .

 

***

The outfits i tried on one by one weren't worth the numbers i could see on their price tickets . Just like that , i decided to wear my usual black pants and sneakers and the grey pullover which suited me way more than all those stupid luxury cloths .

What was the use of dressing up when i never ever could act like all those other gentlemen in striped suits and talk with a high prestige "Hello! It's my honor to meet you!" Ew that's so unlike me!
My best try would come out like asking the only question i wanted to ask the very first moment i'd lay my eyes on him "Hey! Are you that stupid guy?" Along with a very forcefull smile on my face .

Of course it was so rude to be like that in the first impression but Come on!! Who cares? I'm Choi Minho after all!

Sunset set the alley on fire . The meeting was set on six , Way faaar from where i lived . like the other side of the world!
So i decided to just ignore this time for saving my money which i earned so hard to take a cab and do not walk all the way to the destination at least for once in my life .

Not to forget that it just took some minutes before i deeply regreted my decision as i got stuck in the heavy traffic because of the awful accident which had happened in highway ... and it was almost 6!

 

***

 

**

Before being an insurance company employer i used to have a very odd way of earning money .

I used to hack!

Earning money as a hacker is easier than what you think .
Family problems , Companies competitions even some stupid highschool students who wanted to find their crush informations through their school sites could have been your targets to make money .

I didn't really care what i was asked to hack . I hacked everything if they gave me the amount of money i needed .

But i was aware of some governmental systematic issues so i never got inches close to them in the dark web .
Who wanted to spend the rest of his life in the jails anyway?!

Hacking was one of my favorite things in the world . It was truely fun to do your favorite thing in your favorite Sunday , wasn't it?!

I was so smart and keen when it came to Programming language . I knew it all ! Like ALL!

But instead of using it to hack some huge sites in the dark web like governmental sites or some celebrities _ which were hell of a joy_ i decided to go through a very normal weblog .

A personal weblog with only 2 active people .

But with me entering it the definition of Personal was taken to another level .

It was the strangest weblog i had ever seen in my life .
By saying strange , i don't mean that you could see some heads in the fridge or a fried finger served as a hotdog ! Those kind if things were normal in my idea .

 The weblog was amateurly protected that only one IP could go through the security to enter the weblog _ except for me_ .

But the strange thing about that weblog was the diaries you could see were written which the oldest one belonged to 2006!

All those diaries looked like a kid's diaries who could write them in a week excitedly but get bored of it easily .

Curiosity took over me as i decided to take a look at the oldest diary which had also a few dictation mistakes .

" Tuesday , july 18th 2006

Hello! My name is Min~ haha
I got a mini_laptop for my birthday . From now on i will be typing my things in here .
But no one should read these except for Taemin and I! Because my life is really really private!"

I couldn't help but to smile at the childlish sentences when i imagined a little 12 years kid with the attitude of owning the universe .

I guessed that Min was a girl and Taemin was probably her beloved brother or someone she had enough crush on to let him enter her privacy .

The curiosity led me to read further blogs one by one .
That kid had written every little thing that happened in her daily life . From the ice_cream flavour she had eaten to some of her classmates love confession which she declined and caused her to cry the whole night because she thought no one could ever fall for her again . Even when she got F for her math test and she didn't show it to her strict and angry mother .
I couldn't help but to smile at her cuteness and pureness . Sometimes i laughed out loud .
I read and read and read till i found out that there was a hiatus between some blogs for months after the weblog was active for a year and half .
And the very first update after Min's absence was nowhere near what it should have sounded like .

Weblog didn't belonged to Min anymore! It was Taemins .

 

"Monday, November 5th , 2007

Hello! Min's dead"

 

I couldn't take my eyes off the screen after reading the short text .
The sadness i suddenly felt was so odd even for myself .
It felt like i missed someone i had known for my entire life .

 

 

***

It was the third time i had talked to Taemin .
I wanted to see him in person . Although it was only some few months i had found his weblog , but reading all of his diaries made me feel like i had known him for all his 22 years old age .

Not to mention had i was so stressed to say it .
I had always have the phobia to be rejected  , but before i regret my decision i puffed the dust on the keyboard away and started to type

"Shall we meet up?"

 

.

It was the stupidest thing ever .
The most rediculous thing i had ever came up with in my entire existence!

