Mina’s eyes followed her every movement. She couldn’t believe how a girl could possibly move like that, dripping with confidence.

 

At the beginning of the dance practice Mina felt really incompetent. Everyone else kept succeeding with the new dance, Momo smiling prettily in the mirror every time she nailed a move, but Mina didn’t get to feel the same euphoria of success. Maybe it had to do with the fact that she kept looking at the other girls and not focusing on her performance but a voice inside her head convinced that the looking was purely for research, to see how to move better, better like Momo.

 

If only she could do ballet again, if she could move gracefully and slow like she was used to. All this fast moving around, jumping and crumping and what not kept her head swirling.

Five

six

seven

eight,

how long can this take?

 

Why won’t you notice me

Why won’t you see me

The way I always see you

Can you feel my heart beating

Only for you, for you I’m breathing

 

The blackness that seeps in me

You fill with light

I can be the swan that can fly

If you are with me,

soaring the sky

 

It was a hobby of hers, writing down her feelings in a small black notebook, hidden under her mattress. The other girls didn’t know about, couldn’t know about it or they would demand to read it. She would die of shame since every other entry was about Momo, something about her smile, about her laugh. How her nose crunches a little and small noises escape when she’s confused. Everything about her, Mina absolutely adores it all.

 

“Hey Mina, wanna get some ice cream?” the other girl says so nonchalantly, like it wasn’t a big deal but Mina felt her heart jumping to . Of course Momo could ask her that, it’s not like it was something special, they do it with all the girls, not like Mina was special, but to Mina, Momo was special.

 

They walked the small distance to the corner store where they could buy the most delicious turtle-shaped chocolate ice cream in comforting silence, sometimes talking in low voices. Mina’s head screamed at her how couple-like everything was. All it missed was the hand holding, but that was just swinging for the stars. She knew it wouldn’t be possible without crushing her heart with the rejection Momo probably would give. It was all okay on stage where the fans loved every second of their interactions but off stage it was a completely different thing. Momo didn’t like people touching her, coming too close. Mina understood that, she felt the same but she wouldn’t have minded if Momo came a little closer.

 

Closer than she already was, offering Mina a taste from her ice cream. Momo had chosen something different today, explaining it with “it’s a special day today.” Mina had been a little puzzled since then, she couldn’t understand why it would be a special day.

It wasn’t Momo’s birthday, no.

It wasn’t Mina’s birthday either.

Nothing out of the extraordinary had happened that day.

Why is it special?

 

“Hey, I saw you kind of out of it at practise today.”

Mina’s insides felt heavy, filled with lead. If Momo had noticed that as well, that means she really did an awful job. All the insecurities came back and she couldn’t help but to look down at her feet. Momo noticed that as well and didn’t like what she saw at all.

“Hey,” a warm hand came to hold Mina’s cheek and she looked up in surprise, “I didn’t mean it like that. You weren’t awful as a dancer, I meant that you looked like something was on your mind.”

 

Mina stiffened and felt warmth rush into her cheeks because all that was on her mind was her, the girl standing in front of her, holding her face and looking at her with concern in her eyes.

“You can talk to me about it if you want,” the girl said, still way too close for comfort. Mina either wanted to end her torture and pull away from Momo or break her heart by pulling Momo even closer, making her lips touch the red and shiny ones she had been imagining for ages and then getting ready to the rejection that would come next.

She snapped herself out of it, remembering that a question had been asked.
“No, it’s not a big deal. I was just a little tired today, that’s all.”

 

Momo still didn’t look convinced but Mina wasn’t surprised. She wouldn’t buy her explanation either, the look on her face screamed anything else but fatigue. Momo’s thumb began moving on her face, deepening the blush that already grazed her face. Something about the way her eyes wandered from her eyes to her lips made Mina warm inside but at the same time so self conscious. She felt anxious and wanted to steer the conversation out of herself and onto something else. “So, why is it a special day?”

 

Momo gave her a small smile as an answer. “You’ll see” she only mysteriously said.

 

They finished their ice creams on the way back to their dorm. Mina would have suspected Momo chatting more. Somewhere deep in her heart she also wished that the special thing happening today would’ve been with her but with every step getting closer to home, the idea seems very unlikely. It didn’t hurt her heart as much anymore. She had started to get used to the feeling of craving for Momo’s attention but then not getting it directly. Somewhere from the other side of the room she could spare glances at Mina but never taking direct contact. Once she had sent Sana to ask if everything was okay with Mina, not even bothering to do that herself. Thinking about all this, how when the door in front of them would open to seven other girls Momo would be whisked away from her side, she really didn’t want to step in. Mina had already taken hold of the door handle but couldn’t finish the job and open it.

