Have you ever felt something so strong and so deep?

That kind of feeling that you're so scared of losing because you think that once it is gone,  you won’t be able to feel anything anymore?

From the moment he opens his eyes every morning, that feeling will be there instantly. It would be as if the only reason the sun shines was to create another beautiful day for him. To hell with all the mocking gazes and whispers he was about to endure once he steps out of his house. All Hoseok knows is that each day will always be a good one. There was a nice warm feeling inside his chest just at that thought of seeing that one person once again.

The moment Hoseok met Yoongi it just started. Without him being able to control or stop it, this feeling that should overwhelm him because of how strong it is just keeps to continue growing more and more each day. And now it has come to the point where he doesn’t know how if he can live without this feeling anymore.

In a world where something like what he feels was still uncommon and looked down upon, Hoseok always wondered if there was even at least one time in Yoongi ‘s life where he feels the same as him.

Was there ever a time when his heart would beat uncontrollably fast whenever they would look at each others eyes in the middle of a serious discussion about life? Was the guy also torn on whether to smile or keep a straight face whenever they meet? Because Hoseok wondered if it is normal to be that happy just by seeing his face,, wondering if his smile or lack of would give away his feelings because he doesn’t want to let it show. Because he was afraid to let him know

Yoongi thinks of him as a friend and Hoseok knows that. Yoongi have always known what he is like and he was never the one to judge even though Hoseok knows about all those girls that come and leaves his apartment. Always girls, and that’s why Hoseok was sure that his supportiveness was not because they were the same. It’s because to him Hoseok was a friend.

Yoongi is a friend who would always scream his name whenever he dances on stage. Like a fan girl who was cheering for his idol, he was almost funny. But Hoesok's heart was filled with joy. Yoongi doesn’t care if people throw him weird looks, and would even stare back at them as if he was challenging them to do something about it. Yoongi was just being a supportive friend, yes that was always the word for that, supportive. It is really wrong for Hoseok to think it was or could be more than that.

But Hoseok still decided to let the feeling stay.

Hoseok would always choose not to listen to what other people say about Yoongi. Isn’t he a perfect example of someone who people talk about all the time just because of his uality? So whenever he will hear Yoongi’s name he will leave. Whenever someone will mention Yoongi’s name to him with that worried look on their faces he will stop them from talking further. Hoseok doesn’t need to hear it.

Hoseok doesn’t want to.

The thing about not knowing is being exempted from the hurt of knowing. No matter how wrong or stupid it is when the truth was being rubbed at your face but you still chooses to keep a blind eye, it still felt the right thing to do for someone like Hoseok who is afraid. He was scared that by hearing the truth, it will make him lose that feeling he has been holding on too for too long, the only thing that makes him feel like it was normal to feel this way, he doesn’t think he can take it.

Until that one day when Yoongi said he has fallen in love with yeoreum that Hoseok realized it was inevitable. He remembered he replied that he loves winter just to oppose the guy and that makes Yoongi laughed. That time. the guy's laughter felt like all those mocking laughter’s thrown at him whenever he walked on the third year’s department but Yoongi’s smile makes up for it. So Hoseok just feigned a pout, a simple act of feeling hurt when deep inside he feels all his insides was shrinking, burning as if someone has set a fire on them or maybe it was that summer’s sun that burned it. But at least Yoongi stopped laughing and pats his back.

Yet the guy never said sorry.

And Hoseok doesn’t want him to.

Summer for Hoseok was the worst season. It was too hot and would give him a hard time on dance practices because he will sweat a lot, but Yoongi always love playing basketball under the summer’s sun. Sometimes with Hoseok but mostly with his friends, the real ones like what others have tried to tell him a long time ago.

If Hoseok tried not to let those gummy smiles be enough for him, just because that smile makes him forget the rude joke someone has made at the canteen. If Hoseok just realized that all those hand holding, those hair ruffling and deep gazes as if he was looking for something in his eyes, searching deep inside his soul. If only Hoseok really did listen a long time ago or simply read between the lines he would know instantly and maybe it would not go any further. His feelings will not reach to the point that it will be really hard to get out of knowing if he did it will leave him feeling empty.

 “Yeoreum”

Hoseok muttered as he saw Yoongi’s longing gaze at the girl who has just left after talking to him. Hoseok was in time to see how Yoongi hesitantly let go of the girls hand, and he remembered how Yoongi once told him he hates holding hands the most.

“Yeah”

Yoongi has that somehow bashful smile on his face as he take a quick glance at him then back to the girl.  It was different to the way he looked at all those girls he has been with before.

Yoongi’s smile told Hoseok that he was now really in love.

“You up for basketball?” All of a sudden he said and as Yoongi’s eyes moved back at him again, Hoseok felt the need to clear his throat. He was smiling at him but it was just not the same too. ”And do you want to meet my friends this time? You’re always--”

“Already met them…”

Yoongi for a moment just looked at him and Hoseok finally forced a smile on his own face as Yoongi was looking at him again with that stare, like he was seeking answers when he didn’t even ask anything. And slowly Yoongi’s smile fades this time.

“Oh.” He has muttered.

And Hoseok wanted to scream in agony. But he just nods at the guy and with the smile never leaving his face he left.

Yoongi already knows.

When Hoseok allowed himself to hear, they told him that.

And he was bragging about it.

That one at least was what Hoseok desperately wants to believe.

Because Hoseok knows that ‘bragging’ was the prettier term for the real word, others somehow have a heart not to tell straight to his face. But Hoseok also knows. That it was not real friendship that Yoongi has given him after all.

And now that he knows about it, Hoseok was once again afraid.

The feelings that has allowed him to survive everyday, gives him comfort, when he still sees Yoongi as that friend who may never like him but for Hoseok was still enough because he can just always like him secretly.

Just by hearing the truth, he wondered how that realest feeling he has ever had for so long get swayed too easily. Maybe it is because for the simple reason that it is the truth. Something that was hard to ignore once you know it.

But Hoseok was afraid to lose that feeling.

Because that was the only feeling he allowed himself to feel for too long so what will become of him if it leaves him? When it was gone what will be left of him?

“Hoseok”

When Yoongi called for his name Hoseok was scared to turn around.

He didn’t want him to say sorry.

He didn’t need to.

“I’m…”

So he pretended not to hear him say just that. With a hand that seemed to heavy he managed to give the guy a slight wave with his back still turned at him before he continue walking.

A gaping hole that has slowly formed inside his heart was getting bigger with every step he took away from him, not leaving any chance for his treasured feelings for the guy to stay. No matter how much he wanted it to. No matter how it is all that he has had.

A/N: My Yoongi bear ;A; Also Yeoreum is the korean word for Summer