Because after that i got no reply from Taemin in 2 days .
The day i was totally hopeless , as i got home i sat behind my laptop and started it with no hope and enetered weblong .

To my surprise , there was a short answer upon my question "Yes!"

Yes
YES
ing Yes!!

I couldn't be more happy that i couldn't even help myself not to shout out loud with happiness .

I was going to meet Taemin .
Next sunday , On the dongjak bridge , at 6 p.m .

 

 

***

 

 

Reading Taemin's diaries soon became like a sweet habit to me . I spent my whole day thinking about them .
Sometimes i even got scolded by that bastard manager because i was floated in thinking too much .

I took a note to take revenge from Taemin because of being scold . If i got to see him one day .

That day was just like the other days .

As i came back home i started to eat that cold pizza which i ordered when i was in Insurance Company while reading the rest of diaries .

What took my attention recently was Taemin looked really strange as he grew up . A totally awkward human .

Although all the texts were written in my own language i thought i needed subtitles or someone to translate them .
I could get nothing from all those nonesenses he had written .

"Wednesday, February 28th, 2012

It wasn't the worst day i ever had but it was a bad day .
Sometimes i think there isn't any place for me in the world .
I hate the way they look at me . If they don't want me , why don't they throw me away look all those trashes ?
It is not hard at all"

Reading those texts made me feeling like i was reading a book with so many events and no names! I knew something was wrong with Taemin but i didn't know what! all i could see was those texts and nothing more .
Min's texts were detailed and full of extra explanations but all Taemin had written were naggings and naggings and naggings .
I somehow felt like missing Min .
I wanted to know how did a 13 year old kid die!?

Fortunately , i got my answer some blogs after reading the last one .

And of course it made me choke on my pizza .

 

"Wednesday, November 25th , 2013

Today is christmas .
I got no 'merry christmas' messages nor any gifts not even wanting to Santa anymore not even desinged no Christmas tree .

All i did was to sit behind the window watching snows fall down wistfully . My hateful parents were off to streets to celebrate Christmas eve with crowds and probably dance and shout and drink until they get home drunk .
I am prisoned in home just like the other New Years , like a pet .
It is all my own fault .
If i didn't have that accident years ago , if i didn't have a disabled leg , if i didn't slower their speed , if i wasn't a burden to them i could go out too .
My happiness ended when Min was dead .
When i killed him"

I was shocked?
Yeah, probably .
Maybe it was the most honest text Taemin had written up to that time .
To understand that he had an accident that left him a disabled leg plus having such a jerk parents was so sad .
But i couldn't help myself but to hate him knowing that he confessed he killed my lovely Min .
That one_leged monster had killed Min!

 

 

***

 

 

The first time Taemin sensed my existence in weblog was so funny .
I was reading the texts as usual when i unintentionally typed some nonsesense words and before i could react it was sent .
To my bad luck , Taemin was online and as he saw something he knew he didn't send it himself , he immediately typed "Who the hell are you?!"
Although for someone like me who knew him well enough it was so rude to use those phrases but mentioning that i intruded his privacy i was desreved it all . If it was me instead of Taemin i would've said "What kind of ing bastard are you?" Or something worse .

But the second time was way better .
We talked for four hours non_stop .
I told him that i read all his diaries and i understand him _ which wasn't completely true _ and he said he was happy he finally had someone to talk to and to express his real feelings to someone .
By that , i understood that you couldn't only make money by hack , but you could also make friends! Not a normal random guy you see on the streets but an unormal and cool one just like myself!

Even if he had only one leg .

 

 

***

 

 

 

It was a rainy day .
An unormal guy like me would walk home and pretends that he's so damn romantic that would enjoy getting wet so he wouldn't pay for cab .
If i had a very close friend he would've laughed at me and call me an .
Luckily i don't have someone that rude around me and in fact i don't have any friends .
Right... except Taemin .

When i got home i took off all my cloths and took a blanket over myself , .
Wearing cloths was a good idea but you need to feel it when your bare skin touches the cozy blanket it feels so good , seriously!

I brought the laptop and placed it on my tummy and started to do my sweet habit again .

After reading for months i finally reached to the end of 2014 and i couldn't wait to read his daily updates and it made me so excited .

