Tae POV

I opened my eyes and stared at the white wall in my bedroom. I looked at my alarm clock and it read 4:01am. Really? Again? I’ve been doing this for how many weeks already. Is it because of the jam-packed schedule? Anxiety? Stress? Or am I just excited on our upcoming comeback?

FLASHBACK:

It was already 3:30am as I walked my way to her house. Last night, I told her to meet me at 4 o’clock. I was planning to confess my feelings for her, I wanted to give her my farewell hug as well before leaving. I was scouted during a singing contest in our town, and now I am heading to Seoul for training.

4:15am

I wonder if she’s still sleeping, or if she forgot about our meeting. I kept on calling her phone but she wouldn’t answer.

4:30am

The van leaves at exactly 5am, if I don’t leave now, I might get left behind. I wanted to wait for her longer but my dreams are waiting for me too… so is this how we part? Is this goodbye?

I left our precious neighborhood with a heavy heart, but just then, I received a text message… from her.

I know your feelings, but am sorry… I can’t. Take care.

END OF FLASHBACK

It’s been 6 years and I haven’t heard from her since then. I wonder how she is today, if she’s still in Daegu, if she already has a boyfriend, or if she’s…still waiting for me.

I just smiled to myself at all the random memories that came across my mind. I forced myself to sleep as a single drop of tear escaped my eye.

“Hyung… wake up. We’re late for our schedule.” I opened my eyes as soon as I heard Jungkook’s voice. Right, I overslept.

“Mian… I’ll be quick.” I replied and went to the bathroom.

This is me and my everyday routine. As idols, our schedules are like our daily blessing. The more hectic the schedule, the more blessings. Even though every inch of our body is in pain, we still want to do it. Why? Because we love our jobs, and we love our fans.

“I’m sorry, I can’t. “  I suddenly heard her voice again out of nowhere , I ignored the thought and finished showering.

“Huh? Where are the others?” I asked Kookie as I take one last look in the mirror. The house seems to be a little “at peace”. It’s always chaotic, and disorganized and loud but today seems a bit quiet.

“MonStudio. Checking out hyung’s new jam.” He said while tying his shoelaces, Jungkook is always considerate of me despite the countless times I tried to bully him. I guess that’s his charm, being the youngest of the group.

We arrived at the location just in time. My mind seems to be wandering around lately, I keep on thinking about stuffs and people I shouldn’t be thinking about. I wonder if this is a sign, or maybe I’m really just stressed about next week’s comeback.

We were all getting ready in our dressing room. They were making fun of Yoongi-hyung’s eye make up saying he looks like Jin hyung’s sugar gliders. We were all laughing at the comical skit Jimin was doing when I heard a very familiar voice.

“I’m sorry but please just this once…” That voice. I looked around, I looked everywhere hoping to see where that distinct voice came from. I got up from my seat and went straightly to the storage area where all the props were kept and there I saw that familiar face. Her doe eyes, pearly white skin, rosy cheeks and beautiful smile. It was her.

“You…” was all I could say. She looked surpised but I was even more shocked to the point I froze and couldn't move.

“Hi… long time no see.” And she smiled.

“Ya… hey, what’s wrong with you? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Jin hyung said but I couldn’t answer him.

“Don’t embarrass us. Ya… don’t be like that in front of a girl!” Hobi hyung added and the next thing I knew, they were all staring at her.

“Uhh…ahh, this is awkward.. Annyeonghasseyo, I am TaeHyung’s childhood friend… Irene. Nice to meet you all.” She said, she was blushing and couldn’t look straight. Wake up TaeHyung! What are you doing?

“You…” I don’t understand why I couldn’t say anything in front of her. Damn it TaeHyung, just do it. I looked at her in the eye one last time before snatching her hand and lead her out of the room. I know my members won’t let me get away with this but if this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, I’ll take it no matter what.

“Sorry for dragging you all the way here…” I said and let go of her hand. She smiled a bit and I’m guessing she understood why.

“How are you? V-ssi?” she suddenly asked.

“Ehh? V-ssi? Where did that came from?” When did she become so formal? And what did she call me? V-ssi? Have we been distant for that long?

