Again and Again

Thirty Days is a Lifetime

 

 

I.

 

When they met, ice thawed from the treetops and the farmers began to cultivate the land. Hyejin hates this time of year. Despite being glad that she didn’t have to bundle up in several shawls, she found herself alone. She was the only one out of her family that was just a little too weak and a little too small to help her family in tending the onions and cabbages. So Hyejin wandered.

Hyejin played by herself in the untended forest, safe enough to travel to other villages but not rich enough to plow new fields. She would pick at the grass and try to climb the trees, but always slid down because her grip wasn’t sturdy. It was dull, but it was enough to preoccupy her time until she had to return home.

It stopped being boring when Hyejin found her. One day, Hyejin stared up at the branches that allowed bits of sunlight to shine through the forest. Her ears perked up when she heard a bush rustle and she immediately sat up. There weren’t many animals that made themselves known so easily.

Quietly, Hyejin inched towards the bush. She didn’t know what she going to do when she confronted the animal. It had the possibility of being as harmless as a rabbit or as dangerous as a baby bear, but her curiosity got the best of her.  When she rounded the corner, Hyejin’s eyes widened.

A kid with black hair that reached her shoulders stared back at her. “You’re not a bear,” Hyejin said.

“No, I’m not a bear!” she huffed. “I’m a Wheein!”

Hyejin tilted her head. “A Wheein?”

Wheein nodded. “A Wheein.”

“Oh.” Hyejin noticed a leaf sticking out of Wheein’s hair, but didn’t say anything. “I’m Hyejin.”

“Hello, Hyejin,” Wheein waved as a greeting.

Finding Wheein more interesting than climbing the trees, Hyejin planted herself on the ground and crossed her legs. “Where are you from?”

Wheein pointed to behind her, which led to the other village the farmers would sometimes visit. That explained why Hyejin never saw her before. She remembered her parents refusing to bring her along because they insisted that the walk would be exhausting for her. Hyejin assumed it was an excuse for her to stay at home.

“Are you lost?” Hyejin asked.

Wheein shook her head. “I don’t have anyone to play with. I wandered off on my own.”

“Are there no kids where you live too?” Hyejin ripped off pieces of grass and blew it towards Wheein. She smiled when Wheein laughed and copied her.

“Nuh uh,” Wheein said. “There are other kids, but they don’t like me.”

Hyejin furrowed her eyebrows. “Why don’t they like you?”

Shrugging, Wheein twirled a piece of grass between their fingertips. “I don’t know. Maybe they find me weird.”

“Well, you don’t need to play with them.” Hyejin stood up and offered her hand towards Wheein. “You can play with me.”

“Really?” Wheein’s eyes lit up in excitement. However, she pursed her lips as she looked over Hyejin in doubt. “I don’t know if I want to play with someone that mistook me for a bear.”

“Hey, being compared to a bear should be a compliment!” Hyejin insisted. “They’re super strong and rule over forests.”

Wheein hummed. “Okay!” She took Hyejin’s hand and the latter helped Wheein to stand on her feet. “What do you want to do?”

They spent their days picking flowers and climbing trees, laughing until sunset. Wheein always had to leave by then, but promised she would come see Hyejin tomorrow.

In the spring, Wheein would throw together flower crowns and Hyejin would pretend to hate how it looked on her. In the summer, they chased the cicadas and talked about staying up late to watch the fireflies together when they were grew up. In the fall, they brought each other extra food their mothers made and crushed the dead leaves under their feet.

During the winter, Hyejin waited in the forest with her shawl and a scarf her mother knitted. As Hyejin rubbed her hands together, she took note of how her footprints made a trail on the snow. She forgot that the forest was a lonely place.

She knew what Wheein would say when she saw Hyejin waiting. Wheein would laugh and point out how Hyejin resembled a bear prepared for hibernation. Hyejin already knew that Wheein’s cheeks and nose would be red from the cold.

Hyejin waited, refusing to leave her spot. She stared at the snow that clumped on the straining branches. It wasn’t until her mother came looking for her that it was already dark and Wheein never came.