 

"Friday ,October 9th , 2014

Today, I decided to go out alone . When i told mom she didn't even utter a word but by her hand posture i knew she meant "just go to hell" . Yes , right . To hell!

It was awesome at first . Although my speed but at least i was enjoying the open air .
It's all Min's fault he never lets me live my life!!!
He started to talk with his ing sweet voice about everything even that stupid ice_cream we ate with eachother until i lost my sense of concentrate and when i bike hit me we both fell to the ground . That bike man weren't okay with only apologizing so i had no choice but to call my parents . He got a huge amount of money to let go and when we came back home they made my life a living hell!
Mom was super angry "I ing told you not to go out !! You paralysis useless" she said and pointed at me directly , like i didn't know she meant me! I don't remember her saying something like that anyway .
It's all Min's fault .
Killing you in myself was the best thing i had ever done!"

Hackers are smart people amd being the smartest one i immediately got the point .
Min and Taemin were one!
Actually Min was Taemin's happy soul who left him after the accident he had and the hiatus between his texts probably referred to the time after the accident .
I didn't hate him anymore . Plus i wanted Min to comeback .

 

 

 

***

 

 

It was the third time i had talked to Taemin .
I wanted to see him in person . Although it was only some few months i had found his weblog , but reading all of his diaries made me feel like i had known him for all the 22 years ages he had .

Not to mention had i was so stressed to say it .
I had always have the phobia to be rejected  , but before i regret my decision i puffed the dust on the keyboard away and started to type

"Shall we meet up?"

"Yes!"

 

 

 

***

 

 

The last text i got to read before Taemin relized someone was there except him belonged to two days ago .

 

"Thursday, March 17th , 2015

I'm tired .
I'm sick of it all .
I can't do anything i'm totally a useless . I can't go anywhere with this ing disabled leg nor i can get a job . It's been years i'm struggling with this ed up life and i'm totally sick of it .
I wanted to kill myself but i don't have the balls to jump down nor i can stand blood .
I decided to take as many pills as i could but when i got that mom threw away all the pills probably because of ecpiration date , i realized that i had no luck even in committing suicide!
Min , i want you back!"

 

I wanted Min back too!

 

 

***

 

 

Everything had ended where i got stuck in a very heavy traffic that caused me to be late for a first impression which i must have been there 30 minutes sooner .

When i got there , from the top of the Han river bridge , i saw cops , police cars and ambulances where all standig in the rivershore and some of the cops were searching for something in the water with powerful lighs in their hands . Some other people who had worn divers clothes were waiting to dive in the river .

I passed the bridge and got myself there . Some cops stopped me from getting any nearer and i was told that i shouldn't be there , but i could see a very fragile and lame body was taken out from the water and the emergency nurses were trying to save him by taking water out of his lungs but it didn't seem to work .
His body was totally lame .

This was my first time seeing him .
And of course last time .

He was compelety different from what he had explained about himself .

He always used to picture himself as a very big boy with a strong attitude who could stand against all of his problems .
A huge tree that no wind could make it crooked .

But the little boy who was soaked and committed suicide by jumping down from the bridge was nowhere near what i imagined .

The cop was still trying to push me away from the area so i took some steps back and as i saw him off gaurd i asked

"Is he alive?"

The cop totally ignored me , instead he went to a guy who claimed that he was there and saw when Taemin jumped down .
I could see his body gestures but i couldn't hear what he was trying to say .
As i got closer his words got clearer "No no no i'm pretty sure it wasn't a suicide . He looked like he was waiting for someone and suddenly a loud sound which i don't know what it was sturtled him . He had a disabled leg and he was so close to the edge , he couldn't keep his balance and he fell down . I tried to run over and save him but it was too late."

My confused gaze returned to cop "Is he alive?" I asked once again .

And miraculously he replied "He's dead."

I choked .
Couldn't even hear my heartbeat for seconds .
I silently walked back , eyes still locked to the lame body over there .

I didn't even see him nor talk to him at least for once .

Min... took him away .

 

 

 

___________________________________________________

 

A/N : I'm so sorry ㅠㅠ

Actually this oneshot was inspired by an old dream i had back in 2014 . It wasn't actually the same as oneshot but i remember i was reading someone's diaries too . I developed that dream to a onesot i hope it doesn't .

Plus forgive my English ㅋㅋ

Taeran~