 

“Mina,” a soft voice came behind her. The sound almost brought tears to her eyes, knowing it would never be with the intent Mina craved from Momo. She couldn’t bare to look behind her and see the way the street lights would illuminate her face, make her shine even more than she naturally does.

 

“Please,” the other girl continued. Mina didn’t know what she was asking for but the desperation in her voice made her turn around. Mina would never do something that would cause Momo pain. She would rather be in pain herself.

 

The girls looked each other in the eyes but neither said anything.

“Can you say something, I don’t want to hear to my room again how you’re crying yourself to sleep. It hurts me too, you know. Can you please share with me what’s making you sad. I promise I’ll do everything to help you be happy again.”

Mina again was in the verge of tears, just wishing that Momo would actually mean what she was saying. It wasn’t like she could do anything about her feelings. If Mina was meant to be in the side lines and alone then so be it, it wasn’t Momo’s problem. But if she only had this one chance before she would have to retreat back to her shell, she would use this to stop her from wanting something she’ll never have.

 

“I don’t understand, I mean, Can you tell my, why is it a special day?” The other side of Mina kept hoping but the other side, the stronger side kept drawing shadows over everything and thinking the worst. With the pause Momo was having gathering her thoughts, Mina used it to prepare her heart again for the micro heart break it always had to endure when Momo would cuddle with Jeongyeon or talk about food with Sana and see how her eyes lit up when Dahyun did something ridiculous.

 

“You.”

“Excuse me?” Mina was confused to say the least.

 

“You are what makes today special. You make every single day special. Every time I get to see your face or hear your voice my heart feels lighter, I feel like I can walk on the moon. Sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe when you put your hair in a ponytail or you smile so wide that your gums are showing. Today is a special day because I decided that I can’t just sit by and look how Chaeyoung always cling to you and imagine the time your lips touched mine for a second when Sana pushed us together with the chocolate-stick-thing that I can’t remember what it’s called because you completely render by brain useless. I know it’s crazy and wrong but I’m sorry, I can’t help myself. I’m completely and hopelessly in love with you.”

 

A small laughter bubbles up from Mina, something that she can’t remember when was the last time she felt that happy. If she had only known all this, she could’ve happily eaten her ice cream from Momo’s lips and hold her hand and swipe her hair from face and oh god she was already too in the girlfriend thing even though she wasn’t anyone’s girlfriend yet, not with the way she still kept laughing at poor Momo who didn’t understand the situation and was probably thinking it off as a rejection. That made Mina square up and compose herself, wiping some stray tears of happiness falling from her cheeks. All she still could muster up out of mouth was “How long?”

“How long what?”

“How long have you thought like this?”

 

A blush rose to Momo’s cheeks with that. “I can’t remember, probably always. The only thing that made me cry when I got eliminated from sixteen was the fact that I couldn’t debut with you and I would probably need to say goodbye forever to you. It broke my heart and I felt like I couldn’t function without you. You can’t even imagine how happy I was when I got back. I freaking got back to you, I missed you so much even in the short time that I wasn’t part of the show and filmings.”

 

“You idiot! How didn’t you notice I was crying too, just because I couldn’t debut with you!”

 

“Yes, you heard right. I wanted to debut with you. Hell I couldn’t have cared less if I hadn’t gotten to debut, I just kept rooting for you. I wished all the happiness that the world could offer would be given at your feet.”

Momo kept denying everything she was hearing. She was so certain that she wouldn’t get out of this conversation with a smile on her face, that’s why there was a huge tube of ice cream in their freezer. But now when she didn’t need to execute that plan, she couldn’t feel happier.

 

“So, you’re saying that…?”

“That I’m in love with you too!”

 

It was like a bubble had broken, how like in a snap of the fingers both of the girls surged forward, Momo’s hands founding their rightful place holding Mina’s face. Soft lips met even softer ones in a slow, curious kiss. Everything Mina had been conscious about, the kiss told her there was nothing to worry about. Momo was taking it even further but Mina had to stop her, not that she did it willingly.

 

“Do you happen to remember where we are?” Momo still too dazed with the fact that the person she loved kissed her back couldn’t understand how the place related to anything.

“Well, if we get caught making out in front of our dorm, I’m pretty sure we’ll be getting some delicious gossip magazine headlines out of that plus everything that we would get from out manager oppa.”

Momo looked a little embarrassed that she didn’t even think anything along those lines, Everything that filled Momo’s mind was something it would be really inappropriate to say, especially to an idol.

 

“Plus, I have a feeling that when we get it going, we’re not going to stop. I’ve been dreaming about this for so long and I’m not going to stop living my dream when it just began. Inside, now.”

 

Hand in hand the opened the door and rushed inside, not caring about the looks the other girls shot at their way running past them or when they slammed the door to Momo’s room shut. They could explain everything in the morning.

 

Only problem was that Jeongyeon didn't have a clue where she will be sleeping...