Despite her parents’ protests, Hyejin waited inside the forest. Wheein was probably sick, given the winter season. But winter turned into spring and spring turned into summer. When it reached nightfall and Hyejin watched the fireflies by herself, she knew that Wheein wasn’t coming back. She walked home and wondered why Wheein decided to stop playing with her, but had a feeling that she would never know why.




 

II.

 

When they met, they were in the hub of civilization. Hyejin never pictured herself meeting royalty, much less serving the crown princess. Yongsun was a lot more fun than how Hyejin imagined a princess should act. She never got mad when Hyejin accidentally let out a snappy remark, instead laughing out of surprise. However, Hyejin knew it was foolish for Yongsun to consider her as a friend and did her best to only focus on her job.

When she was told by the head servant to watch over the new maid, Hyejin didn’t expect to grow close to the recruit. Wheein proved her wrong. They were soon known by the rest of the staff as the only ones that were allowed—more accurately the only ones brave enough—to joke around with Yongsun. They poked fun whenever they believed Yongsun was acting too tense around them, joking around until Yongsun could only laugh at their antics.

Wheein and Hyejin were bustling with energy and often found themselves talking in their shared room instead of sleeping. How they managed to wake up on time everyday was a mystery.

“I decided to take this job to help my parents,” Wheein admitted. Her eyes were closed as she laid her head down on Hyejin’s lap. Hyejin hummed as she massaged Wheein’s temples. Wheein often complained about headaches and Hyejin claimed it was due to her constant thinking. “As soon as I have enough money, I’m going back.”

Hyejin paused her movements, pondering. She resumed rubbing Wheein’s head with her thumb. She tried to focus on the patterns she made rather than the resolve in the other’s voice. “What do you plan to do when you’re back home?”

“I don’t know,” Wheein sighed. “I really like singing, but I also enjoy creating art.” She opened her eyes and Hyejin thought they were the brightest thing in the room. “What do you think, Hyejin?”

Hyejin didn’t say what was on her mind. “You’ll do great in whatever you choose to do.”

Wheein grinned. “Thank you, Hyejin.”

A year later, tears started to form on Wheein’s eyes when Hyejin went to see her leave. Hyejin wiped them away before they could fall. “You’re going to do great,” she whispered. She assured Wheein that even when she left, Hyejin was going to annoy Yongsun for the both of them. That elicited a shaky laugh from Wheein and Hyejin smiled.

When Wheein was no longer in sight, Hyejin stayed where she was standing. The feeling of missing something, the feeling of knowing a good thing has ended. It was familiar.




 

V.

 

When they met, something told Hyejin that it wasn’t the first time. She stared at Wheein, taking in the black hair that reached past her shoulders and the dimple in her smile. She saw her before, but couldn’t figure out when.

“Hyejin?” She was shaken out of her thoughts when Wheein called out to her. “Hurry up, already! I don’t want to miss the festival.”

Before Hyejin could respond, Wheein her heel and continued running towards the distant sound of people laughing. There was always a festival on the night of the full moon, but Wheein was intent on not missing on this one. Hyejin took in the sight of the fireflies floating and a retreating Wheein. For some reason, Hyejin was sad.




 

VII.

 

“Hi, my name’s—”

“Jung Wheein,” Hyejin blurted out.

Wheein blinked, forming a little ‘o.’ She smiled. “You already know my name?” There was smugness in her voice when she said, “I guess I made a great first impression.”

Hyejin chuckled. “Yeah, I guess so.” She hid the confusion she was experiencing. She hadn’t even heard of Wheein’s name until it left her lips.




 

V(?).

 

Hyejin recognized Wheein. She recognized her eyes, her laugh, her smile. She remembered Wheein from events that never happened in her twenty-two years of living.




 

X.

 

This was the first time Wheein was by Hyejin’s side for her entire life. This was the first time Hyejin saw Wheein die.

Wheein turned in bed and Hyejin held her hand. It was cold, it was freezing. She smiled and Hyejin resisted the urge to cry.

