Seungcheol gets off his car, bouquet of lilies in one hand as he climbs the hill. 3 steps and turn left, 5 steps forward and take another turn to the left. One, two, three, four, five and six.

The boy's corner of lips tug upward into a downcast smile ; he crouches down.

No matter how many years have passed, no matter how long time passed, no matter what happened and no matter how many time he visits Seungcheol still couldn't shake the sorrow in his heart.

“Mom, Dad.. I'm here again,” He says, letting out soundless chuckle as he puts the flower down, before sitting on the dirty grown. He lets a soft sigh escape his lips as he continues to chat, all by himself.

“Ah.. anyway, life has been quite a mess for me,” The young man says, eyes coming up to rub his eyes; to prevent a single tear for escaping. “But I'm trying my best here so don't worry about me.” He smiles again, pushing himself to stand up.

“I hope you guys are doing well up there, too.”

Seungcheol pats the dust off him; he is about to turn away and leave when he takes notice of something.

He turns a curious head and peeks over the direction where then he spots a young boy, crouching on the ground.

Another sad smile make its way to his thin lips.

It's that boy again

The same boy he had seen whenever he visits his parents this past year.

The same boy, mourning the same grave.

The same boy who always visits at the end of the month; giving flowers and talking to his loved one up there with the same sorrowful smile.

Seungcheol notices a lot has changed since the last time he saw him. His once bright lime hair is now pitch black, he looks even more skinny and the bags under his eyes are clear as day.

Seungcheol shakes his head in disapproval, even though they don't know each other, he still wishes the boy would actually take care of himself.

He also notices how slumped his shoulders are. Usually, even though he looks sad the boy would still have his chest puffed out proudly, as if to show that “I’m alright, there's no need to worry”; as if to hide all of the sadness away.

But this time, it's different.

Not just how sluggish he is being but the fact that the boy sheds tears.

It's Seungcheol’s first time to witness such scene.

The boy never cries.

Not when the body of that person was being buried, not once whenever Seungcheol saw him when he visits. The boy never wants to cry, to show his weak side in the resting place of his loved one.

So when Seungcheol watch as the tears soundlessly falls to the ground, he feels a painful squeeze on his heart.

He doesn't know why but, it hurts.

The sky seems to be agreeing, because the exact moment the boy’s tears hit the ground, it cries with him

Seungcheol continues to watch as the boy weeps and despite the loud pitter patter of the rain, he could still hear; the painful cry of the young boy.

Biting his lips, he takes a step forward. One more and another. He walks and walks until he is standing right behind the boy.

Soundlessly, Seungcheol drops to his knees and pull the man before him into a tight hug.

Seungcheol feels it.

How the body went rigid for a moment before relaxing back and cried even harder.

His small body trembles uncontrollably in his embrace and Seungcheol says nothing but hugs him tighter to his body.

The broken whisper of a name and of an “I miss you” repeats like a chant, do nothing but breaks Seungcheol’s heart even more.

“It's okay. Everything is going to be okay,” Seungcheol tries. But what does those words mean? Does it mean anything at all?

The boy doesn't give him any response as he wipes his tears away, ignoring as more of them drops to the already wet ground.

“Don't give me those kind of bull,” the boy starts after a while. “Everything hasn't been okay and will never be okay,” he says, accompanied with an empty chuckle. “It will never be okay.” He repeats again.

If Seungcheol’s heart was broken, now it's completely shattered to tiny pieces. “Don't say that,” he whispers weakly.

The boy says nothing more, opting to trace the gravestone with delicate touches as if it is the most beautiful thing in the world, as if it will break if he puts any strength to his touch.

“He was my lover.”

Seungcheol seems to be taken aback by the sudden start of conversation but gives a nod to indicate that he's listening.

“I.. I loved him, okay and I still do,” The now black haired boy sniffles, “You can let go of me now, you know. Thanks.”

Seungcheol does that, nodding at the word of gratitude. “If you don't mind me asking, how'd he pass away?”

And honestly, Seungcheol didn't expect any answer but to his surprise, he does get an answer.

“Accident,” Boy said, rubbing his now puffy eyes and Seungcheol doesn't ask anymore about that, not wanting to make him remember the sad past. “Uh.. you might find me weird. But I always see you whenever I'm visiting and this is the first time I uhm see you cry.”

The boy stays quiet for a while before he smiles a bit, “It's Halloween today. Soonyoung loves Halloween, and I can't help but to think back about those Halloweens I spent with him; imagining what if he's still here, alive.” He tells, looking up to the sky despite the pourin rain.

“Oh. I'm sorry.”

“Why are you.”

“Just.. sorry,” Seungcheol apologizes as he notices how sad the other looks again. Trying to find something to talk about, to change the topic so they are not stuck in the awkward silence. “You.. shouldn't stay out in rain so long.”

“Say that to yourself. I'm leaving, by the way.”

A small smile appears on Seungcheol’s face, “Did you get here by car?”

“Nope.”

“Then?”

The boy pats his two legs and Seungcheol shakes his head in disbelief as he immediately offers the other a drive. “Uh- but you know I'm not hitting on you, right?”

The boy laughs quietly, “Well, I don't think you're that kind of person to hit on someone who's visiting his late boyfriend’s grave.”

“Good. Wait, can't you at least tell me your name?”

“Jihoon. It's Lee Jihoon.”

“I'm Seungcheol. Choi Seungcheol.”

“Nice to meet you. Shall we leave then?”

Seungcheol nods, but instead of leaving, Jihoon returns to his position on the ground and with a very gentle smile he whispers. “I'm leaving, Soonyoung. But I'll be back again next month, okay?” And even without him saying out loud, Seungcheol could hear those unspoken three words.

‘I love you’