Hyunwoo glanced around. Hyungwon and Minhyuk sprawled around the floor as soon as they reached the living room. Wonho was staring at his computer emptily. Jooheon and Changkyun were heating up the water and then flopped down on the couch immediately. Kihyun was sitting on the corner of the room. Leaning his head on the wall, staring at the ceiling while gently rubbing his neck. Everyone had dark circle under their eyes, paler skin, and even skinnier body, Hyunwoo can see it all. Coughing noises came from everyone, especially Kihyun and Hyungwon. 

Today the vocal class was kind of messy. Even the rappers got sore throats. Kihyun nearly lost his voice although he didn’t look hurt at all, like always. 

“Everyone’s throat is not in a good condition, but Kihyun’s throat is going to—,” the vocal trainer paused. “He didn’t show it, but it’s killing him,”. “make sure he drinks his medicines and the honey water,” he said again to Hyunwoo before they went back to the dorm. 

Hyunwoo remember, recently, Kihyun kept it low even when he was trying to wake Hyungwon up. He even whispered this morning while asking Hyunwon to climb down the bunk. He didn’t nag as he tidied up everything in the morning, although Minhyuk was there with his dirty dishes and clothes. He just sighed and glared. 

“Kids,” Hyunwoo said as he opened a big bottle of mineral water and put it on the table. “Here, drink,” he said and then he sat on the empty space next to Kihyun. 

Jooheon and Changkyun took it first and took some gulps of it, then Wonho and Minhyuk and then Hyungwon, who gulped the smallest amount among them. 

“Hyung,” Hyungwon said as he rolled the bottle over back to Hyunwoo. 

Hyunwoo drank it and then he turned his head to Kihyun.

“Kihyun-ah…” he whispered to the closed eyed Kihyun. 

Slowly, Kihyun opened his eyes and he turned his head to Hyunwoo. 

“Here,” Hyunwoo said.

Kihyun gave the bottle an empty glance before he took it and tried to take a gulp of the water. Kihyun shutted his eyes tight as he gulped the water down, hand was on his neck.

“Hurts?” Hyunwoo asked gently as he took back the water and closed the lid up. 

Kihyun shook his head as he looked at the floor and let out an airy chuckle. 

“Drink more honey water,” Hyunwoo said.

Kihyun nodded as he stared at the ceiling again, and started to close his eyes again. 

The water was finally ready. Hyunwoo took his fast shower and Wonho let Changkyun took a shower first. Then Wonho, Hyungwon, Minhyuk, and Jooheon. 

One by one, Hyunwoo saw everyone walking into their shared room. Hyungwon and Wonho fell asleep immediately as soon as their heads touched the pillow. 

*

Hyunwoo didn’t know when but he was falling asleep as he watched some Chris Brown’s newest videos on Youtube. Hyunwoo took a glance at the clock and found out he was asleep for two hours before he woke up again.

“Ehm…” he cleared his sore throat and decided to take a glass of water. 

So he got up and walked to the dark kitchen. 

Well, the kitchen was not that dark. The moonlight went in through the windows. And so, he could see the small figure, curled up in the corner of the kitchen. Some pills; three vitamins, two for his sore throat, one for his cold, another two for his throat,  and a half glass of honey water was there in front of those curled up small toes. 

Hyunwoo stared and sighed before he sat in front of him.

Hyunwoo put his right palm on top of that head.

“Kihyun-ah,” he whispered gently. 

The said boy looked up with squinted puffy eyes, Hyunwoo could see the wet eyelashes and cheeks. 

Kihyun stared at Hyunwoo’s eyes for some seconds before he sighed and let his head leaned on the kitchen counter. 

Hyunwoo took the pills on the floor.

“Open your mouth,” Hyunwoo said softly.

Kihyun opened his eyes again and stared at Hyunwoo and those pills on Hyunwoo’s palm. Kihyun gulped while squinting his eyes in pain. Gently, took those pills one by one from Hyunwoo’s palm. 

Hyunwoo could see it all, the restrained pained facial expression everytime Kihyun drink one of those pills. 

“You should sleep on the bed,” Hyunwoo said as he saw Kihyun curled up again, shoved his face against his folded arms that hug his own knees.

Kihyun looked up and he shook his head.

“I can’t sleep,” Kihyun whispered.

“Why?” Hyunwoo asked. 

“I mean, ” Kihyun said softly. “It’s ok, I will fall asleep after some time,” Kihyun whispered again. “Hyung should go back to your bed,” he whispered again.

“You should go back to your bed and try to sleep there, not here,” Hyunwoo said. 

“No, it’s—” Kihyun paused. “I’m, I’m—“. “It’s comfortable like this, right here,” Kihyun whispered. “Let me stay here…”.

Hyunwoo frowned as he didn’t know how a kitchen floor could feel better than a bed for sleeping. 

“My bed is… cold, it’s cold…” Kihyun whispered. “I mean—“. “I’m, this—“.”I’m not feeling well…” Kihyun ended the sentence with a sigh. “I don’t know…” Kihyun said again, this time with a frown and an annoyed face. He seemed so uncomfortable with his own body. “I don’t know...” Kihyun whispered again as he covered his face with those pale hands. 

And then Hyunwoo heard sniffles and restrained, muffled cries. He froze on his spot, staring at those shaking shoulders. 

“I’m sorry, really, I’m sorry. I know I should sing, but, I’m sorry. I can’t reach those notes, my voice wasn’t even coming out. I’m sorry. I’m sorry even after I know all I could do for us is singing, I’m still—” Kihyun whispered. 

Hyunwoo could hear it, he could see it. Hyunwoo understood, Kihyun was unsatisfied, he was sad, he was disappointed, he was envious, he was jealous, he wanted to win, he wanted to show everyone what they were capable of, he wanted to protect everyone from getting hurt, he wanted everyone from getting disappointed; s, and his lovely fans, and no matter what happened, all he could was only singing and singing. 

But Hyunwoo saw it himself, Kihyun’s body was getting thinner and thinner. He kept on catching cold and he knew, he always felt like dying as he sang those high notes. But really, he was the tip of the sword, he cannot be obtuse. So he was living this dying days without even telling anyone that his throat was about to explode probably more than anytime he had felt it before.

“I’m s—“ Kihyun paused and gulped to wet his dry sore throat. “I’m so sorry,” Kihyun whispered. 

Hyunwoo closed his eyes as he held those pale hands and wrapped them around his neck. Hyunwoo leaned his body closer to Kihyun and wrapped his arms around the thin body, closing his eyes, tride to provide as much comfort and warm. Hyunwoo rubbed the back and he could feel the spine and ribs even more than before. 

“Kihyun-ah,”Hyunwoo called the name as gentle as he could it was almost a whisper. “I want it too,” Hyunwoo said softly. “Everything you want for the team, I want them all too,”. “So much,” Hyunwoo said as he opened his eyes and blinked gently. ”But Kihyun-ah,”. “even then. Even then,”. “Even then, I still want us to be happy,”. “I want you to be happy,” he whispered.

Kihyun clutched on his hair gently and Hyunwoo just sighed. 

"I really do,".

***

End