“I’m glad you’re with me,” Wheein murmured. “I’m glad it’s you.”

Wheein’s voice was so warm, her eyes were so bright. If Hyejin wasn’t holding her hand, she would have tricked herself into thinking that it was going to be alright.

“You’re going to be fine, Wheein,” Hyejin whispered. Hurt flashed on Wheein’s eyes and Hyejin didn’t know why until Wheein reached up to wipe her face. Wheein’s fingers were cold as she wiped away Hyejin’s hot tears. Hyejin shook as if she was the one that was freezing to death.

“It’s going to be alright,” Wheein said. “Thank you, Hyejin.”

Hyejin wanted to stop crying, wanted to stop worrying Wheein. “For what?”

As if it was the funniest thing in the world, Wheein chuckled. “For existing, Hyejin. For being a part of my life.”

With their hands interlaced and Hyejin kneeling by Wheein’s bedside, they fell asleep. When Hyejin woke up, Wheein had let go of her hand and there was no trace of a smile on her face. Once again, Wheein left her.

Knowing there was nobody to worry about her, Hyejin sobbed inside her cottage. Hyejin hated winter. She hated it.

 

 


 

XII.

 

After staying up to the point of getting dark circles under her eyes, Hyejin had the realization that Wheein was the only consistent thing in her life. Wheein was the only consistent thing in all of her lives. She hoped that wouldn’t change.




 

XV.

 

Wheein seemed different in this life. Her smile was softer, surprisingly shy as she hid her laughter behind her hands. She hugged Hyejin from behind, burying her face in Hyejin’s neck. “Don’t leave me.” It was a whisper in the night, the only sound Hyejin could make out besides the crickets’ chirping.

Hyejin shivered as Wheein’s breath touched her skin. That’s what Hyejin should be saying.

She chuckled, trying to make the situation lighter. “Of course I will. You’re stuck with me.”

Fingers curled around Hyejin’s shirt and she froze when she felt lips press against her cheek. “Wheein?” she breathed.

Wheein didn’t respond. She tightened her grip around Hyejin’s waist. In this life, Wheein never kissed her again and Hyejin never questioned it.




 

XVIII.

 

In this life, Hyejin broke her promise. Wheein was so different. While her voice was barely a whisper as her life drifted away, she screamed and she sobbed as Hyejin was dying.

“I’m sorry,” Wheein forced out. Her hands settled on Hyejin’s stomach. Blood stained Wheein’s fingers and Hyejin kept thinking about how she was hurting Wheein. Even if Wheein would forget the next life, Hyejin didn’t want to ever worry her. Hyejin knew she couldn’t say it was alright, that she was fine, that she wasn’t scared. She was afraid that if she closed her eyes, she would wake up to a world and find that Wheein wasn’t with her.

Hands gingerly attempted to tear Wheein away and she fought back, begging to stay by Hyejin’s side. “I’m sorry,” is the last thing Hyejin heard as her eyes drifted shut.

That’s what Hyejin should be saying.




 

(???).

 

For some reason, Wheein trembled under Hyejin’s touch. It was nowhere near winter. “What’s wrong?” Hyejin asked.

Wheein’s hands tightened on the railing. Hyejin settled her hand over Wheein’s clenched fist. “You know you can tell me anything, right?” Hyejin continued. “I got your back.”

“I…” Wheein looked down. “I know. That’s why I can’t say anything.”

The wind picked up Wheein’s hair and Hyejin couldn’t read her expression. “What do you mean?”

“You’re going to leave me,” Wheein said. “If I say it, you’re going to leave.”

Hyejin’s heart twinged. “No I’m not,” she said. She was never more sure. “I care about you too much. If anything, you might leave me.”

Wheein chuckled. It was hesitant. “That’s stupid.”

“Just tell me.” Hyejin nudged her. “You’ll feel better.”

The beating of her heart wouldn’t calm down as Hyejin listened to Wheein take a deep breath. Even though life was bustling in front of them, Hyejin only saw her.

“I love you.” Wheein faced Hyejin. “I love you so much.”

