JIN P.O.V

»If I could turn back the time, I wish to return to that ocean on that summer day.«

Time keeps passing by. Every year, month, day by day, endless hours, unstopable minutes and unimaginable seconds. For me time is not relevant. I think we all know Eistein said: »Time is relative.« But for some time I keep thinking what's that suppose to mean. With that a brilliant idea crossed my mind.

I want to help my friends. Those friends who saved me. They saved me from fetters in this life. When I thought a suscide would be the best thing to do and in that way I'd save myself, they showed me something from different prospective. They showed me that life is precious. They saved me psyhically and emotionaly.

I'm still mad that life has to be cruel towards them. Why destiny had different plans for them?! And why them?! They saved me, they deserved better.

Jung Kook our youngest. Why he had to be involved into car accident?! Poor Jung Kook lost his memories. And his boyfriend Yoongi batteling the most cruel »war«. With »war« I pointed at his dark minds which polluted his mind. Cruel anxiety which played with his mind. He's a good man. His inner thoughts which were stronger than common sense. Both of them were on different poles and still they together created harmony.

Mind didn't only play a dangerous game with Yoongi. It played with Jimin too. It affected on him all. Jimin found his love- Hoseok, but he still had that bad self conscious. He couldn't appreciate himself. He was not able to love himself. He was perfect from head to toe, but his mind keep telling him opposite. He was not able to see how beautiful he is. Even if Hoseok was next to him and keep telling him how beautiful he is. He couldn't. Jimin's mind created perfect body image for him. Nobody could stop him. When he thought he was fine he wasn't. Dark thoughts keep coming back. He was trapped inside invisible circle of endless starving. He couldn't escape from it. He loved Hoseok and he knew Hoseok loved him. He just could think that he is worth it. He ended in hospital. Hoseok left him because of Jimin's lies. But how can we judge Jimin? He just wanted to create more beautiful life infront Hoseok. I know Hoseok got really mad on Jimin's actions. But here we are again..We can't judge Hoseok. He's gone through a lot. His mother left him when he was just a little innocent child who couldn't protect himself in big world. His fear of beign abandoned hunted him all his life. He had many issues with his mind too.. Even if he had his dream- beign dancer. Jimin helped him a lot. At the end beause that fear of beign left behind it polluted his mind and he left Jimin first in order not beign left alone. In that case mind played tricks on him. His inner scare took over him. He took pills and he met with darkness which was so strong to take over him.

Taehyung was a good person. He cherised small things in life. He loved graffiti and with that he met his love- Namjoon. Cruel destiny played an important role again and played with such innocent person. Taehyung commited crime. I know he did that in order to protect his sister. Saddly he had to go to jail. That phone call changed everything. Namjoon couldn't pick up. He couldn't say his last 3 the most precious words to Taehyung. »I love you.« He couldn't say that. Taehyung thought Namjoon left him. He thought Namjoon betrayed him. That betrayal hurt him the most. After he left jail. He couldn't find the reason to live on. He couldn't imagine living without Namjoon. His heart was broken. He wanted to turn back time. He wanted to be with Namjoon. He took bus to the sea side. He wanted to keep memories of Namjoon and those times they spent together. He thought it's useless living without half of heart. He took his last deep breath and jumped into water. He drown himself. He died with half of heart. He died. He did not know that Namjoon took his life before him. Namjoon was so heart broken when he couldn't pick up Taehyung's phone call. He searched for Taehyung but he couldn't find him. Taehyung was at that time in jail. Namjoon couldn't live without Taehyung. He decided to lit a fire at petrol station and take his life. He hoped that he will look after Taehyung and watch him from the other side of the world. I still don't know if their souls conncected in after life.

Here I am. Beign all grief-striken and anxious. I feel so horrible. I miss them so much. I keep changing my clothes and trying to turn back time. I want to travel in time. I want to return to that day when we were together at the sea side and I want to change their future. I want to save them as they save me. I'm dead inside. I want to save them and that way they will save me. I don't have feelings anymore. I just can't control emotions. I feel nothing. I want to find that formula how to be alive. With them I was »living« but now I just keep »existing.« And I know I have to fight. I have to find the way how to save them. That is what's keeping me alive. That's what still makes my heart beat and what's keeping blood in my veins.

I already mentioned Einstein's theory of time relativity. I just have to find that secret formula how to travel through time and that theory is the thing that will change the way things happened. I'll be able to keep my friends alive in all ways. As I mentioned many time I'm trying to change clothes in order to go back and that polaroid picture in my car. I know something in connection will save my friends.

I always feel live beign trapped inside. I don't know perfectly how to define that but still there is something. How can human's memories can be trapped inside minds. When he create them it's on us if we want to keep them of throw them away. But those who are thrown away will keep coming back. They will haunt us. They are free. We can't trap them inside box and then let them buried.

What happened to my friends is beign trapped inside my memories. I know it's not illusion. It's real.

Maybe you're asking yourself: »How you are able to know what happened to your friends?«. This is my answer : Dreams. Everything that happened to my friends...I dreamt.. Those nightmares keep haunting me. It was so vivid. I don't know if I have kind of special power or not. I'm trying to find that out. Memory of my friends is trapped inside my mind. Day by day I recall my memories.

I want to travel back and change everything.

Today is the day. That is what I was searching for. I finally found my formula. It's been a year since I live trapped inside. Today is the day when I'll be finally able to free myself and also save my friends.

I finally found perfect outfit which will help me to save my friends. I know that he price that I'll pay in order to save my friends will be high. I'll do everything.

Ahh such sunny day. I went to my car, there I keep a polaroid picture of us. I took a deep breath and start a car. That last road to our happiness will be long. I'm ready for it.

It took me 5 hours to finally reach my final destination. Here I am. With my car at the end of cliff. I took a step outside and look down. All I can see it's an endless sea. I took a deep breath of fresh air. I sat back in my car. I started my car and...

I drove off the cliff. The last thing I remember is how I held thight polaroid picture of us.

That way... I saved my friends.

They aren't trapped inside my memories anymore. I saved them. I gave up my life for them. I'm thankful they saved me and it was my time to save them.

Now I can finally protect them from above.

There is just one thing that I'll keep as the most precious memory in my mind is that day when we were at the sea side.

I hope one day we will be back together as one and we will be able to smile effortlessly.