“You’re widely known as V to your fans…” she explained.

“Come on… I’m still the same old TaeTae you used to bully before. Nothing’s changed.” I answered. I can’t express how happy I am to have this conversation with her after 6 years.

“Well… looking at you now tells me a lot has changed. Chukhahae. I know it’s late, but congratulations on finally being able to reach your dreams. I’m really very happy to see you today.” She said but there’s something wrong with her voice, she looks sad.

“Why?” I changed the subject right away and I saw how the look in her eyes quickly changed.

“What do you mean…why?” she hesitated.

“Why did you not meet me that day? And why did you stop replying to my messages?” I finally said it, I sounded angry but I’m not. I was even relieved after telling her that, it’s as if all those words were stuck right in my throat waiting to be released.

“It doesn’t even matter now…look at where you are…you’re..”

“It does. It matters to me…even up to this day.” I knew she was taken aback, but I can’t let this slip again. I’ve had enough of those sleepless nights, the what-ifs, the “what could have been” and the guilt of not being able to come back sooner.

“Well… I’m saying this to the Taehyung-oppa in my neighborhood many years ago, and not to the Kim Tae Hyung everyone in Korea adores… and I’m saying this because I do owe you an explanation… and because you deserve it… you were my best friend, my knight in shining armor when our friends tease me because of my complexion, you were my food buddy, my alien from the stars who always makes me laugh when I’m down…”

“Are you confessing right now?” she looked cute while explaining herself.

“Psssshtt… I’m not yet done.” She snapped.

“Just tell me why…”

“You had your dreams. I’ve seen your passion in music… I knew you wanted all of this so much. And I’m so happy you really made it. I knew you were going to confess that day, that’s why I chose not to go. I was afraid I’d ask you to stay if I did… and all of this?? Everything you have now… might have been different if I met you that time. Looking at you somehow tells me i made the right decision.” she was holding back her tears but she was smiling. She was holding it in for so long, what have i been doing all this time? Why did i stopped contacting her?

“Listen… i want you to listen to what I’m going to say… I may not have another chance again so...”

“Everyone, get ready! We’ll start in 2 mins.” The photoshoot director said. Why is this happening now? T_T

“Let’s talk later.. let’s go?” she said but before she could leave my sight I held her hand once again.

“Hey… you think I became BTS’ V just because of my passion? Well, at some point yes… but I only had one thing in my mind when I was training. YOU. I was training hard so my parents, my siblings, my grandmother and specially you could be proud of me. I was hoping you’d think that I’m worthy of you. All those years JooHyun-ah. I’ve met so many girls all over South Korea, they’d cheer for me, they’d call my name and they’d scream when I wave at them…but the only scream I ever wanted to hear was you calling out my name.” I said. The burden in my heart just seems to get lighter and lighter as I poured out everything. She was avoiding eye contact and I knew very much why. She doesn’t want anyone to see her cry, not even me. She pretends (so hard) to be strong in front of me. When I defend her from our classmates, she’d bully me in return telling me she could have singlehandedly defended herself.

“Ya…stop it now. It’s all in the past… let’s just leave it there and move on. I wasn’t expecting this type of confession, what if your ARMY finds out? Eotteokhae? I even changed my name to Irene on SNS in case your high school life is revealed.” She was trying to cover her face but I managed to snatch both her hands.

“Everyone! On to the set! Now!” The PD kept calling already. She was trying to break free so I decided to let her go, but before she could leave…

“JooHyun-ah! Or Irene! Or whatever your name is…” she stopped walking and looked back.

“You think I’m letting you go again this time? Not a chance. I'll see you later.” I said, kissed her forehead and headed to the set like a pro. Just where did you get that confidence Kim TaeHyung? Where was it hiding all this time? I wanted to jump, roll and do high kicks but my members for sure are waiting for my answers.

Well what do you know, looks like my first love and I had a mutual understanding from the very beginning. Looking back, i was afraid too. If i heard her feelings back then, i might have given up on my dreams too, It's not easy being an idol, and all those trainee years could really make you give up so easily... but i was just too determined. 

I walked to the set and saw 6 pairs of evil eyes staring at me...waiting for an explanation.