Hyejin stared at Wheein, catching the way her hands shook as if it was winter, catching the way Wheein’s eyes focused on her. “I do too.”

Wheein’s eyes widened. “Y-you do?”

“Yes. I love you, Jung Wheein.” She laughed and Wheein stared at her in awe. “I always have.”

She cupped Wheein’s cheeks and kissed her forehead, her nose. She brushed her lips against Wheein’s and whispered, “And I always will.”




 

(???).

 

Wheein was late and Hyejin was afraid that this was it. This meant she was truly alone. But when it rained and Hyejin forgot an umbrella, she was approached by a girl with short, black hair.

“We can share if you want, stranger,” Wheein smiled.

Hyejin nodded, a smile playing on her lips. “Thank you.”

In every life, she she clung onto Wheein. If she let her guard down, if she began to let her anxiety slip away, she worried that Wheein would leave her for good. Wheein was the only reason Hyejin could cope with the lives she left behind.

 

(???).

 

Hyejin figured that it made sense. Just because Wheein found her in every life, that didn’t mean Wheein would love her the way Hyejin loved her in every life.

With a smile on her face, Hyejin watched Wheein talk to a ‘friend’ on the phone. Wheein’s eyes sparkled as she laughed over a joke their friend made. It reminded Hyejin of the times Wheein confessed, the times she confessed to Wheein. Wheein was in love with whoever she was talking to.

Hyejin recalled Wheein explaining that she met them during classes. Hyejin was happy for Wheein.

It didn’t matter if Wheein’s feelings was different towards her each time. In the end, Wheein cared about her more than anything and Hyejin felt the same. In the end, Wheein was still with Hyejin. That was enough.

 

(???).

 

When they met, the two shared a dream. They promised each other that they would perform on the same stage, show everyone that they were the ultimate duo.

However, things didn’t go as planned. Instead of a duo, they debuted with two other girls named Yongsun and Byulyi. Hyejin was fine with that. She recognized Yongsun, but knew that like Wheein, she wouldn’t remember the past.

“Hey, Wheein?” Hyejin called out.

“Hmm?” Wheein lifted her head, revealing black hair that didn’t reach her shoulders. Hyejin loved her blonde hair, but she loved this look on Wheein as well. It was familiar.

“Thank you,” Hyejin said.

Wheein scoffed. “For what?” She dramatically struck a pose and Hyejin laughed. “For being your amazing and beautiful girlfriend?”

“For existing, Wheein,” Hyejin admitted. “I’m grateful that I get to live at the same time as you do.”

Speechless, Wheein’s smile was lopsided and tender. “That’s what I should be saying, Hyejin.”

Again and again, Wheein was worth it. She made every loss, every ache, worth it.

 

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[Author's Note:] This is my first attempt at a reincarnation AU! Haha, I don't really read those kind of aus so I don't know if I did a good job. Tell me what you think!

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Comments

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Kdyc16 #1
Chapter 4: Loved the fic! Stay safe!
girlofeternity_ss #2
Chapter 4: This is a nice touch. I didn't expect this to be a part of the story.
girlofeternity_ss #3
Chapter 3: 😂 That's why communication is almost always the key.
girlofeternity_ss #4
Chapter 2: The dialogues are brilliantly funny. 😂
girlofeternity_ss #5
Chapter 1: I really thought it was a "cupcake confession". 😂
yoannarouge #6
Chapter 4: wow, i love this
Fragariae #7
Chapter 4: I loved everything in this. The first plot and of course the reincarnation au. You nailed it!!! I love this Bc over all their love is so cute
CheshireKat019
#8
Chapter 4: Your characterizations, seriously. I'm in love.
Savemefrommamamohell #9
Chapter 4: The reincarnation au was beautiful,
it hit me hard.
thank you, it was a great read.
cjmoo_ #10
Chapter 4: asdfghjkl this is amazing!
Love the numberings and the lack of it later on. It's like showing that no matter how many times, Wheein will still be part of Hyejin's life. This was kinda sad too, Hyejin knowing that Wheein will leave her. Love that there's the repetition of the 'for existing' line.